THE joke thread

Options
1679111215

Comments

  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband is not in bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
    'What's the matter, dear' she whispers as she steps into the room, 'Why are you down here at this time of night
    The husband looks up from his coffee, 'It's the 20th Anniversary of the day we met'.
    She can't believe he has remembered and starts to tear up.
    The husband continues, 'Do you remember 20 years ago when we started dating, I was 18 and you were only 16,' he says solemnly.
    Once again, the wife is touched to tears. 'Yes, I do' she replies.
    The husband pauses The words were not coming easily. 'Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car'
    'Yes, I remember' said the wife, lowering herself into the chair beside him.
    The husband continued. 'Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter or I will send you to prison for 20 years'
    'I remember that, too' she replied softly.
    He wiped another tear from his cheek and said "I would have gotten out today."

    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,038
    Options
    5g1cqwk1767b.png
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,038
    Options
    cw6zckwcfm89.png
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,038
    Options
    g2xbxnaz8xlx.png
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • jdjohn
    jdjohn Posts: 3,029
    Options
    uy5b6mhdvsqu.png
    "This may not matter to you, but it does to me for various reasons, many of them illogical or irrational, but the vinyl hobby is not really logical or rational..." - member on Vinyl Engine
    "Sometimes I do what I want to do. The rest of the time, I do what I have to." - Cicero, in Gladiator
    Regarding collectibles: "It's not who gets it. It's who gets stuck with it." - Jimmy Fallon
  • newbie308
    newbie308 Posts: 679
    Options
    lmhbug0abj4e.jpg
    Sources: Technics SL1200MKII | SME3009 Tonearm | Monster Alpha 1 MC cartridge | Oppo UDP203 disk player | Nikko NT-790 analog tuner | Musical Fidelity Trivista 21 DAC | Preamp: Threshold SL-10 | Amplifier: Threshold Stasis 2 | Speakers: Snell Acoustics C/V | Kimber 12-TC bi wire speakers | Analysis plus Oval 1 preamp to amp | Wireworld Eclipse 7 DAC to Preamp | Wireworld eclipse digital IC Oppo to DAC | Audioquest Quartz tuner to preamp |
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
    When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
    When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, "Why the spoon?" "Well, "he explained, "the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift."
    As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. "I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now." I was impressed.
    I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, "Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?"
    "Oh, certainly!" Then he lowered his voice. "Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent."
    I asked "After you get it out, how do you put it back?"
    "Well," he whispered, "I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon."
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    7ecczcwxk64p.jpg

    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 18,473
    Options
    pj3msemmys3m.png

    Tom
    ~ In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence. ~
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options

    vau3k2htc5fy.png
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    od9fxj3juub6.jpg
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    lwuafiwkn8nt.jpg
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options

    0bjypexub7c2.png
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • mrbigbluelight
    Options
    Way back in the '60's, you could buy bull fighting bull testicles from a nearby butcher shop in Mexico but you had to be put on a wait list. When I was finally called, I went to the shop to pick up my purchase. The butcher handed me a small package and I remarked that the **** were smaller than I expected. He looked at me and said, " The bull doesn't always lose."
    Sal Palooza
  • mrbigbluelight
    Options
    tonyb wrote: »
    0bjypexub7c2.png

    Those are the next poster's preferred pronouns.
    Sal Palooza
  • muncybob
    muncybob Posts: 2,981
    Options
    Too TRUE!
    Yep, my name really is Bob.
    Parasound HCA1500A(indoor sound) and HCA1000(outdoor sound), Dynaco PAS4, Denon DP1200 w/Shure V15 Type V and Jico SAS stylus, Marantz UD7007, Polk L600, Rythmik L12 sub.
  • vmaxer
    vmaxer Posts: 5,116
    Options
    From Facebook.


    2 little ladies were sitting outside the nursing home one afternoon smoking. It started raing. One lady got a condom from her purse, cut the end off and put it over her cigarette. The other little lady asked what that was. She said a condim I put over my. Cigarette to keep it from getting wet. Where did you get that she asked? Oh, any drugstore has them. A couple days later the little lady was in her drug store. She walked up to her druggist and asked if he had condoms. He was a little surprised coming from a little 80 year old woman. Yes maam, i have them. Ok, I want a box. Ok, what kind you want? She said, I dont care what kind as long as they fit a camel!
    Pio Elete Pro 520
    Panamax 5400-EX
    Sunfire TGP 5
    Micro Seiki DD-40 - Lyra-Dorian and Denon DL-160
    PS Audio GCPH phono pre
    Sunfire CG 200 X 5
    Sunfire CG Sig 405 X 5
    OPPO BDP-83 SE
    SDA SRS 1.2TL Sonicaps and Mills
    Ctr CS1000p
    Sur - FX1000 x 4
    SUB - SVS PB2-Plus

    Workkout room:
    Sony Bravia XBR- 32-Inch 1080p
    Onkyo TX-DS898
    GFA 555
    Yamaha DVD-S1800BL/SACD
    Ft - SDA 1C

    Not being used:
    RTi 38's -4
    RT55i's - 2
    RT25i's -2, using other 2 in shop
    LSI 15's
    CSi40
    PSW 404
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options

    6ylph61cytmd.png
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    edited August 2022
    Options
    1969....look at the audio gear.


    nx7nw7p2krem.jpg
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • audioluvr
    audioluvr Posts: 5,467
    Options
    tonyb wrote: »
    nx7nw7p2krem.jpg

    4 speed Garrard? 33,45,78 and lawnmower! Sweet!
    Gustard X26 Pro DAC
    Belles 21A Pre modded with Mundorf Supreme caps
    B&K M200 Sonata monoblocks refreshed and upgraded
    Polk SDA 1C's modded / 1000Va Dreadnaught
    Wireworld Silver Eclipse IC's and speaker cables
    Harman Kardon T65C w/Grado Gold. (Don't laugh. It sounds great!)


    There is about a 5% genetic difference between apes and men …but that difference is the difference between throwing your own poo when you are annoyed …and Einstein, Shakespeare and Miss January. by Dr. Sardonicus
  • mrbigbluelight
    Options
    I was drawing on a blank on that 4-speed Garrard.
    I had the 33 1/3, 45, and 78 but..
    ....now I know. 👍🤗
    Sal Palooza
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    Dynakit 70....not bad, someone want to call that number, maybe it's still available after 53 years.
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    5idnqpxyalpf.jpg
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 18,473
    Options
    Oh, that's a guuudin'!

    Tom
    ~ In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence. ~
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    44m4p8n5k7na.jpg

    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options
    oxu5rpbmaki1.png

    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,911
    Options

    eg4v1ozuab6q.png
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,038
    Options
    tonyb wrote: »
    oxu5rpbmaki1.png

    That is so true! ;)

    I did JUST THAT the other day deciding which brand to buy. :D

    Audubon or Pennington. They were almost the same price. One at Lowe's and the other, at Home Depot.

    I went with Pennington since they say they coat the seeds with multi-vitamins and minerals. I guess the birds lick the seed shells before cracking them... :D

    Anyway, we've been feeding the birds Pennington seeds for the past few months and they <3 !! them.

    Even the neighbors have mentioned the constant bird activity at our feeding stations area.

    I went to put new suet in the 2 feeder baskets and one little female yellow-bellied woodpecker just kept stuffing her beak/belly from a small section of suet that was left in one of the baskets while I stood 2 ft. from her waiting to put more in. She must've been starving or something. :p

    Our personal to our yard, Bluebirds had a 3rd brood in the box in front of the cottage. I think that totaled 7 babies from that couple this year. B)

    We're feeding about 10 finches all day long. I think they were born and since then, they feed all day long at our feeders. It's probably all they know how to do. wake up, go to the feeders, then leave to go to sleep. Seriously. :D

    They don't eat a ton but I wish I could claim them at tax time. :D

    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.