THE joke thread

https://www.facebook.com/share/r/XeeHz81rQURRdjaL/?mibextid=xCPwDs

A new grocery store supercenter opened up by my house.
It has an automatic water system to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.
When you go to the milk cases, you hear cows mooing and experience the scent of freshly mowed hay.
When you approach the egg cases, you hear chickens clucking and the air is filled with the scent of bacon, eggs and homemade biscuits cooking.
The veggie aisle features the smell of freshly roasted, buttered corn.
I don't buy toilet paper there anymore.

mrbigbluelight wrote: »

I bet buying seafood there could be a bit of a problem too 🤔

Our closest "Harris Teeter" had an HV AC system that sucked the air out of the seafood dept and sent it to the front doors on the right.

It wasn't a welcoming scent.

They did fix it.

It's been 20 years since I've smelled it except 10 ft. from the display counter.

I mowed the lawn today, and after doing so
I sat down and had a cold beer.
The day was really quite beautiful, and the drink facilitated some deep thinking.
My wife walked by and asked me what I was doing,
and I said, "Nothing."
The reason I said "nothing" instead of saying "just thinking" is because she then would have asked, "About what?"
At that point I would have had to explain that men are deep thinkers about various topics, which would lead to other questions.
Finally I pondered an age old question: Is giving birth more painful than getting kicked in the nuts?
Women always maintain that giving birth is way more painful than a guy getting kicked in the nuts, but how could they know?
Well, after another beer, and some more heavy deductive thinking, I have come up with an answer to that question.
Getting kicked in the nuts is more painful than having a baby, and even though I obviously couldn't really know, here is the reason for my conclusion:
A year or so after giving birth, a woman will often say, "It might be nice to have another child."
But you never hear a guy say, "You know, I think I would like another kick in the nuts."
I rest my case.
Time for another beer. Then maybe a nap.

Some great ideas there

A department store where women can choose husbands.

In the entrance hangs an instruction that explains the rules how you can shop here: "The specialist shop may only be visited once. There are six floors with men whose characteristics are improving floor by floor. You can either choose a man from the floor you are on, or you can go one floor higher and look around. But you can’t go back to a lower floor that you’ve already left!”

Now a woman comes to this store to find a man.

On the first floor there is a sign: “These men have work!” She goes further.

On the second floor there is a sign: “These men have work and like children!” She’s curious, but she goes on.

On the third floor there is a sign: “These men have work, like children and look very good!”

“Wow,” the woman thinks, but feels forced to go on.

She goes to the fourth floor and reads: “These men have work, like children, look very good and help in the household!”

“Oh God, I can hardly resist,” she thinks to herself, but goes on anyway.

On the fifth floor she reads: “These men have work, like children, look very good, help in the household and are very romantic!”

The woman is close to staying, but then goes to the sixth floor and reads this sign: "You are visitor number 31,456,012. There are no men here. This floor exists only to show that it is impossible to satisfy a woman. Thank you for your visit to the husbands’ specialist shop. Goodbye!”

A specialist shop offering women has opened opposite. It also has six floors. On the first floor there are women who love sex. On the second floor women who love sex and have money.

The third to sixth floor has never been visited by a man.

Tom

A friend of mine calls his wife 12. I said why do you call her that ?

He said,
She dozen cook, dozen clean, dozen want to have sex, dozen even like me.

https://youtu.be/KqvDBGNGR4M?si=o_Y4u1h2CFK08l4k

Wife says we need to cut back on the heating bill, so she got me this for Christmass.....

Tom