THE joke thread

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  • Willow
    Willow Posts: 10,869
    audioluvr wrote: »
    I don't get it...

    You see here, son... When two pigs love each other very much, they....

    are makin' bacon!
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,013
    edited January 2023
    When You Bring Home the Wrong Food! 😂 RxCKSTxR Comedy Voiceover!

    This man's Parrot doesn't like GENERIC bird seed one bit and lets him know it. :D

    https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=905501063961074&ref=sharing
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,013
    3io5xmvcwqtb.png
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,906
    wyly9kr0fwvw.png

    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • OleBoot
    OleBoot Posts: 2,104
    A Dublin man sees a sign outside a Kerry farmhouse:
    'Talking Dog For Sale'....He rings the bell, the owner appears and tells him the dog can be viewed in the back garden.
    The man sees a very nice looking Black Labrador Retriever sitting there.
    "Do you really talk?" He asks the dog.
    "Yes!" The Labrador replies.
    After recovering from the shock of hearing the dog talk, the man asks, "So, tell me your story!"
    The Labrador looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I joined the Garda.
    "In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world drug lords, because no one imagined that a dog would be eavesdropping.
    I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years, But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I decided to settle down. I signed up for a job at Dublin airport to do some undercover security work, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded several medals. I got married, had a few puppies, and now I've just retired!"
    The man is amazed. He goes back into the house and asks the Kerryman how much he wants for the dog.
    "Ten quid", the owner says.
    “A tenner!? But this dog is absolutely amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheaply?"
    "Because he's a lying fook. He's never been out of the garden."
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,089
    edited March 2023
    A father passing by his son's bedroom, noticed the room unusually clean and saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was simply addressed, 'Dad'. With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter, with trembling hands...

    Dear, Dad. It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend, because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mum and you. I've been finding real passion with Stacy. She is so nice, but I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing's, tattoos, her tight Motorcycle clothes, and because she is so much older than I am.

    But it's not only the passion, Dad. She's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods, and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

    Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that mari*juana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

    In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so that Stacy can get better. She sure deserves it! Don't worry Dad, I'm 15, and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your many grandchildren.


    Love, your son,

    Josh





    P.S . Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Jason's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the school report that's on the kitchen table. Call when it is safe for me to come home!
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
  • muncybob
    muncybob Posts: 2,969
    A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.

    His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won’t be getting any breakfast.

    Well, he’s a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
    He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

    “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
    “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

    Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

    The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I???”
    Yep, my name really is Bob.
    Parasound HCA1500A(indoor sound) and HCA1000(outdoor sound), Dynaco PAS4, Denon DP1200 w/Shure V15 Type V and Jico SAS stylus, Marantz UD7007, Polk L600, Rythmik L12 sub.
  • Willow
    Willow Posts: 10,869
    muncybob wrote: »
    A little boy comes down for breakfast and his mother asks if he had done his chores. “Not yet,” says the little boy.

    His mother tells him that until he completes them, he won’t be getting any breakfast.

    Well, he’s a little angry, so he goes to feed the chickens and kicks one. He goes to feed the cows and kicks a cow as well. He goes to feed the pigs, and he kicks a pig.
    He goes back in for breakfast and his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal.

    “How come I don’t get any eggs and bacon? Why don’t I have any milk in my cereal?” he asks.
    “Well,” his mother says, “I saw you kick a chicken, so you don’t get any eggs for a week. I saw you kick the pig, so you don’t get any bacon for a week either. I also saw you kick the cow, so for a week you aren’t getting any milk.”

    Just then, his father comes down for breakfast and kicks the cat halfway across the kitchen.

    The little boy looks up at his mother with a smile and says, “Are you going to tell him, or shall I???”

    Sucks that the dad won't get any Chinese food
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,906

    My son and I went to CVS to pick up a few things.my son noticed the display of condoms and he ask what they were.i told him men use them to have safe sex.he picked up the box that had 3 condoms in it and I told him that those were for boys still in highschool one for Friday,one for Saturday and one for Sunday.he then picked up the box that had six in it and I told him that box was for guys in college 2 for Friday,2 for Saturday and 2 for sunday.he then picked up the box that had 12 in it and I told him that box is for married men,1 for January 1 for February etc.
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • Viking64
    Viking64 Posts: 6,678
    When the son picked up the box with 12 in it, I thought he was going to say: "Mom uses one of these boxes each day of the week while you are at work."
  • OleBoot
    OleBoot Posts: 2,104
    A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates...

    "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?," St. Peter asked the cowboy.

    "Well, I can think of one thing", the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. Then I yelled 'Now back off or I'll kick the **** out of all of you!'"

    St. Peter was impressed, "When did this happen?"

    "Couple of minutes ago..."
  • soundfreak1
    soundfreak1 Posts: 3,385
    If sheep were allowed to vote they'd probably vote for the guy that feeds them, even though the same guy would slaughter them later!
    Main Rig:
    Krell KAV 250a biamped to mid/highs
    Parasound HCA1500A biamped to lows
    Nakamichi EC100 Active xover
    MIT exp 1 ic's
    Perreaux SA33 class A preamp
    AQ kingcobra ic's
    OPPO 83 CDP
    Lehmann audio black cube SE phono pre, Audioquest phono wire (ITA1/1)
    Denon DP-1200 TT. AToc9ML MC cart.
    Monster HTS 3600 power conditioner
    ADS L1590/2 Biamped
    MIT exps2 speaker cable
  • vmaxer
    vmaxer Posts: 5,116
    Pio Elete Pro 520
    Panamax 5400-EX
    Sunfire TGP 5
    Micro Seiki DD-40 - Lyra-Dorian and Denon DL-160
    PS Audio GCPH phono pre
    Sunfire CG 200 X 5
    Sunfire CG Sig 405 X 5
    OPPO BDP-83 SE
    SDA SRS 1.2TL Sonicaps and Mills
    Ctr CS1000p
    Sur - FX1000 x 4
    SUB - SVS PB2-Plus

    Workkout room:
    Sony Bravia XBR- 32-Inch 1080p
    Onkyo TX-DS898
    GFA 555
    Yamaha DVD-S1800BL/SACD
    Ft - SDA 1C

    Not being used:
    RTi 38's -4
    RT55i's - 2
    RT25i's -2, using other 2 in shop
    LSI 15's
    CSi40
    PSW 404
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,089
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,013
    ONLY IN Wilmington, NC.

    I went to the gas station to get a bottle of water and as I walked up, I noticed these 2 deputies watching a woman smoking while pumping her gas.

    I saw her and thought, is this lady stupid, crazy, or both, especially with the deputies standing RIGHT there.. Anyway, I minded my own business and went in for the water.... As I was paying I heard someone screaming!! Man, I’m talking violent death screams!! I looked up and saw the woman's arm was on fire!!

    She was swinging her arm, running around going nuts!!

    When I got my drink and walked out the door the deputies had the woman on the ground putting the fire out!! Then they put handcuffs on her and threw her in the police car.

    I was thinking, arrested?? Shouldn’t she be in an ambulance, not a police car??

    Being the nosey person I am, I asked the deputies what they were arresting her for.

    The guy looked at me, dead serious, and said, "WAVING A FIRE-ARM IN PUBLIC!"



    Now I want to know which of my friends actually read this to the end.
    If you did, copy and paste this to see who believes you! Change it to your city😜🤣🤣
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • pitdogg2
    pitdogg2 Posts: 24,549
    I bet you tickle easily......
  • bcwsrt
    bcwsrt Posts: 1,580
    Used to live in Wilmington. No change necessary.

    n0z32ukocdp6.jpeg
    Brian

    One-owner Polk Audio RTA 15TL speakers refreshed w/ Sonicap, Vishay/Mills and Cardas components by "pitdogg2," "xschop" billet tweeter plates and BH5 | Stereo REL Acoustics T/5x subwoofers w/ Bassline Blue cables | Rogue Audio Cronus Magnum III integrated tube amp | Technics SL-1210G turntable w/ Ortofon 2M Black LVB 250 MM cart | Sony CDP-508ESD CD player (as a transport) | LampizatOr Baltic 4 tube DAC | Nordost & DH Labs cables/interconnects | APC H15 Power Conditioner | GIK Acoustics room treatments | Degritter RCM
  • A snake walks into a bar.

    The bartender asks: "How the hell did you do that?"
  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,013
    pitdogg2 wrote: »
    I bet you tickle easily......

    wth does this mean?

    Maybe you missed the message in the joke.

    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
  • Hey Polk community!

    Thought I'd chime in with a few audio-themed jokes for all of us sound enthusiasts:

    Why did the speaker break up with the subwoofer?
    It felt there was too much bass in their relationship!

    Why do Polk Audio fans always stay calm?
    Because they never lose their composure, especially when there's great sound!

    What did the tweeter say to the woofer?
    "You're all about that bass, and I'm all about that space!"

    Why was the amplifier so positive?
    It always believed in boosting the vibes!

    What do you call a haunted Polk speaker?
    A Polktergeist!

    How do you compliment a Polk Audio owner?
    "Your sound choice in audio is music to my ears!"

    Here's to the power of good sound and great humor. 🎵

    Best,
  • Hey Polk community!

    Thought I'd chime in with a few audio-themed jokes for all of us sound enthusiasts:

    Why did the speaker break up with the subwoofer?
    It felt there was too much bass in their relationship!

    Why do Polk Audio fans always stay calm?
    Because they never lose their composure, especially when there's great sound!

    What did the tweeter say to the woofer?
    "You're all about that bass, and I'm all about that space!"

    Why was the amplifier so positive?
    It always believed in boosting the vibes!

    What do you call a haunted Polk speaker?
    A Polktergeist!

    How do you compliment a Polk Audio owner?
    "Your sound choice in audio is music to my ears!"

    Here's to the power of good sound and great humor. 🎵

    Best,


    Well, I'm going to file that under "WTF Was That ?" 😳


    Sal Palooza
  • soundfreak1
    soundfreak1 Posts: 3,385
    edited September 2023
    Whew, I thought it was just me. LOL
    Main Rig:
    Krell KAV 250a biamped to mid/highs
    Parasound HCA1500A biamped to lows
    Nakamichi EC100 Active xover
    MIT exp 1 ic's
    Perreaux SA33 class A preamp
    AQ kingcobra ic's
    OPPO 83 CDP
    Lehmann audio black cube SE phono pre, Audioquest phono wire (ITA1/1)
    Denon DP-1200 TT. AToc9ML MC cart.
    Monster HTS 3600 power conditioner
    ADS L1590/2 Biamped
    MIT exps2 speaker cable
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,906
    xlbwy64c9tzj.png
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
  • muncybob
    muncybob Posts: 2,969
    Here's one you can share with the kids...........

    Why is it that a nose cannot grow to be 12"??.............Because then it would be a foot :)
    Yep, my name really is Bob.
    Parasound HCA1500A(indoor sound) and HCA1000(outdoor sound), Dynaco PAS4, Denon DP1200 w/Shure V15 Type V and Jico SAS stylus, Marantz UD7007, Polk L600, Rythmik L12 sub.
  • Geoff4rfc
    Geoff4rfc Posts: 2,147
    This went over good while I was up in WA and Cali's were changing the housing market....

    Three cowboys meet up in the woods, a WA cowboy, a California cowboy and a Texas cowboy.

    As they sat next to their campfire, the Texan reaches into his knapsack and pulls out a bottle of Jack, chugs it down, throws it in the air, shoots it and says, "We have a lot of whiskey in Texas".

    The Californian reaches into his bag, pulls out a boda bag and squeezed out every drop of wine, tosses it, shoots it and says, "We have a lot of wine in California".

    The WA cowboy stands, shoots the California cowboy in the head and turns to the Texan and says, "We have a lot of Californians in WA".
    Source: BRP Panasonic UB9000, CDP Emotiva ERC3 - Display: LG OLED EVO 83 C3 - Pre/Pro: Marantz 8802A - Amplification: Emotiva XPA-DR3, XPA-2 x 2, XPA-6, Speakers, Mains/2ch-Focal Kanta No2's, C-LSiM706, S-702F/X, RS-RTiA9's, WS-RTiA9's, FH-RTiA3's, Subs - Epik Empire x 2

    Cables: AudioQuest McKenzie XLR's/CDP/Amp, Carbon 48/BRP, Forest 48/Display

    EXPERIENCE: next to nothing, but I sure enjoy audio and video MY OPINION OF THIS HOBBY: I may not be a smart man, but I know what quicksand is.
    When I was young, I was Superman but now that old age has gotten the best of me I'm only Batman