Am I an A@@hole?

MrNightly

Frank Z wrote:

You don't have to tell me that I'm lucky! There isn't a day when I haven't thanked the Lord above for bringing him into my life!

If only there were more women like you!

MrNightly

Maybe I shouldn't have posted this online, but in all honesty, who gives a rat's rear-end who reads it? Not a single person on this site has or ever probably will meet my wife. She goes to her sites and posts stuff about our relationship, so I figured it would be ok to do the same here. Was it out of line? It was the club house after all, so I didn't think it was.

If a guy can't ask for opinions on things in his marriage... why bother? The facts still remain that the name calling was started by her side and ya know.. whatever... but from my original post, I said choice words were exchanged.

Honestly, our marriage has been on the rocks since we started. It's a hella of hard thing to make it work, as anyone who is married and still together knows... I didn't not mean for this thread to turn into a soap-opera, but it appears it has. My bad.

For those that think I'm an ****, I appreciate the honesty. It's given me something to examine and see if there is any truth in it. For those that didn't, just goes to show what you know

I won't post anything further in here, and keep my problems to myself...

You can all thank me later.

Cheers.

hearingimpared

Frank Z wrote:

You don't have to tell me that I'm lucky! There isn't a day when I haven't thanked the Lord above for bringing him into my life!

That's how I feel about my wife and have aired that openly here. I've also been ridiculed for it too but I don't care this woman that God put in my life is the single greatest thing besides keeping me alive He has done for me. . . and then He instills in her a love of music and an interest in this hobby that is beyond a male audiophile's dream.

I don't know why if a guy wants to get some advise from this place and feels comfortable doing it, regardless of some peoples preconceived notions or predudices, why he would be called an a-hole for doing it,? as long as it is done with tact.

brettw22

With few exceptions, if he hadn't asked specifically if he was an ****, people probably wouldn't have called him one.......granted, I might be one of those exceptions, but whatever.......lol.......

beardog03

let`s all sing the Dennis Leary song together..

I`m an a$$hole, I`m an a$$hole....




I am , and I don`t care who knows it...

most of you are too...!!!!


you say it like it`s a bad thing !


















okay, I quit now...
couldn`t hep mysef

:rolleyes:

BIZILL

oh, good lordy. the tangled webs we weave...

well, possibly wasn't the best thing to do to post the dirty laundry here. but in all honesty, probably 90% of us males here have worn nightly's shoes. and watching this tale unfold, it was kinda neat to listen to those on both sides of the fence speak their mind and opinion. in the end, let's just say that both you and your wife are ****. that way no one is left out nor neglected. hey, we all can be **** every now and again. and that's coming from the biggest **** sitting behind my computer screen. was anything solved here this week? no. just the simple truth that man and woman are not meant to work out with blissful harmony. if you are living that way, count your lucky stars. hopefully it won't ever end.

BIZILL

and nightly, i appreciate you coming and presenting yourself and plight to the clubhouse. it was a tad naive, but it shows us all just how much you value your fellow polksters. hope we have been able to shed some light on the subject for you. probably not, but i thank you anyway.

mrbigbluelight

hearingimpared wrote:

That's how I feel about my wife and have aired that openly here. I've also been ridiculed for it too but I don't care this woman that God put in my life is the single greatest thing besides keeping me alive He has done for me. . . and then He instills in her a love of music and an interest in this hobby that is beyond a male audiophile's dream.

I don't know why if a guy wants to get some advise from this place and feels comfortable doing it, regardless of some peoples preconceived notions or predudices, why he would be called an a-hole for doing it,? as long as it is done with tact.

And, Joe, I agree with you.

I don't believe that MrNightly told any tales out of school, so to speak.
No, "Well, guys she likes to [fill in the blank] and call me Captain Sparky, and
I have pix-4-sale if you PM me !!".

No, a re-read of the original post shows no betrayal of confidences but, rather, an attempt by someone in search of some answers, even to the point of letting him know "You're an ****" if that is what your opinion is.

And to ask this rather broad section of rather annonymous, somewhat atypical average Joes (and Joe-ettes) who display somewhat above average intelligence and insight (at least as compared to bensbargains.com ) is not that bad of an idea.

Sure, counseling can also help, but so can getting some feedback from a "jury of your peers".
The mechanics of setting up a counseling session should also be taken into account; "Okay, we can pencil you in 3 weeks from next Tuesday" is a typical scenario.
Club Polk ? Post today, get feedback that same day.
And from people, in a number of cases, whose input would probably have more meaning than that of the "Okay, who's next ?" counseler.

And I'd agree that one shouldn't call another man's wife a ****, accurate or not (and I'm not saying it is accurate) because that diverts from solutions.
Now, the solutions may involve acceptance of the fact that the woman's actions may reflect that of a "****", but she shouldn't be called that.

So .... all in all .... no problems with MrNightly posting on here.

beardog03

you sound very professional..!!

lawyer or councelor ?

or both ?!!

BIZILL

pussycat photographer, i believe.

BIZILL

cross-post in the "post any picture" thread.

beardog03

smooth !!

I hope it all works out for you and your wife..

sounds like you both need to re-evaluate / re-aquaint (sp) yourselves with one another....before damage is done and things said / done that can`t be taken back...

just a thought


either way...good luck

mrbigbluelight

cfrizz wrote:

You had a 3WEEK notice in order to make reservations at a decent restaurant. And like a typical guy you didn't get off your butt in time to do so!

Now, Cfrizz: reverse rolls, and would you say the same thing ?

"MrsNightly, you had 3 weeks to make reservations at a decent restaurant,
and like a typical broad, you didn't get off your butt in time to do so !"

Of course not. Not-a-chance-in-Hades.

"Well, she does have children she takes care of, and a household to run, and he needs to accept the fact that there are others now in their lives that are important and take up their time, and that he can't be the center of attention like he was when they were dating !"

Why do I think you'd post something like that in a reverse-scenario situation ?
Because I think you're intelligent and don't have your head up your butt ! :eek:

Cfrizz wrote:

You should apologize for being rude

I'd agree, that would be appropriate.

Would you offer the same advice to his wife ?

Most women that I am personally aware of, or are familiar with via their husbands, offer apologies at an alarming low rate as compared males.

Cfrizz wrote:

But on the other hand, with almost 4 yrs of marriage, you don't have any idea on what your wife would find romantic for a special night together?

Perhaps she doesn't really know what she would find romantic for a special night together; if she doesnt know, how's he supposed to.
It's hard to hit a moving target; do you shoot at where it was, where it is, or where you think it'll be.


Thanks again, btw, for the input from the female persuasion.

mrbigbluelight

cfrizz wrote:

Dan, I certainly don't hope you call your own wife a ****, if you do I hope she slaps you senseless!

Uhm ..... Cfrizz ..... that's kind of sexist, isn't it.

My ex-wife used to call me:
1. ****.
2. ****
3. F'ing ****
4. F'ing ****
5. Mean cow ****.

Surely you're not suggesting that I should have knocked her senseless ? :rolleyes:

BTW, we reserve the right around here to call each other "mean cow asses".
Maybe we're just too sentimental, but ... well .... that's the way it is.

snow

BIZILL wrote:

cross-post in the "post any picture" thread.

LMAOOOOOOO. IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S EITHER GATHERING UP THE RESOLVE TO DO THE DISHES ONE MORE TIME OR COMPTEMPLATING SUICIDE. THAT PIC IS A KEEPER

mrbigbluelight

Frank Z wrote:

You don't have to tell me that I'm lucky! There isn't a day when I haven't thanked the Lord above for bringing him into my life!

Well, I certainly appreciate the compliment and all, but ....... not really sure what I did to warrant such high praise ....... I'm sure I deserve it, to be sure ...... but ..... Wait a second ! It's the cats, right !



















it seemed like a good idea at the time

mrbigbluelight

BIZILL wrote:

pussycat photographer, i believe.

That's how Strong Bad started out, isn't it ?

BIZILL

i was gonna 'take it there', but left it alone.

brettw22

HBombToo

This is funny and I'll share a true story...

Keep in mind I'm am not a very romantic man and at least my wife has accepted that. So... a few years back I hit the powerball for a hundred bucks so with cash in hand I stopped by a flower shop and bought a couple dozen roses and sent them home. I even wrote a note to my lovely Sherry...

Fast forward to mid afternoon when the roses were received my portable wrang and the first thing I heard was what did I do???? The what did I do??? immediatly turned into accusations of cheating and all kind of stuff.

so the moral of the story is if you are known to be an a$$hole and its some what accepted then don't change a thing.... and with that said there has been marrital bliss in my life ever since.:o

HBomb

wingnut4772

Valentine's day is a consumer trap. Any woman that puts too much importance in that day with unrealistic romantic , fairy tale ideals is just falling into the trap. Romance should happen all the time in little things. Too much pressure is put on (guys especially) to be the knight in shining armor on this made up day and it's not fair. The bottom line is that you did your part. Should you have made reservations? Maybe. But it should not be the end of the world. I just don't get that. Me and mine got stone crabs, steak and watched a flick on the HT. A couple of cards were exchanged as well as the obligatory ' bear with a heart' (SNL joke) and all was well.:)

Skynut

beardog03 wrote:

let`s all sing the Dennis Leary song together..

I`m an a$$hole, I`m an a$$hole....

I love to park in handicap spaces
while handicap people make handicap faces.

I`m an a$$hole, I`m an a$$hole....


But seriously in my opnion couples should not be using name calling tactics any time after graduating high school.
Sorry if I offend but I have never called my signifacant other any derogotory names.
It goes against my grain.


Couples should be level headed enough to rationally discuss almost any situation.


Of course I would be pretty pissed after this.

MrNightly wrote:

I tried the whole hotel room and "set-up" the first year of marriage as a surprise, and she literally turned up her nose at the whole affair, because I forgot to bring her toothbrush and pillow. I had flowers, gifts, candles, her favorite love songs burned onto a CD playing, and a $400 dollar room. It was the worst night of our marriage. And that's saying something

As I said before, every hotel/motel I have ever been to had their own pillows and most would give/sell you a toothbrush.

cfrizz

I totally agree with your assessment of Valentines Day Darla! Just like every other holiday, it's been turned into a commercial travesty!

wingnut4772 wrote:

Valentine's day is a consumer trap. Any woman that puts too much importance in that day with unrealistic romantic , fairy tale ideals is just falling into the trap. Romance should happen all the time in little things. Too much pressure is put on (guys especially) to be the knight in shining armor on this made up day and it's not fair. The bottom line is that you did your part. Should you have made reservations? Maybe. But it should not be the end of the world. I just don't get that. Me and mine got stone crabs, steak and watched a flick on the HT. A couple of cards were exchanged as well as the obligatory ' bear with a heart' (SNL joke) and all was well.:)

BIZILL

and just remember, breakfast in bed isn't overly romantic either. maybe had there been served some tossed salad or something on the side as well, then that my friend, would merit a higher yield in return.

cfrizz

I agree Joe, you are also a very lucky man to have such a loving, understanding wife who appreciates music & can enjoy your hobby with you and you let her enjoy it with you!

I am also sorry that some disrespectful idiots were ignorant enough to ridicule you for not being ashamed to admit that he adores & loves his wife. I hope you told them where to go! They will never have or find what you have got, and there is no one to blame except themselves!

hearingimpared wrote:

That's how I feel about my wife and have aired that openly here. I've also been ridiculed for it too but I don't care this woman that God put in my life is the single greatest thing besides keeping me alive He has done for me. . . and then He instills in her a love of music and an interest in this hobby that is beyond a male audiophile's dream.

I don't know why if a guy wants to get some advise from this place and feels comfortable doing it, regardless of some peoples preconceived notions or predudices, why he would be called an a-hole for doing it,? as long as it is done with tact.

cfrizz

BBL, I can't speak for all women.

All I can say is I'm the type of woman who wouldn't have the slightest problem planning something together with my husband so that we could both enjoy Valentines Day together.

I wouldn't have had any problems with what Nightly arranged for us to do (with the exception of the reservations) I would have enjoyed a night alone with my husband without the kids. This is why I took so long to weigh in on this thread.

Once I heard the truth of the encounter that tipped the balance. But also after what else Nightly wrote, I think both of them need to do some growing up & also get some counselling together. Otherwise if this keeps up, I don't hold out a lot of hope for their marriage survivng.

cfrizz

Great story Henry! I miss your presence around here bud! I hope all is well with you & the wife & kids!:) Take care & don't be a stranger!

Cathy

HBombToo wrote:

This is funny and I'll share a true story...

Keep in mind I'm am not a very romantic man and at least my wife has accepted that. So... a few years back I hit the powerball for a hundred bucks so with cash in hand I stopped by a flower shop and bought a couple dozen roses and sent them home. I even wrote a note to my lovely Sherry...

Fast forward to mid afternoon when the roses were received my portable wrang and the first thing I heard was what did I do???? The what did I do??? immediatly turned into accusations of cheating and all kind of stuff.

so the moral of the story is if you are known to be an a$$hole and its some what accepted then don't change a thing.... and with that said there has been marrital bliss in my life ever since.:o

HBomb

MrNightly

It seems everyone has an opinion on relationships, quite possibly because they are probably the biggest investment of time and energy in our entire lives... For everyone's comments, I thank you.

For the record, I apologized last night, she apologized last night, we made up like good little children should, and had hot sex.

What it boiled down to, was that she felt I didn't care enough to put forth a greater effort, while I felt that she hadn't really appreciated me and everything I had been doing lately, so why get super duper romantic.. I know, silly games that we shouldn't play at our age, but what can I say, we are both young and immature.

Regarding her being, "A ****" as mantis pointed out, I think there is a big difference from acting like one, and being one. I acted like an **** by calling her names, but to say, "I AM AN ****" puts things in an entirely new arena. Actions may have been childish on both parts, but neither of us are Children.

Alas, the saga must end. The counseling has been done before, and maybe more is needed in the future. All I know is that although we fight alot, we love each other, and I hope to grow old with her someday... just not yet, because I have too much audio gear to get before I'm old
















Then again, don't let the fun stop on my behalf...

cfrizz

Sigh...Lack of communication I think is the #1 problem when it comes to relationships. Each expects the other to be telepathic & when that fails all hell breaks loose.

I'm glad you both finally sat down & talked it out & apologized to each other last night.

Best of luck to you two.

HBombToo

cfrizz wrote:

Great story Henry! I miss your presence around here bud! I hope all is well with you & the wife & kids!:) Take care & don't be a stranger!

Cathy

Thanks Cathy and I have popped in but it just seems I have been very busy and have felt swamped since accepting a position within Sprint Nextel. I'm enjoying myself but I can't seem to really catch up and take a breath lately...

Its all good though and the family could not be better.

Henry