A itching.

124

Comments

  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    Joe, very sound advice!

    I suppose the other benefit is the prevention of skidmarks!
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • LessisNevermore
    LessisNevermore Posts: 1,519
    edited August 2010
    hearingimpared wrote: »
    You forgot to mention that after the use of those products prepare to do the Irish and Italian jig together for about 15 minutes!!!:eek::eek::eek:

    Talk about too much Aqua on your Velva!:eek:
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  • LessisNevermore
    LessisNevermore Posts: 1,519
    edited August 2010
    hearingimpared wrote: »
    First off when showering and cleaning heiney9, don't be afraid to soap up the bunghole and insert a finger half way a couple of times. **** has a propensity to lodge in the one inch of **** muscle and needs to be cleaned out. Two when finished, dry thoroughly and liberaly powerder your pooper with corn starch from the top of the crack all the way around to the jewels.

    I came across this method in my early twenties and have NEVER suffered from IA or IB again.:D True story!:eek:

    I hate to drag Brock into this, but it makes this post sooo much funnier.:D
    Sorry Brock!
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  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,788
    edited August 2010
    Hey Dan! Howz about a dose of Dr. Lightmans Two Jeweled Root Juice.

    Cures colds, moles, sore arse-holes and makes child-birthing a pleasure.
    Guaranteed not to rust, bust, collect dust, mold or split at the seams in the first thirty days or your money back.
    PM me for testimonials from other "satisfied" customers.:)
    And yes good citizens, take Joes advice and keep your Heiney9 clean of nasty Klingons! (Get it cling-on!)
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    LessisNevermore wrote: »
    I hate to drag Brock into this, but it makes this post sooo much funnier.:D
    Sorry Brock!

    OOO Brock I had nothing to do with that one. :eek::eek::eek:
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    On Klingons' subject, I am afraid I have to revive the classic from the past:

    http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13667&highlight=poo+nuggets

    http://forums.djztrip.com/archive/index.php?t-14997.html


    sweet17: HARRRRRRRRRRRRR
    bloodninja: I turn you around to **** your a^%hole.
    bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ****.
    bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ****.
    sweet17: WTF?!?!?
    bloodninja: They stink really bad.
    sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
    bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ****
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • Face
    Face Posts: 14,340
    edited August 2010
    LessisNevermore wrote: »
    I hate to drag Brock into this, but it makes this post sooo much funnier.:D
    Sorry Brock!
    You know, I was going to post that earlier today, but I didn't believe Brock would appreciate being the butt end of that joke. :D
    "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • LessisNevermore
    LessisNevermore Posts: 1,519
    edited August 2010
    Face wrote: »
    You know, I was going to post that earlier today, but I didn't believe Brock would appreciate being the butt end of that joke. :D

    Nah, he knows I'm playing. That and he lives less than 5 minutes away, so I won't piss him off too badly......:D
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    There once was a Polkie name Mantis
    who suffered a bad case of a__itch
    It itched, overeated and sore
    that poor a_nal pore
    'til his post for relief answers were granted
    VTL ST50 w/mods / RCA6L6GC / TlfnknECC801S
    Conrad Johnson PV-5 w/mods
    TT Conrad Johnson Sonographe SG3 Oak / Sumiko LMT / Grado Woodbody Platinum / Sumiko PIB2 / The Clamp
    Musical Fidelity A1 CDPro/ Bada DD-22 Tube CDP / Conrad Johnson SD-22 CDP
    Tuners w/mods Kenwood KT5020 / Fisher KM60
    MF x-DAC V8, HAInfo NG27
    Herbies Ti-9 / Vibrapods / MIT Shotgun AC1 IEC's / MIT Shotgun 2 IC's / MIT Shotgun 2 Speaker Cables
    PS Audio Cryo / PowerPort Premium Outlets / Exact Power EP15A Conditioner
    Walnut SDA 2B TL /Oak SDA SRS II TL (Sonicaps/Mills/Cardas/Custom SDA ICs / Dynamat Extreme / Larry's Rings/ FSB-2 Spikes
    NAD SS rigs w/mods
    GIK panels
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  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 50,474
    edited August 2010
    hearingimpared wrote: »
    First off when showering and cleaning heiney, don't be afraid to soap up the bunghole and insert a finger half way a couple of times. **** has a propensity to lodge in the one inch of **** muscle and needs to be cleaned out. Two when finished, dry thoroughly and liberaly powerder your pooper with corn starch from the top of the crack all the way around to the jewels.

    I came across this method in my early twenties and have NEVER suffered from IA or IB again.:D True story!:eek:

    Remind me not to shake your hand the next time I see you.
    Political Correctness'.........defined

    "A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."

    President of Club Polk

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  • agfrost
    agfrost Posts: 2,426
    edited August 2010
    F1nut wrote: »
    Remind me not to shake your hand the next time I see you.

    Waaaaaaaaaaaaa! That was my first reaction.

    C'mon Joe, at least tell us which hand to avoid!! :eek::D:D:eek:

    Jay
    Jay
    SDA 2BTL * Musical Fidelity A5cr amp * Oppo BDP-93 * Modded Adcom GDA-600 DAC * Rythmik F8 (x2)
    Micro Seiki DQ-50 * Hagerman Cornet 2 Phono * A hodgepodge of cabling * Belkin PF60
    Preamp rotation: Krell KSL (SCompRacer recapped) * Manley Shrimp * PS Audio 5.0
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  • decal
    decal Posts: 3,205
    edited August 2010
    I'm a little embarrased to go to the doctors and have it looked at
    No offense,but that is a really stupid way to think about health problems.
    If you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money.
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  • gimpod
    gimpod Posts: 1,793
    edited August 2010
    Jesus guys 4 pages and 109 post :eek:, Don't you think the OP has suffered enough..






















    .... NO! :D:D:D:D:D
    “The two most important days in your life are the day you are born and the day you find out why.” ~ Mark Twain
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    F1nut wrote: »
    Remind me not to shake your hand the next time I see you.

    There once was a Polkie named hearingimpared
    who responded to Mantis 'cuz he really cared
    He shared his half finger plan with Dan
    for comfort after the can
    and ithcy hanging chad problems were prevented
    VTL ST50 w/mods / RCA6L6GC / TlfnknECC801S
    Conrad Johnson PV-5 w/mods
    TT Conrad Johnson Sonographe SG3 Oak / Sumiko LMT / Grado Woodbody Platinum / Sumiko PIB2 / The Clamp
    Musical Fidelity A1 CDPro/ Bada DD-22 Tube CDP / Conrad Johnson SD-22 CDP
    Tuners w/mods Kenwood KT5020 / Fisher KM60
    MF x-DAC V8, HAInfo NG27
    Herbies Ti-9 / Vibrapods / MIT Shotgun AC1 IEC's / MIT Shotgun 2 IC's / MIT Shotgun 2 Speaker Cables
    PS Audio Cryo / PowerPort Premium Outlets / Exact Power EP15A Conditioner
    Walnut SDA 2B TL /Oak SDA SRS II TL (Sonicaps/Mills/Cardas/Custom SDA ICs / Dynamat Extreme / Larry's Rings/ FSB-2 Spikes
    NAD SS rigs w/mods
    GIK panels
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    mrbiron wrote: »
    If you have crabs....i hear RAID will clear that right up. Or you can shave one side, light the other side on fire, and stab them as they run across. Options Options Options.

    As far as the stubble after clear cutting / weed whacking, you can always rub some NADS on your pooper. Or maybe you want to start with rubbing NADS on your butt then harvest?....you'll have to experiment.

    Nad_s_Natural_Hair_Removal_Gel_small.jpg

    My NAD's are some of the best components I've ever owned, and now this, hair removal products. A very resourceful company . . . ;)
    VTL ST50 w/mods / RCA6L6GC / TlfnknECC801S
    Conrad Johnson PV-5 w/mods
    TT Conrad Johnson Sonographe SG3 Oak / Sumiko LMT / Grado Woodbody Platinum / Sumiko PIB2 / The Clamp
    Musical Fidelity A1 CDPro/ Bada DD-22 Tube CDP / Conrad Johnson SD-22 CDP
    Tuners w/mods Kenwood KT5020 / Fisher KM60
    MF x-DAC V8, HAInfo NG27
    Herbies Ti-9 / Vibrapods / MIT Shotgun AC1 IEC's / MIT Shotgun 2 IC's / MIT Shotgun 2 Speaker Cables
    PS Audio Cryo / PowerPort Premium Outlets / Exact Power EP15A Conditioner
    Walnut SDA 2B TL /Oak SDA SRS II TL (Sonicaps/Mills/Cardas/Custom SDA ICs / Dynamat Extreme / Larry's Rings/ FSB-2 Spikes
    NAD SS rigs w/mods
    GIK panels
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  • cstmar01
    cstmar01 Posts: 4,424
    edited August 2010
    Keiko wrote: »
    Confucious say:

    Go to bed with itchy butt; wake up with stink on finger.

    nasty...

    what about if your partner goes to bed with itchy butt but you wake up with stink finger??? ohhh thats bad thats very bad...:p
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    Keiko wrote: »
    As long as your partner's not Joe and the opposite sex, I think it's ok....oh! ohhh! You like that baby? ohhh! ahhh! :D:p

    Mike. you're a bbbaaaaaddddd man.

    where's my pie?
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    waaaaaaaaaa

    those moaning put me in the wrong universe..that's all. :)
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,189
    edited August 2010
    I should have seen all this coming. WOW , LOL!!. Someone talks about butt problems and all hell breaks loose.

    You guys CRACK me up. Butt again thanks for all the advice.
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • mdaudioguy
    mdaudioguy Posts: 5,165
    edited August 2010
    hearingimpared wrote: »
    First off when showering and cleaning heiney, don't be afraid to soap up the bunghole and insert a finger half way a couple of times. **** has a propensity to lodge in the one inch of **** muscle and needs to be cleaned out. Two when finished, dry thoroughly and liberaly powerder your pooper with corn starch from the top of the crack all the way around to the jewels.

    I came across this method in my early twenties and have NEVER suffered from IA or IB again.:D True story!:eek:

    I usually just eat some soap, so that it works its way all the way through.
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    F1nut wrote: »
    Remind me not to shake your hand the next time I see you.

    Hahaha, Safeguard kills all bacteria and skin! Not to mention I use finger rubbers. I prefer the ribbed and pimpled type, it cleans really well as well as pleases!!!!:eek::eek::D;):p
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    you mean that "battleship" Mike? ;)
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,189
    edited August 2010
    Keiko wrote: »
    3d98ec2ae7.jpg

    Is she the new nurse at the Doctors office? I'm on my way !!
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    For her Dan, you definitely need to shave. :)
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited August 2010
    Ya know my friends find it odd some of the advice I get from an audio forum when I mention anything I learned not audio related. I've learned that you can expect the unexpected and near limitless discussion topics at CP. :rolleyes::cool:

    Anyway back to the original topic....
    I forgot this suggestion as well as my first of Butt Paste.

    Triple Paste.
    TRIPLE PASTE® MEDICATED OINTMENT
    The Premium Diaper Rash Ointment

    For what its worth, these products are generally used for infants and diaper rash (and the only reason I've used them I might add ;)) , but their job is to keep out the wetness. They won't relieve itching or resolve the cause (unless its related to wetness/moisture, etc).

    Since you mentioned 'soap', perhaps it just might be related to laundry detergent in your clothes. Esp if you are sweating some of that 'not fully rinsed out' detergent could be 'running off' and causing an issue. An allergic reaction sorts.

    Lets see what else might one suggest that hasn't already been:
    --Calamine lotion?
    --Or how about products geared toward feminine itching like Vagisil--if nothing else you'll know its safe to use 'down there'

    Now I have to find something to do to get the visions of un-rinsed soap residue and HI performing his techniques WAY OUT OF MY HEAD--AHHHHHHHH :eek::mad::eek::mad::eek::mad:
    ____________________
    This post is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.

    HT:Onkyo 805, Emotiva XPA-5, Mitsu 52" 1080p DLP / polkaudio RTi12, CSIa6, FXi3, uPro4K
    2-chnl : Pio DV-46AV (SACD), Dodd ELP, Emotiva XPA-1s, XPA-2, Odyssey Khartago, LSi9, SDA-SRS 2 :cool:, SB Duet, MSB & Monarchy DACs, Yamaha PX3 TT, SAE Tuner...
    Pool: Atrium 60's/45's
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  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited August 2010
    This'll work really well on that itch !:D


    http://www.plumbersurplus.com/images/prod/6/Generic-PSW103-rw-58769-18014.jpg
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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,189
    edited August 2010
    polkatese wrote: »
    For her Dan, you definitely need to shave. :)

    LOL Hell I would shower , shave , Workout , work weeks , the list goes on and on .
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • cstmar01
    cstmar01 Posts: 4,424
    edited August 2010
    I am so traumatized for life after what Joe wrote.........

    time to go sit in a corner and cry myself to sleep!
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem . . .

    We are throwing an epic party tonight to watch the Browns first preseason game and I'm sure I'll end up supremely hammered.

    If I post anything embarrassing in the wee hour of tomorrow morning, please ignore and do not respond :D
    VTL ST50 w/mods / RCA6L6GC / TlfnknECC801S
    Conrad Johnson PV-5 w/mods
    TT Conrad Johnson Sonographe SG3 Oak / Sumiko LMT / Grado Woodbody Platinum / Sumiko PIB2 / The Clamp
    Musical Fidelity A1 CDPro/ Bada DD-22 Tube CDP / Conrad Johnson SD-22 CDP
    Tuners w/mods Kenwood KT5020 / Fisher KM60
    MF x-DAC V8, HAInfo NG27
    Herbies Ti-9 / Vibrapods / MIT Shotgun AC1 IEC's / MIT Shotgun 2 IC's / MIT Shotgun 2 Speaker Cables
    PS Audio Cryo / PowerPort Premium Outlets / Exact Power EP15A Conditioner
    Walnut SDA 2B TL /Oak SDA SRS II TL (Sonicaps/Mills/Cardas/Custom SDA ICs / Dynamat Extreme / Larry's Rings/ FSB-2 Spikes
    NAD SS rigs w/mods
    GIK panels
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  • mhardy6647
    mhardy6647 Posts: 33,734
    edited August 2010
    ...the Browns, eh?
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