A itching.

135

Comments

  • ken brydson
    ken brydson Posts: 8,751
    edited August 2010
    I've got tears from laughing so hard reading this thread. A classic for sure...:D
    Methinks Dan might have been drunk posting....
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  • John30_30
    John30_30 Posts: 1,024
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    Whats up people,

    strange question but eff it I'm gonna ask , who has got and stopped anal itching? So here is the back story.
    Years and years ago I got it and it went away as fast as it came. Now for the last week I have had it and it's starting to really bother me. It's been crazy hot around here and it came with the intense heat. Yes I have been a little sweaty back there here and there and i'm thinking that has a lot to do with it.
    As crazy as this sounds I'm a little embarrased to go to the doctors and have it looked at. I know I should but if I can find a way to cure it myself I'm all ears( or cheeks LOL)

    Talk to me brothers.

    Dan:confused::confused::confused::eek::(


    Sell your Mac and get a P.C.

    The inflamed assholery will immediately subside.


    j.k. Dan. Go see a doctor.
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  • snow
    snow Posts: 4,337
    edited August 2010
    suprafantx wrote: »
    Pictures or it did not happen.
    No No pics please, if Supra wants them PM him personally :D
    Well, I just pulled off the impossible by doing a double-blind comparison all by myself, purely by virtue of the fact that I completely and stupidly forgot what I did last. I guess that getting old does have its advantages after all :D
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  • fatchowmein
    fatchowmein Posts: 2,637
    edited August 2010
    OMG. This takes me back to the old Polk days. You guys are killing me. :D

    Seriously, this may be signs of a larger problem such as hemorrhoids. Go seek professional help.

    http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/hemorrhoids-symptoms
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  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited August 2010
    Swim in the ocean a couple times a day for a week, fix ya right up !;) PS: if you frequent any swimming pools, please, as a public service, list them here for our information & well being !:D
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  • Polkersince85
    Polkersince85 Posts: 2,883
    edited August 2010
    I'm waiting on the ABX review of the different ointments.
    >
    >
    >This message has been scanned by the NSA and found to be free of harmful intent.<
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  • polkatese
    polkatese Posts: 6,767
    edited August 2010
    Polkersince85 wrote: »
    I'm waiting on the ABX review of the different ointments.

    To be completely objective, there's gotta be a neutral arsephile who needs to administer the application of the ointments and to take note the results.

    somebody local to Philly would be ideal.

    any volunteer? who lives around there?
    I am sorry, I have no opinion on the matter. I am sure you do. So, don't mind me, I just want to talk audio and pie.
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  • SolidSqual
    SolidSqual Posts: 5,218
    edited August 2010
    Polkersince85 wrote: »
    I'm waiting on the ABX review of the different ointments.

    Has Darqueknight approved the use of ABX for **** ointments? Really there are so many variables in **** shape, texture and hairiness that I don't see this being anything other than a personal preference.
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  • helipilotdoug
    helipilotdoug Posts: 1,229
    edited August 2010
    You could have worms, hemorrhoids, or just irritation and itching from a dirty butt hole! Try this, and if the symptoms do not subside, I'd go see the Doc. Shower AFTER having your daily bowel movement. Soap it up good, using a finger to probe some, then rinse off really well with a hand held shower nozzle. Dry off, then use a hair dryer to completely dry. Use something with alcohol (Listerene, after shave, or rubbing alcohol) to kill any remaining germs. You'll be good to go until tomorrow when you do it all over again!
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  • disneyjoe7
    disneyjoe7 Posts: 11,435
    edited August 2010
    In Florida.... Everything sweats Gold Bond the old orange one helps.

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  • Hawkeye
    Hawkeye Posts: 1,313
    edited August 2010
    Good God almighty! I have not laughed this hard in ages!

    Gordon
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    helipilotdoug wrote: »
    You could have worms, hemorrhoids, or just irritation and itching from a dirty butt hole! Try this, and if the symptoms do not subside, I'd go see the Doc. Shower AFTER having your daily bowel movement. Soap it up good, using a finger to probe some, then rinse off really well with a hand held shower nozzle. Dry off, then use a hair dryer to completely dry. Use something with alcohol (Listerene, after shave, or rubbing alcohol) to kill any remaining germs. You'll be good to go until tomorrow when you do it all over again!

    Reading this made me laugh so hard (after a huge dinner of refried beans at Taco Bell) that I had to follow your instructions, if you get my drift :D
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  • SolidSqual
    SolidSqual Posts: 5,218
    edited August 2010
    If you believe all butt creams are not equal, then check on this exotic offering from AnaNOitch!

    yhst-11309583292412_2115_9989483

    AnaNOitch: A natural remedy to STOP anal Itching.

    Product Description
    A natrual remedy to STOP anal itching.

    Active Ingredients: Purified water, dissolved black tea, Rose water, lemon juice, honey, sea salt and vitamin E. ALL ingredients are 100% Natural Organic ingredients. AnaNOitch comes in a 4oz bottle.

    Anal itching (Pruritus ani) is a common ailment many people suffer from. The main symptom is the irritation of the skin at the exit of the ****, known as the ****, causing the desire to scratch. The intensity of anal itching increases from moisture, pressure, and rubbing caused by clothing and sitting. At worst, anal itching causes intolerable discomfort that often is accompanied by burning and soreness. Anal itching can be caused by irritating chemicals in the foods we eat, such as spices, hot sauces, and peppers. Other problems that cause anal itching include pinworms, hemorrhoids, tears of the anal skin (fissures). (Source - Mayo Clinic report)*

    There are many internal and external causes for vaginal itching. AnaNOitch is an external remedy that will help with the "external" vaginal itching.

    * Anti itch remedy to STOP anal itching and general body itching!

    http://www.ananoitch.com/ananoitch.html
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  • I-SIG
    I-SIG Posts: 2,238
    edited August 2010
    I'm a skeptic. I'm not buying any of this horse hockey until Dan chimes back in.

    I understand we are a helpful bunch around here but don't lie: you hesitated before punching this into Google.

    **** an anal, I mean added, bonus, thanks to tracking cookies, y'all will now start seeing crazy ads for **** remedies! (Sorry for the puns!)

    Wes
    Link: http://polkarmy.com/forums

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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,189
    edited August 2010
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem. Yes I do have it and it sucks ****.... no pun ok intended. As I said I had this when I was around 18 or 19 then once in a great while in my 20's. I have not had this since until about a week or so ago. It's not that bad , I have read past the jokes and found some useful Info (thanks people) and today it's under control. I think I may have been leaving some soap or something there or maybe just sweating to much. It's been crazy hot 90's and humid as hell this which feels like the entire summer. Today it's much cooler out it was like 82 or so low humidity and my **** didn't bother me as much. Barely at all today.

    Well carry on with the jokes , I'm glad you people can have fun at my expense.
    Actually a few of the comments made me laugh and I'm the one dealing with this.

    Dan
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • I-SIG
    I-SIG Posts: 2,238
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem. Yes I do have it and it sucks ****.... no pun ok intended. As I said I had this when I was around 18 or 19 then once in a great while in my 20's. I have not had this since until about a week or so ago. It's not that bad , I have read past the jokes and found some useful Info (thanks people) and today it's under control. I think I may have been leaving some soap or something there or maybe just sweating to much. It's been crazy hot 90's and humid as hell this which feels like the entire summer. Today it's much cooler out it was like 82 or so low humidity and my **** didn't bother me as much. Barely at all today.

    Well carry on with the jokes , I'm glad you people can have fun at my expense.
    Actually a few of the comments made me laugh and I'm the one dealing with this.

    Dan

    Dan, thanks for clearing the room, I mean the air. Seriously, I'm glad you are feeling butt-er!

    Wes
    Link: http://polkarmy.com/forums

    Panasonic TH-42PHD8UK 42" HDTV | Polk Audio SDA-SRS's (w/RDO's & Vampire Posts) + SVS PC+ 25-31 | AudioQuest Granite (mids) + BWA Silver (highs) | Cary Audio CAD-200 | Signal Cable Silver Resolution XLR's | Wyred 4 Sound STP/SE Pre | Signal Cable Silver Resolution XLR's | Cambridge Audio azur 840C--Wadia 170i + iPod jammed w/ lossless audio--Oppo 970 | Pure|AV PF31d
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  • LessisNevermore
    LessisNevermore Posts: 1,519
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem. Yes I do have it and it sucks ****.... no pun ok intended. As I said I had this when I was around 18 or 19 then once in a great while in my 20's. I have not had this since until about a week or so ago. It's not that bad , I have read past the jokes and found some useful Info (thanks people) and today it's under control. I think I may have been leaving some soap or something there or maybe just sweating to much. It's been crazy hot 90's and humid as hell this which feels like the entire summer. Today it's much cooler out it was like 82 or so low humidity and my **** didn't bother me as much. Barely at all today.

    Well carry on with the jokes , I'm glad you people can have fun at my expense.
    Actually a few of the comments made me laugh and I'm the one dealing with this.

    Dan

    Hopefully it's all still good-natured on all counts. You're a good sport.:D

    Try some non alcohol baby wipes.
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  • schwarcw
    schwarcw Posts: 7,335
    edited August 2010
    Just a mild case of swamp ****. Very common in hot weather. Keep your fingers out of there!
    Carl

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  • snow
    snow Posts: 4,337
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem. Yes I do have it and it sucks ****.... no pun ok intended. As I said I had this when I was around 18 or 19 then once in a great while in my 20's. I have not had this since until about a week or so ago. It's not that bad , I have read past the jokes and found some useful Info (thanks people) and today it's under control. I think I may have been leaving some soap or something there or maybe just sweating to much. It's been crazy hot 90's and humid as hell this which feels like the entire summer. Today it's much cooler out it was like 82 or so low humidity and my **** didn't bother me as much. Barely at all today.

    Well carry on with the jokes , I'm glad you people can have fun at my expense.
    Actually a few of the comments made me laugh and I'm the one dealing with this.

    Dan
    You need to change your siggy now though, perhaps something along the lines of.... My personal quest is to save asses everywhere from itching one Butt at a time :p

    REGARDS SNOW
    Well, I just pulled off the impossible by doing a double-blind comparison all by myself, purely by virtue of the fact that I completely and stupidly forgot what I did last. I guess that getting old does have its advantages after all :D
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  • TNRabbit
    TNRabbit Posts: 2,168
    edited August 2010
    Dan, was it anything like THIS case of swamp ****?

    80513290.jpg

    Perhaps one of THESE is in order:

    152175871v1_480x480_Front_Color-Black.jpg
    TNRabbit
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  • halo71
    halo71 Posts: 4,601
    edited August 2010
    This thread gives a new meaning to "burn in" period ehh??? :p
    --Gary--
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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,189
    edited August 2010
    snow wrote: »
    You need to change your siggy now though, perhaps something along the lines of.... My personal quest is to save asses everywhere from itching one Butt at a time :p

    REGARDS SNOW

    Dude thats 2 funny. I love it.

    Dan
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    cnh wrote: »
    It works for babies...it will work for you. DESITIN...Doctor recommended.

    cnh

    Sorry Constantine but that is awful stuff. It just let the sweat roll around the underwear instead of absorbing it. It causes butt crack zits and more.
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  • concealer404
    concealer404 Posts: 7,440
    edited August 2010
    I have learned more about some of you in this thread than i ever wanted to know.
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    mantis wrote: »
    OK OK OK !!!! LOL !!!

    I was drinking just a bit which gave me the idea to post my little problem. Yes I do have it and it sucks ****.... no pun ok intended. As I said I had this when I was around 18 or 19 then once in a great while in my 20's. I have not had this since until about a week or so ago. It's not that bad , I have read past the jokes and found some useful Info (thanks people) and today it's under control. I think I may have been leaving some soap or something there or maybe just sweating to much. It's been crazy hot 90's and humid as hell this which feels like the entire summer. Today it's much cooler out it was like 82 or so low humidity and my **** didn't bother me as much. Barely at all today.

    Well carry on with the jokes , I'm glad you people can have fun at my expense.
    Actually a few of the comments made me laugh and I'm the one dealing with this.

    Dan

    First off when showering and cleaning heiney, don't be afraid to soap up the bunghole and insert a finger half way a couple of times. **** has a propensity to lodge in the one inch of **** muscle and needs to be cleaned out. Two when finished, dry thoroughly and liberaly powerder your pooper with corn starch from the top of the crack all the way around to the jewels.

    I came across this method in my early twenties and have NEVER suffered from IA or IB again.:D True story!:eek:
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    helipilotdoug wrote: »
    You could have worms, hemorrhoids, or just irritation and itching from a dirty butt hole! Try this, and if the symptoms do not subside, I'd go see the Doc. Shower AFTER having your daily bowel movement. Soap it up good, using a finger to probe some, then rinse off really well with a hand held shower nozzle. Dry off, then use a hair dryer to completely dry. Use something with alcohol (Listerene, after shave, or rubbing alcohol) to kill any remaining germs. You'll be good to go until tomorrow when you do it all over again!

    You forgot to mention that after the use of those products prepare to do the Irish and Italian jig together for about 15 minutes!!!:eek::eek::eek:
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  • kevhed72
    kevhed72 Posts: 5,046
    edited August 2010
    Ya know, some of us do read the forum WHILE EATING LUNCH!!!:D
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited August 2010
    kevhed72 wrote: »
    Ya know, some of us do read the forum WHILE EATING LUNCH!!!:D

    Well now you are in the process of making **** . . . the whole cause of the problem!:eek::D
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  • Face
    Face Posts: 14,340
    edited August 2010
    concealer404 wrote: »
    i have learned more about some of you in this thread than i ever wanted to know.
    +1...
    "He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Friedrich Nietzsche
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  • inspiredsports
    inspiredsports Posts: 5,501
    edited August 2010
    hearingimpared wrote: »
    First off when showering and cleaning heiney, don't be afraid to soap up the bunghole and insert a finger half way a couple of times. **** has a propensity to lodge in the one inch of **** muscle and needs to be cleaned out. Two when finished, dry thoroughly and liberaly powerder your pooper with corn starch from the top of the crack all the way around to the jewels.

    I came across this method in my early twenties and have NEVER suffered from IA or IB again.:D True story!:eek:

    I am on the effing floor laughing so hard I can't get up. Help! :D :eek: :D :eek: :D
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