Never buy a House (with someone else!)

wingnut4772

I think that we would actually get along if we were living separately. We just bought this house too soon. Even though we have known each other since high school some (mumble mumble) years ago.

TroyD

For moi, the only thing it changes is I'd add in make sure that you get all of your clothes back as well.

Fundamentally though, the concept is still the same.

BDT

wingnut4772

TroyD wrote:

For moi, the only thing it changes is I'd add in make sure that you get all of your clothes back as well.

Fundamentally though, the concept is still the same.

BDT

we are the same size 8.

Holydoc

wingnut4772 wrote:

Guys. I am so messed up with this situation....AND I am thoroughly confused. ...in the interest of keeping things simple ...

When it comes to relationships, nothing is ever simple. Sometimes the best thing is to push away, take a breath, and try it on your own. Sometimes it is best to hold on, hold your breath, and try again. None of us can tell you which is best. Sometimes even you will not know which is best.

The simple fact is that you have to make that choice. It is your life, and you need to do what will make you happy. I think you realize from the responses in this thread that you are surrounded (in this community) with people who respect and support your opinions. I am sure you will see that no matter which choice you make, that respect and support will not change from us.

Best of luck in whatever decision you make. Just promise not to stop coming to this board and sharing your audio experiences!

wingnut4772

Awww...thanks.:o It means a lot.

Ricardo

I think I said this the last time you were in a similar condition.
Act now; do whatever is necessary to free you from that relationship; it will be better for you in the long term. suffer a little now (even financially) and get a fresh start.

PolkThug

wingnut4772 wrote:

I told her that is what she said last time and nothing changed. She actually has an appt Monday for the therapist. Blah blah blah

You are her golden ticket to having a nice house. Cut your losses. I know this sucks but you won't make this same mistake again.

danger boy

confession is good for the soul..

WTG! i don't think any different of you or your situation. I'm glad you feel that you found some support here. and are willing to share your situation with us. Whether it's audio related or something personal, we're glad you're here Darla.

AL

a chick huh? Damn Darla. JK..


it's cool.

wingnut4772

PolkThug wrote:

You are her golden ticket to having a nice house. Cut your losses. I know this sucks but you won't make this same mistake again.

Well she actually makes more $$$ than I do (my credit is just better). She can qualify for a pretty kick house by herself even with the worse credit...and it's not horrible just not great so her interest rate would be a little higher.

She has told me she is so depressed and sorry and loves me etc. I am getting the cards, the flowers and the chocolates. Her family is even so upset because they love me. love us together ya da ya da ya da. And she has told me she will go to therapy religiously to work on her issues.

Her history is that she came from an abusive relationship and she still carries that with her. She is insanely jealous and possessive and just very insecure...even though she is a very attractive girl. Her ex and she use to get into fist fights ( not happening here!-ever! Then she would find her **** on the street with a nice restraining order!) But she crosses boundaries of respect that is just unnacceptable. The shrink concession is new for her- at least to go by herself. She did aquiesce to go to couples counseling which we did two or three times and that seemed to help a great deal.(for a bit) I am just wondering if I should see if she follows through. Maybe a written contract that if in 6 months things are still not acceptable to my satisfaction we sell the house no questions asked?

TroyD

Not to sound heartless but do you honestly think she wants to change because she wants to change or is she doing it to get what she wants in the short term?

Me? I'd see a pattern formning and ask myself if I am willing to continue with this cycle of behavior.


I'd also start labelling my cosmetics as well.
BDT

danger boy

ending a relationship is never easy.. and it's never fun. 6 months is a long time.
although we hope in our hearts that the person we love will change to our liking.. often times in the beginning they will do or say anything to keep you, their actions speak for them.

Meaning. I truely hope she does make those changes in her life for you and for herself. But keep in mind, old habits are heard to break. I'd hate for you to find yourself 6 months down the road wishing you had broken things off earlier.

No one here can tell you to end it.. that's something you have to do on your own. and only you know when that time will be.

BTW is she a coworker or your supervisor? I only ask because if she is and you break up.. she could make things tough for you at work.

Ricardo

Darla,

This is at least the third time that you two get in a similar situation, and she promises that things will change, etc (third time we know of....how many that you have not shared?)

As others said, it is just up to you to decide, but if it were me, I'd think that things will only get better for a while.....are you willing to put up with this over and over again?

wingnut4772

(sigh) I know. My friends are all telling me the same damn thing! I don't work with her. Thank God! It's just going to be so painful to sell the house and stressful to go through. I know that it will be delaying the inevitable though if I don't. I just don't want to put my HT in a townhouse! Waaaah!:(

PolkThug

It would be even more painful to go through another year or two of BS, then still having to sell the house.

Skynut

wingnut4772 wrote:

Thanks guys. He is really trying. He told me he is going to go to counseling and he is sorry..he loves me blah blah blah. That's all I hear ..blah.

wingnut4772 wrote:

Well she actually makes more $$$ than I do (my credit is just better). She can qualify for a pretty kick house by herself even with the worse credit...and it's not horrible just not great so her interest rate would be a little higher.

She has told me she is so depressed and sorry and loves me etc. I am getting the cards, the flowers and the chocolates. Her family is even so upset because they love me. love us together ya da ya da ya da. And she has told me she will go to therapy religiously to work on her issues.

Her history is that she came from an abusive relationship and she still carries that with her. She is insanely jealous and possessive and just very insecure...even though she is a very attractive girl. Her ex and she use to get into fist fights ( not happening here!-ever! Then she would find her **** on the street with a nice restraining order!) But she crosses boundaries of respect that is just unnacceptable. The shrink concession is new for her- at least to go by herself. She did aquiesce to go to couples counseling which we did two or three times and that seemed to help a great deal.(for a bit) I am just wondering if I should see if she follows through. Maybe a written contract that if in 6 months things are still not acceptable to my satisfaction we sell the house no questions asked?

Totally confused here.
Are we talking about a he or she?

Demiurge

You should probably read the whole thread!

shack

Demiurge wrote:

You should probably read the whole thread!

Read before you post? Now there's a concept!

wingnut4772

Confusion is the key word here.

Demiurge

All I can say is be honest with yourself about how you really feel, and then stick with that. It won't steer you wrong. I think you know what you need to do, but it's probably not what's easy to do. I just went through it not that long ago myself.

wingnut4772

I know that I really feel that I want to be by myself. I am just trying to avoid the ugliness and the loss of the whole thing but I have to face the truth. I just can't go back.

dkg999

Darla - you'll get no judgement from me! Well, except that girls with guns are really hot You can disregard my advice about how the male of the species will think and act, ain't got a clue on the female angle, and if I did I could actually keep a GF around!

Do what your heart tells you, and move forward. It's the second guessing and going back to the bucket for another drink of the poison koolaid that will mess you up. And I second the don't leave this forum comment! Doug.

cfrizz

Darla, this situation is NOT going to change! She has to get help for herself, she has to WANT to get help for herself. In reality regardless of what she promises, she doesn't really want help to change her life.

It might be a little ugly right now, but staying in an abusive situation whether emotional or physical when you know you should get out will be even uglier in the long run!

Darla, I'm sure you've covered your share of domestic disputes, I'm sure you've read papers on this kind of behavior. Does she have to go upside your head with a 2 x 4 before you follow your gut instincts?

Plenty of us have our home theaters in apts/condos/townhouses! Your HT is not worth your sanity/life!

Grimster74

SWEET, your more than welcome to come live with me as long as you bring your H/T gear with you;) . In all seriousness, I hope you get things worked out and if you need anything, give Polk a shout.

cfrizz

Doug, the truth is women respond in much the same way in this type if situation. I have family that is going through the same thing, & my advice to him is the same. GET OUT & GET OUT NOW!

PhantomOG

It seems to me that sometimes in situations like this, the giving of "one more chance" actually prevents the person from being serious about change. Knowingly or not, the thought that they can continually make the same mistake and be given another pass is there. Sometimes a break is the best choice, even if you still want to be with the person in the end.

Hope it all works out in the end and you don't lose out too much financially (and emotionally).

wingnut4772

I have a friend who is a MTG Broker and she told me that I could probably push getting a house in the 400K area so maybe my Ht can have a good home after all.

Grimster74

Guess my offer went down the drain:D . I can just picture it now, two Home Theaters rooms in one house, neighbors would just love me. Just trying to put a smile on your face.

TroyD

wingnut4772 wrote:

I have a friend who is a MTG Broker and she told me that I could probably push getting a house in the 400K area so maybe my Ht can have a good home after all.

I'm obviously in the wrong profession.

BDT

Skynut

Demiurge wrote:

You should probably read the whole thread!

OOps found it, my bad.

F1nut

I need a smoke.......