THE joke thread

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  • warren
    warren Posts: 756
    Tony M wrote: »
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    Straight en up and fly right!
    Some final words,
    "If you keep banging your head against the wall,
    you're going to have headaches."
    Warren
  • warren
    warren Posts: 756
    Great joke, thanks
    Some final words,
    "If you keep banging your head against the wall,
    you're going to have headaches."
    Warren
  • CH46E
    CH46E Posts: 3,398
    Here at Port Canaveral that have so much lumber they are running out of areas to store it. Been this way for 3 years. And another ship arrives this weekend with another shipment. I'll takenpics tomorrow.

    Someone is sitting on the lumber to jack prices.
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 23,657
    The Detroit News -

    A 15-year-old boy was at the center of a Wayne County courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him. The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with child custody law and regulation requiring that family unity be maintained to the highest degree possible. The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge then suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried and said that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him. After two recesses to check legal references and confer with the child welfare officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Detroit Lions, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.
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  • aprazer402
    aprazer402 Posts: 2,603
    Ole died. So Lena went to the local paper to put a notice in the obituaries.
    The gentleman at the counter, after offering his condolences, asked Lena
    what she would like to say about Ole.

    Lena replied, "You yust put 'Ole died'."

    The gentleman, somewhat perplexed, said, "That's it? Just 'Ole died?'
    Surely, there must be something more you'd like to say about Ole.
    If its money you're concerned about, the first five words are free.
    We must say something more."

    So Lena pondered for a few minutes
    and finally said, "O.K. You put 'Ole died. Boat for sale."
  • msg
    msg Posts: 7,133
    A few Mom & Dad jokes...

    PUN0GRAPHY

    · I tried to catch some fog. I mist.

    · When chemists die, they barium.

    · Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

    · A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    · I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

    · How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.

    · I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

    · This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.

    · I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.

    · I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words

    · They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.

    · This dyslexic man walks into a bra.

    · I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

    · A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

    · When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

    · What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.

    · I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!

    · Broken pencils are pointless.

    · What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

    · England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.

    · I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.

    · I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.

    · All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen.

    Police say they have nothing to go on.

    · I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.

    · Velcro - what a rip off!

    · Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
    I disabled signatures.
  • Wait a second....Tony I thought you were homeschooled ? 😳
    Sal Palooza
  • muncybob
    muncybob Posts: 2,701
    That's a good one! If I had any neighbors here I would make one.
    Yep, my name really is Bob.
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