WAF-Wife Acceptance Factor

DarqueKnight

I am soliciting comments on a disturbing trend. I am seeing increasing numbers of music lovers and audiophiles selling wonderful pieces of audio gear, usually speakers, due to the reason: "My wife said they have to go." It might be that there really is not an increase in this phenomenon. Maybe I just never paid much attention to it because I wasn't shacked to the old "ball and chain". No offense meant to my female readers.;)

As someone who will be "going down the isle" in the near future, the thought of someone giving me an ultimatum concerning the disposal of any piece of audio gear, especially my beloved SDA's, is too scary to contemplate.

My girlfriend has always been indifferent towards my audio hobby. However, I'm wondering if this will change once she has some "ownership papers".

Have any of you been in a situation where everything was cool concerning your audio obsession while you were dating, but as soon as the ink was dry on the marriage certificate, she turned into a stark raving maniac about "those damn speakers taking up all the space in My living room!" or the all time favorite: "Either those damn speakers go or I go!" I have even read tales of some poor, unfortunate fellow returning from a business trip and finding that some of his gear had been sold ("Well, you've had those damn speakers for 15 years, so I figured you'd want to get something newer (and smaller)").

I'd sure hate to be on the receiving end of such a harsh ultimatum, or the victim of an unauthorized sale because really, I've invested a lot of time in my relationship with this woman and I'd really miss her.;)

juice21

i am currently educating my girlfriend (very small tidbits at a time) on the hobby, so she grows to appreciate it the way i do. i hopes that once she is the W in the WAF, she'll approve everything audio that comes through the front door...:D

it may just be wishful thinking though...:rolleyes:

Systems

I am not qualified to speak on this, which won't stop me from posting. Kubrickian "2001"-style black monoliths are not likely to earn approval. Look for speakers & stands that look good. Look for a/v furniture that looks good. If components come in something other than black (hint to the audio industry), that may go over better. Some component manufactures make stuff in a gold/champagne/bronze type of color, not just black or silver. Does anyone offer grilles that match cabinets? The wife factor can be dealt with, but designers need to take it into account more often. I have a lot of stuff that's black, & although I don't really mind it that much & no one is going to make me change it, I must admit that it's ugly as hell.

madmax

Pick up a set of 1.2's or sda-srs and see if she objects. If so, at least you'll have something to bury her in.
madmax

shack

A Pre-Nuptual agreement. Either that or be prepared to let her spend 2 to 3 times as much on her "hobby". I don't care how much she allows now. that will change. Bose speakers will become "cute" and tolerable in her eyes if you can't hide all of those speakers in an entertainment armoir. Juice, this easing her into the hobby is just a ploy. If she doesn't appreciate the hobby now the chances of greater acceptance in the future is slim. Guys they are born with this lack of appreciation for A/V. My daughter told me the other day when I was listening to the Lsis that "Mom will kill you if you bring a subwolfer home". The younger one comes and shuts the family room door holding her ears. And this comes from girls that ride around in their car with their music thumping so you can here it a block away. The wife walked in the other day and asks how can you listen to that music so loud and I doubt if it was over 70 db. They tolerate my cars more. I guess that is because they are not in the middle of the house.

Raife and Juice - Good Luck - I love my wife and daughters more than anything but be prepared that women and HT/Stereo don't mix real well . You could always take up golf.

edric

I'm afraid the WAF is a part of life. See my recent posting on the RTi100's.

However, I was definitely in a different position. My speakers were ancient and cruddy looking. We just bought a new entertainment center and they looked like crap. Therefore, I had the okay to go out and find new speakers.

I hate to break it to you, but once you're married, life is all about compromising. Juice21 definitely has a great approach, education.

Cheer up. When your future bride comes to appreciate your audiophile habits (I mean hobby ), life gets better. I think the WAF can be minimized. Certainly, if you feel threatened by this possibility, NOW is the time to talk to her about it.

As per Meestercleef's comments about the esthetic appearance of speakers, that's why I finally chose Polk.

Good luck,
Edric

Sean De Freitas

Ah, yes, I know all about your particular problem. I have one of those wives and she flat out refused to have my beautiful old AR-11s in the lounge room anymore, and certainly not hooked up to the TV as part of a home theatre setup. My ultimatum was, 'If they can't be hidden out of sight inside the TV cabinet, you're not having them!'.

Thankfully I found the Polk RM-6600s which (bless them) fit perfectly inside the cabinet (centre and front L&R). With the rears, I have concealed them (one on the end of mantle piece, and the other on a chiffonier - but both well positioned for listening). The only offender was the PSW350 sub. Ugly little black box (according to wife). Fixed that though, they make a great pot plant base!!!!!!

So, when I want to listen to the system, I have the option of keeping the front L&R and centre speakers inside the cabinet, or, because there is ample speaker lead attached to the front L&R, I can take them out and sit them on window sills, on either side of the cabinet, thereby widening the sound stage. Hey, it works a treat. She's happy because she got what she wanted. I am deliriously happy because the sound of the 6600s and the 350 sub are unbelievably good and all I ever want.

So, it is possible, as you can see, to have a Win-Win. All you have to do is strike a compromise. Sometimes big is not always better. With these Polks, small size = big sound.

Regards,

Sean.

DarqueKnight

As it stands now, my g.f. really likes my HT system and pretty much ignores my other stuff. She is able to distinguish the sonic differences among different brands/types/quality levels of gear. However, her little Sony 100 watt receiver, Sony CD player, and Polk RT 55i's are all the "stereo" she will ever need in this life.

You guys are not being very encouraging about this WAF thing. There's no way I'm getting rid of my Kubrickian "2001"-style black monoliths. In fact, I wouldn't mind sticking a pair of 1.2's in my HT system for fronts.

I do belive in compromise though, so this is what I have decided to do: Leave my house ("The SDA Shrine") just the way it is and we'll purchase a "marital abode" near the Shrine which she can decorate any way she chooses. I'd spend most of my time in "her" house, but the Shrine would always be nearby and available for a quick "fix".

CrazyHead

I would never, ever take a wife that would require me to abandon my hobby. If she truly loves you, then she would understand that this is your hobby. Likewise, you should respect her hobbies and interests. If she is so shallow as to threaten to leave you over a pair of speakers, then she's obviously not a very good person.

billlb

Raife old buddy life is full of compromises. Yes it is true that you have to compromise being married especially after many years {20} It only gets worse, they are nicer before you get married. My wife wasn't too bad with stereo/video stuff when we first got married then as time goes by it's "I don't like those big speakers in the living room anymore we have to move them somewhere else" Well hell would freeze over before my stuff goes ---so here comes the compromise...I set up my goods in the basement but now I make a whole A/V room out of it. I think that I win in this compromise . I got the room that I wanted in the first place. It's also called psycology---you just got to know how to play the game right. Now who really wins? BOTH of us.......If you need any suggestions just let me know-she will change with time trust me my friend.......

stubby

My wife loves my 1.2TL's. It took some time of adjustment for her, but after hearing comments like "those are some serious damn speakers, dude" from complete strangers(salesmen types)and other people who visit, she now sees them for what they are. Drool inducers. Even without hearing them. Of course, when I get the chance and move into a larger house, they will get their own room. Without a TV between them.
There are still some good women out there. You guys just gotta find 'em.

Stubby

ntculenuff

my lovely wife understands the set up and thinks the speakers and such are pretty just like i do. i was involved in this hobby bm (before marriage) and am still involved aw (after marriage). the only diff now is i have to be creative with the reasons why i made the purchase and always round the price down. i have always been involved in audio and video since we have known each other (11 years now) so she knew wat she was getting involved with, she even acts interested when i begin to babble about new speakers, adjustments, placement... ect....
but like above posts:
it's all about compromise

mantis

I will make make this short(if I can)
I don't care to give up any of my life long hobbie.I have a woman soon to be my wife,we have been together for 13 years ,have 2 kids,building a house together and will tie the knot.I have decided to move my hobbie out of the living room and into a theater room in the basement(which I have been spec'ing for a year now).I want a stand alone theater as I can build it to my perfection with no compermise of the family,decor,etc.she think's that our bedroom Sony 27" is just fine.She think's the clock radio is fine.She also think's i'm nut's for spending so much money on gear/software.I have a 36"sony xbr that will stay in the Livingroom of our new house with a Tivo/dss combo box,and a VCR.Thats it.Multiroom inwalls will provide her and my kid's with music in there as well as the rest of the house including outdoor speaker's.My theater room is mine,she get's the whole house and I get the basement.That was out 50/50 deal.Good for her as no big black thing's all over the house, and my gear is safe in it's own room just waiting for my(or the family with me)to play.
I Don't agree with giving up anything that you love so much.Why should you,do you tell her she can't have clothes and 300 pr of shoes??she can't have her favorite picture???or anything else she is into???I don't I let her buy and own anything she want's.If it makes her happy,It makes me happy.I just like the same in return.
Dan

DarqueKnight

All kidding aside, I'm fairly flexible about where in the house my stuff is set up, as long as it's not something as small as a secondary bedroom or a walk-in closet. All I really need is one fairly large space that is ALL MINE. The only system I use every day is the audio two-channel system anyway.

gidrah

I've got 2 4&1/2ft tall stacks in the living room. One pair even has grills. I just can't buy anything new.

CHRIS

After many years of comparing A with B and why A is better. Comparing cheap with quality. Many explantations and generally getting her into the hobby as well. No problem! Its actually funny going into C.C. and see her tell the sales guy what for when she knows more then he. Makes her feel good about knowing as much as see dose and putting someone(a man) in their place. Teach them, ‘sometimes’ its thier not knowing or understanding. They female has a built in ‘I'm always right’ thing, I think, and when they don't is when they make things change IMO. Or "that has to go" attitude. Andrea great about it now, reading the mags when they come even shopping for gear on her own. Maybe I just stepped in it the day I meet her.

billlb

RAIFE: Being flexible and compromising is what it's all about. But with all of your awesome equipment you have between your home office,home theater, main audio, & bedroom you might need the ENTIRE basement to put all your goods in brother.......

jim v.

The imfamous WAF factor, comments such as "my wife made me get rid of them" just blows me away, if she can own 50 pairs of shoes I think 5 or 6 pairs of speakers isn't unreasonable especially when this hobby keeps you home and enjoying your system instead of blowing the money at the local titty bar. the secret, find a pair speakers that blend seamously into the decor of the room, I have a pair of KEF's model 104's (12 years old now) they're about almost 5 feet tall but they integrate into the room well.

lbrenner

I guess I'm a lucky one. My wife couldn't care less about speaker quality, % distortion, noise, amps, whatever. But she know that it's important to me, and tolerates it well at normal listening levels.

I've only got the one main entertainment room (and remote speakers in the living room next to it), so the one system serves as a TV, stereo, and home theater all at once. Now here's the "secret:" convenience! If your wife wants to watch TV, and can't figure out how to get the sound to come out of the speakers, she's not gonna be happy. So I put all the "toys" in the tape monitor loop, where they don't get in the way of her enjoyment of the system. I've got a piece of colored tape under the "video1" button on the receiver, and another under the "cd" one. All she has to do is turn the thing on, and if it doesn't work, push the colored button. If I use toys off the tape monitor, I always push video1 and TURN THE VOLUME DOWN before powering off the system. Kind of like what you probably already do with the John... She neither understands nor wants to understand anything but how to play a CD and watch TV, and the system makes it easy to do that. It helps that the receiver (Onkyo) saves surround modes for each input, so the TV is automatically in Dolby ProLogic mode while the CD isn't. If the subwoofer didn't turn itself on and off automatically, she certainly wouldn't.

In our previous house, the bedroom had its own stereo, but was also a remote for the main living room system. I rigged a relay so that, when she powered up the bedroom receiver, the speakers were automatically switched to it. She's happy, and I'm not sweating what happens when she doesn't hear sound and turns the volume all the way up with no speakers connected...

So yes, hide the wires, etc., but try to make it so she can enjoy the system, too. Now she's delighted that she doesn't listen to the crap speakers in the TV when she turns it on. She even instigated the upgrade from LaserDisk to DVD! However, I don't think she'll ever DIG LOUD MUSIC. 1 outta 2 ain't bad.

TroyD

in raife's situation is that his hobby and habits are well established BEFORE he walks down the aisle. That gents is the key. Normally, the problems arise when you acquire a hobby AFTER you get married. Anything before sort of falls under a grandfather clause.....



Troy

RuSsMaN

...what Troy said, and just lay down the law fellas, I don't quite get the WAF problem either....

She picked me, my audio hobby is part of me......it's a package deal, and she knows it...


Cheers,
Russ

EJ

I've been single for eight years now and about to get involved again. My fiance lives 2000 mi away but has a house here and is moving in July. She has contacted a contractor to build an addition to the house she bought last summer. The main purpose of which is a home theater room so I can have my own space. Now is this not a truly fantastic woman and she can cook to. I am definatly not letting go of this one.

I know she will enjoy the experience as much as I do but that is to come and this project is just her way of showing how much she is commited to the relationship. Commitment, now that is a novel idea in a relationship these days.

Regards to all
EJ

p.s. any ideas or suggestions for the construction would be very welcome.

Sean De Freitas

I recently upgraded my old Yamaha pro-logic amp (which had 6 channel inputs and was using the decoders in the DVD player) with a new Yamaha RX-V620 receiver (which has the decoders on board, and therefore you can use all the gorgeous DSP modes for either Dolby or DTS).

After a lot of trialling both speaker setups, I have decided on the Polk way (eg. Main speaker out to the sub - PSW350, then returning to the front speakers - RM6600s). I found this way much more natural sounding - more realistic, than connecting the sub direct from the LFE out from the receiver.

Anyway, after a lot of playing with volume levels, including those of indivdual speakers, my wife now seems content to handle the volume at around -30db, and sometimes up to -25db on movies, without complaint. I think that is quite an achievement! What she used to complain about though was that on some soundtracks you couldn't hear the dialogue over the effects. The adjustable centre channel on the Yamaha has fixed all that. In addition, if I want to pump up the rears, no probs.

So I reckon I've got about optimum now. I am happy at these listening levels. The sub still kicks in beautifully, however is so smooth now you can hardly notice it as it is all part of the overall sound mix - hey, well done people at Polk for creating such smoothness.

Re the TV, I set the receiver to 5 channel stereo (one of the DSP options) and that brilliantly transforms the normal free to air stereo signals to all 5 channels and sounds fabulous. On Dolby movies, I just change the DSP mode to Pro-logic.

CDs sound great on 5 channel stereo, and I have even got the connections right now so that the DVD-Audio decoder on my Toshiba 5200 DVD player works direct in through the 6 channel input on the receiver, which gives great DVD-A sound through all my speakers.

So wife is now tolerating all this. And, even though all the remotes are programmed into one, she still grabs the TV remote WITHOUT switching the receiver on. So, I guess old habits die hard. I guess she's not quite to the stage of wanting to switch the 'system' on herself. Oh, well, I can live with that!

McLoki

Not sure why I came across this thread - Just wondering how things are working out for our pal Darqueknight.

I was into large speakers before I got married, but was out of them for a time while dating and getting married. My wife is not overly thrilled with my reaquaintence with audio (especially home theater with 6 speakers).

Maybe I should use this as the driving force into a really nice 2 channel system..

Michael

BTW - This is a way old thread, just wondering how things worked out.

Frank Z

Since he owns about 57 and half pairs of SDA's...I don't think it's an issue anymore.

McLoki

But are him and his wife at 5 years or did they stop at some point prior to that???

Michael

Texas42

I've been married for 25 years and my wife understands my passion towards music and audio (I've owned over 100 pairs of speakers during that period. Yes, I am fickle about gear and love trying new and interesting designs). I've had very large speakers (Carver Amazings, Maggies, Legacy Focus, etc) and currently own a pair of Klipsch LaScalas, Martin Logan SL3s and Polk SDA-1Bs and she hasn't had a complaint on any of them as she understands it makes me happy. For those out there that are more henpecked (errr...restrained) in their hobby, perhaps you have 'compromised' too much?

Ron-P

"My wife said they have to go."

I would suggest to tell that man to grow a pair and be done with it....and yeah, what Russ said, I just don't get this whole WAF thing.

Face

I'm glad I finally know what WAF means.

Early B.

WAF is dependent on one variable -- how much hell do you wanna catch for this hobby?

Sometimes you gotta make executive decisions. If she doesn't like it, so what? What's she gonna do -- **** about it for a few days, then it's over.

Let's be fair. Your wife has "hobbies," and you leave her alone so she can enjoy them. She should show you the same courtesy for your audio purchases. Besides, in the long run, her hobbies probably cost more than your audio gear. For example, my wife enjoys gardening, and this year she's spent more money on bags of dirt alone than I've spent on my system. Of course, she'll NEVER admit it.

sucks2beme

I'm the guy who found his speakers missing on my return.:(

I now have my stuff upstairs out of her way. I also use headphones as
needed.

She will tolerate it up to a point, but when that point is reached all hell
breaks loose.
Oh well, at least the sex is good!