WAF-Wife Acceptance Factor

eeagle

My wife actually encouraged me to buy the big 1.2's after she saw how I loved my 1a's. She keeps buying sewing machines though, old and new...latest Bernina Serger costs almost as much as a pair of SDA's...guess that's the trade off.

Early B.

sucks2beme wrote: »

I'm the guy who found his speakers missing on my return.:(

I now have my stuff upstairs out of her way. I also use headphones as
needed.

She will tolerate it up to a point, but when that point is reached all hell
breaks loose.

Well, if you're gonna roll over whenever she barks, perhaps you should consider another hobby. How about something less manly like crocheting, macrame, or paper mache? But before you do, make sure you get her permission. You certainly wouldn't want your knitting needles to come up missing... :eek:

Ron-P

sucks2beme wrote: »

I'm the guy who found his speakers missing on my return.:(

I now have my stuff upstairs out of her way. I also use headphones as
needed.

She will tolerate it up to a point, but when that point is reached all hell
breaks loose.
Oh well, at least the sex is good!

Guess your screen name says it all.

DarqueKnight

Wow...when I saw this thread title on the main forum page I thought I was going to read another heart rending tale of another poor <strike>****</strike> audio enthusiast who had, or was about to, sacrifice his audio gear at the altar of marital harmony. I laughed out loud when I upon seeing that the author...was...me.

McLoki wrote: »

Not sure why I came across this thread - Just wondering how things are working out for our pal Darqueknight. This is a way old thread, just wondering how things worked out.

Frank Z wrote: »

Since he owns about 57 and half pairs of SDA's...I don't think it's an issue anymore.

My SDA's are safe. Such good sound.

McLoki wrote: »

But are him and his wife at 5 years or did they stop at some point prior to that???

Thank you for checking on me. This thread brings back a flood of memories. We "stopped" near the end of 2002 , but audio had nothing to do with it. Unfortunately (actually fortunately), my intended and I could not agree on the terms of a prenup. I insisted on one and she did not want one at all. I won't buy a house or car without insurance and I won't get married without a prenup. If I get married and things don't work out, I am not willing to be financially worse off for it. I may not have a lot, but what I have, I want to keep. I am also not going to be put in a position where I will be liable for another person's debts. Community property laws can be financially devastating.

Of course, I got the usual b.s. about how prenups show a lack of trust in your mate and a lack of trust in God. Since I really wanted this woman, I was willing to offer a "compromise" deal. I would forgo a prenup and trust God to help our marriage work if she would trust God and cancel her health, home, and auto insurance. To make a long story short, it became apparent that she was willing to trust God when it came to acquiring a 50% equity stake my material and financial assets, but was not willing to trust the same God when it came to totally depending on Him to take care of her health, and to protect her from home and auto accident loss. Oh well....

And no...I don't miss her.

Early B.

Well, DK -- at this point you probably don't need any consolation, but if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, a prenup shouldn't have been a deal breaker. Marriage, in itself, is a legal contract, so she shouldn't have had major issues with your desire to add a few amendments to this contract.

Sorry for the derail...

janmike

Good Luck.

sucks2beme

Early B. wrote: »

Well, if you're gonna roll over whenever she barks, perhaps you should consider another hobby. How about something less manly like crocheting, macrame, or paper mache? But before you do, make sure you get her permission. You certainly wouldn't want your knitting needles to come up missing... :eek:

Not to worry. I've used the mishap to move up the audio ladder.
It was about 6 or 7 years ago. I had an old set of 70's JBL L100s
for about 15 years. Remember those blue grills? She HATED them.
I don't know how guys are paying $500 for those on EBAY.
She somehow broke my receiver. Not to worry. Tubes have taken over.
Now if she would just give away my studio 60's, I would go get those
Spendors.......

PS: She's not as alert as she used to be. It took her two days to notice the
SVS 25-31 pci on the HT setup. How the hell do you not notice that?
She does like the HT setup. It's the 2 channel she doesn't get.

Early B.

sucks2beme wrote: »

Not to worry. I've used the mishap to move up the audio ladder.
It was about 6 or 7 years ago. I had an old set of 70's JBL L100s
for about 15 years. Remember those blue grills? She HATED them.
I don't know how guys are paying $500 for those on EBAY.
She somehow broke my receiver. Not to worry. Tubes have taken over.
Now if she would just give away my studio 60's, I would go get those
Spendors.......

PS: She's not as alert as she used to be. It took her two days to notice the
SVS 25-31 pci on the HT setup. How the hell do you not notice that?
She does like the HT setup. It's the 2 channel she doesn't get.

Cool.

It's good to know that you can sneak in some nice gear every so often.

BTW - she probably likes your 2-channel system, but won't admit it. It's the cool audio rack, pretty speakers, sparkling LED lights, glowing tubes, and shiny silver boxes that gets 'em every time.

DarqueKnight

Early B. wrote: »

... if she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with you, a prenup shouldn't have been a deal breaker.

Yeah, that's exactly what I thought.

Early B. wrote: »

Marriage, in itself, is a legal contract, so she shouldn't have had major issues with your desire to add a few amendments to this contract.

Apparently, many women have "major issues" with prenups. A famous example is when Nick Lachey caved in to Jessica Simpson's demand for no prenup. Jessica (and her Dad) said that a prenup showed an almost sinful lack of trust in your mate. Of course, this was when Nick was the one with the money and Jessica was a relatively unknown singer on the comeup. Years later, when the marriage went sour and Simpson had become a megastar with a megamillion dollar fortune, she balked at forking over half of it to Lachey, even though Simpson's money was all acquired during the marriage and was legally 50/50 community property. See how some people change when it is "their" money about to be split in half?

It always amazes me how a lot of people never consider the financial and legal ramifications of a marriage until something goes wrong (e.g. divorce, one spouse acquires significant debt unknown to the other spouse, etc.). Even if both parties are starting out with no assets whatsoever, a prenup is still a good idea from the standpoint of debt liability. When I lived in California, one of the secretaries at work met her price charming. He was a producer in the film industry, had a beautiful mansion and a couple of Benz's. Imagine how she felt when she found out the Benz's were leased and that prince charming had millions of dollars in assets and cash, but also had debts and other liabilities that ran into the millions of dollars exceeding his assets. Essentially, he was broke. She should have known something was up when he didn't even casually mention a prenup prior to marriage. Apparently, she didn't marry for love because she divorced him a few months after his financial disclosure. So sad.

DarqueKnight

sucks2beme wrote: »

I'm the guy who found his speakers missing on my return.:(

I now have my stuff upstairs out of her way. I also use headphones as needed.

She will tolerate it up to a point, but when that point is reached all hell breaks loose.

Oh well, at least the sex is good!

Well, at least you are being adequately compensated for your loss. Good luck with everything.

BaggedLancer

This thread scares the crap outta me more than any other thread on PA.....


The thought of having to share sends shivers up my spine.....

reeltrouble1

I just kept chasing my lovely wife around the house till she tired and told me to go play with my audio toys, its great to be a man.

Actually, my wife would never tell me I could not "have' something in our home just as I would never tell her something like this. I personally think it is ridiculous to think one person can force another into what they want, but what do I know, I mean only been married to her for 31 years.........

RT1

cfrizz

Sounds good Ted. But I trust that you made sure that ALL the REAL important essentials were taken care of BEFORE you went out & bought your toys!

That is the key fella's. A great many of you just want to keep playing & buying new & more expensive toys, while neglecting more important details like keeping a decent roof over your heads, money in the bank, being reasonably debt free, food on the table, health insurance for the family, etc.

Once the family is in good stead & secure, then by all means I don't have a problem with you spending on a new toy. But if you are focusing on new toys when any of the other more important things I listed above are at risk, there will be HELL to pay!

I will dump your irresponsible **** in 2 seconds flat!

So congrats to you & your wife Ted! May you have many many more years of marital bliss together!:)

reeltrouble1 wrote: »

I just kept chasing my lovely wife around the house till she tired and told me to go play with my audio toys, its great to be a man.

Actually, my wife would never tell me I could not "have' something in our home just as I would never tell her something like this. I personally think it is ridiculous to think one person can force another into what they want, but what do I know, I mean only been married to her for 31 years.........

RT1

tom t

thats funny, ive been thinking the same thing lately. all the ads i see with i have to sell because of my wife. i think half of them are bull,its just an excuse!!!. the wife let him buy the stuff-- now he has to sell the stuff because she dosent like it!!!. what everybody needs to do here is one thing---get a wife who loves audio equipment like my wife does. i can buy anything i want and she will help me move it inti the house!!. now there a wife.

reeltrouble1

Agree Cat, family matters always need to come before audio.

RT1

engtaz

+ 1000

madmax

cfrizz wrote: »

But I trust that you made sure that ALL the REAL important essentials were taken care of...

I'm sure Ted went through the complete list of essentials:

Tubes check
Source check
Cables check
Speakers check

end of list.
madmax

reeltrouble1

yep, ready on the right, ready on the left

contact.........we have music, wonderful music

I cannot imagine my world without music, I would be miserable without it and suspect I would be no fun at all...........

RT1

krabby5

Cfriz said it best...make sure the rest of your house is up to par before spending more money on gear...

I have an SVS sub, rt800i's, CS400i, FX300, and a nice big Pioneer Elite receiver....believe me, I hear comments all the time from the wife about how big everything is..and how she can't rearange the room ever..

but she understands it is something I enjoy...

and she NEVER complains when she is watching a movie or listening to music..she knows she has it good there...in fact she hates watching movies anywhere else because the sound usually sucks..:D

AndyGwis

I get a little flack as everyone else probably does from time to time. Mine isn't about the system(s) themselves, but usually more about the unused stuff that piles up from time to time, clutter, and occassionally the amount time I spend playing with my gear

But, I often find her CDs in the bedroom player, and she loves watching concert DVDs blaring loud on the HT system so I know deep down she has an appreciation.

I understand her concerns with the clutter as well as we're in a smallish apartment, but remind her that once she graduates, I'm happy to spring for a more permanent residence that will have more room for everything.

Willow

When we owned our previous smaller home where our HT room was the living room which was attched to the dinning room, she did not like the size of the 8's. As great as she is, she knew that house was temp. When we bought our new house, we had to have a seperate HT/tv room a formal living room.
She told me that when I have my own room she doesn't care as long as it looks decent. The other day, she came down and swa that the grills were off as I was cleaning, usually should would have said something like, Those aren't staying off are they. This time not a word...

I understood her point in the old house as they did take up valuable realestate.

Also as Cfrizz mentioned, now that we have the house we have been wanting for yrs, all our student loans paid,we get to travel one or twice a yr, she is not on my case about buying gear. Well right now it may be tough as we are furnishing the formal living room.

cfrizz

Yup it's all about balance!

And just so you know, I apply this same standard to Darla & myself! If Darla was buying gear left & right while all the mess with her house was being ignored, her S/O would have every right to kick her to the curb as well!

If I ever meet a half decent guy with whom to settle down with, The gear will either be used, or go into storage. I won't give any of it up, I worked too hard to get it. And it stays MINE!!!

bikezappa

Marrage means there is no real mine or hers anymore but it's ours. Of course there should be much flexiblity on this issue. Regarding big Polks and equipment I have compromised and I think we have both benefited. If you have the space have your own 2 channel room and make it comofrtable for her. Ask her what changes would make it better or more comfortable for her. Getting some one involved and being open to different ideas usually works and allows sharing.

Usually a room with big speakers and wires and electronic equipment will not be attractive to most women. One solution to consider is locating the equipment in a closet or any place out of sight. I'm not suggesting an entertament center here which is just a big box with wires and electronic equipment. A room with just speakers with hidden wires can be decorated with many options. It worked for me and is compofotable to listen to 2 channel music in with your honey.

Big speakers OK, wires and electronic stuff not so OK.

MSALLA

cfrizz wrote: »

Yup it's all about balance!

This is very true. If you want Adcom, you will need some Armani to balance on the wife side. You want krell........Thats dinner out,dancing, and some jewelry. Buy something used of the bay.....help with the house cleaning alittle. See the trend?:D

cfrizz

If that strategy works, MORE POWER TO YA!:D

MSALLA wrote: »

This is very true. If you want Adcom, you will need some Armani to balance on the wife side. You want krell........Thats dinner out,dancing, and some jewelry. Buy something used of the bay.....help with the house cleaning alittle. See the trend?:D

MSALLA

cfrizz wrote: »

If that strategy works, MORE POWER TO YA!:D

She sees right thru it and gives me that "you know your not slick" look (complete with head shake) but it stops the arguments.

MSALLA

All joking aside, Everyone needs there hobbies of some sort as a break from the stresses of life. If your husband/wife loves you at all, they will under stand you paying out money (that you can afford) and not complain.
It has to work both ways. This dose not include 6 foot speakers in the living room, unless your both onto that.

cheddar

bikezappa wrote: »

Usually a room with big speakers and wires and electronic equipment will not be attractive to most women. One solution to consider is locating the equipment in a closet or any place out of sight. I'm not suggesting an entertament center here which is just a big box with wires and electronic equipment. A room with just speakers with hidden wires can be decorated with many options. It worked for me and is compofotable to listen to 2 channel music in with your honey.

I agree with Cathy 100% on the money aspects of it. Take care of household business before taking care of an expensive hobby. But once that's done, I think Bikezappa's got a great point. Before kids, my surrounds were on stands with wires running under the carpet. Knowing full well that little ones were on the way, I got out the power tools, fished wire up into the attic and mounted the bookshelves high on the walls or from the ceiling. I think getting my lazy **** up to mount everything with clean wall plates and the equipment mostly out of the way in an equipment closet did quite a lot to head off the 'earfull' I would have dealt with when our kids started crawling around. Making everything look clean and blend in doesn't have to mean compromising on the sound quality, although it may mean some weekend work in crawlspaces or thinking up ways to camo stuff, I think it's well worth it.

BaggedLancer

That's it, im staying unmarried the rest of my life.......why deal with any kind of trouble when you can just avoid it.

(kidding......hopefully)

cfrizz

It's totally up to you Mark & something within your control. If you find someone whom you want to marry and are mature enough to realize that your world no longer revolves around just you & what you want & another person is now sharing your life so now compromises are in order it will work.

But if you are immature, selfish & have backward priorities, and never plan to change, then by all means, STAY SINGLE!:p

BaggedLancer wrote: »

That's it, im staying unmarried the rest of my life.......why deal with any kind of trouble when you can just avoid it.

(kidding......hopefully)