Best Of

A guy sees a fellow on a park bench talking to a little spider in a small box. To his amazement, the spider is talking back. He offers the fellow $1000 dollars for the spider, thinking he could make some money with the spider at the bar. The fellow agrees and the guy takes the spider home. When he gets home, he says to the spider, "How about we go down to the pub for a pint?" The spider doesn't answer. He asks again and there's no response. Beginning to think the fellow in the park was a ventriloquist and that he'd been duped he says loudly "I SAID, HOW ABOUT WE GO DOWN TO THE PUB FOR A PINT?" The spider says,
"I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my f king shoes."

Three nuns were talking.
The first nun said, "I was cleaning the father's room the other day and do you know what I found? A bunch of pornographic magazines!"
"What did you do?" the other nuns asked.
"Well, of course I threw them all in the trash."
The second nun said, "Well, I can top that. I was in the father's room putting away the laundry and I found a bunch of condoms."
"Oh my," gasped the other nuns. "What did you do?"
they asked.
"I poked holes in all of them," she replied.
The third nun said, "Oh ****."

Something for your Crosley...

https://www.facebook.com/reel/2384535035245351/