Question - Dating

amulford

Who are you trying to shield from the awkward moment? Her or you? Ask her out, what's the worst she can do? Say no?

IMHO, if you ask her via email, your being chickenshit. Show the gumption to ask her out face to face, you'll get more respect that way.

BIZILL

well cathy, you're right. and that's why i said the thing about the pot and kettle. in the past few years i actually have turned them down. but i think it's more because i want something real. if i deem them to be **** from the start, and they label me as the same, then things will never grow into anything more than just 'bootie calls'. but i'm tellin' ya, these girls are different. i stay away from bars because that is where most of them frequent. church is always an option, but that would be wrong to go just to meet a female. meeting them through friends proves more of the same. i'm just at a standstill. i have yet to meet a straight arrow such as is your persona.

BIZILL

i'm sure demi has the gumption to ask this lady out face to face. demi, i'm sure you just don't want to create any type of negativity from the start, aye? kinda awkward to ask someone out whom just happened to walk into your life for business reasons. i'm sure she is gorgeous and hopefully worth it. why else would you come to an audio/video forum for advice? i hope you can create a close friendship with this lady if nothing more.

amulford

You mistake the intent of what I'm saying. My point is, and this is my opinion, that awkwardness need not be an issue. If asking by email, I would think that as more so than face to face.

Doing it in person shows more assertiveness, which would be more desirable.

Hey, if you had the cojones to ask me out on a date face to face, I'd give it some serious thought...

cfrizz

Thank you Bizill. We are both at a standstill together. I don't do bars & churches either for the same reasons.

The last GENTLEMAN I liked I had to dump. He really wanted a gambling partner & I really wasn't interested in throwing my hard earned money away on a casino!

BIZILL

i steer clear of casinos as well, unless i go with friends who wanna. i only drop like $20-$30 for fun. dunno if you've got kids cathy, but i do. kids make it that much harder to move on. women find out i'm a broke joke due to child support and the last thing i see of them is thier backside as they run away. my boys live with momma, though. she's great. we just can't get things right. demi, when you find one worth keeping, hold on to her tightly. hell, that goes to all fellow polkers!

masanz1

80 percent of communication is visual, that is why letters, emails etc may read different than what the person wrote. Personally however, I would never ask anyone out I dealt with at work

BIZILL

masanz1 wrote:

80 percent of communication is visual, that is why letters, emails etc may read different than what the person wrote.

agreed. punctuation can go but so far. many misconceptions are made even on this forum because of what is read. facial expressions and body language tell the true story. but on the reverse side of the coin, type or letter gives one the ability to think through his/her thoughts before sticking their foot in their mouth (does not apply to me). but when you're nervous, there are so many things you forget to mention in person whereas on paper, you get them all down for the record.

Strong Bad

Demi:

I'm diggin what Cathy said. Stand up tall, chest out, be confident and ask her out to LUNCH. That way, she sees you have balls to ask her in person.

Doing lunch puts sort of a time limit on things for the both of you. None of the pressure to pick her up (and be picked up), none of this "do I kiss her goodnight" (vice versa for her), and so on and so on. Just a nice casual get to know you away from work thing. Lunch is usually an hour, so there won't be anything long and drawn out for the first meeting.

Remember, no badmouthing the EX at lunch! NO NO NO!!!

May the Force be with you!

John

Demiurge

amulford wrote:

You mistake the intent of what I'm saying. My point is, and this is my opinion, that awkwardness need not be an issue. If asking by email, I would think that as more so than face to face.

Doing it in person shows more assertiveness, which would be more desirable.

Hey, if you had the cojones to ask me out on a date face to face, I'd give it some serious thought...

In all honesty I look at it like this. I have an office, I have a few people working in adjacent rooms around me. I have people walking into to my office handing me messages, etc. If I were in her shoes I would be a little freaked out and trapped if someone asked me out amongst all of that stuff going on. I think that, on it's face, is just trying to be respectful. Someone correct me on that if I'm wrong. Could I walk her out to her car and say something? Sure, that might be a time to do it. I'm just saying time is running out, I don't know when/if I'll see her back at my office again. I'm trying to strike while the iron is hot.

Like I said, I'm not asking her out with an email, it is chickenshit, but if I did it, so be it. You guys definitely swayed me there. Like I said, I am trying to create a situation where the playing field is neutral. Doing it when people are around gives me an advantage right then and there, but you're just asking for a disaster if the 'yes' is just to get out of the situation.

I tend to overthink things sometimes, but I really want people to be comfortable when I'm around them or talking to them. I think such a question should be private. Just wanted to open the avenues of communication, and I've done that here. Like I said, I'll let you guys know what happens. I'm not expecting anything to come from this, hopeful, yes, but I'm more than happy with a 'no', it just leaves me the way I am with the same **** eatin' grin on my face I had anyways.

I really do love all you guys though, you're all a big family and this thread has helped me out some and made me think outside of the box a little before I did something hastily.

Demiurge

john d. strong wrote:

Remember, no badmouthing the EX at lunch! NO NO NO!!!

May the Force be with you!

John

Thanks broham. I did chuckle when I read that. That is at the top of my lists for no nos. I didn't do it with the first big break up I had and I'm not about to start. I figure what I did for a good chunk of the last year was a big enough F-You, you don't want to wallow, and I'm not about to start now. Full speed ahead.

Demiurge

BIZILL wrote:

demi, when you find one worth keeping, hold on to her tightly. hell, that goes to all fellow polkers!

Amen to that. I did think I had that the last go around, but things just got crazy out of thin air. I'm usually pretty perceptive, but I got quite clouded there. There's a lot of times you think you got it going and then things don't quite turn out as planned. It won't stop me from trying. I guess that's why I end up being a Long Term kind of guy all of the time. I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. Dating lots of different people is fine too, so long as you're just dating. I think sleeping around in stuff is dumb, but hey, you won't see me knockin' anyone if that's what they get their kicks off of. I think eventually you figure out how hollow your relationships are and you'll probably end up feeling pretty **** and alone. If they're like that in the beginning of a relationship there won't very likely be much of a future.

BIZILL

if you are running outta time and may not see this female again in person....back to square/post 1. face to face is best, but i took into account the situation in its entirety. i thought about the co-workers, the business/pleasure, the fact she may say yes out of obligation or even to seal the deal with the business aspect. if you resort back to email, just don't go right out and ask her out. email her and thank her for her time. be witty as well. if she digs it, she'll play along. just be yourself no matter what you do because eventually you become comfortable enough that your true self will shine forth.

jcaut

Good luck Demi!

I {heart} Cathy!!

Jason

aaharvel

cfrizz wrote:

I'm looking for a relationship & most guys are just looking to get laid! So many men think that because they have taken a woman out for a movie & dinner, that entitles them to take her to bed that same night!

yeah! so?!?

Demiurge

Hell they got songs about dinner & a movie.

dkg999

I'm booking us all for the Dr. Phil show

BIZILL

dr. phil and then straight over to the springer show. or vice versa.

whitetruk

nothing matters in 10 or 15 years she mary her boyfreind and move out just hope you get to keep the amps and speakers (house too).
there are plenty more fish in the water

george daniel

dorokusai wrote:

It reads like a conflict of interest, good luck.

Ditto,, big corps. can be real "funny" in that type of scenario, been there done that,,careful

jdhdiggs

Late to this party and only read the first page. I would wait until you have figured out whether this company is one you'll do business with or not, then ask her face to face. You could do some business lunches before then... "Could we discuss your proposal over lunch?"

If she were completely psycho, she could probably interpret that you'll only help her sales number is she sleeps with you, not a good vibe. Get the business done first. Just my $0.02... Also, if you would deal with her in the future in a business decision, I would avoid it all together.

Tour2ma

The REAL Question is:














Is she a Republican?

Good Luck...

Demiurge

haha!

wingnut4772

I think that as long as she is not a co -worker it would be better to just ask her in person. The email thing just appears a little too safe. If you are going to take the risk, go for it all the way. Make no apologies and don't look back. If she accepts great. If she doesn't , that's ok too. The next one will. Good luck!

Skynut

I must say that it looks like Bizill and cfrizz may want to start their own thread.:D

But seriously back to the sleeping on the first date thing.
Bad for long term.
Good for booty call girl.

Also another reason for face to face is if you do an e-mail, she may not remember your face or who you are.

Tour2ma

Could always attach a photo... and just e-mail a link to this thread..

Seriously, face2face, Demi...
Tell her you'd like to see her socially and ask her if she thought it would create any professional issues...
Forward yet sensitive...

BIZILL

Tour2ma wrote:

Could always attach a photo... and just e-mail a link to this thread..

Seriously, face2face, Demi...
Tell her you'd like to see her socially and ask her if she thought it would create any professional issues...
Forward yet sensitive...

booyah!

shack

Think about this...if she is a good looking sales rep...chances are she's been hit on more times than Chuck Wepner's face. Probably going to take more originality than an email.

That said....if she has any business ethics at all she will probably politely decline as involvement with a client/customer could really pose problems for her and her company.

Demiurge

shack wrote:

Think about this...if she is a good looking sales rep...chances are she's been hit on more times than Chuck Wepner's face. Probably going to take more originality than an email.

That said....if she has any business ethics at all she will probably politely decline as involvement with a client/customer could really pose problems for her and her company.

Maybe she has. I'm 6'6" tall, with dark hair and blue eyes. RAWR. Isn't that always the description they say they want?

Seriously....Being hit on is one thing. I'm wanting to go on a date and get to know her. My reaction isn't what it is because some large breasted woman who is acting like a bimbo walked in the door. She's not going to be called 'hot' as some of our picture threads here would describe a 'hot' woman, just a nice wholesome lookin' girl who I find to be attractive. That's all. She isn't out of my league, I've dated women with similar looks before.

I also don't buy this professionalism hooey. People end up getting married by meeting people through work related activities all the time. If anything this is one of the more natural ways of meeting someone. It's not at a bar or something like that.

Also, there would be no business issues what-so-ever. I'm sure all you married folk have wives who have a career, no? As I said before....we're not talking 10s of thousands of dollars of business, nor have we even done any business. I just don't see the conflict there. Like I said, maybe you're visualizing something different than the reality. Unfortunately all I can do is describe how it is.

Tour2ma

Demiurge wrote:

I also don't buy this professionalism hooey. People end up getting married by meeting people through work related activities all the time.

Agree that in the office is fairly widely accepted these days, but supplier/ customer potential should not be shrugged off. If you're confortable with it, great, but she needs to be as well...

And for the record I am married to a former co-worker...