Moral Dilemma?

wingnut4772

I am posting this thread to see if maybe it's me and I actually am nuts but here goes.
Do you guys get angry if your significant other (whom you live with) spends his or her own money on something pricey without running it by you? I mean let's say they are paying all their bills in a timely manner (always) and all their responsibilities are met and they go out and spend...oh I don't know say $2100 on a subwoofer for their HT (which they love)...Of THEIR OWN MONEY. Not from a joint account or anything like that- Would you be angry at that? Enough to end it even?!

Also let's just say this person spends no money an anything else. Doesn't drink, smoke, cheat or even curse..but just likes to upgrade the ole' HT. They even sell the old stuff on Ebay to defray the cost.

Of course this is a hypothetical question and I don't actually...ahem...know of anyone in this situation but I am just asking. If this person felt justified in spending their hard earned money in the way that they see fit without having to obtain permission...would that be wrong? Or should large purchases be agreed upon no matter what?

karpiel666

I think that anyone should be able to spend their own money any way they want, as long as all the other responsibilities are taken care of. We arent alive long enough to worry about spending money on fun stuff.

TroyD

Depends on your arrangement. Would it be a married couple or a living together arrangement.

In my house, if I dropped 2G's on a sub without consultation......I'd be pushing my rig in a shopping cart, sleeping under a bridge.


BDT

beardog03

I think you*ahem* , I mean this person has the right to do what makes them happy, as long as all the other things mentioned fall into play..and no one gets hurt..

you , or anybody, IMHO...have the right to do what makes you happy in this life
you earned it, and you have the right to enjoy it

you could always smoke, drink , curse , and cheat, and see if the "other" prefers that type of crap.
or #2... can learn to appreciate what he or she may be lucky enough to share their time with on this planet ...

bottom line...ya done good, stick to your guns...
I don`t think you have done anything that warrents a break up...sounds like an excuse to me..

my .02

brettw22

Dropping 2k in a relationship I'd say would be a bad move. Unless it's money that's been specifically set aside in a slush fund of sorts, ultimately it should be talked about.

The real way to answer your question is would YOU be pissed to the same level if she went out and bought a $2100 bracelet and didn't ask you about it?

Tour2ma

TroyD wrote:

In my house, if I dropped 2G's on a sub without consultation......I'd be pushing my rig in a shopping cart...

LOL....

My second time around finances are strickly on a Yours, Mine and Ours basis. We take care of the ours first, and from there consultation is optional. First marriage lacked this understanding. A contributing factor to why I refer to it as "my 1st marriage." BUT... you have to come to this understanding before acting like it is in effect.

As for WAF of the purchase, fortunately living space here is on a similar basis, and the HT room is mine.

Demiurge

Yeah, you should have something set up thats not 'technically' for joint purposes, an allowance of sorts, where you can spend the money however you want.

Giving your circumstances, however, I would think that if you did bring it up and there was a huge stink made over it I would probably question my significant other for saying 'no'. Especially when you're all caught up on bills and have a good cushion of cash stocked away. If it brings you joy and you can afford it, you should be able to have it. Only reason for saying anything is if there's other needs for the money you might not know about. I'd have big issues with someone trying to tell me how to spend my money beyond that.

So yes, you should say something, if you're married.

That's one of the nice things about being single. Walk in the front door of your house, set your stuff down and yell - "I'm going to go out and buy a big screen TV, any objections? No? Okay..."

janmike

I consult with my wife out of respect. She would never say No, nor would I if she really wanted something within our range. Then again, we are married. That's what it is all about.

RuSsMaN

2g's is a definate consult. If not even permission, just to 'let you know this is what I'm doing'.

Then again, unless your sig other found the receipt, or you squealed like a stuck pig, they shouldn't know how much it cost. 'Hey, I got a new subwoofer for the HT rig - now get your **** **** in the kitchen, and make me some pie.'

wingnut4772

Well we ..um....I mean these people... are not married although we are a couple living together (in sin) . I have my bank account and he has his. There actually is no joint account..we just each pay our half.

RuSsMaN

Then it shouldn't be an issue.

thehaens@cox.net

Sometimes you just have to live by asking for forgiveness, than permission....I didn't exactly tell my wife when I purchased my 1.2's.

She was out, they were delivered. And she came home, and we "talked" about it the next day. It's not like she could of thrown em' out of the house....

Scott

cmy330go

My wife and I have an agreement that if either of us want to spend signifigant money on "fun" stuff we at least mention it. I know she doesn't fully understand my hobby purchases, and I don't fully understand her $500 pairs of shoes, and purses :eek: . But as long as we tell each other about it...we're cool with it.

To each their own.

F1nut

Darla, tell your boyfriend to suck it up and be a man. JHC, ya think he'd be thrilled to have a new sub in the house.

wingnut4772

He says it's either the sub or him and to send it back. I told him I am keeping it and I shouldn't have to ask his permission to spend the money that I work so hard for. Like I said, it's is ALL my money. Paid for cash. By me. And all the mutual bills are paid without delay. I guess I just don't like having someone tell me what I can and can't do with my money...Maybe I am wrong. I am a little confused. I mean we bought the house together...so maybe? I don't know I just need to keep my independence.

danger boy

2 grand is a chunk of change.. for me anyways.. I had to ahem get on my knees, to be able to bring the SDA's into the house. :eek:

but it's always a good idea to talk about it.. most of us in here would love to be able to buy a subwoofer and not have to ask the other half.. but then we do have to live with them too. I'd expect you'd like to be given some notice or at the very least be consulted about a purchase your other half made if it was the same amount..

wingnut4772

Really? Even if it is only your money? Hmmmmm. Ok I guess. My friends are telling me " It's your money and you can't let him control what you do" to "yeah , you should've discussed it"....so now I am confused. I don't want to send it back.

Danny Tse

wingnut4772 wrote:

Like I said, it's is ALL my money. Paid for cash. By me. And all the mutual bills are paid without delay. I guess I just don't like having someone tell me what I can and can't do with my money...Maybe I am wrong. I am a little confused. I mean we bought the house together...so maybe? I don't know I just need to keep my independence.

Hmmm....I totally understand where you are coming from. But $2K is a significant amount, even for a sub. It's not like you're buying a $500.00 sub, or even a $1K sub.

Heck, if you can afford it, why not? I suppose a "heads up" would be good.

wingnut4772

Oh and I forgot to say that he found out how much it was by looking on the internet and doing his own research. It was ok until then..Oh...and Did I mention it's my money? We do not even have a joint account...but now maybe I am starting to feel a little guilty. I mean it was really bad. Like 'it's over' and ' enjoy your subwoofer in your new house' etc.

If he wanted to get anything with his money he would not have to run it by me. As long as he pays his share of the bills it's fine by me. Unless it is something that pertains to the house which would require a joint decision like furnishings etc. but other than that I am not his mother. He earns his money just like I do.

danger boy

I don't think you have to send it back. that's taking it to far.

if it's a problem. it'll blow over in time.

post a pic of it.. i wanna see what a 2K subwoofer looks like.

TroyD

A guy whining about buying a sub for HT?

A real manly man, no doubt.

BDT

Man, I could REALLY go wheels off here....

F1nut

This reminds me of a time in my life......many, many years ago I had a live in girlfriend. I brought $3500.00 (my money) worth of gear home one day, no advance discussion (it was my money, I paid my bills and some of hers too) as I didn't feel as though I needed permission. Anyway, she flips out....says she thought we were saving for a house! I say, "Was I there for that discussion?" She got over it, I think. I broke up with her a few months later.

There is no right or wrong answer, IMO. Every relationship/marriage operates differently. You just found out how part of yours works......or doesn't. Perhaps a long, calm discussion will smooth things over. If not, you shouldn't have much of a problem finding a new guy, most of us love audio gear.

TroyD

Did you tell her to get her **** **** back in the kitchen and make you some pie?

BDT

F1nut

I ate out for awhile after that one, no telling what rat poison she might have got her hands on.

TroyD

Smart move.....see Wendi wouldn't poison me. Too subtle.

She's the type who would gouge my heart out with a dull spoon and hold in front of my face still beating.

BDT

F1nut

That's true love.

TroyD

Hello?
Say it!
HAARRRRRR!!!!!

TroyD

I STILL can't believe that a guy is whining about a woman buying a subwoofer. My mind can't take it in. If Wendi spent a couple G's on gear? Geeze, that gives me wood thinking about it.

Lookit, just tell him he can STILL wear your clothes. Maybe even let him pick out something nice at the Dress Barn. Maybe go for a Decaf Double Latte after. He should be good to go then.

BDT

F1nut

Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

F1nut

Is his name Trevize?

HAARRRRRR!!!!!

TroyD

Eh, Nah, he'd be to preoccupied with assembling the Habitrail.

BDT