Ashamed to be a man

MacLeod · November 2005

One of our local TV stations did a story tonight about domestic violence and if anybody would help.

They went out to the park and hired 2 actors to play a couple fighting. They were yelling at each other and he was pushing her and at one point grabbed her by the face and held her while he yelled at her while they walked thru the park with a baby stoller (again, both were actors and there was no baby in the stroller). This was done to see if anybody would step in and not one single person did! NOBODY!!

This was all done on camera and so you could see people walking by. Some would stare and keep on moving and some would try to act like they didnt hear anything. What killed me is all these "men" jogging and walking right on by while he was manhandling her. This park is very near to UTC so there were a lot of jock tough guys out jogging and they never lifted a finger.

Finally, after the actors got fairly violent and the women started crying one man kind of ran up like he was going to do something but never got close enough to.

Im ashamed of my gender.

dorokusai · November 2005

Yea, nothing like getting involved in something that's none of your business, and either being arrested for Assault or being Assaulted or worse.

That's what a phone is for....call the Police, Mr. Crusader of Justice.

MacLeod · November 2005

Yeah, thats the attitude Im talking about.

A couple yelling at each other is none of your business. A man grabbing a woman by her face and pulling her along IS your business.

So you call the police, now what do you do for the next 20 minutes til they show up? I guess you can always hope he doesnt kill her. Oh well, its not your problem anyway is it?

audiobliss · November 2005

Wow, what a response that is. (doro's, that is) :rolleyes:

I'm right there with you, Mac. It's sad indeed that noone did a thing.

RuSsMaN · November 2005

911, camera phone, done.

aaharvel · November 2005

dorokusai wrote:

Yea, nothing like getting involved in something that's none of your business, and either being arrested for Assault or being Assaulted or worse.

That's what a phone is for....call the Police, Mr. Crusader of Justice.

i agree. as unfortunate as the situation is (might be) you don't want to escalate it even further. Sometimes swallowing your pride and looking at the flipside of a coin is what it takes to be a real man. Call 9/11 and law enforcement do their job. :cool:

MacLeod · November 2005

Unbelievable. I cant believe you guys would stand by and let a man beat a woman. Standing by while a man abuses a woman does NOT make you a real man, it makes you a ****!

How bout a child? Would it be ok to step in if a man were beating a child or would that be to prideful?

aaharvel · November 2005

In retrospect I can't say I wouldn't go EITHER way MacLeod, not till I'm actually in a situation as it happens. In the meantime I don't just sit back at my desk playing keyboard commando saying i would whip a strangers **** for something that didn't concern me in the first place.

RuSsMaN · November 2005

I have stuck my nose in, on the child scenario - who knows if it did any REAL good though.

Woman was beating the **** out of her child (5,6 year old maybe - not punching, but repeated, HARD spanking on the hind end with a fist of the kids shirt to hold it still) in a Walmart parking lot, I immediately went over 'Hey hey, what the hell is going on' - she stopped, I got a dirty look, and they left. I hope that kid didn't get his **** kicked WORSE when they got home. I can't really speculate as to what would have, or would not have been different, but I bet a 911 call, a license plate number and description would have resulted in a little more.

If there were fistcuffs, actually striking, slapping, hitting, etc - of course I would stop it. Yelling? Not something I care to get involved in.

MacLeod · November 2005

Yeah, thats what Im doing. I just want to talk tough so I can feel good about myself cause Im a 90 pound weakling and all.

Im speechless.

Ill wait til tomorrow. I betcha there will be a lot more on my side.

masanz1 · November 2005

even thought stepping in is right, in todays society, you might find yourself getting sued by both the man and woman for doing so. Question is, how to diffuse without being physical

Dennis Gardner · November 2005

MacLeod wrote:

Unbelievable. I cant believe you guys would stand by and let a man beat a woman. Standing by while a man abuses a woman does NOT make you a real man, it makes you a ****!

How bout a child? Would it be ok to step in if a man were beating a child or would that be to prideful?

Macleod,

I guess you had to be staring down the barrel, to wonder if you did the right thing by getting involved.......................it happened to me.

As soon as a gun got pulled out of his pickup, suddenly my cellphone seemed so powerless. When the cops finally caught up with the couple, she was brutalized but refused to press charges, so what good would me getting killed do my family?

I guess I'm a ****, since my phone and threats didn't matter to a "coked up" fool on a mission.

mrmusicman · November 2005

Dorokusai +1

I work in const. and was working out of town and staying at a motel,after work we were drinking a few outside our room and we noticed a couple fighting across the street at a gas station.The guy actually slapped the female,so one of my co-workers decided to go save the damsel in distress, in the process he confronted the male and ended up punching him in the mouth,and right after that the girl he was helping jumped on his back,started slapping him and screaming to leave her boyfriend alone and stop hurting him.
The couple then both got into their car and drove off.We all got a pretty good laugh about it after, and no one got seriously hurt.
After watching that,which was about 10 years ago,I also chose to pick-up a phone.

ohskigod · November 2005

Dennis Gardner wrote:

Macleod,

I guess you had to be staring down the barrel, to wonder if you did the right thing by getting involved.......................it happened to me.

As soon as a gun got pulled out of his pickup, suddenly my cellphone seemed so powerless. When the cops finally caught up with the couple, she was brutalized but refused to press charges, so what good would me getting killed do my family?

I guess I'm a ****, since my phone and threats didn't matter to a "coked up" fool on a mission.

uh, any particular reason why you didnt mention the gun to the cops. you could have pressed charges. cant just go around waving guns. heck, that would have been the perfect oppurtunity to lock the guy up.

pull a gun on me and thats your best case scenario, unless you kill me.

PolkThug · November 2005

MacLeod wrote:

Yeah, thats what Im doing. I just want to talk tough so I can feel good about myself cause Im a 90 pound weakling and all.
Im speechless.
Ill wait til tomorrow. I betcha there will be a lot more on my side.

Yeah you know what happens when a tough guy like you intervenes??!! When they get home she gets the holy hell beat out of her cuz the **** is mad at you.

Dennis Gardner · November 2005

ohskigod wrote:

uh, any particular reason why you didnt mention the gun to the cops.

Oh it was mentioned and taken with a grain of salt by the small town Barney Fife that I dealt with that told me Mexican nationals just get deported, not locked up in Texas.

ohskigod · November 2005

I would call the cops, and then tell the guy I called the cops. I did that while in my ambulance uniform once, while outside a hospital. He started yelling at me, which is cool, because it took his attention away from the woman. 5 minutes of him talking smack, but nothing else (being 320 lbs can be an asset at times) funny thing was he must have thought I was bluffing about the cops, or just an idiot, beacause he was yelling like an F-Tard right up until the squad car arrived. 2 cops I know very well stepped out of the car....and.....well thats where I'm gonna stop

dorokusai · November 2005

Macleod - If you're trying to prove a point, why post it here? Nothing gets solved in CP. Hey, I don't agree with you, big deal. I'll watch the news for when you get shot or stabbed because you want to be a superhero. No offense, it's simply conversation....and you're bigger than me.

I would react to an individual being attacked, publically, but the assumption that I should immediately get involved is ludicrous. The natural reaction is to become self aware but who are you to say what can and should be done? Were you actually present for this breaking news story? Perhaps it actually LOOKED staged, ever thought about that? I bet the "report" didn't mention how many 911 calls occurred at that time, about that event...hell, that would ruin the story!

It's a sad state but abused spouses usually continue to be abused, regardless of jailtime, regardless of criminal charges...and if that individual moves on with her or his life, they are statisically bound to found another, oh so caring, abusive significant other.

The only person I'm concerned with protecting to the point of physical altercation, is my wife. The rest is simply out of my hands and a phone call away.

Audiobliss - Are you questioning me, or my comment?

ohskigod · November 2005

no use doing anything your not comfortable doing. good point on the whole woman wont press charges anyway front, they NEVER do. its effin amazing. when I got repeated calls for the same thing, say, a women getting pummelled. like weekly, and the woman doesnt press charges, you stop feeling sorry for her fast. Jaded? hell yes, but true none the less (of course, thats why I took a break from EMS in the first place)

Dennis Gardner · November 2005

There is no excuse for true abuse, but some couples are simply fighters and alot of states are charging both parties to try and deal with this since the woman rarely wants to press charges, they just want it to stop.

I don't know what the answer is.

halo · November 2005

dorokusai wrote:

Macleod - No offense, it's simply conversation....and you're bigger than me.

You're a trained killer doro - I don't buy that you'd be bothered (no offense Macleod) by anybody

dorokusai · November 2005

I prefer to appear non-violent, then lash out like I'm insane...it's just a defense mechanism.

Tour2ma · November 2005

dorokusai wrote:

Perhaps it actually LOOKED staged, ever thought about that?

Crossed my mind as well... I mean how many great actors hang out in Chattanooga?

In the first half of my life I reacted my way into a couple "altercations" that I could have approached a bit differently. No, unlike Dennis, neither guns nor even knives came to be involved in either (thank God), but for all I knew...

Anyway, call me a coward if you want, but I hope I'd react differently now...

polksda · November 2005

Unless her life (or his; our society stupidly assumes that abuse is always male on female) was in immediate jeopardy, IMO the smart thing is to dial 911. It is far too dangerous to intervene.

Possibilities:

1. He turns his anger on you for intervening and pulls a weapon.

2. She decides that you're dissing her man and she attacks you.

3. BOTH of them turn and attack you.

4. If/when police arrive, YOU are arrested for assault based on their combined testimony.

5. A bystander sees you intervene (but not what preceded that) and tells the police that you attacked the couple.

What you perceive as "acting the samaritan" could literally destroy or end your life.

Do your part by dialing 911. Let the professionals handle it.

Dennis Gardner · November 2005

I knew I was in trouble when her friend flagged me down to help and I pulled in behind the truck to report the tag from the state of "Chihuahua". It wasn't a state I was familiar with and I sure couldn't talk any sense with the language difference. I went for the cell phone and he reached behind the seat and motioned for me to leave. No problem.

swchma · November 2005

So how does this involve high fidelity?

RuSsMaN · November 2005

After you get shot/shanked, you can't go home and listen to your rig. Then the forum gawks at the ebay listing your better half made, to sell your rig to cover the funeral.

That is how it involves Hi Fidelity, or rather your lack thereof (now).

Cheers,
Russ

Dennis Gardner · November 2005

RuSsMaN wrote:

After you get shot/shanked, you can't go home and listen to your rig. Then the forum gawks at the ebay listing your better half made, to sell you rig to cover the funeral.

Always the forward thinker.................

ohskigod · November 2005

swchma wrote:

So how does this involve high fidelity?

this is the clubhouse, where off topic is perfectly kosher. want high fidelity discusion only? get out of the clubhouse :rolleyes:

dorokusai · November 2005

swchma wrote:

So how does this involve high fidelity?

Welcome to the forum.

The Clubhouse is for all subjects...navigate over to the other areas, they happen to contain audio related issues.

Tex · November 2005

I agree that you should not get physically involved in a domestic dispute unless he is about to stab or shoot her. If it is a random attack I feel you should get involved. I always carry a gun (with a permit) and Texas law states I can use deadly force if my life is in jeopardy or I can use deadly force for another person if their life is in jeopardy. I hope it never occurs but I would rather be armed if it does.

Ashamed to be a man

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