Time to Divorce?
Gavin.Wright
Posts: 125
How do you know if it is time to get divorced? Is it the same as asking "is this person the one?" - aka there is no real answer? 
Post edited by Gavin.Wright on
Comments
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Can you stand the thought of her being with someone else?
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Can you stand the thought of her being with someone else?
I don't really think that's a valid metric. Plenty of guys out there will happily sleep around but hold others to a different standard.
I've never been married, so take whatever I say with that grain of salt, but I think we all like to get a little overly romantic with our ideas of love and marriage, where "you just know." I don't think everything's black and white. Maybe for some people, but not for most. SOmetimes you just need to weigh the pros and cons and figure out what's best for you and for your partner in the long run. Which decision will make you both ultimately happier?
You only get one life, there's only so much of it you can waste being unhappy.If you will it, dude, it is no dream. -
It's totally valid. It just depends on who is asking? I have been married for 23 years. All of my friends have been divorced, except one.
If someone is thinking of divorcing their wife but can't stand the thought of her being with someone else, then maybe he should try and figure it out.
If he could care less, then why stay married? Especially if the wife feels the same way. -
I could come at this in so many ways. I have been with my wife for 23 years. Some great some not so great. We get each other and allow the other to enjoy life. When my wife tries and stops me from living life with in reason( we have 2 kids , house , 2 trucks , Mortage , bills , family , etc , etc etc) is when I have divorce type thoughts. She is a good wife and makes me happy.
Basically you have to be happy and want to share your entire life with this person. If you can't imagine doing so , get out now. If you are having problems , try and work them out. If all else fails and you make a huge mistake , get out while you can. Do the right thing for both of you.
If lines where crossed that you can't recover from , it's time to go. I'm all for being single and living that life. I dream about that kind of life from time to time. Buying what I want for me and being as selfish a I want. Coming and going , being with an array of women but I choose to love and cherish my wife who has been on my side for many years good times and bad times.
Careful in your choice.Dan
My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time. -
If someone is thinking of divorcing their wife but can't stand the thought of her being with someone else, then maybe he should try and figure it out.
If he could care less, then why stay married? Especially if the wife feels the same way.
The second part of that is obvious, it's the first part I take issue with. There are plenty of possessive / controlling dickheads in the world who can't stand the thought of their woman being with someoen else, and it has nothing to do with love, and is certainly not a reason to stay married.
Bottom line is you can't ask other people whether you should stay married / in a relationship. Only you can truly know how someone makes you feel.If you will it, dude, it is no dream. -
you are correct...there is no real answer. for me it was when my ex moved out of the house into an apartment next to a guy that had just left his wife...you do the math...
we had no kids. she was well ahead of me checking out on the emotional side so I wrote a $50,000 check after 10 years and called it a day...and called her several other things at the same time!!!
time to communicate with your partner if you have thought about it serious enough to post here. good luck. -
Are you guys trying to become vintage speakers?
Gears shared to both living room & bedroom:
Integra DHC-80.3 / Oppo BDP-105 / DirecTV HR24 DVR /APC S15blk PC-UPS
Living room:
LSiM707's / LSiM706c / LSiM702 F/X's / dual JL Audio Fathom F113's / Parasound Halo A51 / Panasonic 65" TC-P65VT50
Bedroom:
Usher Dancer Mini 2 Diamond DMD's / Logitech SB Touch / W4S STP-SE / W4S DAC-2 / W4S ST-1000 / Samsung 52" LN52B750
Other rooms:
Audioengine AP4's / GLOW Audio Sub One / audio-gd NFB-3 DAC / Audioengine N22
audio-gd NFB-10.2 / Denon AH-D7000 -
If you have to ask.....Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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work it out if you can , if you will be more upset because you cant work it out or you think you are going to be upset regardless , its time to do what makes you happy in the long run .
You cant waste your life in a relationship that is nothing but fighting , kinda like coming home walking on egg shells . -
Some say there is the 7 year itch, some say BS but my wife went through a stage for about 8 months but worked it out and things are grander than ever.
Just depends on if you lost respect, trust, or love...or maybe your just bored....bored and love can be rekindled not to say as much for respect or trust....been down that road before
good luck on your decision...just look at what will make you both happy2-channel: Modwright KWI-200 Integrated, Dynaudio C1-II Signatures
Desktop rig: LSi7, Polk 110sub, Dayens Ampino amp, W4S DAC/pre, Sonos, JRiver
Gear on standby: Melody 101 tube pre, Unison Research Simply Italy Integrated
Gone to new homes: (Matt Polk's)Threshold Stasis SA12e monoblocks, Pass XA30.5 amp, Usher MD2 speakers, Dynaudio C4 platinum speakers, Modwright LS100 (voltz), Simaudio 780D DAC
erat interfectorem cesar et **** dictatorem dicere a -
Wow.... just wow.The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD
“When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson -
It still amazes me what some some people will air on a public forum.If you can't hear a difference, don't waste your money.
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If you would rather spend more time with your SDA's than her, then you answered your own question. For me it's 50-50...that's how we managed to stay together 33+ years
Of course, she would rather spend more time with my SDA's than me...hmmmm.Yep, my name really is Bob.
Parasound HCA1500A(indoor sound) and HCA1000(outdoor sound), Dynaco PAS4, Denon DP1200 w/Shure V15 Type V and Jico SAS stylus, Marantz UD7007, Polk L600, Rythmik L12 sub. -
Marriage as an institution is not what it used to be in our Culture. So depending on what generation you grew up in you will have very different views of staying or getting divorced. We live in a throw away society right now, and people throw away relationships today like throwing away a banana peel.
To the OP, how old are you? The reason I ask is because in general depending on when you grew up you are likely to have a different idea of what constitutes a successful marriage vs. someone who is 15-20-30 years older than you.
Temper what I stated above with the responses you get.
H9"Appreciation of audio is a completely subjective human experience. Measurements can provide a measure of insight, but are no substitute for human judgment. Why are we looking to reduce a subjective experience to objective criteria anyway? The subtleties of music and audio reproduction are for those who appreciate it. Differentiation by numbers is for those who do not".--Nelson Pass Pass Labs XA25 | EE Avant Pre | EE Mini Max Supreme DAC | MIT Shotgun S1 | Pangea AC14SE MKII | Legend L600 | BlueSound Node 3 - Tubes add soul! -
Marriage as an institution is not what it used to be in our Culture.H9
Eh....marriage is what you make it out to be. Marriage and the family unit have been slighted for some time now.
Making a commitment, being selective in your choice for a mate, doing the work that's needed for a successfull marriage, all seems to be too much trouble for todays society. It all becomes too easy to just say f%$k it when the roller coaster is on the down side.
Now, that said, if the OP doesn't know the answer to his own question, I highly doubt he should have been married in the first place. No offense ment there bro.HT SYSTEM-
Sony 850c 4k
Pioneer elite vhx 21
Sony 4k BRP
SVS SB-2000
Polk Sig. 20's
Polk FX500 surrounds
Cables-
Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable
Kitchen
Sonos zp90
Grant Fidelity tube dac
B&k 1420
lsi 9's -
The above is so true! Did not want to get involved in this discussion (commenting) but I had to agree with the above which is so ovious nowadays.Marriage as an institution is not what it used to be in our Culture. So depending on what generation you grew up in you will have very different views of staying or getting divorced. We live in a throw away society right now, and people throw away relationships today like throwing away a banana peel....
H9DARE TO SOAR:
Your attitude, almost always determine your altitude in life
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Eh....marriage is what you make it out to be. Marriage and the family unit have been slighted for some time now.
I'm simply stating that today most people (of this generation) don't view marriage and commitment the same way our parents did/do. It has to do with a shift in our culture and the acceptance of divorce and unwed mothers, etc. I'm not making a judgment call, but there has been a shift in our culture when it comes to the institution of marriage and what it means. There are always exceptions, but overall in our culture it's not as important to get married or if you do get married to stay together or even fool around on the side as it used to be.
Single mothers, affairs, and divorce are much more accepted as the norm than they used to be.
Again, not making any judgments about lifestyle or choices, etc. When things become more accpetable and more a part of the norm, people tend to gravitate to the easiest way out.
Just something I've observed as I've gotten older at the rip old age of 45.
H9"Appreciation of audio is a completely subjective human experience. Measurements can provide a measure of insight, but are no substitute for human judgment. Why are we looking to reduce a subjective experience to objective criteria anyway? The subtleties of music and audio reproduction are for those who appreciate it. Differentiation by numbers is for those who do not".--Nelson Pass Pass Labs XA25 | EE Avant Pre | EE Mini Max Supreme DAC | MIT Shotgun S1 | Pangea AC14SE MKII | Legend L600 | BlueSound Node 3 - Tubes add soul! -
We live in a throw away society right now, and people throw away relationships today like throwing away a banana peel.
That's a little of an oversimplification. Lots of things have changed. People make the decision to get married a lot differently than they used to, so it should be expected that what marriage actually means should also change. While before it was almost exclusively to create a family for kids and the like, now it's... well it's different for everyone, really.
I don't know if you can make a judgement whether that's good or bad. I think it's a lot sadder to think of all the people who wasted their lives being miserable with someone they didn't actually want to be with, but stayed with because culture dictated they should have.
But I'm "young," so what do I know?
EDIT : and single mothers and divorce are certainly more accepted, but affairs? Dudes have been stepping out on their wives forever, I'd say the only thing that's changed now is that people get divorced over it, instead of ignoring it.If you will it, dude, it is no dream. -
Again, just my observation and I'm not making any judgments about any one or lifestyle in particular.
Tonyb is see we agree, I just quoted your repsonse so I could furthur explain my position. It wasn't nec directly toward you.
H9"Appreciation of audio is a completely subjective human experience. Measurements can provide a measure of insight, but are no substitute for human judgment. Why are we looking to reduce a subjective experience to objective criteria anyway? The subtleties of music and audio reproduction are for those who appreciate it. Differentiation by numbers is for those who do not".--Nelson Pass Pass Labs XA25 | EE Avant Pre | EE Mini Max Supreme DAC | MIT Shotgun S1 | Pangea AC14SE MKII | Legend L600 | BlueSound Node 3 - Tubes add soul! -
If your asking?? then you already know..
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This is about the last place you bring a problem like that.
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Are you saying there is no (domestic) wisdom to be dispensed George?
Greg
Taken from a recent Audioholics reply regarding "Club Polk" and Polk speakers:
"I'm yet to hear a Polk speaker that merits more than a sentence and 60 seconds discussion."
My response is: If you need 60 seconds to respond in one sentence, you probably should't be evaluating Polk speakers.....
"Green leaves reveal the heart spoken Khatru"- Jon Anderson
"Have A Little Faith! And Everything You'll Face, Will Jump From Out Right On Into Place! Yeah! Take A Little Time! And Everything You'll Find, Will Move From Gloom Right On Into Shine!"- Arthur Lee -
bobman1235 wrote: »I think it's a lot sadder to think of all the people who wasted their lives being miserable with someone they didn't actually want to be with, but stayed with because culture dictated they should have.
But I'm "young," so what do I know?
[/QUOTE
There's a difference in the two scenarios bro. Nobody will profess to stay in a bad relationship but all relationships have ups and downs no matter how well a couple is suited for each other. The thing is most are lacking in communicative skills and the will to work things out face to face. The culture you speak of comes from a religious ideology that says you stay married no matter what. That died off along time ago and as a matter of fact, my own mother commited suicide rather than get a divorce from an abusive man. Thats how ingrained that mentality was 50 years ago. We have swung to the opposite extreme of tossing aside anything that doesn't fit to the tee. A little common sense goes along way in every aspect of our lives.HT SYSTEM-
Sony 850c 4k
Pioneer elite vhx 21
Sony 4k BRP
SVS SB-2000
Polk Sig. 20's
Polk FX500 surrounds
Cables-
Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable
Kitchen
Sonos zp90
Grant Fidelity tube dac
B&k 1420
lsi 9's -
George Grand wrote: »This is about the last place you bring a problem like that.
I agree. "The Clubhouse" would be a much better place than "Vintage Speakers." Things work out best for those who make the best of the way things work out.-John Wooden -
How much is her life insurance ?
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Whoa there, pfb!
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There's a difference in the two scenarios bro. Nobody will profess to stay in a bad relationship but all relationships have ups and downs no matter how well a couple is suited for each other. The thing is most are lacking in communicative skills and the will to work things out face to face. The culture you speak of comes from a religious ideology that says you stay married no matter what. That died off along time ago and as a matter of fact, my own mother commited suicide rather than get a divorce from an abusive man. Thats how ingrained that mentality was 50 years ago. We have swung to the opposite extreme of tossing aside anything that doesn't fit to the tee. A little common sense goes along way in every aspect of our lives.
I know there is. There's a lot of middle ground. Ultimately, though, it's up to those involved. If people aren't willing to "struggle" through the bad times, they don't deserve the good times, and who are you and I to say differently?
Culture is always going to change and evolve, whether we like it or not.If you will it, dude, it is no dream. -
How long have you been married? Do you have kids?
I have been married 24yrs w/3 kids. I would not consider divorce while the kids are growing up unless the relationship is hostile and detrimental to the kids.
If no kids. Talk w/your wife. See what she is thinking.
My wife is out of town with the kids for this week. I hope I survive. I seem to party quite a bit more when she is away. I will definitely be ready for her to come back.
Oh and by the way. Do you love her????I got static in my head
The reflected sound of everything -
So........is this the new 'black paint' thread?:biggrin:
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Again, not making any judgments about lifestyle or choices, etc. When things become more accpetable and more a part of the norm, people tend to gravitate to the easiest way out.
Just something I've observed as I've gotten older at the rip old age of 45.
H9
Perhaps it's time to start making judgements and holding people to account for the choices they make in both their personal and professional lives. There needs to be standards and when those are not lived up to, consequences must apply.The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD
“When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
