The Harsh Realities of Life and Death

joeparaski

Dad has had Alzheimers for a few years now (he's 91 years old). He has reached the advanced stages of the disease this year. Just last year I was taking him out every week for long walks at different places such as the Olympic Park, Old Montreal, Rawdon rapids, etc etc. He has since deteriorated and has difficulty walking. Lately he's been in a wheelchair and Sunday he had another stroke. By Wednesday he was bedridden and in pretty bad shape. We thought we were gonna lose him with every breath he took. We even called in a priest to administer his last rights. Strangely enough, the setting seemed just right....the whole family was there, my sister and I, ("supposedly" the strong ones), were at his bedside with the priest while at least a dozen other family members were just outside the door. The sky had turned dark and there was thunder and lightening, I figured that this would be the appropriate time for him to pass away...he didn't.


Through contacts we were able to get him a private room at St. Marys' hospital, the goal being to just make him comfortable during the time he has left. The papers were signed to NOT revive him or attempt any kind of resuscitation should he go from bad to worse. He was hooked up with oxygen to ease the pain of breathing and injected with morphine every 3 hours. There was no I.V. line, no feeding, no water, no pills..nothing but morphine. We thought he was going to die Wednesday night, he didn't. We thought he was going to die Thursday, he didn't. It is now Friday night and he is still hanging in there!! Watching him breathe looks as if he's going to die any second..but he refuses to! This has been a huge emotional roller coaster for the family and myself. We are keeping a 24 hour a day vigil because we do not want him to die alone and without family around him.



I honestly don't know how long he can last like this. St. Josephs' Oratory is within sight and walking distance of the hospital so I went up there today to try and find some peace even though I'm not really the religious type. I am tired and emotionally drained. I always imagined that death would come swiftly for him but this seemingly long and slow death is making it seem like he has died a hundred times already.



I feel guilty for wishing him to die especially since this afternoon; somehow, he looked better, as if he was on the road to recovery, despite having a fever of 104 degrees! Oh sure, we got the medical explanation as to why he can't be fed anything, but I feel like we are starving him to death. God I can't wait till this is over!

Joe

shack

Joe, don't feel bad. My father has been diagnosed with Alzheimers for 10 years now and looking back it is now obvious that the early symtoms were there a couple of years earlier. He will be 80 this year. I spent a couple of hours with him this evening so my mother could get out of the house to to go to her sister's art class showing. My dad hasn't known who I was for the last 4-5 years. Unfortunately he is pretty healthy and has longevity in his family. He was a proud, intelligent, articulate, independent man. The one thing he said was that he never wanted to be a burden to anyone in his old age. He is now the one thing he never wanted to be. We love him, but he can't do even the most simple tasks. My mother has to dress him, bathe him, shave him, take him to the bathroom. He can still feed himself, but that is about it. He wanders through the house all day working with stuff that isn't there. He may say something coherent on a rare occasion but it isn't because he knows what he is saying...it is merely an auto response to something. My mother will not put him in a nursing home until it is the only option.

I know how you feel. I pray for my dad to die a peaceful death before he gets any worse....and he will get worse if he lives. He is in the late stages and it will never improve. It's bad enough to see a stong 6'2" man down to 130 pounds with the mental and physical capabilites of a year old child. I don't want to see him lay for days on end in a fetal position in a nursing home as various parts of the body shut down as the brain can no longer send the information for them to work properly.

I love my dad. So much that I hope he dies soon...for his sake...for my moms sake.

Joe, I understand exactly where you are coming from. I will say a prayer for you and your family. I think you know what it will be. Best wishes.

hearingimpared

Joe I know your pain and I am praying for you and your family and especially for your dad.

One thing, when my mom was is hospice for two months and it seemed like she was going to pass any moment, she kept hanging on. What seemed to help her let go was each of my siblings including me went in individually and told her that we were going to be okay and that she could let go. Then we all went in together and told her we were all okay and would take care of each other when she was gone and that it was okay to let go.

She passed quietly less than a 1/2 hour later.

Don't feel guilty about praying for him to go, it will stregthen you in the long run.

engtaz

Prayer sent. Hang in there.

George Grand

Going through just about the same thing with my father right now Joe. Starting about ten years ago, he beat prostate, and colon cancer. Then he developed three spots on his liver. They irradiated those and they departed, but they were laying on his rib. It got into the tip of his rib, and then a real bad tumor developed around his spinal cord. He has never really recovered from the operation to remove it.

sucks2beme

I had the same thing with my dad before he passed away this year.
At 81, he seemed to be in great health. Then everything nosedived.
At 85, he didn't know where he was or who anyone was. He was in
a nursing home for the last year of his life. At that point, Yes, I would of
preferred him to die with some of his dignity intact. My mom was having a tough time with it.
Hang in there. We'll keep you in our prayers.

janmike

Joe, my heart is with you my friend. My grandfather, who was more like a Dad to me, started that way and it was tough to see him go. Thankfully the pain and suffering did not last too long and I have more than fond memories of that Man. He molded and changed my life. Do not feel guilty Joe. It is probably the best for everyone. Be strong and our prayers are with you and your family.

daboyz

My heart goes out to you and yours,God be with you all.

joeparaski

Nicodemo Albanese (1917-2007) passed away this morning at 9:30 a.m. He is survived by his wife Palma, his sons Joseph and Marcel, and his daughters Kathy and Julie.

Thank you all for your kind words and support and my thoughts go out to those who have had or are having similar experiences.

Rest in peace daddy, we love you and will miss you.

Joe Albanese

hearingimpared

Rest in Peace Pop, you're in the right place! To add one more thing Joe, he had a good run and you and your family are lucky to have spent most of your adult years with him. 90 years is a good long time to be there for his family.

opus

Sorry to hear about your loss Joe.

Some day when the time is right you will have to tell us a story or two about your pop. He looks like quite a character.

God Bless

Paul in Canada

Sorry for your loss.

janmike

RIP Mr. Albanese. We are with you Joe.

BaggedLancer

Sorry about your loss. Good luck with everything that follows.

cfrizz

My condolences Joe! Your father is in a far better place now. May you & your family be comforted by this knowledge.

Cathy

cindy100

I too am sorry for the loss of your father. I will include you and your family in my prayers this evening.

Cindy

jtgranby

Joe

May your father rest in peace.

JT

daboyz

My condolences.

PolkThug

joeparaski wrote: »

Oh sure, we got the medical explanation as to why he can't be fed anything, but I feel like we are starving him to death.

I'm sorry you had to go through this.

shack

He is in a better place, with no more pain and suffering. I wish the best for you and your family.

danger boy

Joe,

Sorry to hear about the passing of your father. May he rest in peace.

Polkitup2

My condolences Joe. Rest in peace Nicodemo.

apc

May He provide the comfort you need a this time. Like you , now, I await the day to reunite with my father in a better place.

Shannon W.

Joe,
After watching my father suffer for 8 months due to mouth and throat cancer eating him alive at 52, I can completely understand what you & your family are going through. I know that no matter what I say can or will make this easier for you but know that you have my Deepest and most hart felt sympathy.

Shannon

schwarcw

Joe, I'm terribly sorry to hear about your loss. Please accept my condolences. I will keep your father, you and your family in my thoughts and prayers. May he rest in peace!

dragon1952

My sincerest condolences.

DarqueKnight

My condolences to you and your family Joe.

steveinaz

Sorry to hear that Joe, looks like a great Dad.

Frank Z

Joe,
My wife's grandfather and my grandmother both suffered from Alzhiemers. We share your grief and loss. There are never words to ease the loss or the pain when someone near to us passes on, but try to take comfort in the fact that their suffering has ended and they are in a far better place now.

Don't dwell on the last few years, instead relive the happier times. Talk with other family members about the good ol' days...it will ease the heartache.

We offer our deepest sympathies to your entire family and will hoist a cold one this evening in honor of your father and a life well lived.

FrankZ and Family.

joeparaski

Well it's done. Dad died Saturday on my brothers' birthday, and he was laid to rest today, on my 25th wedding anniversary. I took this picture last year, little did I know of the significance.

Once again, I thank you all for your thoughts and kind words.

Joe

snow

joeparaski wrote: »

Well it's done. Dad died Saturday on my brothers' birthday, and he was laid to rest today, on my 25th wedding anniversary. I took this picture last year, little did I know of the significance.

Once again, I thank you all for your thoughts and kind words.

Joe

My deepest condolances Joe. He is on a new adventure now, may his travels be filled with great happiness.

Wonderful poetic picture also.


REGARDS SNOW