Haven't had a thread locked in a while....
RuSsMaN
Posts: 17,987
Lets do this! Something to offend damn near everyone.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a fat Chinese person?
A Chunk.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the **** on the outside.
What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A manila folder.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
**** don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time ...." -A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
What do you call a white man with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache is on fire!
What do you call a white man surrounded by twenty five indians?
Bartender
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips
How are a mexican and a cue ball alike?
The harder you hit it, the more english you get out of it.
What's the difference between a **** guy and a freezer?
When you pull your meat out of the freezer, it dosent ****.
Cheers,
Russ
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan
What is a Yankee?
The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag
Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.
What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts
Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.
What do you call a fat Chinese person?
A Chunk.
What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.
What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.
What's the difference between a black man and a large pizza?
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs
What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes
What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.
Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism
Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.
What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.
What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the **** on the outside.
What do you call a Filipino contortionist?
A manila folder.
What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"
Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.
Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Everyone has the same DNA.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
**** don't have eyes.
Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.
What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.
What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.
What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe".
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
What's the difference between a northern fairy tale and a southern fairy tale?
A northern fairy tale begins "Once upon a time ...." -A southern fairy tale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this ****....
Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one's tall enough to go on the good rides
What's the Cuban national anthem?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat"
Why aren't there any Puerto Ricans on Star Trek?
Because they're not going to work in the future either.
What do you call a white man with a sheep under each arm?
A pimp.
When is the only time you can spit in a Persian womans face?
When her mustache is on fire!
What do you call a white man surrounded by twenty five indians?
Bartender
Whats the difference between a Jew and a Canoe?
A canoe tips
How are a mexican and a cue ball alike?
The harder you hit it, the more english you get out of it.
What's the difference between a **** guy and a freezer?
When you pull your meat out of the freezer, it dosent ****.
Cheers,
Russ
Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
Post edited by RuSsMaN on
Comments
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Someone at work just sent me this list of equally offensive phrases. Pretty funny stuff
"Appreciation of audio is a completely subjective human experience. Measurements can provide a measure of insight, but are no substitute for human judgment. Why are we looking to reduce a subjective experience to objective criteria anyway? The subtleties of music and audio reproduction are for those who appreciate it. Differentiation by numbers is for those who do not".--Nelson Pass Pass Labs XA25 | EE Avant Pre | EE Mini Max Supreme DAC | MIT Shotgun S1 | Pangea AC14SE MKII | Legend L600 | BlueSound Node 3 - Tubes add soul! -
What do you have when you have 25 lesbians and 25 government workers together?
50 people that don't do dick.Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2 -
Way too much free time.Michael
In the beginning, all knowledge was new!
NORTH of 60° -
What do you call a **** with thick fingers?
Well hung! -
That pizza one was new to me.
Completely classless. Poor form.
Boo this man! -
Classic!Never kick a fresh **** on a hot day.
Home Setup: Sony VPL-VW85 Projo, 92" Stewart Firehawk, Pioneer Elite SC-65, PS3, RTi12 fronts, CSi5, FXi6 rears, RTi6 surround backs, RTi4 height, MFW-15 Subwoofer.
Car Setup: OEM Radio, RF 360.2v2, Polk SR6500 quad amped off 4 Xtant 1.1 100w mono amps, Xtant 6.1 to run an eD 13av.2, all Stinger wiring and Raammat deadener. -
There once was a girl named Jill,
Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill,
They found her ****,
In North Carolina,
And bits of her **** in Brazil!!!!
I read this on one of the dorm room walls at Huntington College's girls dorm room walls as I was remodeling the dorms. Gotta Love those college girls :-)Testing
Testing
Testing -
^ You have wayyyyyyy to much time on your hands!
Were you sitting when you went to the potty?;) -
Is this locked yet? Guess not....
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A guy met a lady at a bar
He said she looked like a star
He offered her a drink
And she accepted with a wink
Later, he wanted them to leave the bar
She replied she only goes so far
He said ok, I have a doobie
She replied then maybe you’ll get some boobie
Her hesitation implied she may be a noobie..
But much to his surprise….
Who's got something to add??Receiver: harmankardon AVR235
Mains: polk R30
Center: polk CSi3
Rear Surrounds: polk R20
Subwoofer: polk PSW404
DVD: Panasonic DVD-S29 -
Why do women like intelligent men?
Opposites attract!
Why do women have shorter feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink!
What's the difference between a sorority girl and the Titanic?
Only 1500 went down on the Titanic.
WesLink: http://polkarmy.com/forums
Sony 75" Bravia 4K | Polk Audio SDA-SRS's (w/RDO's & Vampire Posts) + SVS PC+ 25-31 | AudioQuest Granite (mids) + BWA Silver (highs) | Cary Audio CAD-200 | Signal Cable Silver Resolution XLR's | Rotel Michi P5 | Signal Cable Silver Resolution XLR's | Cambridge Audio azur 840C--Wadia 170i + iPod jammed w/ lossless audio--Oppo 970 | Pure|AV PF31d -
See what you started Russ! You are the man I guess.Michael
In the beginning, all knowledge was new!
NORTH of 60° -
In before lockdown!
In UseGeorge Grand wrote: »
PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
Epson 8700UB
In Storage
[Home Audio]
Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
[Car Audio]
Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520 -
Ok teriffic
-
Do you know what a Jewish dilemma is?
Free ham.HT
Mits WD-65737, DirecTV, Oppo DV-970HD, XBOX ONE, Yamaha RX-A1030, Parasound Halo A23, Rotel RB-985, Music Hall MMF-7, Parasound PPH-100, LSi-15, LSi-C, LSi-FX, LSi-7, PSW-1000, Monster HTS2600
2 CH
Parasound Halo P3, Parasound Halo A21, Sutherland Ph.D, VPI Classic 3 w/ 3D arm & Soundsmith Aida Cartridge, Arcam CD72T, B&W 802 S3, Monster HTS2500, -
Locked down?
I guess not
Speakers
Carver Amazing Fronts
CS400i Center
RT800i's Rears
Sub Paradigm Servo 15
Electronics
Conrad Johnson PV-5 pre-amp
Parasound Halo A23
Pioneer 84TXSi AVR
Pioneer 79Avi DVD
Sony CX400 CD changer
Panasonic 42-PX60U Plasma
WMC Win7 32bit HD DVR -
What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?
A Quarter-pounder with cheese.HT
Mits WD-65737, DirecTV, Oppo DV-970HD, XBOX ONE, Yamaha RX-A1030, Parasound Halo A23, Rotel RB-985, Music Hall MMF-7, Parasound PPH-100, LSi-15, LSi-C, LSi-FX, LSi-7, PSW-1000, Monster HTS2600
2 CH
Parasound Halo P3, Parasound Halo A21, Sutherland Ph.D, VPI Classic 3 w/ 3D arm & Soundsmith Aida Cartridge, Arcam CD72T, B&W 802 S3, Monster HTS2500, -
^hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahNever kick a fresh **** on a hot day.
Home Setup: Sony VPL-VW85 Projo, 92" Stewart Firehawk, Pioneer Elite SC-65, PS3, RTi12 fronts, CSi5, FXi6 rears, RTi6 surround backs, RTi4 height, MFW-15 Subwoofer.
Car Setup: OEM Radio, RF 360.2v2, Polk SR6500 quad amped off 4 Xtant 1.1 100w mono amps, Xtant 6.1 to run an eD 13av.2, all Stinger wiring and Raammat deadener. -
No lockdown yet ? Well, let me try:
Four guys are playing poker having a great time except they were constantly being pestered by the host's young son.
Finally, one guest took the young lad out of the room for a few minutes. The entire rest of evening, the four played poker without interruption from the young boy.
As they were leaving, the father stopped Fred and asked, "So how did you keep junior busy the rest of the night?"
"Oh it was simple," replied Fred, "I taught him how to jerk off!"Sal Palooza -
Okay, one more:
I can't think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met.
Or why they're dead.Sal Palooza -
Okay, final one:
Some people are like Slinkies. They're not really good for anything...
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.Sal Palooza -
mrbigbluelight wrote:Okay, final one:
Some people are like Slinkies. They're not really good for anything...
but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.
Now that is priceless!!!!! Will have to use that one. -
what do you call 5000 black men lying on the road?
black top.
Whats the difference between a your mom and a rooster?
A rooster says "**** a doodle doo" the your mom says"any **** will
do" -
Would this count?
I'm not a homophobic a**hole, but I have one.
Please don't ban me! -
That should do it. BANG!Michael
In the beginning, all knowledge was new!
NORTH of 60° -
THIS IS THE BEST THREAD EVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Russ... go slap a gold-star on the fridge and cook yourself up a grilled cheese sammich.I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
Come on, ya'll can do better than this. This is pretty tame compared to some of the things I've seen here in the past."SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE,
CAUSE I SPEAK OF THE POMPITIOUS OF LOVE" -
What's the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of dead babies?
You can't unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitchfork.
How do you keep children from falling down 3 foot man holes?
Impale them with a 4 foot spear.
Inappropriate, digusting, and crass enough?Stereo Rig: Hales Revelation 3, Musical Fidelity CD-Pre 24, Forte Model 3 amp, Lexicon RT-10 SACD, MMF-5 w/speedbox, Forte Model 2 Phono Pre, Cardas Crosslink, APC H15, URC MX-950, Lovan Stand
Bedroom: Samsung HPR-4252, Toshiba HD-A2, HK 3480, Signal Cable, AQ speaker cable, Totem Dreamcatchers, SVS PB10-NSD, URC MX-850 -
Yowzers..
don't forget the one that crossed the road because it was stapled to the chicken.I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: Rushmore. Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and you're going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.Herman Blume - Rushmore -
Thanks, Zombie. Not sure how I missed such an obvious one
Great thread! I wonder how far we can overstep the line before this baby gets locked. . .
wait, after it's locked, this baby would be a dead baby.Stereo Rig: Hales Revelation 3, Musical Fidelity CD-Pre 24, Forte Model 3 amp, Lexicon RT-10 SACD, MMF-5 w/speedbox, Forte Model 2 Phono Pre, Cardas Crosslink, APC H15, URC MX-950, Lovan Stand
Bedroom: Samsung HPR-4252, Toshiba HD-A2, HK 3480, Signal Cable, AQ speaker cable, Totem Dreamcatchers, SVS PB10-NSD, URC MX-850
This discussion has been closed.