w00t... I think PayPal messed up!

Josh-S

BIZILL wrote:

, especially as many that frequent this forum, that you stabbed two kids or what not.

They wernt human, I took there BS for 4 years. they were in lamence terms "the school bulies" They would pick on me hit me heck steal my lunches. I was too timid and too shy to do anything. But for one moment, one split second when he slaped me I lost it. Before I knew what hapened they were on the ground. I'm not proud of it but it was a turning point in my life. Since then I never took any **** from anyone. no mater what there size. My shyness was a weakness. And not a one person in that room toold the police what hapened. they were the 2 most hated students in that school and they were invincible "or so they thought" I had more brusis from them then I ever had in my life. That slip second felt sooo damn good. You have no idea how it felt. Well anyway I got a $360 dollar fine for asult with a deadly weapon and they got expeled for asult. I was back in school 3 days later.... In they end I was bullied and picked on, so I was considered the victome. Perhaps they got what they deserved?

I hope this helps all that read this threadf to understand what hpened that day and to further understand that I'm not a monster...

Josh-S

BIZILL wrote:

maybe weight lifting. who knows. join a church.

Did both of them all ready. I am a confermed cathlic. Alter boy. And weight lifting, well today at work I moved 16,000 Lbs of horse feed by hand. One 50LB bag at a time... I'm in enough pain as it is. I dread having to wake up and go back to work after that. And I'm not loseing any weight. I'm 240 and I continue to gain musel but I just cant lose any weight. No mater what I do...


Edit: lol.. I cant belive I'm telling you all this! I didnt even tell my shrink half of this stuff! (shrink was for Depresion, claimed I was fine lol..)

ND13

Your adding muscle which is heavier than fat, don't worry about it, you'll be better off that way and healthier, too.

PolkThug

Josh-S wrote:

I no longer belive in a god, or a purpase.

There's nothing wrong with that at all. Its a big mysterious universe, if the answer to the meaning of everything was simple, there wouldn't be a hundred different religions or offshoots of religions.

BIZILL

Josh-S wrote:

I am a confermed cathlic. Alter boy.

you mean 'was' a confirmed catholic alter boy. either way, leave all the **** in the past and open your eyes to a new light. religion is lost with some. i'm not a devout anything anymore either. but karma. karma. you know what that is. you've gotta feel there is some truth to it. act/live wrong and nothing but wrong will come your way. admitting has come forth. now forget the past transgressions (****) and re-create yourself. **** finding yourself. you're past that. recreation is the key. take the higher ground brotha.

not trying to sound 'preachy' because i hate that with every last fibre in every muscle, but just wanting to see another grow into something better.

Josh-S

Everything just seams so pointless... You wake up, go to work come home eat sleep go back to work. The average person spend 60% of his daytime life at work. Most of which hate there jobs. And we work so we can eat and have a roof over are heads. Why? So we can work some more... I just have a bleak outlook on life I guess... Or perhaps I just need some meaning in mine to make it all worth it. If I knew this was the way my life was going to amount I wouldnt even wait. I'd just end it now and be done with it. I guess what keeps us going is the belife that we were ment for something more in life... Either way I see myself 40 years from now old, lonley and worthless. Not much to look forward to if you ask me.

BIZILL

but something is keeping you around. curiosity of what is to come? u speak of work, sleep, eat, **** and do it all over again. imagine life back before technology. bet they may have been bored outta their skulls as well. of course maybe without all these material things we all love so dearly, they had the humanity and will to find other avenues of enjoyment. (brothels?) kidding. anyway, we work to create the environment in which we reside. i hate work as much as the next guy/gal. why do you think i have so many posts in such short of time? i'm at club polk instead of working. soo damned boring. but guess what, i try to enjoy the time i do have outside of worklife. and i'm sure you do the same. don't limit yourself to just one hustle. get your groove on in other ways. try new things. ****, i am so damned afraid of heights, yet i went skydiving. man, take a chance. but whatever you do, keep it on the up 'n up. stay away from the wrong and force the right to come through. you'll find a new lust for life. a new zeal.

jcaut

Josh-

This is the ONLY thing I'm going to say on this topic, because I don't really think the Polk forum is the place for this type of discussion. But it's evolved into this and you're here.... I'm not a shrink or a do-gooder, just a regular guy who happens to be browsing the Polk forum at 12:30 AM, when I should be in bed.

I think I get where you're coming from, really. Sounds like you've had a very rough life so far and I sincerely feel for you, for some of the things you've been through, but here's the deal: You're 21. You've more-than-likely got a lot of life left to live and it CAN go downhill from where you are now. Your attitude sucks. And yes, I understand that you've explained why that is (tried to justify it), BUT the question is what are YOU going to DO about it? The only way that your present situation is going to improve is if you find a direction and get a better outlook and attitude. You've obviously got a lot of problems, but your biggest obstacle is in your own head. You're not who you think you are. You need to find something that you're good at and do it, to gain some self-worth. If you continue to feel self-pity, you're just going to continue to spiral downward.

This is of course just my opinion and you are free to think I'm full of $%!^ if you like.

And BIZILL basically said the same thing, I know.

That's all I have to say. Good luck!

RuSsMaN

What a dirtbag. You should be ashamed.

Whaaaaa, whoa as me. Give me a break.

Dirtbag.

Tour2ma

Something just made me think "Columbine"...

RuSsMaN

Who cares. Buck up, do the right thing. End of story. Everyone has their 'trials' in life, so far, this **** is failing miserably.

Weak.

TroyD

You know, I'm going to say something here because well, just because.

Look, we can't control what people and life hands us. I also firmly believe that life isn't fair nor is it really designed to be. It is what it is. The only thing you CAN control is how you react to it. Now, if you want to be a victim, so be it. Society is full of people that, for whatever reason, give up.

The thing is, it all boils down to a VERY SIMPLE choice. I chose to deal with life and it's challenges in a positive fashion, generally. I treat people, in general, how I would like to be treated. My wife is a classic example of someone who refuses to be a victim. Many of you know her so I'm not going to rehash her issues but the long and the short is she CHOSE to overcome her obstacles. Period end of story.

Now, far as Josh goes, I have empathy for his issues. I really do. Where I draw the line is using them as an excuse for acting like a scumbag. As far as defrauding the state for UI benefits, he will get caught. That's what Wendi does....sooner or later it will catch up.

My advice would be Josh, get your **** together. As I said, I have empathy. Get help for your issues. You can overcome them, it just depends on your testicular fortitude. As I said though, much empathy as I have, at a certain point, time to grow up and cut the crybaby crap. At a certain point it's time to be a man. Real men deal with thier issues and move on.

BDT

RuSsMaN

I think he should just end it now, personally. Swallow a slug. Ride the Lightning.

For cripes sake, download some **** and beat it like a caveman starting a fire.

Sorry, I have ZERO patience for this kind of BS, I and MANY others here have had to deal with REAL issues, and at a younger age at that.

TroyD

Whackin' it like a red-assed monkey.

BDT

RuSsMaN

Ed Zachry.

Get to the point where an Allied Radio Catalog from 1958 excites you more than Hustler's Beaver Hunt, and I can begin to empathize.

Tour2ma

Atta boy...

Josh,
Get some help... some counseling. Your state unemployment agency may be a good place to start asking what services are available.

TroyD

RuSsMaN wrote:

Ed Zachry.

Get to the point where an Allied Radio Catalog from 1958 excites you more than Hustler's Beaver Hunt, and I can begin to empathize.

Speakin' o' which....I got the new Music Direct catalog today. I could entertain myself all weekend.

BDT

RuSsMaN

I ALWAYS get that thing late. Saw it at Uncle Charlie's today, sittin' on the table in the cave. What gives?

I'm starting to feel *slightly* aroused, just from this conversation. Ima pull out some old Conrad Johnson literature and get busy.

I'll be back in 90 seconds or so. The brochure will never hit the table.

TroyD

****...I got a full page glossy ad of some Beemer 801's laminated.

BDT

Jstas

Josh-S wrote:

Either way I see myself 40 years from now old, lonley and worthless. Not much to look forward to if you ask me.

What is it with people?


Dude, if you "see" that for yourself then that is what you are gonna get. Life is what you make it. You can choose to take responsibility for all the bad things that have happened and throw yourself a perpetual pity party or you can get over it. Get over it and understand that the only person, words or actions you are responsible for are yours. If you want to be angry, fine, be angry. That doesn't give you the right to take it out on everyone else.

The sad truth is that the rest of the world don't give two **** about you. They are all looking out for number 1 and since you aren't looking out for yourself you're not even looking out for number 1. So who is looking out for you? NO ONE! Get off your dead ****, stop whining like a little **** and do something with yourself! You are a 21 year old adult, act like it!

Yes, we all die, it's part of life. If all your goal is in life is to die then get to it already, the world will be better place without having to drag your gubment cheese moochin' **** along with it. Unlike the rest of the functioning people in the world, you have failed to realize that life is what you make it and death is not associated with what you did in your life. There is no need to leave a legacy behind you. There is a need to live life to the fullest 'cause you only get one chance and there is no dress rehearsal. If you want to waste your life away, cowering in fear in a little room behind the cold glow of a computer monitor then so be it. There is a whole world out there you are missing and I have no sympathy if you choose to miss it. I just hope that when you are on your deathbed, you aren't recounting your suck **** life and fearing death because you missed out because you felt so bad for yourself.

We all have problems. We have all had bad experiences in our lives. Some have had worse than others. That doesn't make thier problems invalid or unimportant. You need to choose to get past your problems. Those people that caused problems for you in your life are gone. They don't plague you anymore yet you still let them bother you. That is so silly, mere words are not good enough to describe the magnitude of the silliness of that idea. What bearing do those people have on the choices and way you make in your life now? If you continue to let them and thier crap bother you, people are going to see you as the damaged goods that you are and no one will want to hang around with you. I'm not saying to bottle your feelings up inside. I'm saying to stop being so angry about the symtoms and deal with the real problems you have. If you don't know what the real problems are, talk to a counselor. If you don't have the money for it, go to the state or county offices or website and look for behvioral health services. You can get help and someone to talk to if you can't understand why you feel the way you do. Stop being mad at the world. If you are mad at yourself, you should be. Not for what you did in the past but for what you haven't done in the past, what you haven't done in the present and what you don't think is worth doing in the future.