So, I'm in a rough situation right now...

seabeerob213

I have noticed that I have a tendency for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, but these past couple weeks it has been apparent. While i wont get into one of the situations, the other is one I need some of you old chaps to possibly give me advice on, ladies, you would also give a unique perspective. Last Sunday, I was hanging out with a group of friends, most of whom I have known around 6 months, some only a couple weeks. The house we were at, belonged to a guy who I have known a while, and his wife. Now when i met her last summer, I hadnt been informed she was his wife. We flirted awhile, talked and bs'd like people do at parties, and then he came up, and was like oh, you met my wife already, ad so on, no one angry, it was just conversation. Since the party, we have talked off and on, face book and in person. I have hung out with them before(Christmas and Thanksgiving at their house) etc, and even crashed on their couch a few times. They are both good friends. Me and her both seem to have feelings for eachother, but I would never show them, because i like and respect her husband very much, and I feel terrible for even having those feelings. She shares those feelings, only she is unhappy with their marriage, and when they were fighting, confessed her feelings to me and tried to kiss me, I stopped her because i think its wrong, and told her why i think its wrong. She, still upset and after a bit of wine(she had had some before as well), told him we kissed and now i'm stuck in a mess. People spreading rumors through our small community that I kissed my friends wife(and who knows what else, you know how stories get exaggerated), i explained the real story to him, he was less mad, but wont talk to me for now, and other people are now getting stand-offish with me about it. I still talk to her, but making very clear to be nothing more than platonic. This whole situation is messed up and I should have never let it happen, but now it has. Any help? I feel terrible I didnt leave sooner(I was trying to leave when it happened, I saw something unpleasant happening that night, and wanted no part in it), but at the same time, i feel terrible for turning her down, but the former is definitely a worse feeling.
SORRY to bug you guys with this, I'm completely lost right now.

pitdogg2

Her name isn't Amanda Knox by chance is it?......Walk away and be happy nothing else went down.

seabeerob213

haha, nope, she will remain anonymous, but i will say she is a decade older than me

F1nut

So, she threw you under the bus and you're still talking to her? Stop talking to her, it'll only bring you more trouble.

seabeerob213

no, she was drunk, she sobered up and told him how it was all her, she told him how she initiated it, and ow she kissed me. she did, when she was not so sober, use me to piss him off, that is not out of the question though, i am not going to hang out with her anytime soon for sure, especially not without him

tonyb

seabeerob213 wrote: »

Since the party, we have talked off and on, face book and in person.

This is your problem. After knowing she was your friends wife, you still pursued her, and probably why your friend isn't talking to you. Besides, don't you have that Russian girl anymore ?

hochpt21

I agree with the others. She's married. Cut ties.

seabeerob213

i only talked as friends after learning she was married, and the russian girl has been gone for a couple months now, and while i may have flirted a little, would have never pursued another girl while i was with her, thats not for me, flirt a little, yeah, but never look for another while still with one.

thsmith

RUN Forrest RUN !

seabeerob213

hochpt21 wrote: »

I agree with the others. She's married. Cut ties.

still considering this, just cant bring myself to, they have been some of the best friends i have found here, well until this week,

mrbiron

Possible 3way??

seabeerob213

only thats the wrong way, lol, maybe if her friend who shes always with was in it though... still a fat no though, wont do anything with a buddies girl

steveinaz

I'd create some distance until they hash things out or split. If you had a chance of a lasting relationship with her, you'd want that under the right circumstances, right?

DaveHo

mrbiron wrote: »

Possible 3way??

Lol!

seabeerob213

sorry to come to you guys with something so"i wouldnt touch that situation with a barge pole", just need some advice from people who arent drunken sailors or military spouses

seabeerob213

steveinaz wrote: »

I'd create some distance until they hash things out or split. If you had a chance of a lasting relationship with her, you'd want that under the right circumstances, right?

right, already made that clear, but i also move to cali in 6 months so i might get to avoid this completely. she said she wants to get away from all of this, and thinks my idea that she go home, by herself, and visit her family is spot on

Mike Reeter

Hey man, if you don't want to take this any further, then I would quit spending nights on their couch and de-friend her on f-book and every other way.

Single women can be enough to deal with, a married one can be a lot more trouble than they are worth. Just my 2 pennies.

WagnerRC

Steve's advice is right on.

pitdogg2

OK mate look at this thread....see it? You're still defending her IF you're really in Sicily things could come to a head(literately) I'm sure most of us have been in a situation like this or close to it or worse, But you asked we told you to back off. I would go to the husband and apologize and tell him

1. Dude I'm very sorry but I must make space between us for the sake of our friendship I hope you understand this.
2. If she keeps coming around well do not be afraid to tell her to go pound sand somewhere regardless weather she told the truth to him or not BAD BAD mojo will start to come your way.
3. sounds like she is playing the two of you against each other for HER benefit (she hopes) DO NOT PURSUE anymore.
4. There is a reason COPS are very fearful of situations JUST LIKE THIS.

I'm out you're a big boy you now right from wrong.

I too 10000000% agree with Steve

cnh

You're young, you're lonely and you've got a cougar stalking you that you're also into. Nothing good can come of that. Remember, you have a LIFETIME ahead, a LIFETIME. Time enough to meet lots of people and time enough to have any number of "learning" experiences. The world is your oyster. Walk away and live to date another day!

Let me tell you, I was incapable of having a mature relationship with anyone till I was almost 30. Most men don't think with the appropriate membrane much earlier than that, although there are exceptions.

cnh

tonyb

pitdogg2 wrote: »

I'm out you're a big boy you now right from wrong.

Well, one head knows right from wrong, his problem is he's thinking with the other head.

Look, considering your location, if you persist in this matter the reefs will acquire a new companion. Don't be stupid or take this lightly, cut the ties.

seabeerob213

facebook is the only place i talk to any of them now, not going near them for awhile, and not talking near as much as before, honestly just been trying to sort things out lately, but yes i think i should cut ties soon, just hard when they have been some of my favorite people to ahng out with when i wasnt single(the whole time ive known them, minus this last month, all january they were gone)

brgman

If the guy is gonna kill you for hittin it and you didn't that would suck.
So you might as well, lol.
Lot's of help i know...

jflail2

I think Chris Rock said "A female friend is a girl you haven't slept with...............yet."

She sounds like bad news. Walk away from her and never speak beyond a cordial "how do you do" ever again. I'd bet good money a relationship twixt the 2 of you would be bound to fail, as you have already put down a bad cornerstone. It's not worth it either way, and especially not if he is a cool guy.

seabeerob213

jflail2 wrote: »

I think Chris Rock said "A female friend is a girl you haven't slept with...............yet."

She sounds like bad news. Walk away from her and never speak beyond a cordial "how do you do" ever again. I'd bet good money a relationship twixt the 2 of you would be bound to fail, as you have already put down a bad cornerstone. It's not worth it either way, and especially not if he is a cool guy.

im not in the same mindset as him when it comes to friends i guess, and also, just got out of a 2 year relationship with one crazy girl, dont need another, even if i sometimes feel like pulling into that port

smglbrth

You know, I usually don't quote scripture, but I will on this one. Proverbs 6 Verses 32-35 "Whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding; He who does so destroys his own soul. Wounds and dishonor he will get, And his reproach will not be wiped away. For jealousy is a husband's fury; Therefore he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will accept no recompense, Nor will he be appeased though you give many gifts."

If they have problems, they have problems. Don't make it your problem because when their problems become your problems, you become the problem..., and you might not like the solution...

Oldfatdogs

Like everyone else said cut her lose,no good can come from this.If she is married and coming on to you she will do it in her next relationship.Friends wife's and sisters are off limits period.To much bad voojie, will bite you in the a$$ for sure.

Dan

cnh

seabeerob213 wrote: »

im not in the same mindset as him when it comes to friends i guess, and also, just got out of a 2 year relationship with one crazy girl, dont need another, even if i sometimes feel like pulling into that port

We often seek after similar women in our youth until we realize just what unresolved and unfulfilled emotional needs we are carrying into adulthood. So yeah, "crazy" is pretty common, and then we wonder why it doesn't work. Perhaps the best thing we can do is try to understand our past and move beyond it. Only then does the real transition to adulthood begin. And that's just for relationships. For some guys here it goes beyond that into ideas, attitudes and certainties that have NEVER been examined but are just taken for granted then argued endlessly without a sliver of any doubt EVER arising. The majority of Adults do not deserve that label, because they have not gone through the requisite work to understand themselves and OTHERS!

Give yourself the time "you" need and both you and the world will be better for it.

cnh

Hermitism

Benjamin Braddock, you were seduced by Mrs. Robinson. Dump her and sleep with her daughter!

halo71

Pics of her or it didn't happen!



But really....speaking from experience. If you continue communicating or seeing her things will only end badly. Sounds to me like she is playing the both of you. Playing her hand to see what her hubby's next move will be. Perhaps hoping he will make the decision she can't on her own...divorce. I've been down that road and it ended in divorce on both sides.

pumpkinman

Stimpy you're an . . . . . You fill in the whatever fits LOL