I lost a friend to cancer this morning.

Jstas
Jstas Posts: 14,809
edited February 2011 in The Clubhouse
Not that I'm lookin' for sympathy or anything. I'm not really bummed out that he died. It happens to the best of us. I can accept that he's no longer here and life is just a bit more empty because of it.

What's bothering me is that several other people I know, knew about how he had taken a turn for the worse and none of them mentioned one word of it to me. I was going to stop by his house tonight to see him one last time and let him know I was concerned and rootin' for him. I would have gone sooner but I just found out last night about his worsening condition. I got an email around 11:30 this morning saying he passed on.

Yeah, I know, I'm a crappy friend, yada, yada, yada. A real friend would have known and all that happy horseshit. The fact of the matter is, he was a friend at my old job and while I hadn't lost touch, it had been a while since I last spoke to him. He lives a considerable distance away and with both of our work responsibilities, it's difficult to meet up. So when he took a turn for the worse and received bad news from his doctors, it was December 29th. He passed away February 3rd.

I'm more angry that people I see on a regular basis because they live near me, one right down the street, KNEW about it all and no one bothered to even mention "Hey, Kevin's hurtin' man. Might want to touch base with him."

Anyway, my friend Kevin Mullen was a good guy. He had his faults but he was loyal and supportive. He was one of the few who didn't bag on me when I was a co-op and he lobbied for me to move up in my career when I was at Lockheed. He went to bat for me on several occasions and stood by me when others wouldn't when I was accused of things I never did nor would ever do. He was a good man and I'll miss him.

Sorry, just needed to vent where the people who were not very communicative wouldn't see anything before I could approach them about it.
Expert Moron Extraordinaire

You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
Post edited by Jstas on
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  • bruss
    bruss Posts: 1,039
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear about that.
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  • george daniel
    george daniel Posts: 12,096
    edited February 2011
    I'm sorry for the loss of your friend,, similar situation in my case,,however,,I eventually figured out that I was actually angry with myself for not seeing my friend before he died.
    JC approves....he told me so. (F-1 nut)
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  • Big Dawg
    Big Dawg Posts: 2,005
    edited February 2011
    Sorry for the loss of your friend. I hope you're able to find closure.
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  • thsmith
    thsmith Posts: 6,082
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear JSTAS. Maybe your friends were struggling to deal with it themselves.

    Maybe when the time is right you can ask them about.
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  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited February 2011
    My condolences.
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  • mantis
    mantis Posts: 17,190
    edited February 2011
    I'm sorry for your loss man. Remember the good times.
    Dan
    My personal quest is to save to world of bad audio, one thread at a time.
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  • renowilliams
    renowilliams Posts: 920
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear about the passing of your friend. My younger brother was diagnosed with Leukiemia four years ago and its been a rough ride for him. Not long after being diagnosed he devoloped Bell's Palsay, which for those who don't know, causes you to look like you've had a stroke. As a result his one eye had to be stitched shut as is was failing to lubricate itself. Anyway, this thread isn't about my brother's battle but about your loss. Sorry, when I hear about someone losing their battle to this illness, its hard for me not to think about my kid brother. Hopfully you will be able to attend the funeral and talk to his family and friends about how much you valued his friendship.

    I guess I just assumed that it was cancer.


    Tim
    "They're always talking about my drinking, but never mention my thirst" Oscar Wilde


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  • apc
    apc Posts: 779
    edited February 2011
    your friend may have had a harder time deciding whether to notify his friends as well. As a cancer survivor, I'll admit a bit of trepidation when it came to notifying even close friends. Believe it or not, it almost seemed you were seeking sympathy by letting folks know you had a battle lining up.

    That said, I did call all my closest friends and ultimately, did not turn down any prayers that people offered. I cannot speak for all, but am simply trying to explain how hard it is to deal with the cards you were dealt and how to share that information.

    PS - If you were ever close, I'd like to feel that those people do realize the feelings even after they are gone. I know my father understood and I lost him to cancer in 1993.
    Husband, Father, Son, Brother, Friend.
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  • indyhawg
    indyhawg Posts: 1,642
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear.
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  • TECHNOKID
    TECHNOKID Posts: 4,298
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear about your lost. RIP to your good friend!
    DARE TO SOAR:
    “Your attitude, almost always determine your altitude in life” ;)
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  • ben62670
    ben62670 Posts: 15,969
    edited February 2011
    Sorry about your loss John:frown:
    Please. Please contact me a ben62670 @ yahoo.com. Make sure to include who you are, and you are from Polk so I don't delete your email. Also I am now physically unable to work on any projects. If you need help let these guys know. There are many people who will help if you let them know where you are.
    Thanks
    Ben
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  • fatchowmein
    fatchowmein Posts: 2,637
    edited February 2011
    Jstas wrote: »
    Yeah, I know, I'm a crappy friend, yada, yada, yada. A real friend would have known and all that happy horseshit. The fact of the matter is, he was a friend at my old job and while I hadn't lost touch, it had been a while since I last spoke to him. He lives a considerable distance away and with both of our work responsibilities, it's difficult to meet up. So when he took a turn for the worse and received bad news from his doctors, it was December 29th. He passed away February 3rd.

    Been there. Lost mine to suicide. It happens. We get busy with our lives and lose touch. Sorry, man.
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  • joeparaski
    joeparaski Posts: 1,865
    edited February 2011
    Cancer is an evil thing. I'm sure your friends did not intentionally not tell you about Kevin's worsening state, perhaps they thought you already knew. I wouldn't get upset with your friends about it, everyone that cared for Kevin is grieving in their own way right now. Sorry for you loss.

    Joe
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited February 2011
    A glass raised to Kevin tonight.
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Bababouey
    Bababouey Posts: 129
    edited February 2011
    Every June I participate in The Ride To Conquer Cancer.
    It is a 200 kilometer (aproximately 125 miles) cycling journey from Toronto to Nioagara falls to raise money for cancer research.
    I will be 58 in JUne and keep wondering how many years I can do it.
    When I see posts like this one, I want to do it until I die or we have defeated this awful disease.
    Glen
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  • Knucklehead
    Knucklehead Posts: 3,602
    edited February 2011
    Sorry for the loss of your friend John.
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  • mdaudioguy
    mdaudioguy Posts: 5,165
    edited February 2011
    Stuff happens, you know? I've learned to accept the things I can't change. Sounds like you're that way too. You could mope, but why? Life is ever-changing. Tomorrow will be different, as it would have been anyway. I wouldn't worry about those folks who didn't pass on the info. It won't change anything, and would just be an unnecessary drain on your mental energy...
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  • Slinger182
    Slinger182 Posts: 512
    edited February 2011
    That's rough. My condolences. Keep your head up.
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  • greyford1979
    greyford1979 Posts: 749
    edited February 2011
    Sorry for the loss of your friend
    I love animals, they're delicious!
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  • mhardy6647
    mhardy6647 Posts: 33,763
    edited February 2011
    I am very sorry. I am both sympathetic and empathetic.
    We all do the best we can in such situations.
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  • gfong
    gfong Posts: 1,079
    edited February 2011
    Sorry to hear about your friend.
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  • Tony M
    Tony M Posts: 11,146
    edited February 2011
    So sorry to hear you lost a dear friend. I think he knows you would've been there for him as he was for you. He might have told them NOT to tell you so you wouldn't be there at his passing, sparing you that moments memory.

    You were lucky to have had a guy like that in your life. Very lucky and blessed.

    Thanks for sharing your loss of a great friend in Kevin. He's at peace now.
    You take care now and know we're thinking about you.

    Tony
    Most people just listen to music and watch movies. I EXPERIENCE them.
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  • ESavinon
    ESavinon Posts: 3,066
    edited February 2011
    My condolences for your loss, John.
    SRT For Life; SDA Forever!

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  • FTGV
    FTGV Posts: 3,649
    edited February 2011
    Sorry for your loss.
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  • Fongolio
    Fongolio Posts: 3,516
    edited February 2011
    Very sorry to hear that Johnl. Don't beat yourself up man. Take care.

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  • SolidSqual
    SolidSqual Posts: 5,218
    edited February 2011
    Cancer has touched too many people close to me. I know your pain all too well and I truly hope you and your friend's family cope with strength and recover quickly knowing their loved one is in better hands now.
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  • wayne3burk
    wayne3burk Posts: 939
    edited February 2011
    It's tough losing a friend, family or an otherwise loved on. My condolences and sympathies to you and all of his friends and family.

    Like a previous poster said - He's in a better place now and I'm sure he's smiling down on you.

    wayne
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  • F1nut
    F1nut Posts: 50,494
    edited February 2011
    Cancer sucks, period. I'm sorry you lost a friend to it.
    Political Correctness'.........defined

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  • danger boy
    danger boy Posts: 15,722
    edited February 2011
    sorry your friend passed away with out you having one more visit with him... may he RIP
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  • Sherardp
    Sherardp Posts: 8,038
    edited February 2011
    Sorry for the loss Jstas. Prayers and thoughts sent. Go easy when you can.
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