Dating an older woman?

lightman1

nadams wrote: »

And to lightman- you drive up here, kick me in the nuts, and then we can go grab a beer.

10-4 good buddy. Take it slow and easy friend. You're still a young stud with plenty of time.;)

concealer404

Keep it on the dating end of the fine line between "dating" and "together," and you should be just fine.

gfong

Kids kids kids! You said you didn't want kids! That should be enough for you to walk away! I know you do not know this now and you are probably all "kitty" struck, but that one kid of her's runs/rules/takes up/makes the decisions/likes or dislikes you/ will interupt/will cause issues and many more things that you will not have control of!

Kids are a chore and a blessing! Kids that are yours are easier to raise then kids that are someone else's.

Now, I am not saying all step kids are bad and that they do not like their step-parents! I am sure many step-families are functional. What I am saying is it will be a lot harded to fit in and cope with what is ahead for you. We are not talking about a 3 month old baby that does not know anyone and you can fill the dad role. We are talking about a 7 year old that is set in her ways, does not want anyone to be with her mom and will do lots to keep it that way.

At 24, I do not think you are ready for that and you do not even know about it. (If you do decide to go ahead with this it will at least give you some experience for future relationships)

I am sure there are lots of seasoned men on here that have been there, done that, and bought the t-shirt!
I went out with a chic that was 32 and I was 20, it was freakin awesome, stay in bed all day, no kids, do what we want, party!
Also got hooked up with a chic that had 2 kids and she was my age! Whole different ball game! He's not my dad! You can't tell me to go to bed, why are you sitting so close to my mom! When they speak, mom listens, god help if you say anything about how they act or why is your kid doing this or that! EVer hear of the mom bear protecting the cub!

So there you have it. Should you run, that is up to you. Should you stay, dude it will be hard and if you think this is where you should be for now, ride it out. Careful of the kids feelings and try to be a friend to her before you try to fill the daddy role! If previous daddy was a dead beat, don't ever say that or put the kids dad down as that will mess things up. Right now you are the new guy that is trying to steal mommy away from her! Tread lightly.

Dude your 24, lots of fish in the sea and the right one may come along. If it doesn't, the rest are all practice until you get it right. Good luck.

shack

Ricardo wrote: »

24 years old?

shack wrote: »

Run like hell and don't look back.

+1,000,000

If anybody thought I was saying that just to be funny....I wasn't!

dkg999

Shack +1 !

mdaudioguy

My wife and I (each with three kids) waited a couple months before meeting each other's kids. In my mind, the most important person here is not you or the woman - it's the daughter. Good luck, and use good judgment, for her daughter's sake. Children don't want to see their parents in and out of relationships. They don't need to go through that. I have to question the judgment of a woman who wants her 7-year-old to spend a weekend with a guy she just met on Tuesday, but that's just the way I think. I realize that others think different.

snow

nadams wrote: »

We only first met on Tuesday and have been on two "dates". I'm taking it very slow, and I told her that, and the explanation why.

So, while my past relationship does have bearing on whether I'm ready to be in a relationship or not, that is not what I was asking for "advice" on. What I was hoping is that some of you might be nice enough to answer the question and provide some real-world examples of if it works or not. And I thank those of you who did.

I also don't feel that the topic is juvenile, even for a 24 year old person. What's juvenile about being concerned? If anything, it shows that I'm already thinking about what implications this could have in her daughter's life, and not wanting to rock the boat there.

If it has not even been a full week and only 2 dates and your allready asking about whether a life time commitment may work? that isnt going slow IMHO on your part, now if it had been 6 months and you were asking then maybe just maybe it might make more sense.

It does appear to be awfully fast on moms part to be introducing daughter to a new guy makes a fellow wonder how mature mom is.

A constant stream of new men in moms life isnt something that a kid needs to see to be truthful, kids need stability.

Being realistic here not critical.... but considering that you allready said you dont want kids coupled with the fact that your financial house isnt in order, having to make payments with 30% interst because your bank wouldnt loan you the money you needed for a ring what can you offer this child? It wouldndt be fair to her either.

Go ahead and meet the daughter if you want perhaps her reaction to you will be what you need to figure out whether there is even a chance it may work.

But I would tell mom if she insists on moving in together after your weekend getaway that you want 6 months before you make that decision.



REGARDS SNOW

mdaudioguy

Right on, snow. My thoughts exactly.

cstmar01

There is nothing wrong with dating an older woman at all. A lot of times they will be more established, in their careers and in their life. They know what they want and are normally past all the little stupid games that you would find in the 20 yr old crowd. They normally don't have to have the guy do everything for them and are not looking to have someone buy them everything under the sun ect but are more looking for a partner to share experiences with and growth with, and acutally have a relationship.

Now that is just from my observations, and being only 24 myself dating older people isn't a bad thing. You just have to be ready for what they are looking for and what not, and also understand where they are coming from ect. One of those things is because they are older they may have gone through things you haven't already such as a marriage and have children, ect. Another thing is they could be looking for something faster than what you are.

From what you wrote that you are only 2 dates in and already talking about going away, thats moving very fast IMO. I can not even dream of knowing someone enough to be comfortable with them after 2 dates to be able to spend a whole trip together with them and also their daughter, who you also have to take time to get to know through the conversations you would have with the mom.

I'm sorry to say but in 2 dates you are not going to know the mother, much less the daughter well enough I think to make the weekend what you would really want it to be. I could maybe see doing this in a month or two down the road after more dates and more of the getting to know each other.

She could have the mentality as well that you don't know me unless you know my daughter, however at the age her daughter is at she should not be introducing every guy she has a couple of dates with to her. She should only introduce a guy that she feels comfortable with and sees a future with because it would be a huge thing in both of their lives and should be handled with care. (IMO that takes a lot more than 2 dates, a LOT more).

Personally I never wanted children either and if I started liking a girl that already had children it would probably be a deal breaker right there. I have been there before with a woman my age who already had a son, and yeah there was feelings but knowing that is not what I truly saw in my future had me go a different direction at that time.

You have to still go with what you want too. Dating is a compromise at times, your bringing two different people together to have 1 relationship and have it work. Sometimes things can change your mind, however if you really really know deep down that this is not what you would want in your future then you have to ask yourself is it worth going through with this now, or holding off and finding someone that shares that same view point as me.

cfrizz

Noah, I think it is WAY too soon for her to be introducing you to her daughter. The 2 of you hardly know each other, much less throwing a kid into the mix.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, proceed with great caution.

Sherardp

snow wrote: »

If it has not even been a full week and only 2 dates and your allready asking about whether a life time commitment may work? that isnt going slow IMHO on your part, now if it had been 6 months and you were asking then maybe just maybe it might make more sense.

It does appear to be awfully fast on moms part to be introducing daughter to a new guy makes a fellow wonder how mature mom is.

A constant stream of new men in moms life isnt something that a kid needs to see to be truthful, kids need stability.

Being realistic here not critical.... but considering that you allready said you dont want kids coupled with the fact that your financial house isnt in order, having to make payments with 30% interst because your bank wouldnt loan you the money you needed for a ring what can you offer this child? It wouldndt be fair to her either.

Go ahead and meet the daughter if you want perhaps her reaction to you will be what you need to figure out whether there is even a chance it may work.

But I would tell mom if she insists on moving in together after your weekend getaway that you want 6 months before you make that decision.



REGARDS SNOW

+1 with Snow on this one.

nadams

I'm not talking about a lifetime commitment yet... I said nothing of the sort as far as I know, but I may have to re-read my original post.

I am taking all of the suggestions to heart, and I'm going to talk to her about what her plans really are. Oh, and the "weekend trip" is really just a one-day road trip. Camel Beach is like 45 minutes from here.

cnh

Snow, Ricardo, Shack, cfrizz have all got your back Noah and I'm pretty much in agreement with that. I also dated an older woman....no kids in my LATE 20s...she was 37--we were in NYC and we had a great time (she was a native New Yorker). But it was CLEAR..early on that the relationship had no permanent future. We became good friends and things lasted a few years.

I've also dated women who've had kids but I was in my 30s by then--mid-30s to be exact. And they were ''serious" about the long-term. So be aware and be honest about what you both want. And take it very SLOW...

On one last note. IMO "I" was not ready to be in a mature relationship till I was 29--married years after that in my late 30s? And some aren't even ready at that age. As many have said....you have a LOT of time and a LOT of options. In my book you're still pretty young--which is a 'good' thing!

cnh

Roy Munson

There's nothing wrong with dating an older woman..but, at your age I would say find someone closer to you in age that doesn't have children. You said you aren't interested in having kids so why are you dating a woman that has one and after only two dates wants you to go off with her and her kid?

My suggestion would be to tell her that after only two dates it's waaay too early to be going off for the weekend with her daughter and if she isn't cool with that tell her adios!

Actually, given your declaration about not wanting children I would think that you should only be dating women that don't have kids. Really, there are plenty of 24 year old women out there that would be a better match for you.

Good luck

gfong

Curious how you met her? Was it online or in town?

Mike Kozak

It would be different if she wanted you to go to Cameltoe instead of Camelbeach!!

wayne3burk

Tell her you're only in it for the physical relationship and you have no interest in a weekend getaway or meeting her daughter....

That you're available 2 times one week and 3 times the next alternately.

T-TH and M-W-F

your weekends are your own....

She will soon grow tired of this arrangement and move on....

nadams

gfong wrote: »

Curious how you met her? Was it online or in town?

She's my cousin's neighbor, and they've been friends for a long time as their kids play together. My cousin is the one who called me trying to set me up with her. I added her on Facebook and we talked there off and on for about a month before I invited her out bowling.

Also, I talked with her last night and she agrees that it's too soon for me to meet her daughter. The next time we see each other in person we can talk further about it.

I think we can probably let this thread die now.

muncybob

Well, it seems after further discussion the right move is made!

I say have some fun with her since you seem to get along....but have yourself a reality check before the friendship stage advances 1 step and take into account the daughter. BTW, does this woman like Tori Amos music(I think I recall she is one of your frequent tunes?)...proabably a deal breaker if not!

Knucklehead

your a grown Man bro.....if you like her, keep moving forward, nothing wrong with meeting her daughter, you will know soon enough if things are gonna workout, just another life lesson. Worst that can happen.....you dont continue the relationship.

nadams

muncybob wrote: »

Well, it seems after further discussion the right move is made!

I say have some fun with her since you seem to get along....but have yourself a reality check before the friendship stage advances 1 step and take into account the daughter. BTW, does this woman like Tori Amos music(I think I recall she is one of your frequent tunes?)...proabably a deal breaker if not!

I actually haven't put on any Tori for her. But the two times she's been to my house we've gravitated towards the living room and the SDA's. Last time we were listening to Horslips, Cat Mother, Greenslade, and others. I'll have to break out some Tori the next time.

BTW- when are you going to come visit and listen to some tunes? It's only a 30 minute drive...

Willow

I say go on your adventure have fun, if anything you will learn more as to if she is good for you or not. Has her daughter met you before, seeing as your cousin's kid plays with hers?
She should be sure to either leave the child behind or have her explain to the child who you are and somewhat what is going on As in "Mom is going to the beach with a friend and you will come along"

munk

About kids; There are many people who do not want kids, and many of them end up loving kids. Mid twenties may be too early to tell. I'm just saying.

My best friend at the time married a much older woman. They loved each other very much. She had a daughter by previous marriage. It all worked out.

For every success, someone will have anecdotal failure story. Neither success or failure tales means you are hardwired for either. You have a ways to go before you think of marriage. I'd see where this goes and see how you feel about the child over a time= give it time.

btw, my wife did not want kids. There are three of them now. She wouldn't have it any other way. Your results may vary. Only you will find relevant answers to your questions, you and the lady.

munk

nadams

Willow wrote: »

I say go on your adventure have fun, if anything you will learn more as to if she is good for you or not. Has her daughter met you before, seeing as your cousin's kid plays with hers?
She should be sure to either leave the child behind or have her explain to the child who you are and somewhat what is going on As in "Mom is going to the beach with a friend and you will come along"

I had never met either of them before. I think we're holding off on the Labor day thing, and just concentrating on having fun with the two of us for now.

nadams

munk wrote: »

About kids; There are many people who do not want kids, and many of them end up loving kids. Mid twenties may be too early to tell. I'm just saying.

My best friend at the time married a much older woman. They loved each other very much. She had a daughter by previous marriage. It all worked out.

For every success, someone will have anecdotal failure story. Neither success or failure tales means you are hardwired for either. You have a ways to go before you think of marriage. I'd see where this goes and see how you feel about the child over a time= give it time.

btw, my wife did not want kids. There are three of them now. She wouldn't have it any other way. Your results may vary. Only you will find relevant answers to your questions, you and the lady.

munk

I think my comments on not wanting kids is mostly just being terrified of being responsible for a newborn. It's not something I'd want to do at this point in my life. My nieces are 8 and 10, and they're a lot of fun to be around now...

Willow

nadams wrote: »

I had never met either of them before. I think we're holding off on the Labor day thing, and just concentrating on having fun with the two of us for now.

Perfect, go and have fun. No one knows if you are ready or not to move on except you. Even if you don't know right now, you will. Most important thing is be honest with her the whole way. Make sure she knows where you both stand.

Demiurge

munk wrote: »

About kids; There are many people who do not want kids, and many of them end up loving kids. Mid twenties may be too early to tell. I'm just saying.

Its usually when they come to grips with their own mortality.

jflail2

Take it SLOW man. People bring up the previous relationship b/c it DOES have bearing on what is happening now.

On topic, I dated a girl that was about 10 years older than me when I was about your age, and she had a son to boot. It was a rather uncomfortable situation for me to be honest, as someone else touched on the fact that you aren't the child's father so he/she doesn't want to listen to you. And you also only get her side of the story. I went into it thinking her ex was quite the *sshole, when in fact she was crazy as a loon. Long story short, We broke up (much to my joy) about a year and a half later, and her ex ended up getting custody of the son b/c she was, as I mentioned, batstuff crazy.

Don't rush into this, and you'd better be 200% sure she is all that before you even bother meeting the child.

And dude, you're young! Enjoy single life for a while, or even find a younger girl. Maybe she's the one for you, but I doubt it. Go have some FUN for a while bro. Life is way too short....

muncybob

nadams wrote: »

BTW- when are you going to come visit and listen to some tunes? It's only a 30 minute drive...

I can't seem to find the time to even listen to my own tunes!! That's my normal non-winter months though...too many projects going on. We passed your exit on I-80 2 weeks ago coming back from Music-Fest but I would not stop in un-announced(if I could even remember exactly where you live!). I'll have to do better planning next time. If you are on your bike(still have it?) and in the area just let me know. Better yet, drive your car and bring me an amp so I can see how my 2B's are supposed to sound!

TECHNOKID

nadams wrote: »

I had never met either of them before. I think we're holding off on the Labor day thing, and just concentrating on having fun with the two of us for now.

Wise move, right now this should be kept between 2 adults which enjoy each oters.

nadams wrote: »

I think my comments on not wanting kids is mostly just being terrified of being responsible for a newborn. It's not something I'd want to do at this point in my life. My nieces are 8 and 10, and they're a lot of fun to be around now...

Nieces are always cool since they don't mean responsibilities. Actually, step parenting is much harder than taking care od toddlers.

Willow wrote: »

Perfect, go and have fun. No one knows if you are ready or not to move on except you. Even if you don't know right now, you will. Most important thing is be honest with her the whole way. Make sure she knows where you both stand.

Honesty is sure a big thing. I agree he should enjoy and have fun with the lady however, I don't think involving a child in their relationship at this time is fair for the child. Brief encounter with her daugther later on down the road (as a friend of the family (some similar to when he sees his nieces) may be something but as far as the love affair, the young daugther shouldn't be involved until they both know they want to commit otherwise, as I pointed out NOT fair for the child.