Dating an older woman?

nadams

So, I've recently been dating an older woman. I'm 24 and she's 35. We have a ton in common and are very comfortable around each other. The age part is not so much what I'm worried about.

She's divorced and has a 7 year old daughter. I never wanted kids, as a rule. But now I'm starting to think about where she and my relationship might go.. she wants me to go to Camelbeach with her and her daughter over Labor day weekend... I've really been having fun hanging out with her the last few days, but I haven't met her daughter yet.

Do any of you have experience in this sort of situation? I didn't want to move things too fast with meeting her daughter in case things weren't as they seemed. I don't want to make it a big deal if I don't have to. But, so far, like I said, things are going really well.


What think you Polkers?

dkg999

Haven't you learned that this isn't the place you should go for relationship advice. I hear Dr Laura has some free time on her calendar.

snow

I think that you were just trying to sell a ring from a failed engagement so I think give it at least a year or two before you even consider anything serious. As they say why buy the cow when milk's so cheap? There are lots of fish in the sea no need to get married unless your sure and even then people change, your young I wouldndt even think about getting married till I was 30 if I was you.

REGARDS SNOW

tonyb

All depends my man, if you think you might like to further the relationship, the daughters a package deal. You want to be part of this womans life,then you'll also need to be part of that little girls too. Just be carefull....too many women out there looking for a man to "take care of them", know what I'm sayin'?

grimmace19

Haven't you seen the seinfeld episode where they explain that a weekend getaway takes the relationship like 2 notches ahead?

daboyz

What's the Jerry Maguire quote? Unless you are planning on going the long haul with this lady then I would chill on meeting the daughter.

stubby

+1 with Snow on this. Give yourself some time and space. Awfully easy to make repeat mistakes on a rebound.

stubby

mmadden28

I've been there--to keep this short--I was 20 she was 35. She had 3 kids, the oldest was 6 years younger than me.
We ended up marrying.

A couple complications I've learned:
-Kids that are not yours really don't listen to somebody that is not their real parent (esp when they are teenagers).
-Usually there is an ex involved in some way--be that with child custody/support or just continuing to play a part in their lives in some fashion.

I can't remember exactly how long, but we remained married for about 6 years--we went our separate ways (but it had nothing to do with the kids, the ex, or age).

I can say this--I have my own kids now-and its so much easier bringing them up knowing they know that I am one of 2 ultimate authorities in their life, and that no other man can involve themselves in my kids lives against my wishes.

So look at all the factors and think how things will be down the road. Without factoring the ex/daughter's father in--You have to be willing to also care for her daughter as if she were your own--This includes, schooling, parenting, trips to dance recital, college tuition, wedding, etc.

snow

And as far as relationships go it really doesnt matter what we think anyways because your the only one that will know whether she is the one or not. it's not like a model of amp where 50 of us can give our oppinions after having had it in the system for a while.

The fact that you are allready considering this to be a possible serious relationship so soon tells me that you need to get your head out of your a$$ Why anyone would be even considering the future unless you have been in a relationship for at least a year is a mystery to me.

REGARDS SNOW

mmadden28

snow wrote: »

And as far as relationships go it really doesnt matter what we think anyways because your the only one that will know whether she is the one or not. it's not like a model of amp where 50 of us can give our oppinions after having had it in the system for a while.

...

+1
Every situation is unique--you just have to be sure to weigh all the factors.

daboyz

I have a step child whose age now is 22. When I married his mother he was 5. It's a huge commitment and not easy at all. It paid off now but there were many very difficult years in between. The Snow man is wise.

TECHNOKID

nadams wrote: »

So, I've recently been dating an older woman. I'm 24 and she's 35. We have a ton in common and are very comfortable around each other. The age part is not so much what I'm worried about.

She's divorced and has a 7 year old daughter. I never wanted kids, as a rule. But now I'm starting to think about where she and my relationship might go.. she wants me to go to Camelbeach with her and her daughter over Labor day weekend... I've really been having fun hanging out with her the last few days, but I haven't met her daughter yet.

Do any of you have experience in this sort of situation? I didn't want to move things too fast with meeting her daughter in case things weren't as they seemed. I don't want to make it a big deal if I don't have to. But, so far, like I said, things are going really well.


What think you Polkers?

snow wrote: »

I think that you were just trying to sell a ring from a failed engagement so I think give it at least a year or two before you even consider anything serious. As they say why buy the cow when milk's so cheap? There are lots of fish in the sea no need to get married unless your sure and even then people change, your young I wouldndt even think about getting married till I was 30 if I was you.

REGARDS SNOW

daboyz wrote: »

What's the Jerry Maguire quote? Unless you are planning on going the long haul with this lady then I would chill on meeting the daughter.

snow wrote: »

And as far as relationships go it really doesnt matter what we think anyways because your the only one that will know whether she is the one or not. it's not like a model of amp where 50 of us can give our oppinions after having had it in the system for a while.

The fact that you are allready considering this to be a possible serious relationship so soon tells me that you need to get your head out of your a$$ Why anyone would be even considering the future unless you have been in a relationship for at least a year is a mystery to me.
REGARDS SNOW

nadams, none of my business but IMHO, red flag here you are moving way too fast, way too fast! There are lives at stake here, including yours. Take a deep breath and relax, live for your self at this point, take some healing time!

Cheers!
TK

Demiurge

This woman may not be looking for a daddy for her daughter.

If she is, you're doing the right thing in figuring out now how far you plan on taking this.

You should have a pretty good idea which it is. If not, be upfront about your concerns. She'll understand.

TECHNOKID

daboyz wrote: »

I have a step child whose age now is 22. When I married his mother he was 5. It's a huge commitment and not easy at all. It paid off now but there were many very difficult years in between. The Snow man is wise.

While not to blame, the step child thing led my oldest son away from home (both same age) and then led to the separation of the couple (too many confrontation of the ''steps'' and she felt compelled to choose between husband and blood).

shack

Run like hell and don't look back.

lightman1

I will drive up there tonight, deliver a swift kick to the goodies. Then walk back to my car and drive away like nothing ever happened. Play it cool, good Noah. You're still young. Don't succumb to the perceived pressures of a relationship.



And remember, I know where you live.

Polkersince85

You should go ahead and marry her Labor Day weekend. That way you won't wonder but know you F'd up.

lightman1

Polkersince85 wrote: »

You should go ahead and marry her Labor Day weekend. That way you won't wonder but know you F'd up.

Going!... GOing!!! GOING!!!!...GONE!!!! That one went all the way to the to the upper seats. That one is outta here!:D

bsturgeon89

Zero wrote: »

LMAO At the fact that this thread even exists...

Agreed with Demi with regards to being completely transparent regarding your concerns. Otherwise, I'd say..

a) The age gap is nothing serious.

b) Take your sweet **** time getting to know this woman and her intentions/situation.

C) Rushing into a situation like a teenage girl after a Justin Beiber artifact is bound to end in tragedy.

Although I agree with the majority of the advice being offered by everyone I find it tacky and distasteful that your laughing your **** off at this guy's expense on a "serious topic" in which he is seeking advice for. But, you find yourself posting in a thread that you can't believe exist.:eek:

What is wrong with just offering advice and not belittling him in process by making a comment like that? Honestly, did you really need to make that jab? Just my .02 and nothing personal.

Personally, I think you should take a step back or two and see the forest. It is great that you both have stuff in common and the age isn't an issue but let point something out. Age is an issue for the fact that she is at a different point in life. Your life is just beginning and it is what you make of it. She's 37,has a daughter and most likely is looking for a LT committment because thats where she is in life. Are you there? If she is ready to introduce you to her daughter, she's looking for LT. If she isn't, then she shouldn't be asking you to go off for the weekend with her daughter. I'm sure a lot of us could on and on about the trial and tribulations of being a step-parent.

Its quite possible that this is someone you could spend the rest of your life but are you ready to start that now? Unless I missed it, I didn't see where how long the 2 of you have been dating. Rebounds are never a good thing. Yea its easier said than done but take a good 6months to a year (longer if necessary) to just live life and focus on you. People can date with no strings attached. You have plenty of time to get married and have kids and possibly with someone closer to your own age. That's not to say I don't understand the whole "cougar" thing. I do very much so!! Things might be different if she didn't have a child but I believe you have to consider the aftermath of dating someone with a child if it doesn't work out. Obviously, its really hard on everyone involved if it doesn't work out and I speak from experience as I'm sure a lot of us can.

Whatever you choose, I hope it works for you.

lightman1

I belittle him because I can.
And Noah knows I'm just fookin' with him.;)

lightman1

Zero wrote: »

Sturgeon, while I appreciate your tact, my comment was made because the content of the post was something that I'd expect to see from a 14 year old. Not a 24 year old. Does that make my little 'lmao' kosher? Nope. Nonetheless, its there and I completely stand by it.

Atta Boy!

kawizx9r

Didn't read ALL the posts prior to this one but I can only imagine

If you just got out of a relationship, I'm thinking this chick is just your rebound.

I've dated older women, one which was just as much older than me than this woman is with you. Thing they had in common though is they all wanted to settle down quickly. No-go in my book.

BIZILL

is she hot?

Ricardo

24 years old?

shack wrote: »

Run like hell and don't look back.

+1,000,000

Sherardp

I say go bro and enjoy the trip. Try to get along with her daughter as best you can, enjoy your time with the lady. If you totally dig this woman, then make it work. No red flags unless your getting married next week. Take your time with it, enjoy the training she teaches you.

Face

keiko wrote: »

women are like carnivals, they get bigger and better every year.

lol!!!

nadams

Yes, my engagement ended a month or so ago, and yes, I'm still trying to sell the ring. I started this thread looking for advice on my current situation, not criticism on my past.

We only first met on Tuesday and have been on two "dates". I'm taking it very slow, and I told her that, and the explanation why.

So, while my past relationship does have bearing on whether I'm ready to be in a relationship or not, that is not what I was asking for "advice" on. What I was hoping is that some of you might be nice enough to answer the question and provide some real-world examples of if it works or not. And I thank those of you who did.

I also don't feel that the topic is juvenile, even for a 24 year old person. What's juvenile about being concerned? If anything, it shows that I'm already thinking about what implications this could have in her daughter's life, and not wanting to rock the boat there.

So, to those who gave advice- thanks. To those who didn't, thanks for helping make a judgement on your character. And to lightman- you drive up here, kick me in the nuts, and then we can go grab a beer.

hoosier21

how long have you been seeing this woman and you have not met the daughter yet? That seems weird to me somehow, your invited for a weekend trip before you and the 7 year old have even met.

Other than that, slow down as far as "where this is going" **** dude, are you that determined to get married lol.

I would have fun with this woman, met her daughter, and let things develope.

Mazeroth

nadams wrote: »

We only first met on Tuesday and have been on two "dates". I'm taking it very slow, and I told her that, and the explanation why.

And you're already planning on a weekend getaway? Not cool.

reeltrouble1

Noah from the few times we met I would say your one of the good guys.

RT1

camp21178

nadams, I just want to wish you the best of luck. There's nothing wrong with posting this subject on this forum. Shame on some of the guys that posted nasty comments. I wish I had some advice for you, but I got married when I was 20 and my wife was 17. We are still married 32 years later so I can't offer any advice at all. All I know is, I prefer grown up gals, 35 is a great age for women, they are mature but still young at heart.