What would you do?

Dabutcher · July 6

My wife moved out in February and is divorcing me.
Minnesota law states we half to split everything.
We both have lawyers.
I want to keep our house.
It has been paid off since 2013.
So I need to buy her out of her half.
Appraisal says 315K value.
Seems like lots of options for me.
Refinancing is one.
Anyone want to give me some good options please. Thank you for any and all help.
Thanks. D

billbillw · July 6

That sucks. I went through similar 4+ years ago and we just sold the house and split the proceeds. The housing market was red hot back then, so the sale was quick and it gave us a large pot of equity to do our own thing separately. The market has cooled significantly since then with many houses taking a long time to sell.
Is that $315K value from a paid appraisal based on current market conditions, a broker's price opinion, or a Zillow value?
Seems like re-fi is one of the few options if you want to stay in the house unless you have investments or other savings you can pull from. Selling will see a lot of value go to the Broker/Agents. I'm not sure if you can get a new traditional mortgage with a divorce re-fi, or if you would be limited to HELOC type loans which would have a much higher interest rate. I'd find a good mortgage broker that can help you. Not a bank or website, but a real broker. There are so many different types of loans and packages they can get creative with. Good luck...I know you need it.

Emlyn · July 6

Since opposing lawyers are involved, and property distribution laws vary between States for divorces, it may be best to let the lawyers earn their keep and work out an arrangement that's mutually agreeable or at least present a range of options to make things work out for where you live. The house is just one of many things to consider in the split. Also, some States don't have a straight 50:50 split when it comes to real estate or other property.

pitdogg2 · July 6

Hookers and Cocaine brah, Hookers and Cocaine......

rebelsoul · July 6

Make sure if you refinance leave a little extra for new audio component, helps take mind of how **** divorce is . I divorced and got new balance audio technology vk 120 mono blocks , sometimes listening I don't even remember her name lol.

tratliff · July 6

Uneven splits happen all the time. Don’t ask me how I know.

nooshinjohn · July 6

Let me see if I can find that business card….

Dirty Deeds done Dirt Cheap.

1-888-CYANIDE

audioluvr · July 7

Women. Can't live with em. Can't kill em. I hate attorneys. They make you do all the work and all they do is file the documents while collecting a huge retainer and charging $350/hr for nothing. I've had 3 divorces (the problem of working on the road all the time), all without the help of an attorney. If your wife is willing to work with you, best thing is for you two to sit down together and divide assets together. Take turns choosing "I'll take this" "She'll take that". Write it down and both sign each page. It will be a miserable experience but at least the blood sucking lawyers won't win.

Dabutcher · July 7

I already told her what I wanted to keep.
The house after paying her half of the value.
My 2022 Tundra 1794
My home theater system.
Everything in the garage.
My pension
My IRA
She can have all the family air looms
All the furniture
All the antiques
And I will be giving her some cash.
I have $40K saved for that.
That’s my goal.
My kids are adults and still love me and talk to me so that is good.
Peace. D

Dabutcher · July 23

Thanks for all the help gentlemen. I will keep you posted on how it goes. Peace. D

treitz3 · July 23

Best of luck to you.

Tom

motorhead43026 · July 23

I would expect she is entitled to half that pension and IRA. Yet that 40k cash may lessen or eliminate that blow.

Good luck man.

billbillw · July 23

motorhead43026 wrote: »

I would expect she is entitled to half that pension and IRA. Yet that 40k cash may lessen or eliminate that blow.

Good luck man.

Her getting half really depends on many factors. My ex had her own pension, etc. We each just kept what we had.

audioluvr · July 24

motorhead43026 wrote: »

I would expect she is entitled to half that pension and IRA. Yet that 40k cash may lessen or eliminate that blow.

Good luck man.

Only the difference between beginning balance at marriage and the ending balance at filing if that applies. Pensions are open to negotiations like billbillw said.

audioluvr · July 24

The best thing about getting together to divide the assets is the "goodbye sex" If you don't do that you will always hate one another. Also if she now has a boyfriend it always causes them to break up (which is a bonus). Then you can always tell her about the time you two had "breakup sex" on the kitchen table that she now has.

gudnoyez · July 24

Bummer sorry to hear that unless you have been misserable for years in the marriage I could see some kind of dividing stuff the way you would like to, however if it was a good marriage until recently why not sell everything and split it 50/50 she will be more than likely entitled to split your pension and savings, try not to make things undivided. I myself would be happy with my Trucks, my stereos, my guns, my dogs and my tunes I would leave her the house and split savings and pensions 50/50.

nooshinjohn · July 25

Dirty Deeds done dirt cheap…

ptrooper · July 25

Really sorry Dabutcher. I know it's been awhile since I've been on but I feel like I knew allot of people here when I was following posts years ago etc.

If you can both still talk ,then Avoiding Lawyers is the big saver,I hate the cockroach's like politicians.

My brothers x wife liked a bit of a punt and he won most of his furniture back playing poker.

Most important is to look after yourself and try not to let it get you down to much.

I met a guy in 99 in East Timor regarding the disappearance of his wife ,he did mention croc's.

Another one ,Cray fisherman who blew his away with a two barrel, sat down, drank 6 cans sitting on his couch then rang the police.,said he'd done something bad, first time offence in the mid 80's ,did less than 7 years on good behaviour and kept everything including 4 mill instead of 2.

Another one, walked into the bank where his wife worked ,shot her in the head through her hand with a 22 ,walked out and drove off and pulled over a kilometre away ,blew his own brains out in front of a kid mowing lawn, all to keep it in the family for his son ,she use to have a boyfriend. He use to delive my firewood with a carton of beer"great service" And his son still owns a gymnasiam to this day.

I don't recommend any of those resolutions nor what nooshinjohn says.

Hope you get to keep what you want.

polrbehr · July 25

Sucks to be in this spot @Dabutcher but it'll work out. Best of luck to you man.

Dabutcher · September 10

So I am probably going along with the plan by wife’s lawyer. I have to give 20K to equal savings and checking accounts. 60K to even out IRAs. House appraisal was at 315K. House has been paid off for 13 years. I will have to get a loan on house again and pay her 108K. And I wanted her to just let me have my whole pension. But her lawyer valued her half of it at 50K. I got her to move down to 40K. Still asking nicely that she take the other gains and let me just have my pension.
Thanks for all the help. I wish I could take it to court and throw my senior age at it. 66. And judge would say I get to keep all my stuff to help me with my transition into retirement. My punk ash weak good for nothing lawyer says if I go to court it could end up worse? Minnesota divorce laws suck. Save and pay everything off and this is what you get. If I had a mortgage and a car loan or two and some CCs that were maxed out. I would have came out way ahead!
Peace. D

nooshinjohn · September 10

I know a fellow Minnesotan that is still working after a divorce. The guy divorced his first wife in favor of a trophy, wife, and after seven years with the trophy wife, he’s now working at Walmart. The judge gave the trophy, wife almost everything she could because she felt the guy didn’t learn his lesson after the first one.

ptrooper · September 11

nooshinjohn wrote: »

I know a fellow Minnesotan that is still working after a divorce. The guy divorced his first wife in favor of a trophy, wife, and after seven years with the trophy wife, he’s now working at Walmart. The judge gave the trophy, wife almost everything she could because she felt the guy didn’t learn his lesson after the first one.

Wow, that sucks! I had a few issues with x #2 who was a criminal lawyer/psychologist , turned out to be a psychopath narcissist .cost me 300k aussies and found out her 3 children were from different fathers

Most divorces were handled mathematically when I was going through it, inclusive of who paid the bills down to doing the house work ball polishing etc, but if you put her on a pedestal and a lifestyle of luxury in a work free environment ,you have to continue that for her.If we had children under 18,the wife always gets custody ,with your child support being a % per child ,before tax! ,Unless she's an alcho ,drug addict! then I would have custody.I had mr lefty and righty disconnected after x # 1 with two children

.

The lawyers right!, it could go south in court .If you think you are happy to settle from her last offer ,you could maybe bluff her for an extra 10k.

I like your idea of going in and pulling the senior card but you have to be prepared to loose more !

Stupidly ,I was prepared to loose everything just to prove mine was a lying piece of ****.10 years in the family court was a total waste of time and coin.

Lawyers never loose..............

Hope it goes well Mate, look after your health #1 ,

billbillw · September 11

I probably had the cleanest divorce that you'll ever hear about. It makes my divorced friends angry how easy it was. Uncontested and we basically split everything and since we had roughly the same income and retirement plans. We sold the house, split equity and went on our separate paths.

audioluvr · September 14

Negotiate more on the house settlement in exchange for all your retirement. Home loans are generally always a lower interest rate than what retirement plans get in returns.

motorhead43026 · September 14

Is there anybody on this board that hasn’t been divorced?

I will celebrate my 53 anniversary this December, even though my wife passed away 20 years ago.

skipshot12 · September 14

48 years here, just one.

treitz3 · September 14

Next year will be our 20th. First and only one.

Tom

ptrooper · September 14

I wish I had met my current ,third wife first,She'd tell you herself but is currently tied up in the theatre room , 15 years now.

kidding.

Tony M · September 15

45 years here. Just one.

God it's been hard sometimes!

The money is a BIG F'd-up unbalanced see-saw. I gave a lot of $$$$$ toward our PARTNERSHIP-MARRIAGE during the first half, and then my neck got bad. I retired about 1 or 2 years early. She kept working and paying into a 401K. During 2016-2020, her 401K skyrocketed. I had just cashed out a 26K balance on mine.

Years later, oh!...she kept a separate bank account to hide her growing fortune. That pissed me off but my neck was in bad shape, and I didn't think I'd make it that much longer. Well, years later I find out some major BS with her savings. She retired and got her own financial advisor to direct her as to what to do with her F'n fortune she's accumulated since we've been together. She didn't have much at all when we met. I was doing ok.

I'm over the $$$$ scam she's been doing over the years. F it. I'm very comfortable and will probably cross over before her, so what does it matter? No divorce here. Just give and take and try to walk away from complete BS that comes my way. You said this, she would say. I say, no, I didn't. It SUCKS, and it happens more and more as the years tick on.

I see why people go their seperate ways. I've wanted to walk out the door and never look or hear her ever again a 1000 times over. I just have no safety net.

Early years were tough, money-wise. Now I can sleep well as long as a medical issue doesn't arise.

I've never had a close friend go through a divorce either. Weird.

halo71 · September 15

After reading through this thread. I got off lucky! MY ex and I filed uncontested (we live in Georgia). Downloaded all the paper work online and filled everything out. Who was getting or paying for what. I ended up keeping the house and everything in it, 401K etc etc. She got her personal stuff and her family antiques and that was it. It cost me $250 to file. 31 days later we had a court apperance. Judge confirmed divorce is what we wanted and everything in the paperwork was agreed upon. We both said yes. And that was it. That was almost 10 years ago now. I'm 55 now.

motorstereo · September 15

I got off to a very bad start and was married and divorced twice by age 25. Then I met the right one. We've raised 3 kids and have been married now for 42 years.

What would you do?

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