Things that make you go HMMM...

Love them or hate them, it has come to my attention that Crocs have been placed on this planet for the sole purpose of extermination of the human race through "dark space attacks".

Crocs have been shown, repeatedly, while stumbled upon in the dark, especially on a carpeted surface, to transform themselves into rubbery, completely immovable objects.

The true danger lies in the split second following the realization that one has stepped on a Croc in the dark, and the casual assumption that the Croc will yield. This is a mistake! The Croc will not yield. Not EVER! Thus, in your perfectly understandable momentary lapse of judgment, your body's forward momentum continues in its original direction, generally, however one, or possibly both, of your feet do not follow. They cannot. The Croc has you. Next, you may find yourself, not behind the wheel of a large automobile, but instead with your momentum uncontrollably redirected, propelling you at speed through a poorly placed curio cabinet. Then, before you know it, you're in the bathroom taking half naked selfies in the mirror to show off your cool new scars, thinking it'll make you look tough, but instead find yourself ridiculed for posting nip pics.

Or, perhaps you will be catapulted across the space onto your a turntable, ripping the dust cover off its hinges and snapping the tonearm clean off.

These are but two unfortunate examples I have come to hear in the past week.

Know this. Crocs are dangerous. Be vigilant. Know where they hang out. Expect them. Or just put them where they're supposed to go when you take them off. While there's still light. They can only hurt you in the dark. Or if you show up wearing them to a first date. With socks.