need support from my fellow members

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Comments

  • everpress
    everpress Posts: 862
    edited September 2009
    I'm going to have to agree with Steve on the calling "****" on hard work to make it last. At least, so far... I've only been married for 9 years and only one kid so far, though.
    BUT I will say that sometimes it's a small thing that is easy to fix that festers into something big and nasty. And it might be really tough to work through that infected area of your relationship to make things right. But that doesn't mean that every aspect of the relationship up to then or from then on out should be hard labor. And sometimes no matter how much it seems like it should work out, that infection has grown so bothersome it's better to amputate.

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  • steveinaz
    steveinaz Posts: 19,536
    edited September 2009
    ...and to expound a little more, I'm not saying that you don't compromise. Anyone who has spent 24hrs with someone knows that some compromising has to occur. The problem happens when you compromise key values, beliefs---that's a trouble sign.
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  • dkg999
    dkg999 Posts: 5,647
    edited September 2009
    Wow! I think Steve has a great 2nd career option as a marriage counselor! Great advice and wisdom. I vote we get Steve his own talk radio show!
    DKG999
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  • TECHNOKID
    TECHNOKID Posts: 4,298
    edited September 2009
    cfrizz wrote: »
    Ask her to go to a marriage counselor with you. It show good faith & a real interest in saving the marraige. It is usually the woman that makes the offer. But if you make it, it will really show that you are serious about this marriage remaining intact.

    Best of luck to you.
    appadv wrote: »
    See a marriage counselor.
    bsoko2 wrote: »
    Another bid for Marriage Counselor! Go with an open mind and don't be defensive about things that will come up. It takes hard work from both parties but in the end the trip is worth it. Open mind and don't be defensive.

    Bill
    Knucklehead wrote: »
    1 more vote for the marriage counselor....best of luck!
    dkg999 wrote: »
    +1 on the marriage counselor advice. Not sure how close you are to Ames IA, but Lutheran Social Services in Ames has some pretty good counselors and from the last I heard they were reasonably priced. If you both are serious, then a good counselor can help .......... but keep in mind that a bad counselor will really mess things up. It also takes two, no counselor no matter how good can compensate for one of the people being involved not being serious about resolving the issues.

    Of course if all else fails, as one of my best friends will always advise ..... ain't nothing that $1500 and trip to the Bunny Ranch won't get out of your system.
    Polkersince85 wrote: »
    Sorry to hear of your troubles. Been there myself. My advice, the counselor is not going to work if she has decided to leave. You don't rent 15 fifteen miles away to work things out. Get a lawyer.
    steveinaz wrote: »
    ...and to expound a little more, I'm not saying that you don't compromise. Anyone who has spent 24hrs with someone knows that some compromising has to occur. The problem happens when you compromise key values, beliefs---that's a trouble sign.
    Sad to hear (read) about your pain. +1 on the mariage counselor, if you truly love here you have to give your couple a chance however, keep in mind the 2 of you has to be willing to work things out. Advice on lawyer at this point? Good for someone that doesn't care or doesn't have any love left.

    Compromise is a key factor of love, you can't avoid this. Counselling might be the key to help you realize where compromising needs to be done/has to occur and if at all feasible. As Steveinaz points out, if values are too much apart, compromise may not be possible since there might not be anywhere in the midle where you can meet or agree to disagree.

    Be proactive, seek counselling and get to the bottom of this no matter what the end result is it will free you and allow you to live a happier life. God bless!
    DARE TO SOAR:
    “Your attitude, almost always determine your altitude in life” ;)
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  • dkg999
    dkg999 Posts: 5,647
    edited September 2009
    Advice on lawyer - in any situation such as, or similar to, this ....... have an attorney on speed dial. Having the advice of an attorney competent in family law is just plain sensible thinking. What if she gets drunk and kills someone in an auto accident? Does your current liability insurance protect your assets if she is not living in the insured residence? Do you need a separation agreement to protect property or children? Only a spouse that has already made up his/her mind or has ulterior motives is going to be threatened by an attorney being involved.

    Some of us have been to this rodeo before.
    DKG999
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    Music System: Magnepan 1.6QR, SVS SB12+, ARC pre, Parasound HCA1500 vertically bi-amped, Jolida CDP, Pro-Ject RM5.1SE TT, Pro-Ject TubeBox SE phono pre, SBT, PS Audio DLIII DAC
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  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited September 2009
    One lesson I learned while my wife and I were having difficulties is, don't crowd or pressure her, or make a lot of phone calls to her, except when day to day matters need to be discussed. The less contact we had, the more she realized how much she loved and missed me. That was 26 years ago and we've never looked back. Good luck and be strong !!:)
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  • Peaceman
    Peaceman Posts: 27
    edited September 2009
    I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
    hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
    Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks
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  • concealer404
    concealer404 Posts: 7,440
    edited September 2009
    Peaceman wrote: »
    I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
    hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
    Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks

    Step 1: Start a thread asking this question in the correct forum.


    Welcome to Club Polk. :)
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

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  • TECHNOKID
    TECHNOKID Posts: 4,298
    edited September 2009
    gdb wrote: »
    One lesson I learned while my wife and I were having difficulties is, don't crowd or pressure her, or make a lot of phone calls to her, except when day to day matters need to be discussed. The less contact we had, the more she realized how much she loved and missed me. That was 26 years ago and we've never looked back. Good luck and be strong !!:)
    Great advices! +1
    DARE TO SOAR:
    “Your attitude, almost always determine your altitude in life” ;)
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  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited September 2009
    Boy Peaceman, did you ever pick the wrong thread to post your question in!:eek:
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  • TECHNOKID
    TECHNOKID Posts: 4,298
    edited September 2009
    gdb wrote: »
    Boy Peaceman, did you ever pick the wrong thread to post your question in!:eek:
    I was thinking along the same... Definitely the wrong thread and feels ratter rude!
    DARE TO SOAR:
    “Your attitude, almost always determine your altitude in life” ;)
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  • shack
    shack Posts: 11,154
    edited September 2009
    Peaceman wrote:
    I am in the process of hooking up my Polk PSW350 subwoofer, I want to get the best sound possible. I have been seeing terms like: Biwire and crossover
    hookups. What is the best to do with the subwoofer hookup?
    Any advice deeply appreciated. Thanks

    See a counselor...
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson
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  • everpress
    everpress Posts: 862
    edited September 2009
    shack wrote: »
    See a counselor...

    :eek:

    LOL!

    ? Harmon Kardon AVR 55 (dead; replacing with Onkyo TX NR-616)
    ? Polk RTA 11TL's (FR and FL)
    ? Polk TSi200's (RR and RL)
    ? Polk CS10 (Center)
    ? Polk PSW-350
    ? Grado SR-60i Headphones
    ? Fii0 E5 headphone amp
    ? iPod touch (8 gig)
    ? iPod Classic (80 gig)
    ? Mac Mini (as media server)
    ? xbox 360
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  • danger boy
    danger boy Posts: 15,722
    edited September 2009
    7 year itch. it's true, lots of couples go through this.. around 7 years into their being together.

    I wish you both the best of luck.
    PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
    Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin:
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  • Polkersince85
    Polkersince85 Posts: 2,883
    edited September 2009
    dkg999 wrote: »
    Advice on lawyer - ............
    Some of us have been to this rodeo before.

    My thoughts precisely on seeking legal advice. All too often the situation evolves where one party has moved on mentally and the other tries to cling on to the relationship. In the process of this playing out, one party gets picked apart by the other. There are some good lawyers out there that can provide you with information on what to do and what NOT to do. In any situation such as this, you have to set yourself up to be prepared for the worst possible outcome. Hopefully things will work out between the two of you but protect yourself and your assets.
    >
    >
    >This message has been scanned by the NSA and found to be free of harmful intent.<
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  • raidersrule76
    raidersrule76 Posts: 471
    edited September 2009
    Thank you all so much for your support and advice, its good to know that in some small way we all have each others backs no matter how small a comment or how big they all mean alot to me. And as fas as peaceman I would agree that you sir have picked the wrong thread to be a jacka$$ in it takes a lot to be a dumbass but yep you did it very well today.

    Mark
    Sig to be updated after dealing with the insurance company:(:(:(
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  • potee
    potee Posts: 610
    edited September 2009
    15 years ago went thru this.We went to counseling her idea. we got it together and it's still good. So hang in there it may work with a bit of effort.
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  • Vdr1973
    Vdr1973 Posts: 72
    edited September 2009
    Sorry to hear about your situation I have no advice for you that hasnt already
    been said.Everyones situation is different, when i went through my divorce I did things
    totally wrong and found myself sulking inside the bottle. I hope the bet for you and
    GOD BLESS
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