Teenagers will be the death of me!!!!!

raidersrule76

Well this is how the story goes, went to bed about 11 the dogs outside started barking and barking but hell im used to that, we live out in the country and all the animals seem to give them fits from time to time so I just let it go and fell asleep. Fast forward to 12 the wife wakes me up and says that our youngest daughter who just turned 14 a couple months back was not in her bed nor was she outside or downstairs. Oh **** now what, so the wife went one way down the gravel road and I went the other way both of us trying to call her on the cell phone no answer...............where the hell could she have gone? So she finally calls the wife back and says that shes in town with Luke, who the hell is Luke? Never have met this boy well I think that he is also a teen. So shes has the nerve to ask if she can just hang out for a little bit longer and of course we say no, get your butt home. So we wait and wait only live about 15 minutes from the town that they went to, after waiting nearly and hour I see the car coming down the road and I decide to go out and pay him a little visit. The car stops my daughter gets out and I reach for the driver door handle the door opens to my suprise and his now I know what hes thinking oh crap and before I could say a word I had gravel spraying me in the face, needless to say this really pissed me off so here I am like an idiot screaming at this kid as he speeds away. Now back to the task at hand the sneaky one thats now back in the house and telling her mom that its no big deal that some strange kid drove out to our house in the middle of the night and picked her up. So of course they are having a little bit of an arguement so I decide to really make her mad and ask for her cell phone, much to my suprise she threw it at me and said here I guess you dont want me to have a life, and I replyed with sure I do just without a cell phone for a while. So I guess I really don't know what to do in this situation, I mean I know I wasn't perfect growing up and had my fair share of screw ups but I at least waited until 16 or 17. Maybe its just kids today they think that they need to grow up faster and faster all the time.

Well I've taken up enough of everyones time sorry for the rant I'm tired but yet still upset so I can't sleep.

Best regards
Mark

Sherardp

I can tell you're pissed off just from the way you started the thread. First off the Luke character is just wrong for what he did, gravel in your face. Complete a$$ whiping, then a call to his parents. I would definitely drop a call to his parents just on that alone. For the baby girl, you did the right thing by taking the cell, I'm sure your money paid for it, and her throwing it at you deserves an apology right off the top (from her to you of course). A little punishment never hurt anyone, sneaking out @ 14 under your own roof is a big negative, my thought is she needs to make better judgement calls and respect the rules of the home.

Try sitting her down and talking to her as a young adult, let her voice her thoughts but again you make the rules not her and until she can pay bills and put food in her mouth, guess what; what you and the wife say goes. I could go on and on, but I can only express my thoughts. If it were me in your case, she would get a USMC a$$ chewing all the way. As for Luke you really can't do allot but I would have your daughter take me to his place and personally visit the parents. The fact that he threw something in your face pisses me off. Some kids today are simply rude and have zero respect. Best regards Mark, hopefully your daughter takes it as a lesson learned bro.

wutadumsn23

I know exactly how you feel Mark, I have 14 year old daughter as well and I can't believe some of the **** she pulls. A few weeks ago she rode a city bus without our permission dowtown to the mall with two of her other 14 year old friends. We wouldn't let her ride the bus a mile, nevermind all the way downtown and she knew that, and did it anyway. All the kids that you see on TV these days that get snatched up in their own yards, nevermind on a city bus. The boy situation hasn't been too bad, but it is coming and I am not looking forward to that day. She has "dated" a few boys and eventhough she wasn't supposed to date until she turned 15 that obviously hasn't stopped her, lol. I wasn't an angel growing up either, but I waited until I was 17 to do the crap I did when I got kicked out of my house by my very controlling father. I also have a 15 year old son and a 17 year old son, so I have it three times as bad, lol. It's not easy man, but we have to do our best and hope they understand when they get older why "we hated them so much" when they were teenagers, lol. That Luke kid would be getting a call from me, because you know the number is in her cell, and he would be lucky not to get paid a visit either, lol. At the very least his parents deserve a phone call, and hopefully they are just as upset as you with his behavior. Good luck man, and hang in there.

-Jeff

Sherardp

Thank goodness my little girl is 8 right now, but I know the day will come and too will face the fury. Good luck to both of you though and keep up the hard work.

SolidSqual

I hoping I have two boys before I have a girl once the time comes in my life to have some offspring. That's the setup I had growing up and my brother and I kept my sister safe. My Dad expected us to do our part. Looking back on some of the stuff we did to make sure guys didn't try any crap, it's a wonder my sister loves us so much and has a boyfriend today.

obieone

I don't have kids, and THIS is the reason! Beside the cell phone, I'd put a filter on her pc, or make her use your's.
Did you get the LP#? I'd found out this kids ACTUAL age.

If you want to get through to her, and this an EXTREME measure, but, show her a bunch of missing kids pictures, and explain, your trying to keep her safe.

Serendipity

I was still a teenager a few months ago. Didn't have a cell phone until I was 18.

I would explain to her that you were concerned, like obeione said show her some missing kid pictures, or make her watch the news...

NotaSuv

yuppers this is the exact reason I hoped for and had 2 boys........I would be the Dad following his daughter in the car...etc etc...........she does need to realize the reason why you get upset and she has to understand that being concerned nowadays isnt a bad thing...and Luke needs to go...now...far away..

AudioGenics

....and I could write an encyclopedia on the trials and tribulations of teenagers.
Time will pass and it will be something else.
from my experience ... taking away the cell phone is futile and made things worse.

the trick is to distract her from boys and especially boys with cars.
find out what she is seriously interested in,
hobbies, sports, clothes, horses...
and nurture those things that is fun and positive.

sometimes writing Contracts are beneficial
to agree on what are the "RULES"...
include both good and not good behaviors

No... midnite outings with unknown boys with cars - demerit and grounded
Yes.. getting A in Math - positive - buy new pink iPod as reward

number one rule :
....just gotta love them

Girls are more expensive "to maintain" !

Wanted to add.... Remember TRUST.
it takes time and patience but it is most definitely worth the effort.

janmike

I'd be a basket case if I had a daughter.

concealer404

Just how old is this Luke character?

It might possibly be time to let him know the implications of your state laws. As sick as this thought process is, guys with cars only hang out with 14 year old girls for one reason. I have no idea what has or hasn't happened, but i'm pretty confident that anyone can figure out what he's thinking or what he wants out of hanging out with a girl that young.

bobman1235

NotaSuv wrote: »

yuppers this is the exact reason I hoped for and had 2 boys........

It might be the reason you hoped for them, but the reason you HAD them was all up to chance

wutadumsn23

delete

jimmydep

I have 2 daughters The youngest is 16...I also have 5 God daughters and 11 nieces. Many of my freinds and family come to my wife and I for parenting advice with problems ranging from diaper rash to heroin addiction.
Here are some of the things I've learned through the years:

#1 Try to have dinner together as a Family every night, and keep the conversation positive!!!!!

I've had more meaningful conversations with my kids during a 15 minuet car ride than at any other time.

Set reasonable rules and boundaries with consequences together as a family and stick to them.

Ruling with an iron fist RARELY works.

Listen when your kids talk and don't interrupt them.

Get actively involved in what your kids are doing, Spend as much time as possible with them.

#1 rule..when out, know where your kids will be, and when changing location they must call or text.

Know who your kids freinds are, and let them know your family rules.

Allow your kids just enough space to experience life and make mistakes.

LET YOUR CHILDREN KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

Jimmy

Pauly

Man, Glad i had a boy.


Hope things work out.


Pauly

wutadumsn23

jimmydep wrote: »

I have 2 daughters The youngest is 16...I also have 5 God daughters and 11 nieces. Many of my freinds and family come to my wife and I for parenting advice with problems ranging from diaper rash to heroin addiction.
Here are some of the things I've learned through the years:

#1 Try to have dinner together as a Family every night, and keep the conversation positive!!!!!

I've had more meaningful conversations with my kids during a 15 minuet car ride than at any other time.

Set reasonable rules and boundaries with consequences together as a family and stick to them.

Ruling with an iron fist RARELY works.

Listen when your kids talk and don't interrupt them.

Get actively involved in what your kids are doing, Spend as much time as possible with them.

#1 rule..when out, know where your kids will be, and when changing location they must call or text.

Know who your kids freinds are, and let them know your family rules.

Allow your kids just enough space to experience life and make mistakes.

LET YOUR CHILDREN KNOW THAT YOU ARE THERE FOR THEM NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS.

Jimmy

Wow, that is some great advice Jimmy. I "enforce" most of those rules in my house as well, but it doesn't always work, lol.

sucks2beme

Two boys. As long as nobody's bleeding or with a police escort, it's ok.
The older one liked to surprize us sometimes, number two was almost too clean cut.
A girl sneaking out with older boys at night at 14? You, sir, have trouble.
At 14 she's just out of middle school, the boy is high school. How did they
meet? Most likely online. And his intentions aren't good. Time to show her
the teenage mother documentary. The danger zone for girls seems to be 14-18.
The teenage girls are far more aggessive in going after boys than when I was young.
There were several that came around stalking son #1 when he was
in high school. He got the facts of life/ teenage daddy lecture. Those girls
were going to end up pregnant, and unless he wanted to be the daddy,
steer clear. I have no idea how to handle girls. Boys are easier, I know
how they think.

muncybob

I had something very similar happen when my daughter was 15. Apparently she would frequently wait until I was asleep(wife worked 3rd shift at the time) and sneak out a window...walk down our lane(1/3 mile in the country) and meet the **** she was seeing(2 yrs older than her). Found out all this when one morning when I woke up early and went to wake her up for school and she wasn't there! Since she normally left the house to meet the school bus before I woke up I had no idea this was going on!
I found out where the idot lived and stormed the place...put him in his "place" and about dragged her home.
There was lots of screaming and tears. Several hours later when the emotions had settled down I laid the guilt trip on her for abusing my trust in her...etc. A few days later I went back to this kid's place and basically told him if he ever saw her again or came near her or my property he would spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair(made sure nobody could hear the threat/promise except him). Fortunatley he disappeared from our lives eventually but it was a tough several months while this all worked out. It's difficult wanting to trust your kids but know you need eyes in the back of your head at the same time. It's also difficult letting them know you're being a "****" for their own good.

She is now 28, has a good job and is a respected horse trainer in her spare time. Last I heard the idiot never graduated high school and is working the welfare system for a living. It took many years for her to regain my trust but now she realizes how stupid this episode was. I suspect you will have a similar road to travel...good luck!

apphd

Lot of good comments here, I'd go along with:
Finding out how old this guy is and following up there as required, and even though kids never think anything bad can happen to them, point out as many of the high profile cases as you can (Natali Holloway to name one) and any local/somewhat local case and teen car accident you can find, every time you see one pointing out none of the kids thought it was going to happen to them.

Firm laying down the law and sticking to it, but not iron fist control. Teens while still kids are maturing and need to be talked to a little more as an adult and given a LITTLE more opportunity to make some decisions on their own. Sure they will make mistakes some will be learning experiences, others will need removal of some of the newer freedom you have given them. Of course this goes along with a rational conversation with them (as a young adult) explaining the need to respect you and your rules if they expect you as a parent to respect their desire for more freedom.

It's a hard time to have to accept that your child is growing up, but it is unavoidable. Just don't give up trying to be a good parent no matter how trying it becomes, stay an active part of their life just at a little different level.

That being said, there is no one system for raising kids that's right for all, all of the time.

If all else fails build a wood shed. jk

Good luck

Airplay355

+1 sucks2beme

Good luck. I'd say that no matter how mad she gets or how upset you make her stick to your punishment. I remember being in trouble a lot but looking back on it, every time I was in trouble it was because I was being a **** head, not because my mom was overprotective. She'll thank you in the end.

bdaley6509

OMG I have 2 little girls and I am NOT looking forward to these days....I will pray for you. Please do the same for me.

markmarc

Taking the cell for a while is a good thing. I'd be checking the text messages, just to make sure she isn't putting herself in danger. i'd tell her the next screwup will mean the loss of texting service on her phone for x amount of time.

Next, sit down and let her talk, whatever you do don't interrupt or correct her (kids want to be heard). Once she is finished let her know that with age will come more freedom, but with it, more responsibility. You and the wife will want to have a game plan to tell her about what freedoms will increase/given at certain age points or when goals are met. Slip in a little fact, the highest incidence of date rape occurs among freshman and sophomore girls. Why, because they want to impress the older boys that they are mature.

Finally, some counties have programs where teen get to spend time, or attend a forum with teen mothers. They get to hear and see the realities of the being a wild child.

amulford

I feel your pain, man. I have a fifteen year old girl. I won't even get started, but feel blessed that's all she has pulled so far.

My advice is not to give freedom, but make her earn it. I gave it, and am paying dearly for it. No matter how much you want to be their friend, you are her Dad.

If it were me, the cell phone would be gone. For good. Grounding is also in order. She is fourteen, and a girl. Not old enough to know, but old enough to think she does.

It's not going to get any easier either... Good luck

Airplay355

All of this stuff makes me terrified to have kids. I feel bad for all you young dads with girls who are going to do this and for the dads with teenagers. I don't know how you do it.

bikezappa

Your story makes me understand again why at 22 I had a vasectomy. I see no difference in the problems children cause if you have girls or boys. Who is the father of Luke? What does his father think or even know about the situation.

Well since I never had any children I am ignorant of all your current problems, but your story for me is hard to believe based on my years as a teenager. But apparently no one else is surprised by your story so I am wrong.

If I did what your child did as a teenager my father would have beat me and confined me to be at home after school for many months. There would have been no discussion about this punishment unless I wanted to get beaten again. I would have, and I'm not you, smashed the cell phone with my boot that night.

I feel sorry for parents that are in this situation because you have lost control of your children. I have no solution. For your children to understand and respect that you have rules that need to be obeyed will result in them hating you for a long time.

Trust a child. NO WAY. Are you nuts. Don't you remember when you were a child?

bobman1235

Reading that, the world thanks you for your vasectomy.

bikezappa

bobman1235 wrote: »

Reading that, the world thanks you for your vasectomy.

I hope you are raising your children better.

Just a simple question.

What would you do if your child did that?

bobman1235

Oh I don't have kids, and believe me, the world thanks me for that too.

I'm certainly not one to dole out parenting advice, not being a parent, but there are much better ways to gain the respect of your children without "beating the **** out of them" every time they mess up, or overreacting by grounding someone for "months" for being a kid. It may be warranted in extreme situations but as a default method of discipline all you do is raise a violent sociopath, not a well-behaved human. There is a way, for most kids, that you can be a respected authority figure without having your kids "hate you" for a long time. You obviously had a messed-up childhood, and I'm sorry for that, but if one extreme is having a wild child with no respect for you or your rules, the other extreme is having a kid locked in his room who hates his parents. Neither one has a good chance of growing up "normal" or healthy.

bikezappa

Bobman
I did have a messed up childhood and I think most of my friends also did.

I didn't give any parenting advice, in fact I said I had no solution. I was just telling the forum what my father would have done in this case. Most of my friends also got beaten which was a common punishment in the 50 and 60s. I'm not saying it was right or wrong.
My defination of a beating is a few slaps. And I would be confined to the house not to the room. And probably no TV or radio.

I still think however that if Raider expects his children to obey his rules they will hate him for doing it if he can. How long the hate? Who knows.

I find it funny that we both talk about something we never have done.

I was in the Big Brither Big Sister program for two years however.

cfrizz

First thing is to eliminate the texting option on the cell phone. The phone is for her to have to keep YOU informed not for her to be yapping all over creation to who knows where. 2nd. this dirtbags # is probably in her phone. find it out & block it!

Track down this SOB & give him & his parents (probably just a 1 parent home to begin with) something to chew on.

Me, I would personally search her room to make sure she's not involved in anything else questionable that you don't know about.

Rein in your daughter TIGHT. She is grounded til further notice. Her job is to go to school, get good grades, come home & study. No parties, after school activities or anything. If she has a phone in her bedroom pull it out! No nothing until she has re-earned your trust & respect!

Yes let her talk to you & do listen, but let her know that there are serious consquences in life for when you screw up, and she screwed up BIG TIME!!!

Point out to her that your punishment is rather lenient compared to being stuck with a child that she would have to foot the bill & be responsible for. Tell her what SHE COSTS YOU to provide for & does she really want to be stuck at 14 in that type of situation.

Good luck. And try to remember that YOU are the one in charge not her. Her feelings might be hurt now, but when she finally grows into her brain she will discover just how stupid this stunt was!

nguyendot

Whoop her ****. Worked on me.