un-Professional movie review: Watchmen

Knucklehead

I didnt like it. What a B.S. movie.

mantis

Thats it? The entire review?

Knucklehead

Im saving the "other" version for Mike DeMonaco.

Toolfan66

I have heard that it's not that good, I did pick up Coraline on bluray yesterday and passed on the Watchmen.

nguyendot

I liked Watchmen, even though it was as long as Titanic.

AudioGenics

i'm glad i didn't pay theater prices to see it then.....

how was the production and video quality ?

everpress

I thought it stuck pretty close to the book. Which was made to be a visual literary work. When a graphic novel is as serious as this, it's stretching out to be something more than a comic book. To have a non-franchise graphic novel that purposely focuses outside of the super-hero action and more on the drama of being a person, it would take a miracle to make it a great movie.
That said, there was no miracle.
It was good if you loved the book. It was tolerable if you liked the book. And from my wife's perspective, who hadn't read the book... it was horrible.
I'm going to say that I was prepared to be a fanboy and stick up for the integrity of the creative behind the movie, but I was disappointed along with most other people.

All this negative thought about it BEFORE I get to how much large, radioactive blue wang there was... And I don't mean 'Large' like the dude was hung, I mean he was two, three 8 stories tall in some parts of the movie, so his **** was the size of buildings and whatnot. Being a trained fine artist who has done more than my fair share of nude drawings, I can say that I wanted to get over how many times the **** shows up... But in the Vietnam scene, when he comes barreling over the hill and people are running and his dick is as large as Canada, I couldn't help but think the reason we won that war in the movie was simply the threat of rape.

So, a great storyline mostly untranslatable to cinema, mixed with serious drama and lack of much entertaining action and purposeful shock-value thrown in to hurt your sensibilities... and a giant knob that would be the biggest glow-stick in the world are all the ingredients for a mediocre movie... at best...

Knucklehead

everpress wrote: »

But in the Vietnam scene, when he comes barreling over the hill and people are running and his dick is as large as Canada, I couldn't help but think the reason we won that war in the movie was simply the threat of rape.
QUOTE]

O.K. I now have coffee running out of my nose, all over my shirt and on my screen. Too funny!

everpress, you have a true gift for movie reviews! more! more!

concealer404

everpress wrote: »

But in the Vietnam scene, when he comes barreling over the hill and people are running and his dick is as large as Canada, I couldn't help but think the reason we won that war in the movie was simply the threat of rape.

I think you just made my day. I haven't laughed this hard at ANYTHING posted on this forum.

nguyendot

So... giant blue dick dangling and small asian people gasping and exploding into red goo..... yeah it was interesting.

shadowofnight

The wife picked up the blu ray for me yesterday to watch today ( Her one day to go into the office, so I can really unleash the subs ) . It's got a DTS HD Master audio soundtrack, so lets hope at least that part is decent.

Firing it up in a bit......

shadowofnight

everpress wrote: »

But in the Vietnam scene, when he comes barreling over the hill and people are running and his dick is as large as Canada, I couldn't help but think the reason we won that war in the movie was simply the threat of rape.

Just finished waching the movie and I liked it a lot , I thought the soundtrack was weak in the beginning....but it picked up nicely after a while.

I dont know what version you were watching, but as he is cresting over that hill in Vietnam 8 stories tall he has the superhero underware on....its most of the rest of the film the blue dick is out.

cnh

I rented the theatrical version and watched it last night. I am NOT familiar with the novel, comic or characters.

But I was amused by knucklehead's Un-professional review. We need more of those.

I won't burden everyone with my 'opinions' too much. I thought the film, even in its shortened version, was a little long (162 minutes?). And it wandered around trying to find itself at points. The CGI effects were CGI effects not the most realistic I've seen but OK as concepts.

The soundtrack was as Shadow describes, when it gets going...IT GETS GOING! The most interesting part of the film are the various characters, their flaws, their conflicts, their doubts, their demise and despair, etc. The moral ambiguity and the largely grey to dark tone of the epoch, i.e., an alternative earth history that has the cold war continuing and the U.S. winning in Vietnam with its President being re-elected from the mid sixties to the mid-80s? Sex, violence, compassion, love, hate, justice and the human condition and dehumanization--along with a healthy dose of particle physics and time/space paradoxes--well let's say the film has a bit of everything. But it's not 'really' an ACTION film but more of a dramatic film that has fantastic characters and planet changing consequences as its foundation.

I didn't think it was a great film by any means, but I found it intriguing in its 'suggestiveness'. In its possibilities.

A review humbly submitted in the tradition of unprofessionalism (originated by Knuckelhead).



cnh

acsubie

saw it in IMAX...what a waste of time and a good buzz i had going beforehand

shack

Knucklehead wrote:

Im saving the "other" version for Mike DeMonaco.

I prefer your version.

SolidSqual

Everpress! Welcome to club polk. That review was priceless.

unc2701

Heh. You're not the first to notice...

goingganzo

i thought the movie was good a solid 3 out of 5 what i did not care for was the sex scene it was a little to much i liked the vew but i felt like it was a mild **** scene. and the movie was a little slow but it was good.

chemical

overall i'd give it a 3.couldn't dance to it,didn't have much of a beat,and the ending was just lame

dane_peterson

I for one, very much enjoyed this movie.

I also read the comic novel twice shortly before the film came out on the big-screen.

I took a bunch of friends to this film opening night. The consensus was; if they hadn't read the book, they didn't really like it. If they HAD read the book, it was enjoyable.

I realize 162 min is long, but it didn't feel THAT long... having the book fresh in mind. Many of the reviews I've read have mentioned, on several occasions, the blue ****. GET OVER IT. It's how he was portrayed in the book. In fact, the movie was VERY accurate to not only the plot, but all the characters in every respect.

The film had no intention, from the very beginning, of being a Blockbuster #1 hit. The director's primary purpose was to pay justice to one of the most recognized graphic novels of all time. Alan Moore wanted nothing to do with it. Many had said the book could NOT be made into a full-length motion picture. Zach Snyder proved them all wrong.

Slander the film if you want. But if you have the slightest interest in ENJOYING the movie, check out the novel. It's a quick and entertaining read.

Edit: Everpress - welcome to the forum. I appreciate input from other readers, but your review doesn't hone in on anything tangible except Dr. Manhattan's package. Get some new material.

SKsolutions

I took an hour nap in the middle, so that helped.

everpress

Sorry; I did spend a minute talking about the giant blue **** (that wasn't always giant). But I also talked about other parts of the way the movie worked with the crowd. I'm not a reveiw kind of guy. I mostly look at a movie's previews, maybe a quick plot summary and avoid 9 out of 10 films that come out. Sure, I miss out on some good ones, but that's what DVDs are for. I was stoked about Watchmen. I was let down by how it just wasn't made for film. It stands to itself as a great book, in my opinion, and it is no fault of anyone working on the film. Comparitively, it's like taking all of Monet's paintings, and rendering them into 3D scenes set to music. Cool idea, I guess. And yeah, it's Monet... But it's not really Monet.
As far as the ****... Like I said, I'm a formally trained artist. I've done life drawing involving pretty people, ugly people, shaved-down-there people and jungly-tangle down ther people; fat people, skinny people and old and young. The only time I was uncomfortable with a **** in art was the first time I was supposed to render on on my paper in class. The first time. And you get over it quick. In the movie, I know why there was so much ****; all that nakedness of Dr. Manhattan helps accentuate his separation from humanity. And that drives his end of his drama. The thing is, in the book it reads that way. But in the movie, that **** doesn't move much. It's like a prosthetic **** or a weiner-shaped weiner cup. It's NOT natural. Now, I realize we are talking about the naturalness of a giant glowing size-shifting **** from a graphic novel to a movie, but it's one of those things that really helped break the movie for the audience, so I think it's relevant. I can't remember if they tried to add any subtle movement to that thing or not; I don't want too. But I do remember thinking:a) my **** moves when I move; if it step, it bounces, if I turn, it um...swings a little b) they sure are showing this a lot; I wonder how the people that didn't read the book are taking this?
See, now I've brought MY **** into the forray, and that's pretty uncomfortable too. But just to say that if it's this guy's privates being exposed that was supposed to help drive the plot that he was becoming less and less human and reversing the gap between Adam/Eve's shame at becoming human in the Garden, as now he approaches Godhood, and then you replace it with a not-a-****, even for all practical technical reasons, it loses even that edge and becomes the blue-thing-they-keep-showing-in-every-scene.

So there, again, it wasn't the **** that ruined the movie. It was the fact that it was made. No fault, again, of the creative vision of anyone working on the movie, but the story is such to be very difficult and this was the best effort that possibly couldve been. It just didn't work out.

If I have to write about ****' again, I'll cry. I came to Club Polk to learn about my RTA 11TLs, joined to talk with other speaker people, and now, my two largest posts have been in detail, about a ****. Two, if I include my own.

concealer404

This thread amuses me greatly.

Pauly

he said ****... huhhuhhuh


Pauly

George Grand

shack wrote: »

I prefer your version.

Yes, the short-winded, to the point version.

dane_peterson

LoL, oh my God. This is hilarity.

One last thing and then I'm done... While watching the movie, I didn't really pay much attention to the ****. I knew it was there, but I was watching the plot develop. It sounds to me that you were a little preoccupied to fully enjoy the film... judging how "lifelike" the blue wang's movements were.

Knucklehead

dane_peterson wrote: »

I was watching the plot develop.

I didnt know Watchmen & plot could be used in the same sentence. If this guy was banking on everyone reading the book to like his movie, he's just as dumb as his movie. Ive seen plenty of very well done movies and the books were even better.

Ricardo

Fully agree with the OP. Should have followed my gut feeling and avoid this one.

Now I feel stupid for watching the whole thing. Worst movie ever!

shack

Ricardo wrote: »

Fully agree with the OP. Should have followed my gut feeling and avoid this one.

Now I feel stupid for watching the whole thing. Worst movie ever!

I haven't bothered to watch it. I have yet to see or read anything about this movie that even remotely interests me.

Face

Definitely drawn out, otherwise not bad if you have nothing else to do for 3 hours.

AndyGwis

I vote for everpress to be the official / unofficial movie review writer for Polk Forum.

Please keep em coming. If you're a better artist than writer (unless you consider them one in the same), then you are a very talented person.