OK, need other opinions on this one

Jstas

I've been dealing with drama between two friends for a little while now. Why they both have to tell me all about it, I don't know. I'm really starting to resent them both for putting me in between them too. So I'll give the back story a bit here.

Friend 1: Just got out of a bad relationship. Wasn't really looking for a new one, just a date or two every so often. But he ended up talking to a waitress at a bar we frequent and just for **** and giggles, asked her if he could take her out. She said yes and they've been a regular thing for a few weeks now. He's happy, she's ecstatic 'cause she finally found a decent man and not a kid like she's been seeing. They make a great couple and seem to compliment each other well. I'm happy for them and hope it works out 'cause she's a great girl and after what he's dealt with, to see him actually happy and excited about something in his life again is a very good thing.

Friend 2: Is in a bad relationship...by choice. The girl, he got knocked up around this time last year. He and the girl fought like cats and dogs. She says the kid is his but she's not sure. Said she was only sleeping with one other guy and he's Hispanic so the baby didn't come out brown so she says it's his. Problem is that the girl was also sleeping with an ex boyfriend, the other guy, my friend and some dude she met off of MySpace at the time. My friend is the only one capable of supporting a kid. So she has him snowed and he refuses to get a paternity test. Now they get along, just barely. But he's going to marry her or so he says. But he just told me he got the number of some girl that works at a Wawa that he sees every day. He's got a track record with girls that rivals Wilt Chamberlain and actually has a list of girls, in alphabetical order, and is actively trying to fill in a name for all letters. So he's living with this girl he promised to marry but he isn't happy.


Now, the situation. The girl with friend one, friend two has a thing for her. Friend two has tried to ask her out and she has shot him down every time. She has told him that he is a nice guy but she's just not interested. Well, friend two found out about friend one and went ballistic. He thinks friend one is dating his girl and is mad at him and making thing difficult because he thinks he has rightful claim to said girl and friend one needs to back off because he didn't ask friend two's permission first.

This is so silly.

My advice to them was that friend two is engaged. He's off the market. The girl has rejected friend two multiple times and it's just not going to happen at this point. Friend one is happy and doesn't understand the problem because when he asked said girl out, she was single and not seeing anyone. So friend two needs to suck it up and move on with his "wife to be" and forget about friend one and said girl. He doesn't have to be happy for them but he does need to respect that relationship.


So am I wrong in my advice? Because friend two is running around and telling everyone half the story and making me seem like the bad guy because I'm sticking up for friend one and the girl. What do you think?

steveinaz

Un-insert yourself from the situation..seriously.

treitz3

^^^what he said^^^

shadowofnight

steveinaz wrote: »

Un-insert yourself from the situation..seriously.

+1.....dont give either advise...you will get screwed either way. Make a joke out of it...ask them " Do I look like Dr. Phil " . I've had friends ask me **** about women....never gave any advise on THAT subject....still have the friends...the women are long gone.

daboyz

steveinaz wrote: »

Un-insert yourself from the situation..seriously.

+1

But, IMHO friend #2 is a complete **** and shouldn't even be messing with #1's girlfriend period. If I had "friends" like #2, I wouldn't need enemies. Dude is a complete loser and should be spending some time trying to figure out who he is.Counseling would be in order.

BaggedLancer

+2 to what they said

Jstas

I would really like to uninsert myself from the situation but see, friend one is very close to me, like a brother pretty much and friend two I work with and see daily. Friend two is where most of the drama is coming from and I don't really hang out with him a whole lot outside of work anymore just because of all the problems he causes but lately, he's been showing up at the regular nights we all get together and go out. I try to avoid friend two as much as I can because of it anymore but if a bunch of people are going out and hanging together, I refuse to be the group's liaison and tell him to go pound sand 'cause his attitude sucks. That's gotta be a group decision levied by the group, not me and my other friends are not willing to put me in that position just because of the fact that I work with friend two.

Also, I try to be a good friend and just listen to what they have to say. I offer advice in the best way I can and if I feel that something they tell me has the potential to cause harm to another friend, I am not afraid to blow cover 'cause one friend should not be going covert on another friend. If they are, they need to re-evaluate the friendship.

And friend two is not messing around with friend one's girlfriend. He is just making it difficult for friends 3 through 17 to hang out with me and friend one if friend two is around and it's because of the girlfriend.

But what I'm getting so far is that I am not wrong in telling friend two that he is the one that needs to back off 'cause he had no legitimate claim to said girl and he's engaged and not to said girl so even if he had a claim to said girl, it is null and voided by his current fatherhood and engagement.

cfrizz

1. Tell them you are not Dr. Phil!
2. Distance yourself FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRR away from friend #2 with loser friends like him, you don't need enemies!

F1nut

daboyz wrote: »

+1

But, IMHO friend #2 is a complete **** and shouldn't even be messing with #1's girlfriend period. If I had "friends" like #2, I wouldn't need enemies. Dude is a complete loser and should be spending some time trying to figure out who he is. Counseling would be in order.

Agreed!!!

treitz3

Friend #2 needs to grow up. "Claiming" a woman? My gawd. How stupid. How old is this cat anyway? 13?

cfrizz

Jstas, if you are TRULY his friend, then you should be able to tell him the truth, that's what friends do for each other. He is heading for a cliff & you should warn him away from it, but tell him that you are NOT going to allow him to take you over it with him. He is causing alot of unneccesary drama & it is having a negative impact on you & other friends.

Now if he can't see that you are just being honest & straight with him, then by all means tell him to go jump off that cliff!

Ricardo

If you want to get rid of friend #2, ask out the girl he's living with. Based on all the background she'll probably say yes. Friend #2 finds out, friendship is over

shadowofnight

shadowofnight wrote: »

Make a joke out of it...ask them " Do I look like Dr. Phil " .

cfrizz wrote: »

1. Tell them you are not Dr. Phil!

I hear an echo.....

treitz3

Ricardo wrote: »

If you want to get rid of friend #2, ask out the girl he's living with. Based on all the background she'll probably say yes. Friend #2 finds out, friendship is over

Hahaha....I like your style.

Strong Bad

Friend #2 is an ****, plain and simple! I HAD (past tense) a friend similar to this. On his third marriage and determined to end that one. Cheated constantly on every wife. Even cheated on the girlfriend he had on the side while married to #2. i wound up getting totally fed up with his antics and called him out on it. I got blasted from all his friends for not standing behind him, but I didn't give a rats ****. I feel better in the end having done that, even though i haven't heard a peep in over 5 months. He's lost lots of friends over the years because of his habits.

There's gonna be a time when your relationship with your other friends begins to suffer because of #2. You'll probably have to do what I did and just let loose on how you feel. Call his **** on it!

As much as you would like to just stay out of it, that may not be possible.

John

Joe08867

If friend #2 treated me like friend 1 I would have knoced his F-ing teeth out. It isn't the girls falut if she says no what does friend #1 want.

Either way i would try to get out of the situation. Just tell them you are friends with both of them abd try to back oot gracefully.

steveinaz

Just tell them both, that you don't want to get involved--it's between them. If they are friends, they will understand.

Bev & I and 2 sets of friends that don't play well together. When 1 couple is at the house, if they begin talking about the other couple, I immediately tell them "let's move on to something else, I don't want to get between you two." I don't let either couple talk about the other (in my home)--and it works; niether brings it up anymore, because they know I won't "bandwagon" with them. If either of them ever have a problem with it, they know where my front door is.

He had a wierd weekend a couple weekends ago--two visting friends almost got into a fight; I threw everybody out. They both apologized the next day--no big deal, I just won't have it at my house. It was pretty funny, the next morning Bev said (laughing), I can't believe you told them to "get the **** out, right now."

dkg999

In the words of Monty Python "run away".

SKsolutions

Friend #2 ?<br>
<br>

Bill Ayotte

You know what happens in situations like this? Nothing good. Let me explain. Some of this will be familiar with a couple of people on here, and most likely it will shed some light on the whole situation I went through.

Last year, about May time frame, I lived in a house with a couple who were both pretty close friends of mine. Rent was cheap, and we all basically got along. Well, they broke up.

Despite it being her house, she decided to move out and just rent it to her now ex and I. This happens after about a month of her sleeping on the couch and drinking at a pretty amazing rate, all the time....Not a good situation. Well, her ex met some other woman about three days after the break-up, and about two weeks in it gets "serious"....This obviously doesn't help the situation. So she moves out, and takes a job that requires a lot of travel, so she just sleeps on a couch somewhere while she is in town....All throughout this I am bombarded by both sides about how the other one feels/pees/etc. like I give a f&^k.

Fast forward to the end of June, I guess it really was serious, the ex MARRIED the new girl. Literally out of the blue. I come home one day and they are married. f'in weird. Throughout this process, I am trying to get a job with this contractor, and they are giving me the run-around. I couldn't figure out why, I knew half of the people that worked there. Turns out she works there too, and told them she would be "uncomfortable" if I did too. Great, there goes that. Now I am looking at not having a place to live and being unemployed, because obviously the ex will be moving in with his now wife, and her place was hella bigger than the place we had....

So he moves out, and she is OK with me staying there for the same rent.....Until she decides that is was time to sell the house, so she put it on the market and didn't tell anyone, much less the person that was living there....So I move out, into a small apartment at the old roomies parents in law's place....Well, after that, there really was no other choice besides come back home....I only had one other interview in TN, and it went pretty bad, mostly because she called and told them that I had sexually harassed her at the place where I was NEVER EMPLOYED and was fired for it....

Now, I never played on either side of the fence in this, and if it wasn't for my old roomie I would have ended up on the streets, he saved my ****. This is an extreme example, but if nothing else expect not to be friends with one of them at the end of this, and from what I have read that would be friend #2...Obviously in the wrong, and completely unwilling to admit it...

mrbigbluelight

Strong Bad wrote: »

Friend #2 is an ****, plain and simple! I HAD (past tense) a friend similar to this. On his third marriage and determined to end that one. Cheated constantly on every wife. Even cheated on the girlfriend he had on the side while married to #2. i wound up getting totally fed up with his antics and called him out on it. I got blasted from all his friends for not standing behind him, but I didn't give a rats ****. I feel better in the end having done that, even though i haven't heard a peep in over 5 months. He's lost lots of friends over the years because of his habits.

John

One of the wonderful things about getting/being older is that you reach a stage where you understand that the easiest, and most fun, thing to do in life is .... the right thing.

Jstas, IMO, the facts are as follows:
1. Friend #1 seems like a decent chap.
2. Friend #2 seems like a 100 % certified piece of crap.

You say #2's girlfriend has him snowed, that he won't take a paternity test.

Ask yourself (and it's obvious as hell to me): Why won't he take a paternity test ?
Because she has him snowed, and he thinks the kid is his ?
No. Charmer #2 doesn't really give a crap if it's his kid.
It's because she's a good lay. Plain and simple.

Jstas wrote:

Friend two has tried to ask her out and she has shot him down every time......... Well, friend two found out about friend one and went ballistic. He thinks friend one is dating his girl and is mad at him and making thing difficult because he thinks he has rightful claim to said girl and friend one needs to back off because he didn't ask friend two's permission first.

Jstas wrote:

And friend two is not messing around with friend one's girlfriend.

Geeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz .......
....8........9.................10 ....... okay:

Well ...... so ....... I suppose #2 asked #1's girlfriend out because he was wanting to get a women's view on childraising, huh ?

No, he was, of course, asking her out to get some poontang. Period.

The ONLY reason why #2's not messing around with #1's GF is because she has some class.

So, because you work with #2, you think you're trapped in some situation whereby you have to put up with some dickhead who possibly fathered a child, has promised to marry the mother, goes psycho when another decent dude hooks up with a woman he'd like to be dicking, too and who is making life miserable for you and a large group of your friends ...................
...........

You're okay with that ?

Why ?


My advice: have some fun.
This will require that you make a choice, which is as plain as the nose on your face, but it will be fun !

If #2 gets mad because you tell him that, until he starts acting like a man, he can go **** himself and to stay out of your way, than .... so what ?!

What have you lost ?

You might actually do him some good by telling him that, although that doesn't really matter.
What REALLY matters is that you'll do yourself some good by telling him that.

Just my opinion, of course. YMMV.

cfrizz

Excellent post BBL & right on target!!!

TroyD

Kick friend #2 to the curb. He's an idiot.

BDT

wingnut4772

TroyD wrote: »

Kick friend #2 to the curb. He's an idiot.

BDT

What he said.

SolidSqual

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQej27tSpY0

tonyb

Remove yourself from the situation,nothing good is going to come of it.

SolidSqual

Dig in deep between the both of them. Pit them against each other until the whole situation explodes. Then have at it with their women.

venomclan

Talk friend #2 into buying a Bose system.

exalted512

John...

Read what you typed and pretend its someone else asking it. I've known you for a couple years on this board, and I'm willing to bet your response to this would have been really damn close to a lot of these. Tell 2 hes an idiot, move on with your life.

Hell, youre never unwilling to tell ppl on this forum what you think, why should your friends be any different:p

Good luck, I hate being in the middle of that kind of crap...kind of reminds you of high school eh?
-Cody

Jstas

mrbigbluelight wrote: »

Well ...... so ....... I suppose #2 asked #1's girlfriend out because he was wanting to get a women's view on childraising, huh ?

No, he was, of course, asking her out to get some poontang. Period.

The ONLY reason why #2's not messing around with #1's GF is because she has some class.

So, because you work with #2, you think you're trapped in some situation whereby you have to put up with some dickhead who possibly fathered a child, has promised to marry the mother, goes psycho when another decent dude hooks up with a woman he'd like to be dicking, too and who is making life miserable for you and a large group of your friends ...................
...........

You're okay with that ?

Why ?

Hold on a second, it seems you are making some assumptions here and from what you wrote, I don't think I explained the situation well enough.

Number 1, I'm not okay with it. I posted this post because I'm not okay with it and I wanted to know what other people thought because I agree with what everyone has said. But the problem is that no matter how cut and dry this whole thing is, this is a sensitive situation. Bill Ayotte found out the hard way how badly one can get screwed at work over something so stupid. Friend two is capable of doing such things. I don't need to lose my livelihood because I decided not to use tact. So I asked to make sure that I wasn't over-reacting or over-analyzing the situation like I tend to do.

Number 2, friend number two asked said girl out several times, long before this happened. One of the reasons he stopped hanging around at that particular bar for a while with us was due to the rejection. That and he was so whiny about it for so long that being the good friends that we were, he was tortured mercilessly for a while. He didn't take it well at all, threw out the "I hate you guys" comments a whole lot and then pulled a faster100, took his ball and went home one day. Then since I work with him, I got to hear about all his feelings and concerns over his own actions. I told him to stop crying about it and apologize for acting like a jackass and everything is cool. He didn't though. Well time passes and friend one was not doing so hot with his relationship and said girl noticed he was down in the dumps. Our service at the bar started to suffer because they talked constantly when we were all there but it was cool 'cause it was helping friend one out. One day, friend one walked in to the bar with us, made a beeline for the girl and said "Hey, can I take you out sometime?" That was that. Friend two hadn't been to the bar in about 3 months at least and didn't try to contact anyone. IMO, she's fair game even if friend two had been trying to chat her up for a while. Friend two forfeited any "claim" he might have had so he has no right to be angry. Friend two only started coming back in the picture when I told him in passing that friend one and said girl got together and hit it off. You'd think a friend would be happy for a friend. Guess not.

Oh and the knocked up bride to be isn't that great of a lay and she has the "gift that keeps on giving" if you know what I mean. Not that I would know because I wouldn't touch her with friend two's "equipment" let alone mine but I guess that's cause I have standards.






Anyhow, I know what's gotta happen and I pretty much had the same mentality as the rest of you but I wanted to see reactions because I didn't want to go into the situation, guns ablazin', and making a big mess for myself. I didn't choose to be in the middle, I was put there by friend two. I'm happy for friend one and said girl is a great girl, great personality and all. Hell, I'd be interested in her if my situation was different. Besides, now we get discounts at the bar! But I can't ignore the fact that friend two works with me and if I piss him off, I would not put it past him to cause problems for me at work. I don't need to lose my livelihood over this but I know I'm not wrong and that gives me way more ammunition against any of friend two's childish BS.

You know, I'm really getting too old for this. I mean I'm all for being a big kid and playing with big kid toys and stuff but I left high school over 12 years ago now.

dkg999

Life's too short to deal with this type of BS. Move on and let them deal with it. If you feel the need to be involved, make it clear to them that you charge $100 an hour for therapy, payment up front. Then take the money and upgrade your audio gear, because you are going to need it.