Wife Advice: Get her to quit her job...
jdhdiggs
Posts: 4,305
Any advice on how to get my wife to quit her job? She doesn't make squat (comparitively), works crappy hours (typically one night a week at a site, another night getting home around 8PM or later. The manager of her division makes Michael Scott look competant. She constantly complains about all of these things and she has other options.
Additionally:
We don't need the money
She wants to stay home with the kids (working on it, none yet)
She wants to be a teacher (always has)
Teachers (even starting out) make significantly more than she does now
Why she says she won't quit:
Her co-workers are nice
Her direct manager is a good guy
I got a geophysics degree and don't want it to go to waste...
So basically unless she's preggers, she won't quit. Even then I'd give it maybe 50/50. (The "maybe I can work from home and just go in 1 day a week" argument has already been used)
The points I've made:
1). Do something you like and look forward to doing every day
2). Virtually any other job will give us more time together and more time for you to do the things you want
3). We should be looking for ways to spend more time together and by sticking with your job because you don't want to strand your co-workers, you're saying their feelings are more important than our relationship (yes, I was playing dirty)
4). Quit now, get the teaching certificate, get certified/experience before kids come along.
Looking for any advice and aperrantly the less logic it has the better it will probably work as the logical arguments just gets her depressed and pissed.
Additionally:
We don't need the money
She wants to stay home with the kids (working on it, none yet)
She wants to be a teacher (always has)
Teachers (even starting out) make significantly more than she does now
Why she says she won't quit:
Her co-workers are nice
Her direct manager is a good guy
I got a geophysics degree and don't want it to go to waste...
So basically unless she's preggers, she won't quit. Even then I'd give it maybe 50/50. (The "maybe I can work from home and just go in 1 day a week" argument has already been used)
The points I've made:
1). Do something you like and look forward to doing every day
2). Virtually any other job will give us more time together and more time for you to do the things you want
3). We should be looking for ways to spend more time together and by sticking with your job because you don't want to strand your co-workers, you're saying their feelings are more important than our relationship (yes, I was playing dirty)
4). Quit now, get the teaching certificate, get certified/experience before kids come along.
Looking for any advice and aperrantly the less logic it has the better it will probably work as the logical arguments just gets her depressed and pissed.
There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin
Post edited by jdhdiggs on
Comments
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She doesn't realize how lucky she is. A lot of people without kids fall into the "dual income trap" which makes it difficult to switch jobs.
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Maybe she doesn't want to spend more time with you
Seriously, I have found comfort level to be a strong motivator for females. I have a friend that could make 10x what she is making, but her rationale is similer to your wifes, she likes the people she works with and she is basically on auto-pilot to be able to do the job. You may have to wait it out until she convinces herself! Of course at that point it will somehow be your fault that she put up with the job for that long
DKG999
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Hmmm... remember, I don't know either you or your wife.
But, I'm thinking....
Guys work lots of hours when they don't want to come home to the nagging wife and kids.
Work provides a degree of independence.
And, lastly and most importantly, its because she prefers (for whatever reason) to spend her time at work rather than at home.
Young grasshopper.... I'm thinking that she is ready to "move on" with what is working in her life and she is presently "in between". Women can wait years until the time is "just right" to make that change.
Finally, don't shoot the messenger!!! -
If she likes her job, she should keep doing it, but maybe a compromise is in order? Those hours are ridiculous when you don't need the money. Nothing wrong with being happy in your work, though.
If you made agreements about kids, she should honor them when you guys are fortunate enough to have them.
...but hey, what do I know.
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It's simple!
Slip her some fertility drugs and knock 'er up! -
Yes, I'm sure she'd much rather be pounding a sledgehammer into metal plates in the median of 476 in downtown Philly in pouring rain than work in a normal office environment...
She HATES the work, HATES the hours, and HATES the travel. She constantly complains about it. How she'd like a normal job, how she'd like to start teaching... I don't get it...
She got her review today and apperantly she had the "best performance of any employee they've had in their first year" (WTH that means), promoted her 2 titles up and she got a 4% raise... Now she'll be making a whopping 80% of what she was making working PART time for the SAME COMPANY.... (Told you, Michael Scott is a genius compared to this moron)There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
Dave:
That's the thing, if she was an enviromentalist (it's an environmental company) or someone who really dug her job, it would be one thing. She only does it because it "uses" her degree, but despises working there.There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
Good gawd man...:eek:
You're working on having kids and you're worried about this? I suggest you plan a vacation for just the two of you right now. You cut back on your hours a little, spend some time doing all those things you wanted to do before you had children. Romance a little, have wild monkey sex, what ever floats your boat...just go out and have some dates or something.
When the stork brings that little bundle of joy...you'll forget whatever the hell you were worried about as far as her job...;)
Really...kids are great, but they change everything. Both you and your wife's whole perspective on jobs and outlook on life are about to undergo a tornado, hurricane force readjustment. Concentrate on enjoying each other, just the two of you while you can.
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Cheesy:
That's kinda the point... We'd love to go on vacation but she can't (too little vacation time, the client needs me....WTH...) Love to spend time together but the two work schedules SUCK when combined (both work as consultants). Before she took this job, we went to Panama, Columbia, Spain, France, Italy, wherever. At least 2 weeks out of the country and another 1 to 2 weeks visiting friends and family.
Now we can't do that because of her job (and it's wonderful 2 weeks of time bank (sick days, doctor visits are counted as vacation). Just frustrated as hell.
BTW married for 5 years now and no real trouble beyond this which is minor, I'm just tired of her complaining about something she could change with two words and no regrets.There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
Do you want her nagging you about what YOU should do with your job?
Probably not.
It's her choice, it's her decision...you've stated your case and made your points. Now let the woman decide on her own what she wants to do. I suggest you back off."Just because youre offended doesnt mean youre right." - Ricky Gervais
"For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase
"Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson -
Yeah, I guess it's hard before you have kids to appreciate what you can do before you have them. She seems very children oriented. You're luckier than a lot of my friends in that department. In the computer industry here in the valley, most of my friends wives are more driven than they are. And it's really hard to get them to let go of things like 'wasting the degree' even when the couple can survive very easily on one salary.
Since I don't know your wife, it's hard to know what would appeal to her better sense, but I'd always work the 'we have precious little time before the little tikes come, let's concentrate on strengthening our relationship' angle. Sounds 'cheesy', I know. But you might have her convinced it was her idea all along by the end. I think that's the only way she's truly going to want to let go... -
Knock her out and then go adopt a baby real quick while she's unconscious.Sharp Elite 70
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Shack:
That's one of the reasons I quit TI. And it is frustrating dealing with an hour of bitching every work day about how awful her job is when it is completely in her control to change it.
Darla:
Hehe, naww, the trying is most of the fun...
Besides, you don't hit females...There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
No..I mean use ether...he he he:pjdhdiggs wrote:Shack:
That's one of the reasons I quit TI. And it is frustrating dealing with an hour of bitching every work day about how awful her job is when it is completely in her control to change it.
Darla:
Hehe, naww, the trying is most of the fun...
Besides, you don't hit females...Sharp Elite 70
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
Knock her up.
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wingnut4772 wrote:No..I mean use ether...he he he:p
Man, cops in florida are pretty...laid back...um, I mean creative...:p -
I've seen it all!cheddar wrote:Man, cops in florida are pretty...laid back...um, I mean creative...:p
Seriously..if she really enjoys her job then I guess you just have to let her keep on keepin' on. I guess she would quit if she wanted to..? People usually only do what they don't want to when they have to and it does not sound like she has to.Sharp Elite 70
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
Ok, she says she hates her job, but let's assume she doesn't-How can I get her to quit complaining about how bad it is?There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin
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jdhdiggs wrote:Ok, she says she hates her job, but let's assume she doesn't-How can I get her to quit complaining about how bad it is?
Ball Gag. -
Umm, I think the local S&M store is missing a sales clerk...BaggedLancer wrote:Ball Gag.There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
Just tell her. Say 'honey I love you and it really upsets me to see you unhappy so either take charge of the situation and control of your happiness or quit. Life is too short too keep complaining about the same thing. You complain once, fix it, and move on.'jdhdiggs wrote:Ok, she says she hates her job, but let's assume she doesn't-How can I get her to quit complaining about how bad it is?Sharp Elite 70
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
jdhdiggs wrote:Umm, I think the local S&M store is missing a sales clerk...
:rolleyes: ... -
He's auditioning for the Pulp Fiction Broadway musical.jdhdiggs wrote:Umm, I think the local S&M store is missing a sales clerk...Sharp Elite 70
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Sony PS3
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
wingnut4772 wrote:He's auditioning for the Pulp Fiction Broadway musical.
ok that one was over my head.....explanation plz k thx
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Darla:
Tried that, didn't work... And no, she doesn't just like complaining, she enjoyed her job prior to this.There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
Cheddar, how is her quitting her job going to strenghthen their relationship? She will be housebound & dependent on him for money.
Once she has a baby, she will be housebound, dependent on him for money & stuck with a screeching kid that she won't be able to get away from & he'll be happily at work doing one of these numbers. "Guys work lots of hours when they don't want to come home to the nagging wife and kids."
Instead of her bitching about her job, she will be bitching about being bored at home.cheddar wrote:Yeah, I guess it's hard before you have kids to appreciate what you can do before you have them. She seems very children oriented. You're luckier than a lot of my friends in that department. In the computer industry here in the valley, most of my friends wives are more driven than they are. And it's really hard to get them to let go of things like 'wasting the degree' even when the couple can survive very easily on one salary.
Since I don't know your wife, it's hard to know what would appeal to her better sense, but I'd always work the 'we have precious little time before the little tikes come, let's concentrate on strengthening our relationship' angle. Sounds 'cheesy', I know. But you might have her convinced it was her idea all along by the end. I think that's the only way she's truly going to want to let go...Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2 -
cfrizz wrote:Cheddar, how is her quitting her job going to strenghthen their relationship? She will be housebound & dependent on him for money.
Once she has a baby, she will be housebound, dependent on him for money & stuck with a screeching kid that she won't be able to get away from & he'll be happily at work doing one of these numbers. "Guys work lots of hours when they don't want to come home to the nagging wife and kids."
Instead of her bitching about her job, she will be bitching about being bored at home.
Yes. That could be also. I guess just point out that she needs to get a different job because it's becoming an issue and she's obviosly not happy. She can't stay there for other people just because they are nice. They don't come home with her. ( I hope ) Sharp Elite 70
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Polk Atrium 7s on the patio just to keep my foot in the door. -
Cathy:
You're damn right about the complaining about being bored.
What I would like her to do is to do something that makes her happy, regardless of how it affects her coworkers or how much she makes. Secondly, I would like it if that activity/job were one where we could spend more time together.
BTW: She would NEVER be dependent on me for money. She has her own savings and trust fund that I can not touch and could easily be making $80K+ if she wanted to leave our current area.There is no genuine justice in any scheme of feeding and coddling the loafer whose only ponderable energies are devoted wholly to reproduction. Nine-tenths of the rights he bellows for are really privileges and he does nothing to deserve them. We not only acquired a vast population of morons, we have inculcated all morons, old or young, with the doctrine that the decent and industrious people of the country are bound to support them for all time.-Menkin -
cfrizz wrote:Cheddar, how is her quitting her job going to strenghthen their relationship? She will be housebound & dependent on him for money.
Once she has a baby, she will be housebound, dependent on him for money & stuck with a screeching kid that she won't be able to get away from & he'll be happily at work doing one of these numbers. "Guys work lots of hours when they don't want to come home to the nagging wife and kids."
Instead of her bitching about her job, she will be bitching about being bored at home.
Being one of those dads who is actually quite dedicated to taking care of kids -- diapers, sleep deprived feedings, being present at doctor's appointments (and emergency room visits), reading to them everyday etc. I've found that the most stress between me and my wife doesn't come from the kids but from the almost impossible situation where we can't spend time enjoying each other like we used to. You adapt (my current obsession with HD home theater is a response to not being able to do something as simple as seeing casino royale when it was in the theaters), but it's never really the same.
I certainly wouldn't want his wife to do anything that would make her unhappy. But it seems like she wants to spend time with her kids, even to the point of spending time with other people's kids by being a teacher. -
Then ask her what does she want? Ask her if she wants to go back to her old job? If she want's to utilize her degree then why doesn't she find a job that will do so that she will enjoy.
Tell her flat out that her endless bitching is driving YOU insane which isn't fair to you. You are willing to support any decision she makes as long as she either shuts up about how much she hates her job or finds a new one that she will be happy with.
Suggest that BOTH of you go to counseling 1. to help you deal with the stress of her constant complaints about the job & 2. to help her figure out why she is REALLY staying in a job that makes her miserable.
This suggestion alone might really get her to think about what she is doing & wants for her life.jdhdiggs wrote:Darla:
Tried that, didn't work... And no, she doesn't just like complaining, she enjoyed her job prior to this.Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
