Life's great

MSkeezer

My wife decided she wanted to split. She said she can't handle my temper anymore. She also says she can't get over the fact that I cheated on her 2 yrs ago. I figure she's right. I do have a temper. I do a good job of controlling it but we do get into yelling matches every now and then. Sometimes I'll say something I don't mean and I understand that it can hurt her. While it should never have happened in the first place, I always try my best to fix it. Flowers, gifts, dinner, etc. I also shouldn't have cheated on her. We were going through a rough time 2 yrs ago and I started getting counseling. It was eventually suggested by our pastor that she get into counesling, too, whether by herself or with me, and she flat out said that didn't need it, and there was nothing about her than needed to be fixed. Only I needed to be fixed. So I took that as a stab in the neck, and to get back, I cheated on her. I had planned on telling her, hoping she'd want a divorce, but I decided not to. I eventually told her. To get back, she stopped cooking, cleaning, and she threw it up in my face every chance she got. To top everything off at home, my brother in law was killed in a car crash, and my grandmother died after being in the hospital for the past 2 yrs. Fast foward to now. She's decided she wants to end it. I found another place to live with relatively low rent. I figure I deserve it, and I've been trying to be ok with it, but...

I just found out why she's REALLY leaving. Another man. Now I'm not 110% sure, but there are a lot of signs. I didn't put them together at first. I started noticing little things about a week before she said she was through. I just shrugged them off and thought nothing of it. There's really no point to go through every single one of them, but to me, it's obvious. An incident last night, though, really got me thinking, and she suspects that I might suspect something and has been very distant. Her mother has really been trying to talk her out of ending our marriage and has begged her to go into counseling, but she has absolutely refused to listen to her. I guess I know now why she doesn't want to. But, I guess that's just life.

bdaley6509

Sorry to hear about your trouble. My brother-in-law recently went through a bitter divorce, but on the upside he met a new lady, is building a new home, and is happier now than he has ever been. Keep your chin up.

Ron-P

Keep your head up bro, things will get better. Do you have any kids?

gshisme

Yeah, that sucks bro. Don't get too down on yourself! Stuff like this usually leads to better things.

PolkThug

She's really leaving because of the problems, the other man is just a symptom. Time to cut the losses and move on. Things will suck for awhile, but will eventually improve.

Try to keep your cool and work towards an amical divorce.

Sorry you have to go through this bro.

Strong Bad

Take all things into account and look at it from HER point of view. Some people have it in them to forgive/forget with the cheating thing. Then, there are some that can NEVER forgive/forget.

Sorry bud, I do wish the best for you both.

dkg999

Hang in there, things will get better. I wasted too much time with one of those women who wanted everyone else to get help, because she certainly didn't need any :eek: Everyone is human and makes mistakes. Keep your head up high, keep moving forward, and take care of yourself! Always remember, a big leather recliner and a good audio or HT system can usually help you shake off the blues.

Skynut

When my ex left I was totally bummed but I quickly found comfort in some new booty.
Now I am re-married and the new wife is wonderful. She loves my HT system and doesn't trip when I spend my denero on new pieces.
My new wife likes more of the things I do than my ex did and I like most of the things she like also.
Life is going on good for me right now and is WAY BETTER than it was before.
Sometimes things happen for a reason, just remember to learn any lessons you can from this relationship and apply them to any future relationships.

shepx2

I feel your pain. I'm going through an unwanted (at the time) divorce. It can be very hard.
When BOTH parties won't agree to marriage or some kind of counseling when there are problems, it will never work. While my wife went to counseling, she refused to acknowledge or talk about her own personal issues. In fact, she tried to commit suicide some years ago, and refused any individual counseling. She said she didn't have a problem, that it was just a mistake. On the occaisons that I went to counseling on my own, our counselor admitted that she REALLY needed individual help, but couldn't force her to.
The best advice I can give you is to pray, and to remind yourself that YOU are NOT the reason she is leaving. You may not be perfect, but if you are willing to try and make yourself better, than that's all anyone can ask.
We all make mistakes. And we all have the ability to forgive each other, if we are willing. But you must first be able to look at yourself honestly. Someone who claims they have done nothing wrong, and the marriage problems are all one sided, is too self-absorbed to be helped. That may sound harsh, but that's been my experience, and even came out of 2 different counselors mouths.
I made the mistake of being too open with my wife about my feelings after I found about her affair. I did a lot of reading afterwards, and realized all the mistakes I had been making after that point. Here's a few tips:
Be strong. Don't let her see that her leaving is affecting you badly. If she sees you break down, it will push her even further away. You CAN NOT control what she does, so focus on yourself, and do things that you enjoy. Focus on what good things life may have ahead of you instead.
If she sees that you are fine, and that you don't "need" her, she may just wake up and come to her senses. Then again, she may not and leave anyways. And if that's the case, then you are already focused forward with your life.

Good luck, and I will pray for you.

Skynut

shepx2 wrote:

I made the mistake of being too open with my wife about my feelings after I found about her affair. I did a lot of reading afterwards, and realized all the mistakes I had been making after that point. Here's a few tips:
Be strong. Don't let her see that her leaving is affecting you badly. If she sees you break down, it will push her even further away. You CAN NOT control what she does, so focus on yourself, and do things that you enjoy. Focus on what good things life may have ahead of you instead.
If she sees that you are fine, and that you don't "need" her, she may just wake up and come to her senses. Then again, she may not and leave anyways. And if that's the case, then you are already focused forward with your life.

Good luck, and I will pray for you.

I forgot about this.
I learned the same thing (alittle too late) if she sees you comming apart about her leaving it gives her a sense of power over you, if she sees you are ok with her leaving and it doesn't make you loose sleep or stop eating then she kinda wants you back.
My ex wanted to end it and I didn't and the harder I tried to change and "fix" things the farther away she pulled. Fast foreward to when I finally had enough. I changed the locks, kicked her out, and started dating a Pharmacist with GOBS of money, all of the sudden my ex is calling all the time to just see "how I am doing".
At that point I knew I would be ok and didn't give a f@#k about her.
She even called on our aniversary to see how I was handeling that day and I had totally forgot. This really pissed her off.
I have not talked to her since then.

BIZILL

times change. people change. good luck to both of ya.

bdaley6509

Skynut wrote:

She even called on our aniversary to see how I was handeling that day and I had totally forgot. This really pissed her off.
I have not talked to her since then.

Too awesome man...I love that.

PolkThug

Skynut wrote:

She even called on our aniversary to see how I was handeling that day and I had totally forgot. This really pissed her off.
I have not talked to her since then.

LMFAO! Eff yeah!

Strong Bad

bdaley6509 wrote:

Too awesome man...I love that.

+1

You ROCK! I love it!

Taurus574

So you F'ed up by cheating. So what, tell her to suck it up. If she wants to leave, then let her leave. Seems like a divorce is long over due. You guys seem to fight too much anyways. It's better for you and better for her. Learn to let go of the past and move on.

This is what you have to look forward to in the future. Finding a girl that'll give you those happy little butterflies in your stomach. Someone that you can't wait to see next time right after you just dropped her at her house. Someone that'll listen to you instead of arguing. The excitement of doing things with each other for the first time. A fresh start in life is the way I see it.

BobMcG

Skynut wrote:

She even called on our aniversary to see how I was handeling that day and I had totally forgot. This really pissed her off.
I have not talked to her since then.

LMAO!!!

whitetruk

great advice from everyone above,i`ve been there, done that, it gets waaay better then it used to be,trust me.
when i went through mine ,my ex was remarried in about 2 months imagine that.and she wasn`t cheating(haha)
i used to think my world would end when she left,now it would end if she came back.
6 months from now when you buy new cables or amp you won`t remember any of this.
p.s.their is alot of good jokes about ex`s you`ll get to use.
scott

MSkeezer

Thanks for all the kind words, guys. I know I **** up, and it is probably for the best that we're ending things. The thing about the other guy hurts, though. I never should have cheated on her. If I hadn't, things would probably be all right. Too late for that, though.

We do have 2 kids. 3 and 1. I'm only moving about 5 miles away and I'll have them every other weekend. Probably even during the weekday. She knows I'm a good father. I think I do all right

Next month I'll be getting my new Polk gear and a new television. That should be able to hold me over. Not to mention this great forum. You guys are the best.

dkg999

New castle, sound system, and TV. I think we just found a location for the IL Polkfest

okiepolkie

After we talked last month, I was hoping things had worked out. Sorry to hear about it. Hope there are brighter things in your future.

amulford

Just a bump in the road, Bro. Just a bump in the road...

CrBoy

Hang in there pal... fly to Costa Rica... I have something waiting for you

amulford

That's the ticket...

MSkeezer

lol Looks like my next trip will be to Costa Rica...

amulford

Damn Right. Hey the fishing is great, too. And mine don't fish, so...

CrBoy

MSkeezer wrote:

lol Looks like my next trip will be to Costa Rica...

Do you want to see some more local babes...?

disneyjoe7

I'll take 2 please


PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE

MSkeezer

Do you want to see some more local babes...?

Do I really need to answer that question?

CrBoy

Hey disneyjoe7... I have 2 for you... take a look at the second pic...
Isn't Costa Rica beautiful!!!

Demiurge

Forget Myself

"They're pacing Piccadilly in packs again
And moaning for the mercy of a never come rain
The suns had enough and the simmering sky
Has the heave and the hue of a woman on fire

Shop shutters rattle down and I'm cutting the crowd
All scented and descending from the satellite towns
The neon is graffiti singing make a new start
So I look for a plot where I can bury my broken heart..."

disneyjoe7

Hot damn ok I take 2 20 something(s) for my 40 something wife....


Thank god she doesn't give to Sh!ts about this forum. Other wise I'm MIA so too speak.