Relationships suck

nadams

They just do...

After nearly 3 years with the same girl, I am now once again single. There's a possibility that we might get back together, but it's a long story. It's been a helluva weekend...

My life's been going just peachy lately. I had a random panic attack late at night over the weekend (Friday night)... shaking uncontrollably, face, hands, feet all numb. Couldn't stop. Went on for about 20 mins until my former GF (yeah, we're still friends, or at least we were at that point, we're not talking at the moment) went and got my dad (this being at, oh 2:30am Saturday morning), and he managed to get me calmed down. I have no friggen clue what's going on in my head. I'm down to 125lbs (at 6ft) when I should be _gaining_ weight.

And then I turn on the SDA's, and nothing matters for a little while. Until someone asks for me to turn it down. *sigh*

That's all. You can leave this message be, I just needed to type for a while. Man, I should go get a myspace and be like all those other whiney little emo kids, eh?

VR3

My Space isnt to bad... I have alot of fun being the "Anti-Bulletin" person... people really are sheep...My Space confirms it on all accounts...

Sorry to hear about your situation with the girlfriend and sorry to hear about the Panic Attack - thats gotta be scaring you a bit... let us know whats up and good luck...

125 pounds at 6 feet? Dang man...

I weigh around 160 at 5'11" - 6 feet

dorokusai

Buckle down, start doing other stuff like eating, workout, get mean....F her. It's time to start thinking about yourself for a change.

reeltrouble1

My fine young friend, I suspect your ex is enjoying it all immensely. Hard words but, yep, eff her, she does not deserve a b/f like yourself. And really man, go throw down a triple whopper or something.

RT1

nadams

Okay, I should've explained further. She really isn't like that. I've known her just about all my life, we were close friends for 3 years before deciding to call ourselves "going out". She's got her own **** in her life that she's trying to get through, with divorced parents, college, and stuff.

I know her better than anyone else on the planet... And the decision to break up was initially a mutual one, but then we started actually thinking about what we were doing. At any rate, she asked for some time off to think about things and that's what we're doing now.

But the panic attack wasn't just about her. I've been working part-time for 4 years now, and need to get my **** into a full-time job to pay the bills. I've been applying all over the place, getting some answers, and have a few potential interviews. But I HATE interviews. I'm a very nervous person... which is why my stomach is such a wreck. I've been taking Pepcid daily to try to control it, but still have to take Tums.. and I'm freakin 19. I wish I could just get myself to calm down and get on with my friggen life.

It actually makes me mad how poorly I've been dealing with this stuff.

dorokusai

Noah - Relax man, drink milk and pop a Dentyne before an interview.

Dude, F her, yea she's great blah blah, heard it all before....YOU are the one suffering, at least from my perspective. Welcome to hunting for a job....sorry brother, it comes with the territory.

Get used to it, re-organize, learn from the interview and move on to the next. The day you roll into an interview not really giving a damn, is when you have reached the pinnacle of experience. That won't be tomorrow, big deal, chalk it up, roll onto the next.

I can't begin to tell you what to do as an outsider, only comment.

I don't like to get into this information game, but you're a solid Polkie man, and I would hope I'm not stating anything you haven't heard from those that are close to you.

schwarcw

Hang in there nadams. Sorry to hear about your problems. Being 19 is tough, not knowing where your life is going or what you want for yourself. We all have tough times. My suggestion is that you seek some help for those panic attacks. Don't be stigmatized at the thought of a counselor or a psychiatrist. Your problems could be physical and/or emotional. Panic attacks and stress are nothing to fool with. Many of us (me included) have sought professional help in tough times. Do what you feel you need to do. Most of all, be good to yourself.

audiobliss

Sorry to hear about your troubles, nadams. I sincerely hope you're able to work through you emotional, relational, and vocational problems.

nadams

thanks for the advice, guys. Doro- for the pre-interview advice... I think the last thing I'd want to do is be able to spew milk at my interviewers . I made it through my first real interview process at the bank job, just didn't make the last cut. I'm not upset, because I know the guy who got it, and he was legitimately more qualified.

I do appreciate your advice, guys.

And, schwarcw- I've been thinking about seeing a psychiatrist, but my health benefits don't cover it (due to having to pay my own way, and only having emergency coverage), and I don't have any clue how expensive shrinks are when you don't have coverage...

shack

People tend to freak out over interviews and stuff. I know as I have to do lots of them. But you know what....the worst thing that can happen is....YOU DON"T GET THE JOB. SO WHAT!!!! The world does not end...you are still alive...the sun comes up again the next day (even if you can't see it), and......THERE ARE MORE JOBS. The worst part is you have to keep looking...and at the best part is that it was probably a **** job anyway. If your have skills, and are smart, and are a good worker...there is a good job for you. An interview is nothing more than talking about yourself (something most people enjoy) but most applicants try to "impress" the interviewer. if they are any good they know **** when they hear it an it comes across as a negative. Ask youself, if you piled on a bunch of BS and the guy was dumb enough to fall for it....would you really want to for him or her. Just be yourself, be respectful, friendly, honest and relax...because in the end it is just a job interview....not life and death.

Oh yeah....you've got another 45+ years to deal with jobs/careers/etc. Trust me...at this point in your life it is NO big deal...if you make a mistake (jobwise) it's ok...lots of time to change direction. The average worker now changes "careers" (not just jobs) more than 5 time in their working life.

Relax, don't worry, have some fun, party a bit, find a new girlfriend and/or girlfriends, act like a kid...just stay away from any serious trouble. Take it from a guy whose been there, done that and has kids older than you. You'll be a better man for it.

janmike

I was going to post, but after I read the one from "Shack", I could not have done it any better. Well said my friend, exactly what I wanted to say. Heed his advice "nadams" as age carries wisdom.

michael_w

Just try to make sure you take some time for yourself. I myself know how crazy school and working can be (albeit I'm only grade 12 havn't hit post secondary yet...). Go give those new db's a listen if you can't relax with the sda's.

Whatever you do try and take it easy for a little while...

Polkersince85

Don't give in to the pressures of today's society. Be yourself, do what you want to do, and damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead. You must stand on your own to be a partner in a relationship. If you are not there, don't force it, just get there first and all will fall in place.

brettw22

I use to be on 20mg Pepcid (when it was Prescription), but am now taking 40mg Nexium. I find thi to be a MUCH better strength so I'd recommend getting a doctor to up the strength if you can. I an also say that the biggest culprit against my acid reflux acting up is diet. The worse I eat, the more I need the meds; whereas if I eat healthy I tend to only need the medication once a week if even that. Either way, for a stomach ulcer, Tums isn't going to cut it as anything other than a source of calcium. Get it checked out more thoroughly.

As for the dating thing, enjoy the break as a break from the stresses that were making it toxic. Every relationship goes through things, and the best thing you two can do if there's any tension is to take a break to let things cool down (as long as you chat about it later) and come back when things aren't so elevated.

Good luck Noah...

Early B.

Take a yoga or tai chi class. It'll help you learn how to relax.

Ditto on the diet thing.

dkg999

Good advice from all! Take heed of the advice to take care of yourself first. If you're not happy, physically and emotionally, a new relationship won't make it better. Too many young people (never thought I would live to an age where I would make that statement :rolleyes: ) think that they have to be with someone to be happy. Learn how to be happy on your own first. That may alleviate some of the stress.

I interview a lot of candidates. First rule, be yourself. Second rule, don't pretend to be something you're not. Any experienced interviewer will probably see through it. Don't be afraid of what you're not, and what your weaknesses are. I look for a willingness to learn and be a team player. And believe it or not, coming away from an interview really enjoying the conversation I just had with a candidate counts for a lot! I will most likely have to work with a candidate I interviewed, and I want someone that fits into the personality of the team and that I like to work with.

My words of wisdom on relationships, after 2 wives, a couple of significant others, and several girlfriends ............ and I believe this was expressed previously ........... eff'em and move on. Don't put your life on hold. Buy a new piece of A/V gear and trade-up or buy a Harley and let them watch your **** ride off into the setting sun.

PolkThug

Noah, don't waste time getting back together with a girl that you've already split once with (there are more girls out there that you are compatible with than you think). You've got a least one or two or three heart breaks to go after this one, until you meet the right one. :-)

Now is the time to focus on YOU. Get yourself in gear physically for the next 3 months, then get some of your buddies together and go on spring break as a SINGLE man. Good luck bro!

brettw22

I think there are better ways to give advice than to say eff her. If they have issues they're trying to work through (or just need the downtime), show support to him other than to say she's this or she's that.

Press on, Press on............

Willow

You sitution is not one I want to be in. I have had my fair shares of break-ups. They are part of life, they teach you about what you don't want, learn from it and move on. When you find a great relationship you'll know and it won't suck. Same with job hunting, come to think of it they work pretty much the same way. Sometimes you have to do stuff you don't want to in order to get what you want.

Best of luck to you.

audiobliss

Am I the only one who agrees with Brett here? (Man...I can't believe I agree with Brett....:D) I think it's perfectly acceptable that the girl needs some down time to herself.

PolkThug

audiobliss wrote:

Am I the only one who agrees with Brett here? (Man...I can't believe I agree with Brett....:D) I think it's perfectly acceptable that the girl needs some down time to herself.

He's been with this girl since age 16, its time to spread those wings.



Also, on a negative note, she's in college and needs some 'time off', do the math.

steveinaz

Hang in there brother, the rejection you face when job hunting can take a toll, just try to keep things in perspective.

Have you ever considered the military? Best decision I ever made back in 1982. I've been all over the world and have some great memories I would have never gotten without Uncle Sam....think about it.

Sometimes you gotta break ranks and get the hell out of town...

bobman1235

Hey Noah,

Just some quick thoughts :
1) I had bad stomach problems for a long time, went through Tums like it was going out of style. Started taking Prilosec every morning, and haven't looked back. Tums actually can make you WORSE, because it lowers your stomach acid, which then rebounds. If you haven't tried Prilosec, try it for two weeks (it's over the counter now). They say after two weeks you should ask your doctor, but mine said "if it works, stick with it".
2) I've also had anxiety problems, and when I was only a little older than you. Exercise is definitely the thing that helped the most. Even going for a long walk or something if you're feeling particularly shaky / anxious can really help. So can things like stretching.

Good luck with it all man - it'll all work out somehow

cfrizz

No you're not the only one who agrees with Brett.

Noah is going through a rough time right now. however, he needs to get some professional help for these panic attacks. She did the right thing in calling his father to help out. Since if she was there & couldn't help she did the next best thing & found someone who could.

She can't help him with that, or finding a job, & it is probably stressing her out as well.

Keep the lines of communication open between the 2 of them & work things out for themselves first & then with each other.

Bailing out on the relationship is just the lazy easy way out. Once you start going down that road, it is the one you will always take just so you can have it easy & go looking for something new.

audiobliss wrote:

Am I the only one who agrees with Brett here? (Man...I can't believe I agree with Brett....:D) I think it's perfectly acceptable that the girl needs some down time to herself.

nadams

Thanks for the advice, guys... I'm not really prepared to say "eff you" to my formerly girlfriend yet. I'll deal with that the way I need to...

I guess I should get the trainer set up in the basement so I can ride my bike here in these colds months. I haven't gotten on the bike in quite some time, and it might feel good to beat myself up on it for a little while. Too cold to go riding outside, though.

I guess it'll all work out, eventually. I just need to figure out what I'm doing until then.

Demiurge

Gotta go with not running back to her and trying to make it work.

There's a thread on this forum somewhere that I was saying nearly the exact same stuff you are and then some. I really feel for you personally because it hurts like hell, but everyone is right. Eff her and move on as quick as you can. Don't forget that it's still a process and allow yourself the time to get back on your feet. If things are going well for you in other aspects of you life, focus on them. I think it's been damn near a year now since I was going through the same junk and things have never been better.

Keep your head up and think positive.

nadams

Thanks for the post, cfrizz. I'd have to agree with everything you just said... I'm not ready to burn the bridges here, I've known this girl too damn long to do that.

wingnut4772

Noah, You are being too hard on yourself. It sounds like you have a plan and know what you need to do with your life. This girl and you are friends..have been friends for so long...so don't worry about that. Take care of what you need to for you. If you need to get a full time job...start with that. One thing at a time , ok? Just don't beat yourself up. The holidays can have a funny affect on our emotions sometimes...but it sounds like you really do have grip on what it is you need to do to take control of your life. You don't need anyone else to tell you what you already know.

PolkThug

nadams wrote:

Thanks for the post, cfrizz. I'd have to agree with everything you just said... I'm not ready to burn the bridges here, I've known this girl too damn long to do that.

You don't have to burn it, just stop crossing it. You're a young man with lots of relationships ahead, you will learn a little from each one. Unfortunately, there is short-term emotional pain that comes with it.

For now, focus on you. Work out, push your muscles a little bit and an apetite will follow. Things will get better.


*The only thing worse than a relationship that isn't quite working out right, is looking back on it and realizing how much time you wasted on it.

nadams

PolkThug wrote:

*The only thing worse than a relationship that isn't quite working out right, is looking back on it and realizing how much time you wasted on it.

Funny... that's what she keeps saying

And I agreed... which is why we decided to go to being friends, to save at least that much of it. I'll get over her eventually, it's mostly the job thing I need to be concerned with now.

Early B.

Neither of you wasted time. I'll bet there are no regrets. The good times outweighed the not-so-good times and both of you learned a lot about yourselves in the process.