Did I do the right thing?

brettw22

I went out to eat with a friend tonight (Portillo's) and as we were waiting to order at the counter, there was a woman standing there with a little girl waiting for her husband to come over from the salad bar counter to pay for the order that had been rung up and was waiting for payment. She's standing back and looking over towards her husband waiting (don't know how long she'd been waiting for him) and from no less than 50 feet away he's screaming and yelling about her staring at him.

He comes over and then before he even goes to pay for the order, he goes to his wife and starts yelling and getting erratic about how he can't stand the faces any more blah blah blah. Just before I could say something, the manager came up to the register and voided his order and told him that if he couldn't calm himself down that she could call the police and have him escorted out, but if he could control himself she would re-ring the order (good for her I later told her). He does pay for the order and goes with his wife and little girl to eat at the back of the restraunt.

My friend and I order, and when we get our food, my friend leads us to the booth right next to this family in a restraunt with probably 150 open tables. We sit there and eat and I hear him occasionally bitching and moaning and his wife is understandably embarrassed putting her head down in her hands.

We finish eating and are chatting a bit and then get up to leave. The guy had gotten up and was somewhere in the restraunt and my friend and I are heading out the door when I pass the guy (who was getting another beer) and I went up to him and told him something to the effect of "I don't know what your issues are with your family, but you're embarrasing yourself by acting like a moron. Don't take out your problems on your family" He walked past me and basically said "yeah....my family, don't worry about it" and went back to the table. I forget what I said past that but my friend and I were out the door when I heard a glass hit the floor and look back to the guy walking out the door towards us. He walks past my friend and i' walking back towards the restraunt and he blows past me and ot comes the wife telling him not to go to the car. As she's walking back inside I see her leg saturated and I go back inside the restraunt and ask if I can offer her and her little girl a ride somewhere other than home and she hardly says a thing. I get inside and see that he basically emptied his beer glass all over her and stormed out.

After all that happened I can't help but think I made things REALLY bad for her especially considering his temperament. Based on her reactions from the time we got in the place to the time they left, I get the impression that this isn't an isolated incident. I believe there are bigger issues her in that SHE needs to recognize him as abusive and if for no other reason than to protect her little girl, get out because it's not a healthy situation.

Basically, should I have said anything and risked it escalating it like it did? Would y'all have handled it any different?

F1nut

I think you should have knocked him out cold!!!

Other than that, you didn't escalate the problem, it was already in full swing. You did what any normal, concerned person should do and I say, good on ya.

swerve

First off.. Portillo's is great food.

You did the right thing. You know how hard it is to get in the car with a pissed off male figure? Been there countless times... I only could have wished for someone to offer my mom and I a ride.

cmy330go

F1nut wrote:

I think you should have knocked him out cold!!!

Then stood over him and yelled "You got knocked the F**K OUT man!"

On a more serious note I think you did the right thing. Somebody needed to stand up for her, 'cause it sure didn't sound like she was going to do it herself.

madmax

I see nothing wrong with you pointing out the obvious. However, these are the days of insane people storming off to their cars, grabbing a weapon and blowing everyone away. He probably should have gotten a good **** kicking too but of course there are legalities you have to consider...

Back in the day my dad would have taken up for the woman like you did but would have ended up in a fight. He may have knocked the guy out or got beat up himself but he would have done something either way. Of course 20 years ago it was reasonable to assume the bystanders would take your side and the cops would just tell you to go home. Today you would just end up in jail and sued for everything you have. Not worth it unless someone is getting hurt at the time.

Good going Brett!

madmax

danger boy

F1nut wrote:

I think you should have knocked him out cold!!!

then tell him he's been owned

Seriously Brett, you did the right thing. Don't even second guess your actions. They were right.

That dude needs some serious help. The wife and kid(s) need to get away from him and she needs to file a restraining order and a D I V O R C E!

I honestly believe that at some point she's been abused.. and needs to seek some professional help. I'm not talking about marriage counseling, i'm taking he needs to have a long anger management class and find out how he's hurting his family.

Then DIVORCE his cold smelly ****. He's a drunken, abusing looser. AND THEY NEVER CHANGE!!

george daniel

Yep, you did the right thing,,you are probabally one of the Few, who would have said anything at all,offering to give the lady and her child a ride home was certainly the "gentlemanly" thing to do. The guy's an IDIOT and certainly deserves an **** whuppin,as I grow older, I find that I have little patience for Stupid People like you mentioned above,,man,,that just strikes a nerve,,,Brett, you sir,,deserve a Big, Tip of the Hat,,hopefully someone will bust his melon f***ing head one day soon.

bobman1235

Hopefully the guy, in his somewhat drunken anger, crashed into a brick wall down the street or got arrested for DUI.

Good on you man. At the very least you saved them a potentially hazardous ride home with a madman. Maybe you even pushed the wife and kid to move ina better direction.

audiobliss

Wow. Today's world sure is sad. But you, sir, appear to have not conformed. Good on ya for standing up for her.

cfrizz

You ABSOLUTELY did the right thing Brett! Someone should have called the police as well. Hopefully this will give the woman the strength to leave him or at least seek help.

It's nice to know in this day & age, there are still a few brave and attentive men who will step up & do the right thing.

BRAVO!!!
Cathy

faster100

well although it was a "good" thing to do, Unfortunatly with alcohol and domestic violence.. what will/did likely happen is the guy and wife and kids all left together, and He took it out on her.. or beat her up over it.. being you were sitting near them he probobly accused her of something to do with you.. silly as it sounds, Like madmax said, in this day and age ya can't say anything anymore without the worry of getting shot or someone taking it out on someone else.. I only add this insight because of personal knowledge, Not me but my sister being in abusive relationships and alcholism.. she's 40 and has now finally smartened up this past year 1/2..

It was a good job, so many times i just wanna sucker punch these smucks i see at the restaurant or out where alcohol is served. with their family acting foolish..

PolknPepsi

That guy does not deserve a wife......wives are a priveledge.

I witnessed something similar years ago and I still feel bad for the woman involved. Just makes me cringe and furious at the same time, like you want to jump in and say enoughs enough.

I also have a Portillos T-shirt....very fun place to do lunch.

aaharvel

Some people are just **** by nature Brett.

shack

I think you did the right thing. You may be the first person to ever offer this woman any help. It is indeed sad to think that we have to consider the legal amd safety ramifications of our actions before offering assistance to someone in obvious need.

ohskigod

so many women in abusive relationships wind up staying with said abusive husband for a variety of reasons. All of which frustrate the bejesus out of me.

Brett, it can be said that you might have escalated it a bit, since any anger from the douschebag in question would be taken out on the wife, and not you. Fact is, I would have done the same goddamn thing, so dont feel bad. ultimatly the onus is on the wife to get her, and more importantly the kid, out of that situation and fast. but odds are, she wont. and god knows what will happen in the future.

I would try like hell to stop thinking about it.

BIZILL

i'd say your heart was in the right place. good that you were there to whoop **** in case the guy escalated things. thing is, she and her daughter are stuck. she prolly is not in a position to just "make everything better" by moving out. some women stay in these relationships as they are the only type they are familiar with. thing is, like faster said, he prolly went home and beat the **** outta her. his pride took a shot when you spoke up. you were not there to follow up on things. she was, and her daughter. these days, unless you can see the whole thing through to the end, it's best to just stand ready to defend from physical harm, yet stay outta peoples' business and let the chips fall where they may. don't get me wrong, i cannot stand physical abuse and have low tolerance for verbal. but be as chivalrous as you can be with a good heart, but know that you are not the "cure-all". some will disagree, but i still bet money that she got beaten' due to this event. either way, props for being a caring person.

Driver

Yeah You Did The Right Thing:)

BIZILL

for all those saying he did the right thing, well, right is in the eye of the beholder. PAIN and bruising is prolly in the eye of the woman, sorry to assume.

ohskigod

BIZILL wrote:

for all those saying he did the right thing, well, right is in the eye of the beholder. PAIN and bruising is prolly in the eye of the woman, sorry to assume.

blunt, but based on pure fact. you were shootin from the heart Brett, from that standpoint you were right. you would have been better off going through life not seeing that kind of thing but what are ya going to do? As I said, forget about the whole incident as soon as possible. It can eat at ya, take it from someone who knows

BIZILL

agreed.

cfrizz

So what? See no evil, hear no evil & speak no evil? This is what they did in Germany in WWII. We all know what happened there.

Brett stood up & at least tried to do the right thing. We will never know how it turned out, but what he did might be the impetus for that woman to take her kid & walk away.

At least he won't always wonder what happened because he didn't have the guts to stand up & do the right thing!

Cathy

BIZILL

don't misinterpret my point. this day and age is different than from the days gone past. if dude was that outrageous in public, one can only imagine how he can act while in the private confines of the home.

audiobliss

I'll have to agree that the wife probably took a beating for that. Not that she had anything to do with it, but she appears to be the scape goat for everything and the husband's pride took a hit and so he probably took it out on his wife. The question is, did the warmth, small bit of joy that the wife felt when you offered to help her, the inspiration your gentleness and caring gave her, and the motivation she (could have) derived from your concern make it worth the beating?

faster100

Nothing is worth a beating, Its not bretts fault if that is what happend..

However, as i stated before.. alcoholics and abusers don't "get it" because someone points out their faults. It usually comes to them in detox or prison. because they decided to get help or killed his wife or someone else and now has no choice but to stop.. in prison/jail..

It was noble what he did, it could have also sealed her fate.. who knows. I think i would have called the cops, followed them to the car and got the tag number..

Let me clear up... It was perfectly fine to offer the ride of course. The question was about saying something to this idiot which seemed to piss him off even worse..

BIZILL

brett is my hero, none the less.

HBombToo

I'm with you Brett. My heart goes out to the child. Poor little thing has no idea what's going on other than a bunch of hate. That just really sucks.

HBomb

TroyD

You da man, Brett. You da man. That took huevos.

BDT

reeltrouble1

Brett,

Understand he very deeply wanted and "needed" the confrontation, in a very confused way so does she, the child is innocent. Its cold hearted but the child needs to removed from the home until the parents decide their issues one way or another. It has nothing to do with the folks who may have been there. He knew damm well what he was doing.

RT1

brettw22

If I was aware that he had emptied his beer all over his wife he wouldn't have left the inside of the restraunt. It was only after I went back inside and saw the beer everywhere and it on her that I realized where it all went and why the glass hit the floor. After that, he was gone.

She was driving around for about 10 minutes after that looking for her husband, but I have no idea if he got in the car with her and left or not. She was resistent to any sort of help and wanted to basically duck and run more than anything.

I did go and talk to the manager to say that I was glad she said something to him at the front of the line, but then also told her that they were dead wrong to have served him another beer after his outburst where she almost threw him out at the beginning.

BIZILL

beer brings nothing but smiles to my face. wish it were that way with everyone else.

Schris22

I just got around to reading this...

first i have no idea what restaurant that is and second...

YOU THE MAN brett

Good job standing up for that woman and child.

World needs more people like that...

Chris