:(

amulford

Son, let me put it to you this way:

Your better off now than after it got to be too late. You don't ever own the p#ssy, you just get to borrow it some....

A friend of mine was married 26 years, she woke up and decided she wasn't happy so she started to abng his buddy. Took him to the cleaners. Moral of the story??? You never truly know a woman, 'til you meet her in court...

HBombToo

Originally posted by amulford
Son, let me put it to you this way:

Your better off now than after it got to be too late.

my first wife was an attorney :eek: she had a great **** though,... which was her only redeaming attribute:D I was young enough that it has not effected me financially.

sounds to me there is some fortune in this pain.

twin

Demiurge

Originally posted by bvette94
Dont let it get the best of you. I lost the love of my life due to her cheating. not sure i ever got over it. Even going out and womanizing a different one every weekend just didnt make up for it. the only sure fire way to be happy is to just go out and upgrade or buy new ht gear. it isnt the long tearm answer but it helps with instant gradification. good luck and keep your head up high and stay proud of who you are. no one can take that away from you.look at the positive things in your life and appreciate what you have friends family etc. keep your mind active and her memorie will fade quickly.

You make an interesting point, and I want to go into that one a bit.

When I graduated high school and started hanging out with my new college buddies life turned into pretty much a constant bar scene. In truth that was never my thing. I'll take that back to an extent....I love going out with my friends and shootin' the crap about life, sports, you name it, but I was never into the whole bar 'dating' scene. I watched so many of my friends get screwed with that whole ordeal and not in the good way.

I always try to find people that are more wholesome than that and the whole one night stand thing was never anything I could get into...and believe me I got a ton of crap for it. I realize I'm still growing up, but I never got wrapped up in that kind of stuff and I'm not going to. I think I just had the benefit of being raised not to do really dumb stuff because I always knew there would be consequences.

What really chaffed me about this is I feel I wasted about 1 year of my life. We were together 2, but her problems really surfaced after about a year.

Another thing that sucks, and I'd like some advice on this one...is that I became rather close to her family. Her older brother, who is my age became a good friend. Let's just say that usually doesn't happen. Some guy dating your sister and you actually like him? Plus her younger brother looked up to me. He still calls and wants to talk or hang out. I took him to a couple of Packer games and he's always asking my advice about stuff.

That's what's really tearing me apart the most is having all that ripped away as well. What should I do with that? Losing her was huge, don't get me wrong, but in my eyes I lost her 3 months ago...just never knew why and was always being kept around as if my absense from her life was going to destroy her. I know...I couldn't wrap my head around that either. If she loved me so much and 'needed' me why did we break up?

Just a huge mess in retrospect, but I feel pretty good today. I'm just going to concentrate on myself and get my own personal issues worked out.

I haven't been on this forum a long time, but I often feel my personal life reflected on my attitude with everything. I was often really edgy and moody and that's so not who I am or at least not how I see myself.

Oh well....I'm not one to sulk. I'll be just fine, and I appreciate all the stories and comments.

mlong

What you will come to realize in the future is that you're not as mad at her as you are with yourself. You're upset because you excused and made excuses for her behaviour and realize now that the writing was all over the wall and you closed your eyes to it. You hoped, against all odds, that she would defy the reality of the situation and become that which you thought she was capable, instead of the tragic reality that she so desperately wanted to be.

Now the good news - you now have a chance to recognize that it was only two years of a whole lifetime and you can make for a better future. Look at this as simply a learning point for you, the biggest lesson that you will ever receive. The only way the year will be a waste is if you don't learn from it and recognize how bad it ultimately would have been after ten years of chaos.


A few years ago I realized how utterly ridiculous I must have sounded making excuses for my then-girlfriend. I called a friend and said "man, you must think I'm an idiot." He said "nah, I'm sure I'll be there in your shoes one day and I won't want you laughing at me. They do it to all of us." As I laughhed, I realized I wasn't mad anymore.

Mark


Quote----
What really chaffed me about this is I feel I wasted about 1 year of my life. We were together 2, but her problems really surfaced after about a year. --Quote

brettw22

I think you can still hang out with her brother. I'm sure he's aware of his sisters issues...y'all just need to be clear that they're HER issues, and if he's not aware of what happened, give him the cliff notes version.

Rule of thumb that I can see is that your relationships with your friends should be the guidelines that your significant other should abide by. I'm not talking about mundane points, but essentially people should meet whatever values that you have in mind for the type of people you want to surround yourself with. If they can't stack up to a friend level, then shove off and look elsewhere.

Probably one thing that's kept me somewhat to myself is that I have a low tolerance for other people's drama. [tangent] I have a brother that's 27, has been in and out of jail several times, refuses to get an actual job, drinks, does drugs, and is overall just mentally dense. Love him as a brother, but won't keep in touch with him at all. I've tried to be there for him in the past, but he repeats his patterns and does nothing about it. His 'self-realizations' come when he's at jail or needs to be helped in some way. He's become indebted to every family member except me. I stopped being a crutch for him a LONG time ago, and he caught on that his **** won't be tolerated by me. Think he keeps in touch when he's not in trouble? Nope. Brother or not, he's made his point clear what type of life he wants to lead, and he can keep on doing it, just without any involvement by me.

Other people need to be the drivers in their own lives, and if you have to start driving theirs for them, that's a sign that there are BIG problems on the horizon.

I know I took this to a different level than bf/gf, but I think the biggest problems come when people start doing major changing to essentially pacify someone's insecurities. I'm all for being a friend and helping out, but my friends know that if they're not helping themselves first (proactive in whatever problems they're having rather than being the eternal victim), they won't be leaning too far in my direction. (and yes, I know that asking for help can be part of that, but i'm talking about a pattern of behavior more than a one time major issue type situation)

steveinaz

Hang in there brother, I know it's rough. I never thought I'd get past my 14 yr marriage/divorce, but I did; and didn't realize how miserable I was until I was happy again.

You have to have someone that you have confidence in and believe in, it'll happen, just keep an open mind and rise above the horseshit.

PolkThug

Originally posted by Demiurge
Just a huge mess in retrospect, but I feel pretty good today. I'm just going to concentrate on myself and get my own personal issues worked out.

Good idea! After my break-ups I hit the gym a lot and get back into shape, a great way to pass the time and get your esteem back up.

Regards,
PT

mlong

Brett is correct. There are times when people will need us to carry them on our shoulders over a tough period of time, but There is NEVER EVER EVER a reason to be a crutch for them because as they lean on you, they push you farther and farther into the ground!

Mark



<QUOTE>He's become indebted to every family member except me. I stopped being a crutch for him a LONG time ago, and he caught on that his **** won't be tolerated by me. <QUOTE>

brettw22

I should clarify (or maybe I don't need to) that by indebted I was referring to financially. The process of people using other people as crutches to get through everything that comes their way is universal, be it financial, emotional, or physical. My brother happened to use everything from everyone, and probably won't change unless he's virtually disowned by every member of the family as he practically has been by me.

People I've related this story to have gasped at how I could have that outlook for a blood relative. It's simple in my eyes. Family or not, (and in your case a GF) there is ZERO excuse for becoming a human leech and attempting to come back around for seconds, thirds, fourths, and so on. When I'm working harder to fix their problems than they are, that's something that tells me it's time to pack up and be done with their situation. Wish them luck, and say good bye........

Demiurge

I agree with all that.

avelanchefan

I think TroyD put it best, better off now than after your married.

I think we all of stories of horror relationships. And usually the break up screws someone. It just sucks when you feel like you have emotionally invested a lot of time in it.

keep your chin up, keep looking ahead, and keep looking ahead, you will be surprised at what awaits you.


Short story....I was at work, I called my girlfriend at the time in Austrailia. She was traveling. Any ways she broke up with me over the phone. I was soooo pissed. I offered her the opprotunity to go on the trip guilt/boyfriend free. But no she wants me to wait. Man to this day it royally irks me.

After hung up with her I went into our break lounge and just sat down deflated, there sits one of my friends and she asks whats wrong. I tell her the story. Yada yada...long story short I end up marrying that woman in the break room nearly 12 years ago.

I am always amazed at how that had come together. One girl dumps you and here you tell another what had happened and what you went through and are feeling. Next thing you know you are at the alter.

Any ways thats my break up story with a very happy ending.

opus

Demi,

Remember it is the wack jobs we meet early that make us appreciate the good ones later.


Just celebrated 16 years on Saturday....kevin:)

Demiurge

Congrats to both of you guys.

That's an awesome story and an awesome lookin' family you got there. Amazing. So happy it worked out for you like that!

gshisme

Demiurge,

Just going to echo what has already been said here. Your commitment is commendable. You WILL find someone that will love ya to death for that trait alone. And times like this are what family, friends and "polkers" are hear for. There is another just around the corner that is just right for you and you for her.

Like stated, just lure her to your rig and she's your's!!!

Demiurge