:(

Demiurge

Think of about one of the worst things that could happen to you in a relationship besides death or personal injury. That happened to me today. I can't even post the details of the matter, but it was bad.

My girlfriend and soon to be fiance (I had been calling her that for awhile because I bought the ring) and I broke up in October. Complete out of the blue. She had some personal issues, and I stuck by her side the entire time. Allowing her to fall on her face when she needed to, but always being by her side. Knowing that just because she has this problem is no reason to forsake loving her. Most guys may have run, but I knew I loved her. Boy, did all that pain and suffering ammount a huge steaming pile of *expletive deleted*. What a *expletive deleted**expletive deleted*!

The thing is I got strung along for 3 months only for it to end horrible today. Completely lack of honesty and lies got her. I'm pissed about that more than anything else.

I know this is petty complaining right now, but I wish I knew some of you guys personally off the board so you'd know who and what she screwed over like this.

Ego? Dust. Selt-Esteem? Ditto.

I hear they come and go. Eff 'em and leave 'em, but that's not my style.

Nice guys finish last, and believe me....I'm not a bad guy at all.

*chees*

The Demon is out tonight.

Frank Z

Not sure what to say...sometimes ya just gotta vent.

Hang in there.

gatemplin

Nice guys finish last, and believe me....I'm not a bad guy at all.

I know what you mean.

Sorry to hear about your situation Demi.

Strong Bad

Come on here and vent if you need to. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need to vent and if this is the place you feel comfortable in doing so...then do it.

I got slammed by some HO years and years ago. LIES LIES LIES! Hurt a ton, but time healed it. Take it as a learning experience. It'll hurt for a while, sometimes REAL bad, but it'll pass. You'll come out stronger after this.



John

Demiurge

Originally posted by gatemplin
I know what you mean. That is how I feel right now. A woman I have known for almost a year, and I really like thinks I am responsible, intelligent and mature for my age. She knows I like her and we have a great rapport. I have asked her out before and she always turns me down. Then two weeks ago she tells me she is back with her "loser ex-boyfriend" who didn't even graduate high school, has no money or prospects and doesn't treat her well. She knows that I would treat her well, we have a lot in common, she tells me how smart I am almost everyday, I'm healthy and she knows that I am going to be successful. And she still went back to the guy who yells at her for talking to me and he makes her pay for dinner!:mad:

Sorry to hear about your situation Demi. I know it's way worse than mine but I just had to vent too.

They often don't make ANY sense. You can be told the same stuff over and over again, believe it, live it and in the end it turns out to be a big stinking lie.

Truth is....I poured a lot into this whole relationship. Altered my life so make things easier for both of us. I know I'm just really bitter and hindsight is always 20\20, but there was no way in hell I could have smelled this coming.

I'm often more of a person who questions stuff and is pretty perceptive. This one all comes down that warped knot in her head she calls a brain.....

Come on here and vent if you need to. Nothing wrong with that. Sometimes we need to vent and if this is the place you feel comfortable in doing so...then do it.

I got slammed by some HO years and years ago. LIES LIES LIES! Hurt a ton, but time healed it. Take it as a learning experience. It'll hurt for a while, sometimes REAL bad, but it'll pass. You'll come out stronger after this.

You know what? What I learned tonight didn't even make me sad. I was just pissed. It was anger I had bottled up for 3 months because I didn't know whether or not the release of it was justified or more than assumption. I felt what turned out to be true in my heart, but held it all back because I didn't want to let fly with false information.

What's the worse of it all is that I learned everything second hand and it's 100% truth. Confronted her with it all today and spewed venom that would get me banned from every message board on the net. If felt really damn good.

As I said...I can't post all that happened, but twas not good at all.

One thing I can say is she proved to be rather immature. She pulled the frickin' suicide card on me when I said I needed closure and that I didn't want her in my life at all anymore if she wasn't going to talk to me or tell me what's going on. What was I supposed to do at that point? :rolleyes: Move on and then live with that guilty **** raincloud if she did do something like that?

I don't know...she was never a loose cannon. I don't know if it's normal for women to say stupid crap like that, but I'm 25 years old. I've never had this kind of crap to deal with in my 9 or so years of dating...?

Yeah..and I know I'm young, but hell....I've always pegged myself as a family man. I always get slammed by my friends for that and I don't need to hear it. I am who I am when it comes to women...it's just finding one that won't eff you over that's the tough part.

What's scary to me is I had a rock to put on this ones finger. Partly why I've been so broke lately. Had my moods all over the place as well.

Here's a picture of my family and myself since I've never posted one before:



Tall goofy **** in the upper left hand corner...Blue shirt...and yes my dad looks like Kenny Rogers

My step bros & sisters, my bro and his sister and law, step-mom and all my nieces and nephews on that side of the family.

gidrah

Sorry to hear that. Things will pick up for you. It will take some time though.

I've been married for 11 yrs. and the wife and I recently seperated. This too was out of the blue. Sure we've had our problems, but damn! Thanksgiving Day was the first day I woke up in my new place. If I can get through this then so can you.

F1nut

Dave,

Looks and sounds like you have a good family, use them to help get you through this.

There are a lot of screwed up people out there and I dare say this one did you a favor by showing her true colors before the two of you tied the knot.

One of my favorites: This to shall pass.

Jesse

Demiurge

Originally posted by F1nut
Dave,

Looks and sounds like you have a good family, use them to help get you through this.

There are a lot of screwed up people out there and I dare say this one did you a favor by showing her true colors before the two of you tied the knot.

One of my favorites: This to shall pass.

Jesse

Good call Jesse. Blessing in disguise? Sucks all the pain has to come with it though. It's a real ****.

Demiurge

Originally posted by gidrah
Sorry to hear that. Things will pick up for you. It will take some time though.

I've been married for 11 yrs. and the wife and I recently seperated. This too was out of the blue. Sure we've had our problems, but damn! Thanksgiving Day was the first day I woke up in my new place. If I can get through this then so can you.

Sorry to hear that. See...everytime I look around at other peoples situations I feel petty for whining about it. I don't have anyone who passed away or is ill...just relationship stuff.

You know...that's why I try to look at things on a larger level and not sweat the small stuff. I think it's hard to find good partners these days because so many people are out for themselves and ONLY their own ideals and best interests.

Ohh....I sound jaded now, don't I?

mlong

Dave:

I don't know you and I am new here, but let me weigh in by saying that I have been there... twice. In both relationships, 80% of the energy put into the relationship was helping her overcome her problems. When everything fell apart, my anger and resentment about the wasted time and wasted efforts was off the charts. A few years later, I realized two things:

1. No matter how good the intention, you can NEVER help someone overcome their problems/demons if they really don't want to really overcome them. They often say they do but then they work hard to cause more and more problems, and often blame you for them.

2. Unless you find a really, really special woman, their overcoming their problems will take a long, long, long time. You have to ask yourself whether investing 2, 3, 5, 10 years to help someone to get to where they want to be is worth it. At this point, and after my experiences, I realize that I would rather have a calm existance away from the drama than day after day of wringing my hands and holding my head.

There are worthy girls out there. I think the key is to start looking for the ones the demonstrate they have their heads on staight and avoid those that need fixing or saving. When you are in the relationship, you become obligated to stand by them. Now that you are out of it, take a deep breath because you dodged a bullet. A bad relationship can at best become good. A good relationship can become great. Aim for great!

Mark

Demiurge

Good words there, man!

Don't know how much to add, but I think agree with it. Wondered where the silver lining was and I think you nailed it. I never dated women that were needy so this was unchearted territory. I definitely felt for the situation she was in. Helped identify it with her....and eventually talked about what to do in dealing with it.

She was doing the anorexic thing (might be able to tell in the pic). It was getting unhealthy to the point of needing real treatment. Helped her trace back the source of it and it all had to do with her dad ragging on her for being chubby when she was a little kid. She lost weight and was the same girl in a different body and much much older. I always could identify with it and did what I could to be supportive. That's all. Certainly wasn't a focal point of the relationship.

Here's a pic (I deleted and burned most of them...It felt good):

F1nut

Originally posted by mlong

1. No matter how good the intention, you can NEVER help someone overcome their problems/demons if they really don't want to really overcome them. They often say they do but then they work hard to cause more and more problems, and often blame you for them.

Oh so true....LOL!

PolkThug

Demi, I've been through almost that exact same crap, plus I got effed over financially. Its so hard when you put everything into a relationship and you are always a stand up guy doing the right thing, just to find out that you have been deceived.

I still get pissed off about throwing 4 1/2 years in the toilet, not to mention I got stuck with $5K of her debt (I had consolidated all of HER debt, being the nice effin guy that I am and she was beggin for help). It was really hard dealing with the mental aspects of what had happened in addition to the financial burden (I was only making $20K at the time with my first job out of college, I had to skip meals to make ends meet).

I kept asking myself, what the hell did I do to deserve that? And the answer is I didn't do anything to deserve it, some people are just effed up and sometimes it takes awhile for their effed up personalities to reveal themselves.

Anyway, I was 24 when that crap went down but now I'm 31 now and happily married.

Regards,
PolkThug

jdhdiggs

I have been severely burned in helping an ex out with her issues and the like. I have dated a gal that was molested by her father, another that was raped by a friend (of hers), and one whose mom died of cancer 2-days after I broke up with her.

Not once was I rewarded for any effort in getting them over those issues, but I was essentially screwed over every time. What I learned:

You both have to bring something to the relationship and not take much away. If she has issues, you can be a friend, but don't expect to ever get emotionally/romantically involved. It will fail and it will hurt.

If she can't offer you as much as you offer her, she's best left behind. Even remaining close friends isn't very good since she can still eff up future relationships.

Once you find a gal that can compliment and match you, then you will really be happy and you will be wondering why you even bothered with the problem child/drama queens of the world.

madmax

Good ridence I say. Don't let the door hit you on the way out. What I mean to say is I'm glad you found out now instead of later. Whew...
madmax

TroyD

I look at it this way......better that the bad things happen BEFORE you get married, have kids etc etc...

It sucks now but give it time.

Been there, done that....wound up with the lovely Wendi. Same sort of thing will happen for you, broham.

BDT

Sami

Originally posted by TroyD
I look at it this way......better that the bad things happen BEFORE you get married, have kids etc etc...

Exactly. Take this one as a learning experience. Next time, if that ever comes, you will be able to tell early and run. Many times loving someone isn't enough, especially when they don't love you. When you are in love, it is hard to tell if the other truely loves you or not. Even if the signs are obvious you many times refuse to believe it and go on hoping it isn't true.

HBombToo

Originally posted by jdhdiggs


Once you find a gal that can compliment and match you, then you will really be happy and you will be wondering why you even bothered with the problem child/drama queens of the world.

I will echo that!!!

HBomb

Demiurge

Thanks, guys.

Fortunately feeling really crappy happened back in October. Yesterday allowed me to be furious for good reason.

Oh...and we're not friends. I don't believe in that hooey. Not after a romantic relationship. I think me never seeing or talking to her every again would be the best possible route to take. Not to spite anyone, but to keep me from using a few choice words.

The freedom to do whatever the hell I want is nice. Part of why I made that post about planning a trip to Alaska. I always wanted to do that and now I am.

Mjr7531

It is amazing how things can work out, and how crappy they can be before it finally happens, I have some pretty bad stories, but nowhere near as bad as most of you guy's stories.
My most recent ex dumped me right after the holidays last year (03-04) after I spent what would be about 10% of my years earning from my meager paying job.
I used to tell her about my first ex and how she dumped me and became some kind of ****, bouncing from guy to guy, and she reassured me that she wouldn't cheat or any of that junk. So on New Years day, she gives me a silent treatment after I had fight with her at her party (About drinking, its not the thing you should do underage IMHO) because she didn't want to confront me after starting to "go out" with my best friend, while we were still dating!
It took me awhile to get all the facts, but it was her telling me, "I don't want to hurt you." when we broke up that reminds me of it all and gets me angry everytime.
However, couple month after the whole fiasco, I found another girl who turns out to be a real gem, she didn't change on me when she moved to college, strong relationship with wholesome values and all that good stuff. I may be only in high school, but having all my life experiences behind me, I'm hoping I've learned something about maturity.
Good guys do get ahead, it just takes awhile, what would life be without it's challanges?

Sorry about your bad experiences guys, I'm glad to see you all recovering from them.

Man, that felt good getting off the chest...
Matt

cfrizz

Sorry you're feeling so bad right now Demi. But it's better it happened now rather than after the wedding. Just chalk this up to a learning experience. What goes around comes around, this girl will get hers eventually.

Nice guys don't always finish last, you just have to be patient and find the right woman. It can happen if you leave yourself open for it, and learn from this bad one.

Make sure you don't repeat the same mistake, this girl sounds like she had a lot of problems before you two got together. If you come across someone who again looks like she has too many problems RUN in the opposite direction. It's not worth the hassle or heartbreak trying to save them.

You sound like a decent guy who has been well raised and has his act together. Give yourself some time to be alone & recover, and then move on to find a decent woman.

Now if I could just find a decent guy, I'd be happy!:D

Cathy

dkg999

Been there, and have some idea of what you are going thru! At least out of my last relationship I got a beautiful daughter who is now 7 yrs. old, I also picked up her two daughters because she doesn't really want them either.

That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger! I don't know who said this originally, but it's very true!

Hang in There!

bobman1235

Originally posted by cfrizz
Now if I could just find a decent guy, I'd be happy!

Cathy

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Demiurge

Originally posted by bobman1235
I'm sure you could lure a few in with that system ....

hahaha, my thoughts exactly.

Thanks for all the comments guys, I appreciate it.

It's cool everyone is sharing their stories. It's nice to know (well...not really nice!) that pretty much everyone has had their heart broken pretty badly.

Keep sharing if it'll make you guys (and girls) feel better.

AsSiMiLaTeD

I guess I've been pretty lucky...

I met my wife when I was five years old and have been close ever since...never had or wanted another girlfriend or wife...

Polkapops

It's been a long time for me (20yrs or so) since I've had my heart shredded. And at the time when they said time heals all wounds, I didn't believe them. It took quite a while before I had my head back on straight, but believe me - the time will come! Now I've been with my wife for 10yrs, (7 married, had to reeealy test the waters so as not to get burned again) but I had a good feeling in my heart and mind that she was going to be the one! It's hard to explain, but when you DO find the right one, you just feel everything's right. We both love motorcycling and take cross country trips together (she has her own Sportster) and she really is my best friend! I never, EVER thought I'd be this happy. And the funny thing is, I met her after resolving to being single the rest of my life. The Lord truly does work in mysterious ways!
Keep your chin up, sounds like you're a good man - a good woman will recognize that in you!:)

bikezappa

Had my heart broken also.

Replace her, don't mourn her.

cfrizz

Originally posted by bobman1235
I'm sure you could lure a few in with that system ....

I'll try to remember that!

bvette94

Dont let it get the best of you. I lost the love of my life due to her cheating. not sure i ever got over it. Even going out and womanizing a different one every weekend just didnt make up for it. the only sure fire way to be happy is to just go out and upgrade or buy new ht gear. it isnt the long tearm answer but it helps with instant gradification. good luck and keep your head up high and stay proud of who you are. no one can take that away from you.look at the positive things in your life and appreciate what you have friends family etc. keep your mind active and her memorie will fade quickly.

Polk65

Originally posted by Polk-a-pops
It's been a long time for me (20yrs or so) since I've had my heart shredded. And at the time when they said time heals all wounds, I didn't believe them. It took quite a while before I had my head back on straight, but believe me - the time will come!

When my heart was shredded and people were telling me that crap about "time heals..." I couldn't believe it.

Sorry to hear you lost the "one" you thought it would be. I've been there.

I eventually spent some critical thinking time about myself and her. Then a few months later, suddenly I found I was no longer angry. I feel much better and healthy with that anger gone.

Vent, think, and don't keep your feelings bottled up are my suggestions.

Joelsbass

I was talking to one of my female friends, and said 'nice guys finish last'

her response was 'at least they finish'

look at it this way, we'll wind up with good families and good wives while the creeps out there are struggling to just get by...