BIG changes on my horizon
codycatalist
Posts: 2,662
Wow.
To start off my daughter was born 6 years ago when I was 19 years old. I was a full time dad for the first couple months until her mother and I split taking me to every other weekend dad mode.
Being an every other weekend dad I always felt as if I was watching her grow up through a window that was opened only ever so often. It was taxing on the mind but I made it through.
Zoom forward to last Friday where my ex calls me to say her and her new husband split and she is moving to Oregon. Technically she cannot legally leave without me signing off on it due to a visitation order so we had a long discussion.
Turns out I am going to be taking on my little one full time starting next week (start of school). This is a pretty big undertaking for me and quite a scary one in that I hope to be able to make it the easiest transition for Sophia while seeing what kind of dad I can really be. It is going to be a busy week with court papers to file, school supplies, routines to write and a complete overhaul of my apartment to handle these new routines.
I'm not going to lie that I am scared quite a bit but know that I can do this with the help of my other half and some sweet tunes to soothe the mind when it wanders too far.
To start off my daughter was born 6 years ago when I was 19 years old. I was a full time dad for the first couple months until her mother and I split taking me to every other weekend dad mode.
Being an every other weekend dad I always felt as if I was watching her grow up through a window that was opened only ever so often. It was taxing on the mind but I made it through.
Zoom forward to last Friday where my ex calls me to say her and her new husband split and she is moving to Oregon. Technically she cannot legally leave without me signing off on it due to a visitation order so we had a long discussion.
Turns out I am going to be taking on my little one full time starting next week (start of school). This is a pretty big undertaking for me and quite a scary one in that I hope to be able to make it the easiest transition for Sophia while seeing what kind of dad I can really be. It is going to be a busy week with court papers to file, school supplies, routines to write and a complete overhaul of my apartment to handle these new routines.
I'm not going to lie that I am scared quite a bit but know that I can do this with the help of my other half and some sweet tunes to soothe the mind when it wanders too far.
Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member
Comments
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I finished raising mine as a widower. Hard job, but rewarding. Kids are resilient, she will be ok.
Congrats.Post edited by motorhead43026 onThe best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is imperative that we recognize that an opinion is not a fact. -
The only thing I can offer is my prayers and support. I can only imagine how tough this will be on her...The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD
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Raised my two boys from 1st grade thru college was about your same age...its all good, best times of my life until the grandkids came along
yes its a huge change of life style at least for me it was but well worth it.........and the bond between me and my boys is quite special because of it....... -
You will do fine, no need to worry.Pio Elete Pro 520
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Thanks for the reassurance everyone. I know as a father and man I can do this, I have a good mindset coming into this and stay level headed. The worst part for me is trying to come up with the difference in income.
My daughter has epilepsy (not as active as it used to be) but we have to get her medicine to take twice a day which costs $500 without a co-pay. My insurance at work will cost me an additional $500 if I want the co-pay option (co-pay is $100 for the meds) or $200 but no co-pay (after $2600 100% is covered).
I have currently around 6-700 left over after bills and what not but trying to pay down debt, credit cards, save for a house AND add her to my insurance while paying for the meds, specialist care etc is freaking me out.
I have faith everything will work out, it's just the journey that is flashing in front of my eyes.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
I'm guessing you've been paying the Ex child support? Time for her to pay you!
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I'm guessing you've been paying the Ex child support? Time for her to pay you!
Indeed I have, around $11,000 a years worth. I am trying to avoid her having to do so but it might get to that point quicker than I'd like.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
codycatalist wrote: »
Dude, it's only fair that she pay her fair share, especially since you did.
I can't remember, is there another lady in your life (if it's none of my damn business feel free to tell me...;-)
Either way, it will be hard, but you can do it. I have three daughters, and the smiles on their faces and the sweet hugs and kisses I get make my world so much better. If we could bottle that we might just solve major world problems lol...Living Room 2.2: Usher BE-718 "tiny dancers"; Dual DIY Dayton audio RSS210HF-4 Subs with Dayton SPA-250 amps; Arcam SA30; Musical Fidelity A308; Sony UBP-x1000es
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codycatalist wrote: »
Dude, it's only fair that she pay her fair share, especially since you did.
I can't remember, is there another lady in your life (if it's none of my damn business feel free to tell me...;-)
Either way, it will be hard, but you can do it. I have three daughters, and the smiles on their faces and the sweet hugs and kisses I get make my world so much better. If we could bottle that we might just solve major world problems lol...
I do yes, fiancee I have been with for the past 3 going on 4 years. Who is great with my daughter and they LOVE each other to the moon and back.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
I have been trying to keep myself busy with an Advent 25th anniversary speaker rehab and not overthink it all. Getting to work and hearing the options for her with my insurance is what brought me closer to the edge of sanity.
She is currently seeing one of the nation's best pediatric neurologist but she is considered out of network and not covered by my work insurance. Match that up with the crazy fees I have to pay to just file an agreement then wait a couple months until CS drops off. So much to do, not enough time. So much to figure out but not enough foresight.
There are going to be times where I make mistakes and regret it like you said @DSkip I guess I am just curious how I will handle the situations as they arise.
I'd be nice to just turn up the music till I can't hear myself think....sadly still dealing with a noise complaint from a couple months ago. HA!Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
Congrats on getting the best promotion in the world. To that of Full Time Dad!
My girls drive me crazy frequently, but a quick smile and being told "Daddy, your the best daddy" and all that gets wiped away."....not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." William Bruce Cameron, Informal Sociology: A Casual Introduction to Sociological Thinking (1963) -
codycatalist wrote: »I have been trying to keep myself busy with an Advent 25th anniversary speaker rehab and not overthink it all. Getting to work and hearing the options for her with my insurance is what brought me closer to the edge of sanity.
She is currently seeing one of the nation's best pediatric neurologist but she is considered out of network and not covered by my work insurance. Match that up with the crazy fees I have to pay to just file an agreement then wait a couple months until CS drops off. So much to do, not enough time. So much to figure out but not enough foresight.
There are going to be times where I make mistakes and regret it like you said @DSkip I guess I am just curious how I will handle the situations as they arise.
I'd be nice to just turn up the music till I can't hear myself think....sadly still dealing with a noise complaint from a couple months ago. HA!
Congratulations on getting custody of your daughter but take it easy on the volume knob. You living out of your car I can deal with, but you and your daughter? Not that would just be sad.
I wouldn't compromise our living situation because loud music. That's why I bought a headphone set up after the complaint = ]Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
If you should have any cheap audio equipment available in the near future, let me know. Let me know via PM, so the vultures don't line up until I take my pick.The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
It is imperative that we recognize that an opinion is not a fact. -
motorhead43026 wrote: »If you should have any cheap audio equipment available in the near future, let me know. Let me know via PM, so the vultures don't line up until I take my pick.
HA! You got it.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
At least yours can walk, talk, eat food in a relatively clean manner, and doesn't require courtesy wipes after BM's.
The hardest is yet to come. Just wait till she's of age when the hormones flare and you have to deal with gentleman callers. I lie awake at night dreading the day....DREADING!
You'll be fine...
Where’s the KABOOM?!?! There’s supposed to be an Earth shattering KABOOM!!! -
Good luck and prayers. You will be a great full time father. Peace. DMIT Magnum MH-750, Monster HTS 5100MKII, Sony 77" Class - A80CJ Series - 4K UHD OLED,PS4, Def Tech 15” sub,LSIM 706c, Sunfire Signature Grand 425 x 4,Parasound hca 120, LSiM 702 x 4, Oppo 103D, SDA SRS 1.2, Pioneer Elite SC63 , Pioneer Elite BDP-05 “Why did you get married if you wanted big speakers?”
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Congratulations, being a part time dad bites. You will find it challenging and rewarding. Best of luck Cody.
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nooshinjohn wrote: »The only thing I can offer is my prayers and support. I can only imagine how tough this will be on her...
My thoughts as well. I know it's probably going to be a tough transition for both, but, hopefully for the better. Thoughts abd prayers. -
At least yours can walk, talk, eat food in a relatively clean manner, and doesn't require courtesy wipes after BM's.
The hardest is yet to come. Just wait till she's of age when the hormones flare and you have to deal with gentleman callers. I lie awake at night dreading the day....DREADING!
You'll be fine...
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It is evident you will do great with this Cody because you are already thinking and working through what needs to be done. You are thinking about her care first, which is most important, and which shows you are a kind, loving father who wants nothing but the best for his child. Prayers for wisdom and strength.Integrated Amp: Marantz PM-10
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Taking care of her and giving her a good life is the LEAST of your worries dude...wait till she discovers your GEAR!...LOL!..
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What a load of crap. Everyone knows that 16 year old boys only care about one thing.... video games!The hardest is yet to come. Just wait till she's of age when the hormones flare and you have to deal with gentleman callers. I lie awake at night dreading the day....DREADING!
You'll be fine...
The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD
“When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson -
No one ever gets it right. You will make mistakes as we all do but do understand it's the most rewarding thing ever. Ill admit, some days I just want to check out for a day but two minutes later when I hear them giggle or laugh takes all that frustration away. You will be just fine, be the best dad you know how to be. You learn on the job sort of speak.
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nooshinjohn wrote: »
What a load of crap. Everyone knows that 16 year old boys only care about one thing.... video games!The hardest is yet to come. Just wait till she's of age when the hormones flare and you have to deal with gentleman callers. I lie awake at night dreading the day....DREADING!
You'll be fine...
Hmm yes yes all I cared about was video games Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
Congrats man - you will do awesome. The mere fact that you had difficulty "watching through a window" as you put it, tells me that you are ready for this, AND that you will be an excellent full-time parent.
On the insurance front - is your ex staying with the same company as she relocates? If so, can your daughter stay on her insurance, as part of the support package? And on the subject of child support, don't ever forget that it is for the child, and thus you should NEVER feel guilty asking for it.
Enjoy every moment - they really do grow up so fast..."Conservative Libertarians love the country, progressive leftists love the government." - Andrew Wilkow
“Human beings are born with different capacities. If they are free, they are not equal. And if they are equal, they are not free.”
― Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn -
Congrats man - you will do awesome. The mere fact that you had difficulty "watching through a window" as you put it, tells me that you are ready for this, AND that you will be an excellent full-time parent.
On the insurance front - is your ex staying with the same company as she relocates? If so, can your daughter stay on her insurance, as part of the support package? And on the subject of child support, don't ever forget that it is for the child, and thus you should NEVER feel guilty asking for it.
Enjoy every moment - they really do grow up so fast...
She didn't get insurance through her job and is not going to relocating with the same company. The main reason I am taking this on is she didn't have a plan heading to Oregon, just go there and hope to get on her feet. Without a 15 point plan I won't let the little one go out there.
Her insurance was through ACCHSS here in Az, I make too much to have her on the free insurance so I will have to bite the bullet and deal with it. That's life and I am thankful enough that I make enough money at 25 to pay my rent in a good neighborhood, pay off my debt, save money and be able to pay for her medicine and insurance.
Before my child support stops it will be tight but possible.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member -
Your gonna be a great dad, pal. Most humans have a way of rising to the occassion when it happens. You'll get a schedule together after a few unforced errors; don't sweat it, I doubt you expected your parents to be perfect, right?
I remember when my first wife left for an Army leadership course (8 weeks) and I had the kids for the first time, by myself. Now, keep in mind I married "into" children. They were 2 and 4 years old. The first week was HORRENDOUS. Laundry, cooking, doing hair (black childrens hair is a CHORE), shopping....holy crap. Keep in mind I'm also Army at this time, so my days are pretty long. By week 3, I was a well-oiled machine.
You got this. It really makes you appreciate what stay-at-home Mom's contend with; they have my FULL respect.Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2 -
codycatalist wrote: »Congrats man - you will do awesome. The mere fact that you had difficulty "watching through a window" as you put it, tells me that you are ready for this, AND that you will be an excellent full-time parent.
On the insurance front - is your ex staying with the same company as she relocates? If so, can your daughter stay on her insurance, as part of the support package? And on the subject of child support, don't ever forget that it is for the child, and thus you should NEVER feel guilty asking for it.
Enjoy every moment - they really do grow up so fast...
She didn't get insurance through her job and is not going to relocating with the same company. The main reason I am taking this on is she didn't have a plan heading to Oregon, just go there and hope to get on her feet. Without a 15 point plan I won't let the little one go out there.
Her insurance was through ACCHSS here in Az, I make too much to have her on the free insurance so I will have to bite the bullet and deal with it. That's life and I am thankful enough that I make enough money at 25 to pay my rent in a good neighborhood, pay off my debt, save money and be able to pay for her medicine and insurance.
Before my child support stops it will be tight but possible.
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Yea man..make dang sure you are squared away with those child support people..They have a habit of looking the other way in cases like this and letting the payments accrue when they should have been stopped..soon you will get hit with a whopper bill...Get any correspondence that you do with them in triplicate...
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Yea man..make dang sure you are squared away with those child support people..They have a habit of looking the other way in cases like this and letting the payments accrue when they should have been stopped..soon you will get hit with a whopper bill...Get any correspondence that you do with them in triplicate...
I am going to the Department of Child Support Enforcement with my ex to have them file the stop of income withholding themselves so there isn't an excuse.Just a dude doing dude-ly things
"Temptation is the manifestation of desire which equals necessity." - Mikey081057
" I have always had a champange taste with a beer budget" - Rick88
"Just because the thread is getting views don't mean much .. I like a good train wreck doesn't mean i want to be in one..." - pitdogg2
"Those that don't know, don't know that they don't know." - heiney9
"Audiophiles are the male equivalent of cat ladies." - Audiokarma Member
