How do you go on?
scottyboy76
Posts: 2,905
I have tried, I know its what she wants, i just dont know how.
If just getting through another day, mowing the grass, paying the bills, that was all i needed as long as we were together, but now?
im sorry, it just comes down, it hurts so bad
If just getting through another day, mowing the grass, paying the bills, that was all i needed as long as we were together, but now?
im sorry, it just comes down, it hurts so bad
humpty dumpty was pushed
Post edited by scottyboy76 on
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A day at a time, an hour at a time, a moment at a time. That's the only way to do it brother.Home Theater/2 Channel:
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This too shall pass.Political Correctness'.........defined
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Try getting out Scott & socializing. You may find a friend that can be a support for you & them. Keeping yourself busy is good also. Wish i was closer. Hang strong man
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Hang in there Scotty, I understand a little of what your going through. 3 months before I was to get married I lost my fiancee and its was a long rough ride, and I didn't have the years of memories you and Deb have. but one way is to let it out by talking to us about it it like your doing.
You already know you have wealth of friends here, it will take time and it gets tougher for awhile before it gets better but sharing will help.2 ch- Polk CRS+ * Vincent SA-31MK Preamp * Vincent Sp-331 Amp * Marantz SA8005 SACD * Project Xperience Classic TT * Sumiko Blue Point #2 MC cartridge
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Hang in there Scott she's waiting for you and wants you to enjoy your prolonged stay, so make her happy and do just that. You got my # so give us a ring anytime you feel like it.Home Theater
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The loss of a loved one is never an easy thing to get over, if at all. Good advice above, get out and socialize, keep busy. Focus on others that are dear to you. Deb would want you to be happy and live a long fulfilled life....so make her happy and do it.HT SYSTEM-
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One day at a time Scotty. Call me if you need to talk.--Gary--
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Hang in there, Scotty. Your Club Polk family is here for you.
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I have no idea my friend.
It seems everyone goes through an impossible time and at some point they make it through that impossible time. To each his own I guess but I turn to church, not that I go every week but half of the Sundays I attend. -
Good advice above, Scotty. What you're going through is incredibly difficult, but it will get better. Keep busy, stay connected, talk about your feelings and what's going on. Remember, you have friends here."Science is suppose to explain observations not dismiss them as impossible" - Norm on AA; 2.3TL's w/sonicaps/mills/jantzen inductors, Gimpod's boards, Lg Solen SDA inductors, RD-0198's, MW's dynamatted, Armaflex speaker gaskets, H-nuts, brass spikes, Cardas CCGR BP's, upgraded IC Cable, Black Hole Damping Sheet strips, interior of cabinets sealed with Loctite Power Grab, AI-1 interface with 1000VA A-L transformer
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There are no easy answers bud. Just plow thru everyday, keeping in your mind that IT WILL GET BETTER. I promise you, you will heal; there's just no shortcut. Hang in there brother. Reverse positions; if you had passed first, would you want her to be miserable?
It's OK to be sad, to cry, and to have down days. Keep yourself around family.Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2 -
Scotty..
I have no real words to help you here.
My family and I will continue to keep you in our prayers."....not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." William Bruce Cameron, Informal Sociology: A Casual Introduction to Sociological Thinking (1963) -
Thanks for the support, sometimes i feel like after 4 months i should sorta be past this or that, but sometimes just going to the grocery store alone, and coming home alone, and walking into an empty home sorta knocks me back.
The morning light helps, sorta starts over, maybe a better day.
I have been thinking about joining some type of group around here, hopefully something where i could help others.
Voltz Im so sorry to hear of your fiancee being taken, life is wonderful but full of pain for all of us.humpty dumpty was pushed -
Scotty....
Here is one thing I can tell you...
We all mourn in our own way and take our own unique amount of time to get to a better place. Note I didn't say get "over" it because that wont ever happen. She made a mark on your life that things will constantly remind you of. But at some point it is my hope you will be able to come to terms with it and have peace about it.
Dont let anyone ever try to tell you that you are taking to long to grieve.
Perfect example that I haven't shared here...
My wife had a miscarriage before we had Skye. It was not NEARLY as hard for me to have peace about it compared to my wife. But who was I to try and tell her that she should be done grieving?
Take your time, but do try to find a way to work towards finding peace for yourself. I would suggest looking for a group of some sort, doesnt even have to be a widower type group.
Maybe take up a new hobby, emerse yourself in an old one, get involved with community outreach groups, or even maybe a cancer support group of some sort...."....not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." William Bruce Cameron, Informal Sociology: A Casual Introduction to Sociological Thinking (1963) -
Hang in there...one day at a time. There's no definitive amount of time for each person, so hang tough. She will always be with you and your memories will always be precious.2 ChannelTurntable - VPI Classic 2/Ortofon 2M BlueAmplification - Rogue Audio Cronus Magnum II, Parks Audio Budgie PhonoSpeakers - GoldenEar Triton 17.2 Home TheaterDenon AVR-X3300W; Rotel RMB-1066; Klipsch RP-280F's, Klipsch RP-450C, Polk FXi3's, Polk RC60i; Dual SVS PB 2000's; BenQ HT2050; Elite Screens 120"Man CaveTurntable - Pro-Ject 2.9 Wood/Grado GoldAmplification - Dared SL2000a, McCormack DNA 0.5 DeluxeCD: Cambridge AudioSpeakers - Wharfedale Linton 85th Anniversary; LSiM 703; SDA 2A
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thanks Scotty, someone ask me one time how I handle it? on 1 hand you almost can't cause of the hurt but on the other hand we have no choice, you wake up and go on for HER! She will be the one thing that will get you through.
there is that love you have to carry you onward. feeling that sun on your face helps and hobbies can too, finding something to do during those lonely free time when think to much.
Hang tight and look to your friends & family. finding something you can do for others will heal you along the way 2 ch- Polk CRS+ * Vincent SA-31MK Preamp * Vincent Sp-331 Amp * Marantz SA8005 SACD * Project Xperience Classic TT * Sumiko Blue Point #2 MC cartridge
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Scotty
I still grieve over losing both my parents within 8 months of each other and that was 5 years ago..we all grieve differently. One thing I might suggest in case you don't have one or two is get a pet, they are great and are a companion for you and you for them Computer room Hegeman 1 SpeakersM&K VX-80 subKenwood DP-7010Cambridge Audio CXC Transport Rega DACPrimaLuna Prologue Four AmpAric Audio Tube PreampGarage Jennings Research SquareCustom tube preampCrown XLS-1000Denon DCD-1500II Modded MSB Link DAC -
SScotty, keep being a friend to others and cherish the memories. There is a great song by Kris Kristofferson called "When I Loved Her". Give it a listen. Somehow it helps when others share their pain of a loss. God bless.
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Scott,I don't have any words that haven't been said.Hang in there,you will be OK.
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starkiller wrote: »Scotty
One thing I might suggest in case you don't have one or two is get a pet, they are great and are a companion for you and you for them
Good advice, get you a pup---it's amazing how much comfort they provide.Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2 -
Each day is a new day. Get out, go to your church (if that's your thing), meet others, share your trauma and you will see what all the great men and women of the past have always known, "all of humankind is so afflicted"; it's what makes us all equal and all in "need" of others. It allows us to feel what others feel and share in their pain and suffering, comfort them. Some think this is, indeed, the very definition of what it means to be a 'human being'.
Always remember you are NEVER alone! Never!
And tomorrow is another day.
cnhCurrently orbiting Bowie's Blackstar.!
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Thank you all, I will do the best i can.humpty dumpty was pushed
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I don't know if I can say anything to make you feel better(I know I can't) but everyone is here for you.Display: Sony 42" LCD
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Scotty, it has only been four months, that isn't long at all. You can't put a time limit on something like this. But I will tell you that it will get better. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You may even want to go through some group therapy for a bit just to talk things out and to realize you are not alone with what you are going through.
It is normal to be depressed right now and you went through a lot for years, all of this needs to be worked through. Just don't cut yourself off from being around other people or seeking help so that you can start healing emotionally.Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2 -
Pick up a new hobby or something to keep yourself occupied. Best of luck, you'll be fine."He who fights with monsters should look to it that he himself does not become a monster. And when you gaze long into an abyss the abyss also gazes into you." Friedrich Nietzsche
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Scotty, dude, bro, I can't begin to know what you're going through, I do however, feel the pain of a broken heart through this forum.
I know this, a loss such as yours is both physical and spiritual, soulful, half of you is gone, sometimes more than half. A person doesn't just get up and stride away from an event like that.
I've been through a similar loss, twice in my lifetime, it's a devastating blow that makes a man falter and stumble.
There is nothing but encouragement in this thread, I would like to point out;
Cathy put it in perspective on time, you need more. A guy can't heal half of his body, spirit, soul in just four months.
cnh mentioned going to church. I did this. I didn't get into religion, I went after the Father, I gave Him permission to rearrange the furniture in my life. I had to yield to all other aspects in my life that I was in "control" of and let Him be the Master of my thoughts and direction.
I got more than just spiritual healing, I got complete freedom!!
I've heard a lot of people over the years say that, Jesus is for the weak, and rightly so, He want's the weak and broken, so He can be strong and whole.
Many people care for you Scotty, but one cares more than you can ever know, I dare you to chase after Him and let Him heal all that is lost.
Respectfully yours.
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Scotty, it has only been four months, that isn't long at all. You can't put a time limit on something like this. But I will tell you that it will get better. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other.
You may even want to go through some group therapy for a bit just to talk things out and to realize you are not alone with what you are going through.
It is normal to be depressed right now and you went through a lot for years, all of this needs to be worked through. Just don't cut yourself off from being around other people or seeking help so that you can start healing emotionally.
I know i have to do these things, I am just in the house, with our things and memorys, almost afraid to go out because i know something will trigger a meltdown.
I have to keep telling myself it has been a short period of time relatively speaking, and not to judge my timetable by others i have known who have gone through similar things.
And i am going to try to find a group around here to join, that seems to be a comforting thought, to share with others who have gone through this.
thank you cathy,and god bless,
scott and debhumpty dumpty was pushed -
Scotty, dude, bro, I can't begin to know what you're going through, I do however, feel the pain of a broken heart through this forum.
I know this, a loss such as yours is both physical and spiritual, soulful, half of you is gone, sometimes more than half. A person doesn't just get up and stride away from an event like that.
I've been through a similar loss, twice in my lifetime, it's a devastating blow that makes a man falter and stumble.
There is nothing but encouragement in this thread, I would like to point out;
Cathy put it in perspective on time, you need more. A guy can't heal half of his body, spirit, soul in just four months.
cnh mentioned going to church. I did this. I didn't get into religion, I went after the Father, I gave Him permission to rearrange the furniture in my life. I had to yield to all other aspects in my life that I was in "control" of and let Him be the Master of my thoughts and direction.
I got more than just spiritual healing, I got complete freedom!!
I've heard a lot of people over the years say that, Jesus is for the weak, and rightly so, He want's the weak and broken, so He can be strong and whole.
Many people care for you Scotty, but one cares more than you can ever know, I dare you to chase after Him and let Him heal all that is lost.
Respectfully yours.
Geoffrey
Thank you for the thoughts and advice geoff.
Your comments about part of me being gone is right on the mark, it literally physically feels that way, like a big part has been cut right out of my chest, and i even experience a lot of heightened physical sensitivity, almost like when you have the flu, and everything that touches your body is too much, and you are almost always chilly, that rawness goes right with what im feeling emotionally.
That is lessened or even goes away if im doing something to keep me busy, especially outside.
I want to go to the right church, i just have to try to find the right one for me, i know that is a wonderful way to go.
thank you and god bless,
scott and debhumpty dumpty was pushed -
Just grieve. Take the time it takes you, and only you will know. No right or wrong answer.
Plant a tree in memory of her. Go on a trip to someplace she always wanted to go with you and bring a picture of her and burry it somewhere there... she'd be pissed if you didn't continue on. But do it at your own pace.
