So the wife....

tonyb

That scene is legendary.

Got another story that better illustrates my place in the world. Wake up a Sunday morning to the smell of bacon. Not many smells gets your stomache going than the smell of bacon in the morning. I love bacon, had their newsletter for years. Anyway, I get up, sit at the kitchen table, grab a cup of joe, grab the newspaper, while out of the corner of my eye I'm watching the wife cook up some bacon and scrambled eggs. Start getting into the usual stories buried in the paper, when I look up and see the wife gone, and a paper plate on the floor with eggs and bacon being consumed by mans best friend. None for me, none left in the pan either. Asked the dog to share but she just looked at me as if to say "get your own man". So I sat down, had a big smile on my face as to what just transpired and the wife walks back in the kitchen. See's me grinning behind the paper and asked what I'm smileing about. I glance over at the plate on the floor....."Oh, did you want some ? " she says to me.

It's a tough road gents, knowing your place on the totem pole. That dog better sleep with one eye open is all I'm sayin'.

evhudsons

ha ha, this is a classic thread!

my wife says all the time, you people from the South cook bacon for no other reason than just to cook bacon.

True, but my dog gets some bacon, the wife too, the whole house smells great, and I keep the fat for cooking, especially vegetables. My dogs eat very well. They have the best dog food and then I add to it turkey, veggies and other good for dog stuff. They love it. It's not overdone, and in fact I had to get my dog's weight back up.

My English bulldog farts the nastiest ever, and he snores louder than my sister who is louder than anyone. It's the funniest thing having a one foot old man snoring at the foot of the bed.

tonyb

Funny you bring up Bulldogs. I had the distinct pleasure.......ok, well it wasn't a pleasure, of babysitting a english bulldog for 2 weeks. Snored like a drunk sailor, and under my bed too. It got so bad the wife and I would count down and dash to the bedroom to beat the dog in there and shut the door. All you heard was a big thud as that damn bulldog hit the door. Nice dog and all, but I needed to get some shut eye.....must be an english thing with these dogs.

evhudsons

ha ha, yep, too funny! My wife already had the bulldog when I met her. Mine is an SPCA blacklab and terrier mix (pit?), and is smart, kind, healthy, great with people and other animals, and is very athletic. The bulldog is temperamental, doesn't get along with other dogs, can't swim, has a half inch vertical leap and has a plethora of health issues.

But over time, and a lot of time, I've come to enjoy him. I had to train out some of his bad habits such as attacking the acoustic guitar each time I strummed. It took over 8 months, but now he loves music especially live guitar. He now thinks great songs are all about him. I had to use his name in order to train him to love the guitar.
Now he loves Adele, Pink Floyd, Diana Krall and Phish. He's a strange one. When there is a great SDA moment, he stops what he's doing, runs over and plops himself in between the speakers in his own sweet spot and puts his head down. You can see his eyes as they look in the areas where the voices and guitars seem to come from (SDA rocks). He has no idea the square boxes are the source of the such great sound!

potee

Okey now my dog wants to leave home as he only gets dog food. But he does sleep on the bed between us under his own blanket.
What a great read.

tonyb

The deer bowl has been empty for like 3 days now, as I type they are gathering in the yard with one in particular leading the charge. I swear that one is a instigator and probably is trying to form a union out there. I don't care how much they complain or eat my Hosta's, they ain't getting corn every day.

gdb

You oughta' feed em contraceptives......hourly !:cheesygrin:

mudwrx

Interesting topic. My wife is a vet and we have adopted a silver lab about a year ago (awesome, awesome dog). He has some weird condition that pops up every three months or so that makes him nauseous and then he tries to eat anything.

In her research, among other things, she has started us cooking/giving human food for him. In addition to his normal dog food, he gets the chicken of course, boiled. He also loves boiled sweet potatoes (suppose to be very good for him). Another treat he loves like crack is sardines. So we were food shopping the other day and picked up three cans of sardines, sweet potatoes and chicken in addition to whatever else we get.

I'm all for it, especially if she tells me this is all healthy for him. I guess you should be sure to boil the chicken and not fry it or anything like that. Oh, and the dog can have all the sardines he wants. I won't be touching those nasty things...

tonyb

If any of you looked at what went into dog food, you'd cook for them too. Ya know this thread cracks me up, mostly laughing at myself because almost daily some animal is looking to me for a handout. Early on, I said that strays in the neighborhood find their way to my door. Late morning, 2 dogs are in my yard looking at me looking at them. Crap, these 2 mutts were here before, last week. They live on the other block behind me, woods and a creek inbetween. So I grab a bag of homemade treats, peanut butter, they follow me like I'm the grand marshal in the Rose Bowl Parade. Trying to get them home so they don't get hit by a car, wander off farther. Well, guess who slips and falls in the creek ? You betcha...at that point I just smiled to myself. The 2 mutts are playing in the creek like it's the middle of summer, all muddy and wet....just like me. Get up, cross the creek, walk thru more woods untill I hit the street. At this point the owner is calling his dogs and they hear his voice and scoot home. So I turn around go back thru the woods, cross the creek again, walk thru more woods, and as I'm comming up the path out of the woods to my yard, guess who's behind me ? Frickin' mutts again only this time he brought a deflated basketball to play catch with. I said, Eff it man, I played with the dogs for 10 minutes, was wet and muddy anyway so nothin' to lose at this point,owners never ventured over on my side of the creek. Went in the house and closed the door, saw them scampering back thru the woods towards their house so I wasn't too concerned.

evhudsons

Greatttt story!

tonyb

evhudsons wrote: »

Greatttt story!

Forgot the bad part of that story.

One of those dogs was a Lab, and before I could get outside he decided to do the back stroke in my pond. Scared the hell out of the fish, knocked over some plants I had on the bottom, pulled the pump wires and tripped a breaker.

Not that big of a deal, I was more concerned about the dogs nails ripping my liner. Anyway, I get all that put back together, and since it's been warm here,in the 50's, I figure the opportunity to clean up the filters, add some more water to the pond, presented itself so I took it. Turn on the hose from the outside faucet and I'm getting no pressure. OK, maybe a chunk of ice is built up in there, I go back and crank her all the way up. Still no pressure, no kinks in the hose either. WTF is going on here...I said to myself. Took a sip of coffee, lite up a smoke and pondered the situation for a few minutes. Then it hit me.........MF'ER !!! Sure as sh$t, the faucet split behind the wall and water is comming in my family room thru a in ceiling canned light fixture like Niagra falls. I was cussing up a storm, let me tell you......until I noticed something. As I stood there in temporary shock as to what is happening with water pouring in from the ceiling, hitting the carpet and making a sound like a waterfall, the wife is snoozing on the couch 3 feet away. Didn't hear the water, didn't even hear me cussing. I mean, ya just gotta laugh at this stuff. Woke her **** up though when I turned on the carpet cleaner next to her ear. This my friends is life at my house, crap happens daily, but I enjoy living it.

mrbigbluelight

This thread is priceless.

It's good to hear, Tonyb, that your wife and dog have you so well-trained.

Sherardp

This one still gives me a good chuckle, glad you shared it bro.

tonyb

mrbigbluelight wrote: »

This thread is priceless.

It's good to hear, Tonyb, that your wife and dog have you so well-trained.

Yeah, ain't that the truth. I'm standing my ground though if asked to put that shock collar around my neck.

evhudsons

I just finished a grand dinner at the table with the wife's folks. My wife firmly tells everyone to not feed the dog from the table. I catch her sneaking some sweet potato to Ruckus right at the table like it was a drug deal, closed hand upside down behind her back. I call her out on it and she says she's allowed and it was just one time.
Dog has us all trained.

tonyb

Had a party for my grandson's 5th birthday last Saturday. An adult get together, family some friends, even the x-wife.....thats another story. Anyway, about 20-25 people. Well, ya have to feed the lot of them, can't just have cake and coffee, not the Italian way. Let me again, throw out some background info. The wife and I have become pro's at giving parties. We are organized, on top of things, and never chain ourselves to the kitchen so as not to enjoy our guests. We pride ourselves on the food and wine we put out. Now when the time came for this shin dig, I wanted a simple menu, that we could do all before hand and just pop in the oven and be done. Ok, we came up with baked ziti with buffalo mazzarella in a homemade sauce, salad, and my specialty, meatballs, ribs,sausage in my homemade sauce. I love making this, feeds alot of people. Parties at 3 pm, I'm up at 5 am, just lightly braising the sausage and ribs in the pot, makeing my meatballs, which are kick **** btw, and getting the sauce started. By 10 am, everything goes back into the pot and simmers untill 4 pm. I'm done, the wife made the ziti, it's all ready to go in the pans, just have to toss that in the oven and make a salad, easy. Guest arive, everyones chowing on some appetizers, drinking up my vino, laughing and having a good time, cool. Now, as a host, your running around filling glasses, making sure everyone has enough to eat, blah,blah, you guys know the routine. Everyone eats dinner, all goes well, we have cake and coffee, open presents, guests leave about 10pm.

One thing was forgotten in all the hupla, I forgot to eat. Was too busy attending the guests and one thing just flowed into another and all I had was cake and coffee. To put it mildly....I was f#ckin' starvin'. Now, anyone who's ever been involved with, been around, an Italian family knows the one thing that never, ever happens, is you run out of food. I always buy way more than I need and never run out. Off to the fridge I went......Where's the meatballs.....the sausage, the ribs ? No pasta ? WTF !!! The wife saw my jaw hit the floor and immediately knew. I know we had stuff left over, are you f#ckin' with me ? I ask her. Is it all in the fridge downstairs ?
Nope, she made take home containers for the daughter, and so and so, then another person asked for some. So I said, let me get this straight, you gave out all the leftovers ? She says "No, we had a little left ". OK then, where is it ? She replies....."I just ate it."
Dear Lord man, what does a guy have to do to eat in his own house. Such is my life.

BeefJerky

Wow, that stinks! And, now I'm starving!

chumlie

I know just how ya feel. I don't eat when i've been cooking and when the kids come here for dinner they always want a plate to go. Now i ALWAYS put a plate away for myself and enjoy it when the mob is gone.