rules of thumb

Micah Cohen
Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
edited November 2007 in The Clubhouse
I'm collecting personal rules of thumb.

Cohen's Sixth Rule: If you're expecting a telephone call, it will come as soon as you give up waiting and leave the house.

What have you got?

MC
ultramicah@yahoo.com

"There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
Post edited by Micah Cohen on
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  • Ron-P
    Ron-P Posts: 8,516
    edited July 2001
    Just when you've got your pants around your knees on the up swing, that little sneaky fella that was waiting now wants to come out. Time to sit back down.


    Peace Out~:D
    If...
    Ron dislikes a film = go out and buy it.
    Ron loves a film = don't even rent.
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  • Aaron
    Aaron Posts: 1,853
    edited July 2001
    Ron, that was freakin' hilarious! I'm laughing my arse off here!

    Aaron
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited July 2001
    Just the image of Ron in the, how should I say this, 'Fecal' position...WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    R
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    No rules, huh?

    :(

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited July 2001
    ....This is the kind of post I should be all over....

    It has great opprotunities for comedy, and wise-truths.....but I'm drawin a friggin blank, esp after reading Ron's post...

    R
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    OK, here's another one:

    Cohen's First Ancillary Airport Suggestion: Wear a tie with baseball caps on it, but never wear a baseball cap and tie.

    So there.

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited July 2001
    you are killin' me man!

    Added to that, the only time that you will ever run out of TP in the house is when you are in a desperate situation after a quest at a greasy all you can eat deal at a buffet washed down with a few beers.....

    Troy
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited July 2001
    Never vomit/spew/chunder in the back-yard at night, just because you can't see it now, does not mean it won't be very visible the next day.

    Big steamin' pile of creamed corn and beer....there's an image....

    AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Cheers,
    Russ
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • Ron-P
    Ron-P Posts: 8,516
    edited July 2001
    Baby wipes are my a**'s best friend. Betcha didn't know that. After a nice turtle ****, I get that fresh clean feeling after using a baby wipe.


    Peace Out~:D
    If...
    Ron dislikes a film = go out and buy it.
    Ron loves a film = don't even rent.
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    Try again.

    Cohen's Third Rule: No matter how much potpourri you buy, your home will never smell like the potpourri store.

    Can we keep it out of the bathroom & vomitorium this time?

    Anyone?

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • Ron-P
    Ron-P Posts: 8,516
    edited July 2001
    Sure Micah,

    Ever notice when you walk into a porta-crapper that someone just had a major O-ring blow-out?

    Hey, it's out of the bathroom and vomit....whatever


    Peace Out~:D
    If...
    Ron dislikes a film = go out and buy it.
    Ron loves a film = don't even rent.
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited July 2001
    ever notice that there is a commandment that while traveling that a woman can NOT ever use the restroom, eat or get gas all in the same stop or even 2 of the 3?
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • George Grand
    George Grand Posts: 12,258
    edited July 2001
    1. That delivery scheduled for sometime between oh lets say 9AM to 5PM, will come while you are in the shower. I always love getting that 8 hour delivery "window".

    2. A baseball hat, worn fashionably backwards, is usually a sure sign of a complete moron.

    3. If she sounds nice on the phone, or over the radio, she's tipping the scales at between 250 and 300.

    4. The more lights and buzzers, the worse the piece will sound.

    5. Dollar (or less) a watt. Fair price for anything usually.

    George Grand (of the Jersey Grand's)
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    See? How tough was that? Those are pretty good.

    Thanks!

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • George Grand
    George Grand Posts: 12,258
    edited July 2001
    How about the sayings that are pure ****? Like, "What you can't see, can't hurt you." Obviously, this **** never saw Predator. Or, like closing your eyes before you jump in a wood chipper is gonna help.

    "Honesty is the best policy." Right. I have gotten the daylights beat out of me for telling the truth. Telling the truth is situational.

    "A bird in the hand, is worth two in the bush." ANYBODY have ANY damn idea what this is supposed to mean? Who do you sell birds TO, IF you have /catch one?

    "Better to be safe than sorry." Ever see the babes that hang out with the "safe" guys? No thanks.

    "Any landing you can walk away from....." ****! It's a lot better if you can USE THE AIRPLANE AGAIN after you walk away.

    There are more.

    George Grand (of the Jersey Grand's)


    George Grand (of the Jersey Grand's)
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  • Aaron
    Aaron Posts: 1,853
    edited July 2001
    That saying just means that you shouldn't count on getting something until you have it in your hand.

    Aaron
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  • George Grand
    George Grand Posts: 12,258
    edited July 2001
    So he could easily have said, "Don't count your chickens before they hatch." Which would have not been any better, because WHO has chickens? Maybe chicken farmers. A fine piece of country advice. What good does it do the average guy trying to date Puerto Rican girls in New York? Watch.

    Puerto Rican guy - "How come you sniffing around my woman?"

    Young George - "Cause she's fine, and I didn't think you were around, and I'm not going to count my chickens before they hatch."

    Puerto Rican guy - "Let's go outside and I'm gonna help you count you chickens out there."

    See.

    How about when you lie to somebody by saying, "It's not as bad as it seems", when deep down, you know this persons problems are JUST BEGINNING to blossom, and it's really going to be a million times worse than they ever imagined. I have one of those going on in the office right now. One of the pilots got a DWI about two weeks ago. Original court date was 25 July, but I think he has the opportunity to push it back one month. The 25th was also the day his wife and two daughters were supposed to drive up to New England on their own for a vaca. It's a definite 6 month loss of license. Do you start serving the sentence 25 July, or do you let the wife and kids vaca, before SHE has to chauffeur you around for 6 months? I think I'd let the ladies vaca. Even though it means the Sword of Damocles over your head for another month. After about a WEEK of driving him back and forth to work.........

    I feel bad for the guy, but he did it to himself. City boy loses his license, no biggie. Ride the subway and/or bus to work. Out here it's for real.

    George Grand (of the Jersey Grand's)
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    Yeah, but is it "Puerto Rican" or "Latino" (do they speak Latin?) or "Hispanic"? I can never figure this out.

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • George Grand
    George Grand Posts: 12,258
    edited July 2001
    Language skills OF ANY TYPE are unnecessary. Just show up with that skin, and be an air breather. Nylons & heels are also a nice touch.

    George Grand of the Jersey Grand's)
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  • lbrenner
    lbrenner Posts: 33
    edited July 2001
    Well, I just didn't have a-one until voting in the "do you listen in the dark" poll. It's:

    All cats are black in the dark.
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  • Micah Cohen
    Micah Cohen Posts: 2,022
    edited July 2001
    Which could go along with Cohen's Fourth Rule, which is...

    Cohen's Fourth Rule: The coffee from black coffee machines tastes better than the coffee from white coffee machines.

    First Corollary to Cohen's Fourth Rule: If you don't see the dirt, it's not there.

    See how this works?

    Fun, huh?

    MC
    ultramicah@yahoo.com

    "There's nothing funny about a clown in the moonlight." - Lon Chaney
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  • sgtgto
    sgtgto Posts: 310
    edited July 2001
    Hi:

    There is no sound if no one is there to hear it.:cool:

    If you fired a gun in space there would be no sound.:p

    Gary
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  • ariadne
    ariadne Posts: 12
    edited July 2001
    two drivers are better then six. someone just gave me a set of SCARY Sansui speakers from who knows when. Three tweeters? Two midranges? A 12" woofer. Acoustic stuff is OK.. Hmm, play a rock song and it's like being in a room full of blenders and f**ing cats.
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited July 2001
    I procured a set of SP-X6700's a month or so ago for 5 bucks. Good garage speaks....
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • polkster13
    polkster13 Posts: 37
    edited July 2001
    Here is my rule of thumb,

    At a HazMat scene (or a nuclear explosion), while extending my arm out and holding my thumb up, if I can see ANY of the scene outside of the profile of my thumb, my **** is WAY to close!:p
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  • mjmcg
    mjmcg Posts: 102
    edited July 2001
    How about rules of physics?...for instance: when the elastic in your socks wear out, the socks fall DOWN, in accordance with Newton's law of gravity right? Why is it then when the elastic in your briefs wear out, the briefs ride UP, completely defying Newton's law? I've been contemplating that one for years....
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  • RuSsMaN
    RuSsMaN Posts: 17,987
    edited April 2005
    Vintage George Grand, in rare form.

    Enjoy......
    Check your lips at the door woman. Shake your hips like battleships. Yeah, all the white girls trip when I sing at Sunday service.
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  • TroyD
    TroyD Posts: 13,077
    edited April 2005
    CLASSIC George. CLASSIC.

    BDT
    I plan for the future. - F1Nut
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  • beardog03
    beardog03 Posts: 5,550
    edited April 2005
    "You don`t know what you`ve got till it`s gone"

    either your real stupid....





    or you realized it aint what you wanted....


    and got rid of it
    Cary SLP-98L F1 DC Pre Amp (Jag Blue)
    Parasound HCA-3500
    Cary Audio V12 amp (Jag Red)
    Polk Audio Xm Reciever (Autographed by THE MAN Himself) :cool:
    Magnum Dynalab MD-102 Analog Tuna
    Jolida JD-100 CDP
    Polk Audio LSi9 Speaks (ebony)
    SVS PC-Ultra Sub
    AQ Bedrock Speaker Cables (Bi-Wired)
    MIT Shotgun S1 I/C`s
    AQ Black Thunder Sub Cables
    PS Audio Plus Power Cords
    Magnum Dynalab ST-2 FM Antenna
    Sanus Cherry wood Speak Stands
    Adona AV45CS3 / 3 Tier Rack (Black /Gold)

    :cool:
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  • michael_w
    michael_w Posts: 2,813
    edited April 2005
    Originally posted by TroyD
    Added to that, the only time that you will ever run out of TP in the house is when you are in a desperate situation after a quest at a greasy all you can eat deal at a buffet washed down with a few beers.....

    Troy

    not cool... see that happened to me a couple days ago, cept it wasn't my house it happened in :mad:
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