The Spouse Factor, advice and stories

WGDB

I'm pretty lucky,,,, my wife really enjoys good music on a nice system. In fact when I hooked up my new Pioneer SC35, she posted "there sure is a big difference between a $400.00 receiver and a $1200.00 one.

rebuy

In our house, she decorates and has charge of those kinds of things. Cars and entertainment are my dept. I can't buy as much as I could when I was younger, so I try to buy good stuff and be frugal at the same time. In the 25 years we've been together, I always bought what I wanted and could afford and she has always yielded to my judgement. That's my task in the house, to provide electric entertainment. I also provide non electric entertainment but that's for another thread!

agfrost

I just wanna see what happens when he pours a bottle of pasta sauce on that glass stovetop and turns it on for an hour or so while she's out.

evhudsons

agfrost wrote: »

I just wanna see what happens when he pours a bottle of pasta sauce on that glass stovetop and turns it on for an hour or so while she's out.

Ha ha, I wouldn't want to be around for that!

Thanks for the advice, all good stuff. It actually makes me appreciate my wife that much more. When my friend moved in with her, my wife sat me down, held my hands, and said, "I'm sorry, but you just lost a friend."

Women somehow pick up on each other's ways sometimes. If I lose my friend, he was lost already.

It's his call on how he lives, but I'm going to try and get those suckers either in the house, or in a comfortable place in the garage, but fully working and ready for his escape. :biggrin:

I already warned my wife, I might have just adopted a set of SDA 1C's. She just gave me a humored look, like "noooo", but she knows that if it came to that, that's the way it will be. The swapping speakers idea is a good one, but I have a feeling it may not be enough. Either way, I have no problem swapping out as long as he takes care of my crs, and it would be fun to upgrade the 1c's and jam on.

nspindel

evhudsons wrote: »

... I have no problem swapping out as long as he takes care of my crs, and it would be fun to upgrade the 1c's and jam on...

I look at this way. From the sound of things, your friend is going to be equally miserable whether he has 1C's or CRS+'s. You, on the other hand, will be over the moon if you land those 1C's. That's the way I'd play it

evhudsons

I wonder if subliminally I knew that might happen. My wife might think it was a well thought out plan. "Honey, I have to take these poor little speakers in and give them a home, in order to help my friend survive his relationship this week. Oh..and he's coming down with them in his truck to bring them here, and we are having a drunken rock out all weekend, care to join us? I got some good red wine and some ear plugs..."

evhudsons

I spoke with my friend and gave him a heads up that I have been sharing bits of his dilemma on this site. I told him there were things that he would like, and things he wouldn't like to hear. He knows his situation and is actually excited to get these going and to join this forum. I gave him some examples on both sides of the issue, and he found them quite humorous.

I will still tread lightly this weekend. I'll post later on when I get back. I'm really excited to hear these beasts, as the only SDA I've ever heard were my CRS+.

Demiurge

audiocr381ve wrote: »

Their are two obvious extremes that I hear on this never-ending topic.

One extreme is to "grow a pair" and tell the spouse how it's gonna go down. Generally, the "men" who take this opinion have **** marriages, domineer over their wives, are on their way to divorce, or are already on their 2nd or 3rd marriage. Don't listen to these idiots.

Swing the other way and you find the guys that say "do whatever the wife says." While this sounds wise and is normally the advice I give, it's not the best way to develop problem solving skills between both parties.

For most guys, I say grow a pair and stop being a selfish ****. Make compromises. Establish boundaries with your spouse regarding your hobby. Some guys have no problem dropping 3-4 G's on speakers but don't give their wives a dime to spend and expect her to shut her mouth about speakers the size of semi-trucks. Give her a heads up about the speakers and be clear on where they are going. Try "asking" before doing. Crazy concept, I know!

I'm not speaking to the OP's situation, but the reason most of these little boys get into these situations is because they didn't have a pair in the first place and married women who would throw these hissy fits.

I can't imagine marrying someone who would constantly **** about my hobby with the following caveats:

- I was spending money we don't have to spend.

- I was doing whatever I wanted in our common spaces, as opposed to my own space.

If you've got a hobby, how in the hell does your then girlfriend not know much about it until you're married? Do people talk to each other anymore? My girlfriend knows I'm into home theater and the audio that goes along with it.

The boundaries were clear before we ever decided to get more involved. I'm gonna have my stuff and my space and she's gonna have hers. Then there's everything else we have together. I'm not going to walk on egg shells in my house, nor her.

Back on topic:

If I was the OP's friend, I wouldn't be with someone like that, but I also would have told my significant other if I was going to add something to our common space. There has to be mutual respect, which means communicating.

evhudsons

I just got from Miami and fixed up my friends 1c's. I replaced one pair of tweeters, put on dynamat, armacelled the driver seals, used black polish on the black wood cabinet. I removed the base simply because they were damaged somewhat, and looked like the particle board was coming apart. Plus in order to satisfy to a degree the waf, it made them shorter and less imposing. I cleaned the drivers, used an electronic cleaner on the connections and the crossover, vacuumed on dust cap so it's popped back out. By then I was falling in love with them and hadn't even heard them yet.
For lack of anything better, I put felt pads under the base for now. I made the SDA cord, new wires, got it into the house through mountain moving, fired it up.


WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



It's the first time hearing another SDA speaker. My friend's wife was constantly complaining that they were huge, looked awful, and "besides, they are from the 80's, they are old, they are crap!" That was the issue it seems.

We had friends over to watch the FSU game, and we got the speakers done and in just in time to play beforehand, and it was unanimous, they looked great, and sounded amazing.
With my advice he was able to get her acclimated to acoustic serenity and blissful happiness they both can share. It was a good thing I told my friend to download whatever she liked to listen to and have it ready for the first audition.

It was agreed by me that it was her house, so I wasn't going to push getting them in the house. My friend somehow got her to agree to put them in just to try, and I agreed to say some BS, like we had to in order to test them and tweak the acoustical architecture in order to get them to work properly. One of the friends over listened to her issues, and agreed that communication and agreement about them is essential, but that she should stop demanding that everything about her house be her way since he gave up and away virtually everything in order to move in. The same guest told my friend to grow some balls and stand up to her, but to respect the permission aspect of her house.

We got them in, everyone is happy, and I will pray for their future. I actually think these speakers will make them both happy, relieves some stress and strife, and may help their relationship in a small first forward positive step.

My wife gets me a beer when I ask, but only because she wants me to have a beer and be happy that I have a wife who will get me a beer. I do the same for her.

Life is Grand

Joe08867

audiocr381ve wrote: »

Dude, be careful. I'd ask your wife if you could be doing a better job at loving her and your family with your finances. Passiveness is the devils playground. I know your formula may have been successful for 2 decades, but their may be some damage and resentment there that you don't even know about. No boundaries is usually not a good sign.

Says the guy that had to hide his speakers in a closet till he grew a pair. :biggrin:

I am just kidding.



To the OP, Tell your buddy he needs to stand up for himself. I don't mean be a **** and all that but a relationship is a two way street. I will be damned if someone if going to tell me no without some kind of compromise.

nspindel

Not only did my wife help me carry my 1C's down the stairs to my man-cave in the basement, but when we had a big storm and I was fearful of a flood in the basement, she helped me carry them back upstairs to avoid damage. Then, after the storm, she helped me carry them back down again. Now that's a good woman!

evhudsons

Cheers to good women!

evhudsons

Wives and husbands and partners all give each other a little ribbing, it's only natural. Don't you give your friends little hard shots to the arm sometimes in good fun? My wife pretends to give me grief and I either laugh or go along sometimes. But really we respect each other. Neither side should be too passive or controlling. It's not natural then. After spending the weekend doing all the work ( was fun though) I thought I had earned some points. Looooong story short, girlfriend was IMHO a chemically imbalanced, socially inept, morally aggressive egotistical, selfish, bipolar, schizophrenic, maniacal, controlling, boorish bullying unexeptically and inappropriately illogically psycho demon f#%%%%k from lower south than you could imagine. But, somehow we got those bad boys in there and music in the air, we bonded like the old school days and they are still there. Ah, wish he could grow some balls too, but communication is out of the question, and we are not dealing with a rational human being. Be glad you are in club Polk. Kiss your loved one, and God bless us everyone!

evhudsons

By the way, each time I talk with my friend he is listening to his one's, and says slowly, "stereo dimmensional Array...hmmm..."

There is sometimes a little heaven in hell, and thanks to everyone for help in giving at least a little of that.

evhudsons

Sorry about the bad grammar. iPhone, bad connection, and being hurried to a rehearsal dinner. Any polkies in New Orleans? If you hear lots of machine gun fire, come on over and I'll introduce you to the family.

disneyjoe7

Spouse Factor, not an issue got rid of Spouse. I'm happy :biggrin:

Paden501

Congrats on getting them through the door at your friend's house. I fought a similar battle with my wife over my 1C's. Now 3 years later I'm selling them and my wife's response was "why would you do that?"

Also, properly placed, SDA's don't really look that old. It's as much about getting the right looks around them as it is the speakers themselves.

nspindel

I've also questioned why you're selling your 1C's. Especially when you have no issues with WAF.

Paden501

It's just time to take on a new project nspindel. Doesn't mean there won't be SDA's in my house again soon (some CRS would be awesome to replace my monitor 5s someday).

The honest truth is that I double-use my main living room system as a HT, and I haven't been in love with the 1Cs in that capacity.

evhudsons

I still think SDA is awesome for the home theater. That debate has been going on in other threads, but I really think it goes very well with HT at least in smaller rooms. I found that getting rid of the center speaker is almost essential unless matched perfectly as others have said. With all the upgrades done, the sound stage is incredible on my crs+, and the 1c's also sound really great even with just the one pair of tweeters upgraded. I know that proper speaker placement is crucial, and have found that spikes even on my hard floor really open things up.

My AVR came with a calibrating mic, which I use every time I change my room, speakers or move things.

I would agree with your wife and nspindle, why would you sell them?

by the way,

speakers are still in the house.......I think they may stay!

evhudsons

Oh my, I was doing searches on this forum to drum up interesting topics, and found a whooole lot of good ones! Some people must have a lot of pent up anger in some, but the greatest thread I just found was parallel to this one. Polkfarmboy had a thread about the wife not liking his music. Hilarious.

Here's one quote that is just tops: "When criticized, I remind her of her stint of listening to the Backstreet Boys! Crushed and cowering, she then beats a hasty retreat!"

Classic stuff!

You could write a book or a thousand songs with some of the things on here. And of course, continue the life long journey seeking auditory nirvana.

evhudsons

My friend's girlfriend/slave driver is so bad my wife has so far refused to go to their house. Enough time has passed we are going to dinner tonight. While their I'm looking at the interconnect cord, he hooked it up and gouldnt tell a difference. There should be an immediate difference as soon as the connection is made.

This should be an interesting night. At least the 1c's are still there