Got back into dating after 10 years...

ryanjoachim

And let me tell you...I'm rusty as all hell!

Luckily I found a nice librarian who doesn't seem to mind my occasional "dating blunder".

We've been on several dates now (out to drinks, movie, karoke, etc) and spent a few nights at my place with Netflix (a god-send imo).

Just thought I'd give people a spot to post their stories, if you have any.

20hz

when I was 40 I went into a forced divorce and didnt want to date again , all those high school blind dates and dressing up for clubs just brought up bad memories (not to mention head games) .
So I went to online dating services , worked real good just gotta be persistant and realize 50% lie (some are even married) .
So after 200 letters (maybe 25 ladys) I meet my wife , and its been great .
So I recomend trying it .

cnh

Glad to hear you're back in the game!

My advice for you young ones (not married yet); marry 'late' and spend a few years getting to know who she is and who you 'are' as well. Worked for me...three years before we got married, just celebrated our 18th year anniversary. Is it 'perfect'...no, but we're also not children who 'expect' it to be something from a fairy tale.

Just make sure you're an adult before you take that first step...you'll thank yourself for it and so will your family.

cnh

steveinaz

I think the biggest mistake we make, is not being ourselves.

ryanjoachim

steveinaz wrote: »

I think the biggest mistake we make, is not being ourselves.

This is very true.

My ex-wife and I were together for 2 years before we had our first child, and 6 years before we got married. 1 year after that we were divorced.

I attribute much of the blame on myself, simply because I can't remember why I stayed with her for so long. She's a great person, but in the end we just weren't a fit for each other, and we were too young to realize that until it was too late.

inspiredsports

ryanjoachim wrote: »

. . . just thought I'd give people a spot to post their stories, if you have any.

No stories here, so I'm going to live vicariously through you by reading yours :biggrin:

Good luck!

steveinaz

Marriage should not take work; took me many years to figure this out--but I speak the truth my friend. My 2nd wife has been an absolute JOY to be with, thank god she has a good heart, and bad vision.

ryanjoachim

steveinaz wrote: »

Marriage should not take work; took me many years to figure this out--but I speak the truth my friend. My 2nd wife has been an absolute JOY to be with, thank god she has a good heart, and bad vision.

I've finally started to learn this.
I previously chose women based on their personalities, and not their looks...and it turns out just having a good personality really isn't enough for me.

20hz

cnh wrote: »

Glad to hear you're back in the game!

My advice for you young ones (not married yet); marry 'late' and spend a few years getting to know who she is and who you 'are' as well. Worked for me...three years before we got married .

cnh

I felt that w/first wife we lived together for 10 years (started at 18yrs old) a few years later had a kid a couple years later had another .
Older you get the less time you have to "try the waters" just be thankfull you find somebody to put up w/you (and has bad vision LOL) , and hope for the best since there is NO perfect relationship , you will always have a disspute
only thing is if you let it bother you, a perfect relationship is forgive and forget dissputes .

20hz

ryanjoachim wrote: »

I've finally started to learn this.
I previously chose women based on their personalities, and not their looks...and it turns out just having a good personality really isn't enough for me.

you can buy looks cant buy a personality , If a nice face has a attitude I cant be happy w/that .

decal

Okay guys and gals, I usually don't like to air my private life on a public forum, but here goes nothing.
I had been divorced for 22 years and was happy as a pig at the slop trough,or so I thought. A lady from my past entered my life again and I found out I wasn't completely happy being alone. This lady has become my best friend and lover and my life is so much better now that she's a part of it.
Don't let the dating thing steer you away from finding that special someone.

Polkie2009

Been a bachelor all my life, have had a number of relationships over the years, one that lasted 5 years. Got into online dating about 7 years ago and have enjoyed the heck out of meeting various women even if it's just for a couple of fun dates.Through all the dates, I actually met a couple of women that I had a good connection with that lasted 3 to 6 months, but honestly_, just not enough spark there to stick with it to the next level. Most women on these sites truly_ are__ looking for their soulmate and if you really are looking for the same, it will happen! Always remember, as corny as it sounds, find someone you're evenly yoked with to have a strong foundation. I sincerely wish you the best!

20hz

steveinaz wrote: »

Marriage should not take work; took me many years to figure this out--but I speak the truth my friend. My 2nd wife has been an absolute JOY to be with, thank god she has a good heart, and bad vision.

it shouldnt but a good relationship takes extra effort to make SURE everyone is happy that usually takes putting your happiness down the list .
So you can call that work , I do .
The way I see it ...
stop everything ask her what she wants and what the kids need after that if you can worry about your own needs , I dont think any family psycholigist will dissagree w/that .
If you dont anger will boil inside untill a divorce is on the table and its too late to fix it .

steveinaz

It's all about having a genuine sense of fairness, not being a score-keeper, dumping the baggage, and being 110% committed. If you have enough in common, the rest will fall right into place.

My wife is a far better person than I; tons of patience, caring, and always takes the high road. I'm volatile, short tempered---I'm basically the family village idiot, so it all works out.

Amherst

Okay.....first things first. Have you read Crazy Time by Abigail Trafford?
This is a must read for anyone who has experienced divorce.....not even a bad read for those wanting to keep a marriage whole.

I have been dating for the first time in almost thirty years. It has not only been an eye opening experience, and scary, it has been wonderful in many ways. Online dating works and works very well. Read between the lines when figuring who you are dealing with. There are many fine women to choose from and by good grace I now have a steady girl that any man would be proud to walk beside.

The best of luck to you in this part of your life's journey!

Amherst

steveinaz wrote: »

It's all about having a genuine sense of fairness, not being a score-keeper, dumping the baggage, and being 110% committed. If you have enough in common, the rest will fall right into place.

My wife is a far better person than I; tons of patience, caring, and always takes the high road. I'm volatile, short tempered---I'm basically the family village idiot, so it all works out.

Takes a real man to know his actual place in all of the hoopla of life and marriage. You are to be congratulated.


But surely you have overstated any shortcomings! :biggrin:

cnh

20hz wrote: »

I felt that w/first wife we lived together for 10 years (started at 18yrs old) a few years later had a kid a couple years later had another .
Older you get the less time you have to "try the waters" just be thankfull you find somebody to put up w/you (and has bad vision LOL) , and hope for the best since there is NO perfect relationship , you will always have a disspute
only thing is if you let it bother you, a perfect relationship is forgive and forget dissputes .

18? Yeah..no way anyone should be living with anyone at that age. I teach 18-22 year olds...haven't yet met one I think is ready for a commitment as serious as marriage! When I say late...I mean very late. Some guys who have their mid-life crisis still don't know who they are and screw up one marriage after another. Don't just think that because you've been through a divorce or two that you're OK? I know a lot of guys who've been divorced and a number who've never been divorced. Most of us, in that second category were in our 30s before we even 'thought' about such things. But 'age' alone is not enough...because some guys remain immature their entire life.

Know thyself...Delphi...age old...right...we live in a society that helps prevent us from trying and encourages us not to?

cnh

pdxfj

Been divorced for about 6 years and gave up on dating quite a while go. Have tried some of the on-line dating services only to have my failure be so grand it's laughable. One site couldn't find anyone to match me with on the entire west coast after 6 months of paying for their service.

Funny it's mentioned to be yourself.. that's all I know who to be and it just doesn't work. Although having been told a number of times that I'm a worthless POS excuse for a human being and I should go and kill myself because I really don't like dogs just makes one say "F-it" and not even worry about it.

Totally fine with being single. More time and money for what I want to do.

PolkClyde

I found, I believe, my soul mate,if that's such a thing. My childhood Sweetheart. We talk every day and night. we wll be going on vacation together next week. God Brought us back together again,through FaceBook. we will tell our story in church next week on father's day.

billbillw

steveinaz wrote: »

Marriage should not take work; took me many years to figure this out--but I speak the truth my friend. My 2nd wife has been an absolute JOY to be with, thank god she has a good heart, and bad vision.

Sorry Steve, but at some point, EVERY marriage takes some amount of work to keep things from decaying. Those who aren't willing to work, let things fall apart. Sometimes, that's for the better, sometimes its not.

Ryan, good luck in the dating scene. I don't envy you. I hope I'm never out there again. I can't imagine doing it again. I would probably just die an old bachelor rather than go through that again.

bobman1235

As someone who's been "dating' off and on for many moons now, my biggest advice (which is likely useless) is to trust your instincts. I"ve gone out with many a lady under the assumption that my instincts were crazy and that maybe after a few dates blah blah blah. Nope. The ones that have worked out for any period I've known pretty damned early on that they were a "match" for me. If someone is right for you, whether it be for the short term or the long, you should know pretty early.

20hz

PolkClyde wrote: »

I found, I believe, my soul mate,if that's such a thing. My childhood Sweetheart. We talk every day and night. we wll be going on vacation together next week. God Brought us back together again,through FaceBook. we will tell our story in church next week on father's day.

GOOD FOR YOU !
My story unwinds like yours .

sandworms

steveinaz wrote: »

I think the biggest mistake we make, is not being ourselves.

Thats where I went wrong with #1, now on #2 and couldn't be happier

ryanjoachim

I've been holding off telling this new lady about my dentures. Worried about how she'll react.

bobman1235

ryanjoachim wrote: »

I've been holding off telling this new lady about my dentures. Worried about how she'll react.

A great tip I've heard a bunch of times about this TYPE of thing - when you tell her, don't tell her like it's a cancer diagnosis, just tell her like it's a funny thing. If you frame it as if it's a horrible thing she has to deal with, she'll take it that way, whereas if you just tell her like it's no big deal, she'll take it THAT way.




In other news, releavant to this thread, I had probably the worst first date of my life on Friday. I've done the online thing off and on for a couple years now, and generally had good experiences (some lasted as relationships, but even the ones that didnt' weren't horrible). But Friday I had someone who completely misrepresented themselves, including using a picture that wasn't even of her. Just a brutal experience.

ryanjoachim

bobman1235 wrote: »

A great tip I've heard a bunch of times about this TYPE of thing - when you tell her, don't tell her like it's a cancer diagnosis, just tell her like it's a funny thing. If you frame it as if it's a horrible thing she has to deal with, she'll take it that way, whereas if you just tell her like it's no big deal, she'll take it THAT way.




In other news, releavant to this thread, I had probably the worst first date of my life on Friday. I've done the online thing off and on for a couple years now, and generally had good experiences (some lasted as relationships, but even the ones that didnt' weren't horrible). But Friday I had someone who completely misrepresented themselves, including using a picture that wasn't even of her. Just a brutal experience.

Good advice, thanks!

And yeah, having a date turn into a "blind" date isn't something I'd want to happen. My condolences.

disneyjoe7

Well I'm a fan of on-line dating services, after a divorce of a marriage being 19 years and living together for the past 22 years I too was not looking forward in meeting anyone new. Joined Match.com and did a test with Chemistry.com and I think I found my new love. We're more compatible then my X and I where to the point I didn't even think that level of compatibility was even possible. Today we been dating for 1 year.

cfrizz

If you are going out with someone who is age appropriate, she just might have some as well.:biggrin:

If she is so shallow, that she is going to get wigged out by someone having dentures, then I'd say to look elsewhere.

But just relax & don't worry about something so insignificant.

ryanjoachim wrote: »

I've been holding off telling this new lady about my dentures. Worried about how she'll react.

dkg999

ryanjoachim wrote: »

I've been holding off telling this new lady about my dentures. Worried about how she'll react.

It's OK to hold off on telling her about the dentures! You might want to tell her about the warrants first :rolleyes:

Jstas

Heh. I had a girl approach me once and ask me out on a date. She was purty so I said what the hell and went out with her. Went and picked her up and we went to bar/club type deal to "see a band". Got there and I start lookin' around thinking "Must be a chick band."

Nope. **** bar.

Find out from a "friend" of my "date" that she had a huge spat with her "girlfriend" and I was apparently the pawn to get the jilted lover jealous. I was offered the advice that if I got my "date" inebriated enough, I'd get lucky. I said I would pass and was told that it was "an experience" and to take it from someone who "had the experience". That didn't exactly strengthen the cause.

So I chugged my beer, dropped a couple bucks on the bar and while she and her friends had their backs turned and were being catty to another girl (probably the jilted lover) across the bar, I made my exit. I was home and playing video games for 3 hours before I got the text message "Where are you? I've been looking for you for an hour?"

I didn't respond. I found out that she apparently didn't make up because her "jealousy pawn" had exited stage incognito so her catty ploy backfired as just plain psychosis fueled meanness. The next day was how I found out, late in the afternoon, I got an email and then seconds later a phone call. I didn't recognize the number and answered it like a dummy. She screamed at me for a bit and then apologized. She was mad because not only did I screw up her plans, I left her stranded and she had to call a cab but had no money. So she gave him the wrong address, told him she had to run around to her apartment in the back to get him his cash and bolted through the backyard jumping fences and such to get back to her apartment.

Class act.

Best part is, when she got done with this insanity tirade she actually asked what I was doing that night and if she could see me again!

And that wasn't an online date. I met her at a bar that my department at work was having a happy hour at.

Jstas

ryanjoachim wrote: »

I've been holding off telling this new lady about my dentures. Worried about how she'll react.

If this person is put off by dentures then superficiality is their strong suit and probably not for you.

I had many dates end before they ever started and before some were even planned because the girl was concerned about something stupid such as dentures. Not that I have dentures. Although I am getting a bionic tooth installed.

I even left one girl standing at the door of her house after she opened it and said "You're wearing THAT?!" I looked at her and said "You told me you wanted to go to the drag strip. You don't wear a 3 piece suit to a drag strip." The she said "But that?!? You look like a bum!" I said "Well, golly, this sure has been fun, we'll have to do it again sometime." I turned around, walked away and she shouted after me "Where are you going?" I said "The dragstrip." She said, "Let me get my purse". So I got in the truck, started it up, had it gear and waited for her to come out. She came trotting down the pathway with a big stupid grin on her face, black patent high heel shoes, a pair of too short black shorts and a silver sequined top with tons of side boobage. She looked real good but, I have principles. She got to the sidewalk, I dropped the hammer and left two 11 inch wide by 100 foot long rubber marks down the street in front of her house.

She called me all kinds of neat names in text messages. I never saw her again until she tried to friend me on Facebook. That was like 4 years ago now I think? She's a single mom now with a 3 and a half year old. So she was probably pregnant with another dude's kid at the time we "went out".

And you're worried about dentures!