Opening statement to Wile E. Coyote's lawsuit vs. ACME Corporation

Danny Tse
Danny Tse Posts: 5,206
edited September 2010 in The Clubhouse
I can't believe it has come to this.

http://www.torinfo.com/justforlaughs/coyote_v_acme.html
Post edited by Danny Tse on
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Comments

  • Outfitter03
    Outfitter03 Posts: 563
    edited September 2010
    Caveat emptor! :(
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  • obieone
    obieone Posts: 5,077
    edited September 2010
    Call me a capitalist pig, but I'm rooting for Acme. If the plaintiff had read the assembly instructions COMPLETELY, all of those injuries could have been avoided.
    I refuse to argue with idiots, because people can't tell the DIFFERENCE!
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  • FTGV
    FTGV Posts: 3,649
    edited September 2010
    obieone wrote: »
    Call me a capitalist pig, but I'm rooting for Acme. If the plaintiff had read the assembly instructions COMPLETELY, all of those injuries could have been avoided.
    You capitalist pig.:p:D
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  • wz2p7j
    wz2p7j Posts: 840
    edited September 2010
    Pigman? :p:p:p

    Where's Kramer? :D:D:D

    Chris
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  • DarqueKnight
    DarqueKnight Posts: 6,765
    edited September 2010
    Acme could argue that their products are not intended for wild game hunting, either by direct use or adaptation.

    Acme could further argue that there is something seriously wrong in the mind of someone who spends a fortune trying to capture one animal when a small portion of those funds could be used to purchase a grocery store, a chain of fast food restaurants or pizza delivery.
    Proud and loyal citizen of the Digital Domain and Solid State Country!
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  • BlueFox
    BlueFox Posts: 15,251
    edited September 2010
    Acme products are designed and manufactured in China by the lowest bidder.
    Lumin X1 file player, Westminster Labs interconnect cable
    Sony XA-5400ES SACD; Pass XP-22 pre; X600.5 amps
    Magico S5 MKII Mcast Rose speakers; SPOD spikes

    Shunyata Triton v3/Typhon QR on source, Denali 2000 (2) on amps
    Shunyata Sigma XLR analog ICs, Sigma speaker cables
    Shunyata Sigma HC (2), Sigma Analog, Sigma Digital, Z Anaconda (3) power cables

    Mapleshade Samson V.3 four shelf solid maple rack, Micropoint brass footers
    Three 20 amp circuits.
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  • dekuda
    dekuda Posts: 756
    edited September 2010
    <object style="height: 344px; width: 425px"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/vj3uMTwqtTU?version=3"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowScriptAccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/vj3uMTwqtTU?version=3&quot; type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" allowScriptAccess="always" width="425" height="344"></object>
    HT System
    Parasound Halo A51 Amp, Marantz AV 8003 Pre, Arcam FMJ CD36 cd player, Marantz 7007 BD/SACD player,Acoustic Zen Matrix IC's, Analysis Plus Crystal Copper Oval IC's, Acoustic Zen Satori speaker cables, B&W 703's Fronts, Center Martin Logan Motif hybrid, Surrounds DefTech BPX, 2 X DefTech Supercube Reference Subs, DSpeaker Antimode 8033 EQ.
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  • mole'
    mole' Posts: 3,160
    edited September 2010
    hahahahaha
    mole'
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  • Polkersince85
    Polkersince85 Posts: 2,883
    edited September 2010
    I may be wrong, but can he sue for damages alledgedly received during the commission of a felony? I mean aggravated stalking and attempted murder are serious crimes. It appears to me that Coyote created a pattern of behavior that the attorneys for Acme will have a field day with. I believe they have video proof of his actions, which will surely be presented during the discovery phase of the trial.

    Acme lived up to their contract by promptly delivering the ordered goods without implied warranty or fitness for use as a weapon. Instructions and warning labels on the products were clearly marked as for entertainment purposes only. The products were not designed for use as Mr. Coyote attempted to use them. He is solely responsible for his actions.

    I think that Acme will prevail in this action.
    >
    >
    >This message has been scanned by the NSA and found to be free of harmful intent.<
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  • obieone
    obieone Posts: 5,077
    edited September 2010
    I wonder whose side peta will take?
    I refuse to argue with idiots, because people can't tell the DIFFERENCE!
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  • camp21178
    camp21178 Posts: 273
    edited September 2010
    Great post. Thanks!
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  • mrbiron
    mrbiron Posts: 5,711
    edited September 2010
    It would appear that Wile E wasn't in it for the food. I mean, he was always trying to obliterate the roadrunner to the point of nonexistence. How can you get a decent meal out of that?

    I think with his mental state, he wasn't fit to be amongst society and should of been placed in an institution for proper care and monitoring of his health.
    Where’s the KABOOM?!?! There’s supposed to be an Earth shattering KABOOM!!!
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited September 2010
    That is one of the most clever, hilarious, well thought out spoof I've ever seen, I started out chuckling and past up through laughing to straight out side splitting belly laughing to the point of tears and gasping for air. Friggin hilarious.

    Great thread Danny.
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