Only in America :)

>
> >1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
> >house faster than an ambulance.
> >
> >2. Only in America....are
> >there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
> >
> >3. Only in America......do drugstores make the
> >sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while
> >healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.
> >
> >4. Only in America......do people order double
> >cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.
> >
> >5. Only in America.....do banks leave both
> >doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
> >
> >6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
> >thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the
> >garage.
> >
> >7. Only in America......do we use answering
> >machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
> >
> >8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
> >packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.
> >
> >9. Only in America......do we use the word
> >'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'
> >.
> >10. Only in America......do they have drive-up
> >ATM's with Braille lettering.
> >
> >EVER WONDER
> >Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?
> >
> >Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?
> >
> >Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery> >
> >Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
> >
> >Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
> >
> >Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
> >
> >Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
> >
> >Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
> >
> >Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
> >
> >When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
> >
> >Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
> >
> >Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
> >
> >You know that indestructible black box that is used on
> >airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff??
> >
> >Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
> >
> >Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
> >
> >If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?
> >
> >If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
> >
> >

---

> >In case you needed further proof that
> >the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label
> >instructions on consumer goods:
> >
> >On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I have to work on my hair).
> >
> >On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
> >inside. (the shoplifter special)?
> >
> >On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: <BR>Use like regular soap." (and that would be how???....)
> >
> >On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a
> >suggestion).
> >
> >On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do <not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!
> >
> >On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you
> >thought????...)
> >
> >On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
> >
> >On Boot's Children CoughMedicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this
> >medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if
> >we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those
> >forklifts.)
> >
> >On NytolSleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness."
> >(and.. I'm taking this because???....)
> >
> >On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
> >
> >On aJapanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody
> >out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
> >
> >On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)
> >
> >On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step
> >3: maybe, uh..fly Delta?)
> >
> >On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame
> >the parents for this one.)
> >
> >On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening
> >somewhere?)
> >On Korean Kitchen Knife: "Warning: Keep out of children"
> >
> >Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread
> >the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe even
> >a chuckle)...in other words, send it to everyone. We all need to smile
> >everyday.