Things you'd love to say at work

trubluluc · April 2004

THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20.. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.

PolkWannabie · April 2004

Several of these seem to be very appropriate even in this particular section of the Polk Forum ....

Originally posted by trubluluc
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

20.. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

LOL ...

Demiurge · April 2004

You need the product to ship tommorow?
SHOULD HAVE ORDERED IT SOONER, ASSHAT!

Pablo · April 2004

I've actually use #8 all the time, but ussually say "I really don't care, I'm just a consultant".

But I'm on year number five here.

fireshoes · April 2004

Oddly enough, I used 1, 4, and 19 all today. Sometimes customers just need to be told 'Beat it!'

kuntasensei · April 2004

The other day at my office, I told one of the secretaries "Come on!"

Her response was "Don't 'come on' me!"

Naturally, being a smartass, I said "I'll try not to, but I'm not making any promises."
(It's a good thing there's no fear of sexual harrassment charges at my office.)

Shizelbs · April 2004

Where do you work?

kuntasensei · April 2004

At a law firm. But since I also write comedy for a nearby paper, the office has basically become so used to dirty humor that it doesn't phase anyone anymore.

Things you'd love to say at work

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