Things you'd love to say at work

trubluluctrubluluc Posts: 2,067
edited April 2004 in The Clubhouse
THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK



1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

5. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.

6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

7. I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.

8. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

9. It sounds like English, but I can't understand a word you're saying.

10. Ahhh...I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again...

11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.

13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don't give a damn.

14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

16. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

17. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

18. Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.

19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks!?

20.. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

21. It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.

22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

23. And your cry baby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

24. Do I look like a people person?

25. This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting.

26. I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

27. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

31. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

33. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #1?

34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

36. Chaos, panic, & disorder-my work here is done.

37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.

39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?

40. Oh I get it... like humor... but different.
"I'm sure it's better than it sounds."

Mark Twains' response, when asked what he
thought of Wagners music.
Post edited by trubluluc on

Comments

  • PolkWannabiePolkWannabie Posts: 2,763
    edited April 2004
    Several of these seem to be very appropriate even in this particular section of the Polk Forum ....
    Originally posted by trubluluc
    THINGS YOU'D LOVE TO SAY OUT LOUD AT WORK

    1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of ****.

    4. I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

    6. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

    11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.

    14. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

    20.. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

    28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

    37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

    LOL ...
  • DemiurgeDemiurge Posts: 11,873
    edited April 2004
    You need the product to ship tommorow?
    SHOULD HAVE ORDERED IT SOONER, ASSHAT!
  • PabloPablo Posts: 732
    edited April 2004
    I've actually use #8 all the time, but ussually say "I really don't care, I'm just a consultant".

    But I'm on year number five here.
    Denon AVR-3803
    RTi-70 Fronts
    FXi-30 Surrounds
    RTi-38 Back Surrounds
    Csi-40 Center
    PSW350 Sub
    Panasonic PT-56WXF95 HDTVSamsung un60JS8000 SUHD
    Denon DVD-2910
    Xbox, Gamecube, PS2, PS3, PS4, xbox360, Wii, WiiU, n64
  • fireshoesfireshoes Posts: 3,212
    edited April 2004
    Oddly enough, I used 1, 4, and 19 all today. Sometimes customers just need to be told 'Beat it!' ;)
  • kuntasenseikuntasensei Posts: 3,270
    edited April 2004
    The other day at my office, I told one of the secretaries "Come on!"

    Her response was "Don't 'come on' me!"

    Naturally, being a smartass, I said "I'll try not to, but I'm not making any promises."
    (It's a good thing there's no fear of sexual harrassment charges at my office.)
    Equipment list:
    Onkyo TX-NR3010 9.2 AVR
    Emotiva XPA-3 amp
    Polk RTi70 mains, CSi40 center, RTi38 surrounds, RTi28 rears and heights
    SVS 20-39CS+ subwoofer powered by Crown XLS1500
    Oppo BDP-93 Blu-ray player
    DarbeeVision DVP5000 video processor
    Epson 8500UB 1080p projector
    Elite Screens Sable 120" CineWhite screen
  • ShizelbsShizelbs Posts: 7,424
    edited April 2004
    Where do you work?
  • kuntasenseikuntasensei Posts: 3,270
    edited April 2004
    At a law firm. But since I also write comedy for a nearby paper, the office has basically become so used to dirty humor that it doesn't phase anyone anymore.
    Equipment list:
    Onkyo TX-NR3010 9.2 AVR
    Emotiva XPA-3 amp
    Polk RTi70 mains, CSi40 center, RTi38 surrounds, RTi28 rears and heights
    SVS 20-39CS+ subwoofer powered by Crown XLS1500
    Oppo BDP-93 Blu-ray player
    DarbeeVision DVP5000 video processor
    Epson 8500UB 1080p projector
    Elite Screens Sable 120" CineWhite screen
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