The Official Club Polk Bad Joke Thread

Erik Tracy
Erik Tracy Posts: 4,673
edited January 2014 in The Clubhouse
This is the official CP Bad Joke Thread as inspired by F1nut...


I will be the first to lead off....


Why did the girl blush when she opened the refrigerator?










[wait for it]























[just about there]









Cuz she saw the salad dressing!!! :D:D:D

H9: If you don't trust what you are hearing, then maybe you need to be less invested in a hobby which all the pleasure comes from listening to music.
Post edited by Erik Tracy on
· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
«1

Comments

  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,465
    edited April 2010
    why did the 6 get jealous?

    .
    ..

    ...


    ....


    .......




    Because 7 ate 9:D
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Erik Tracy
    Erik Tracy Posts: 4,673
    edited April 2010
    Why didn't the shrimp like to share his toys with the other sea creatures....



















































    cuz he was 'shellfish'.......:eek:

    H9: If you don't trust what you are hearing, then maybe you need to be less invested in a hobby which all the pleasure comes from listening to music.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • shack
    shack Posts: 11,154
    edited April 2010
    1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The flight attendant looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

    2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and never amounted to much. The second one, naturally, became known as the lesser of two weevils.

    3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

    4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."

    5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? He wanted to transcend dental medication.

    6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."

    7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

    8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked! the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

    9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,136
    edited April 2010
    Did you hear about the guy that sat on an 8" railroad spike?




































































    It recked him!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,794
    edited April 2010
    Recked him, hell!!! Damn near killed him!!!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • greyford1979
    greyford1979 Posts: 749
    edited April 2010
    A little boy is taking a bath with his mom. The boy asks, "Mom whats that hairy thing between your legs?" The mom answers, "That's my sponge!" After wards the boy replies, "The babysitter has one of those too, I saw dad washing his face with it the other day:D
    I love animals, they're delicious!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,794
    edited April 2010
    What do you get when a nun falls into a mud hole???





























    A nasty habit!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NotaSuv
    NotaSuv Posts: 3,863
    edited April 2010
    2 pretzels are walking down the streeet















    ones a salted
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,465
    edited April 2010
    What do you get when you cross Rosanne Barr with Oprah Winfrey...




















    I don't know but I would have sex with it either....
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,794
    edited April 2010
    Warning! Tasteless!!!


    Why do farts stink??








    So deaf people can enjoy them as well!!!




    I warned ya!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • shack
    shack Posts: 11,154
    edited April 2010
    Bubba died in a fire and his body was burned pretty badly.

    The morgue needed someone to identify the body, so they sent for his two best friends, Ricky and Bobby.

    The three men had always done everything together.

    Ricky arrived first, and when the mortician pulled back the sheet, he said, "Yup, his face is burned up pretty bad. You better roll him over."

    The mortician rolled him over and Ricky said, "Nope, ain't Bubba."

    The mortician thought this was rather strange. So he brought Bobby in to confirm the identity of the body.

    Bobby looked at the body and said, "Yup, he's pretty well burnt up. Roll him over."

    The mortician rolled him over and Bobby said, "No, it ain't Bubba."

    The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"

    Bobby said, "Well, Bubba had two a-holes."

    "What? He had two a-holes?" asked the mortician.

    "Yup, we never actually seen 'em, but everywhere we went folks used to say, There's Bubba with them two a-holes."
    "Just because you’re offended doesn’t mean you’re right." - Ricky Gervais

    "For those who believe, no proof is necessary. For those who don't believe, no proof is possible." - Stuart Chase

    "Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago." - Bernard Berenson
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited December 2011
    The cannibal cheif was in the middle of a poker game with a few of his warriors when all of a sudden, he threw up his hand and went home.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • byfthalone
    byfthalone Posts: 345
    edited December 2011
    A horse went into a saloon and sat down at the bar....bartender comes up to the horse and said, "hey buddy...why the long face?"
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • gdb
    gdb Posts: 6,012
    edited December 2011
    I thought it was Sarah Jessica Parker !?!?:cheesygrin: Eric Balfour ?!?
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • breal74
    breal74 Posts: 324
    edited December 2011
    Why does Portland, OR never flood?













    There is a **** on every corner!
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Evrythngmatters
    Evrythngmatters Posts: 187
    edited December 2011
    Did you hear that Michael Irvin is coming out of retirement to play for Chicago? No. Well he is . The Bears figured that since they use to have 'The Fridge' that they might as well get a 'Coke' machine too.
    Everything matters. That is all.
    Money cannot buy happiness, but it sure can buy a bad **** boat to pull up along side it though.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BuckeyeTim
    BuckeyeTim Posts: 483
    edited December 2011
    What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?












    Quarter pounder with cheese
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • HHStuart
    HHStuart Posts: 263
    edited December 2011
    What did the leper tell the hooker?











    Keep the tip.
    Front - Polk LSiM 705, Center - Polk LSiM 704c, Rear - Polk LSi 7
    Subwoofer - Epik Legend
    Receiver (as Preamp) - Sony STR-DA3400 ES
    Amplifier - Outlaw 7125
    Television - 58" Samsung Plasma PN58B860
    Blu Ray - OPPO BDP 83
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • SDA1C
    SDA1C Posts: 2,072
    edited December 2011
    BuckeyeTim wrote: »
    What do you call an anorexic with a yeast infection?














    Quarter pounder with cheese

    F'n priceless this one!:biggrin:
    Too much **** to list....
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • SDA1C
    SDA1C Posts: 2,072
    edited December 2011
    Tammy Fae Baker took off all her make up and it was really Jimmy Hoffa!
    Too much **** to list....
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • polkfarmboy
    polkfarmboy Posts: 5,703
    edited December 2011
    Did you hear about the farmers funeral ?................................ There was a big turnip
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • niente
    niente Posts: 68
    edited December 2011
    What's the difference between an Oral and a Rectal thermometer......
















    The Taste!
    Onkyo TX-SR804 receiver
    Parasound 5250
    LSI 15's
    LSI C
    LSI FX's
    PSW1000 Sub
    OPPO 93
    Sony CDP-C315 CD
    Monster AC line cond
    Audioquest, Blue Jeans & Monster wires/connects
    40" Sony Bravia XBR6
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Toolfan66
    Toolfan66 Posts: 17,337
    edited December 2011
    SDA1C











    :lol:
    Polk Audio SDA 2.3tl Fully Hot Rodded. 😎

    SVS SB16 X2

    Cary SLP-05/Ultimate Upgrade.
    Cary SA-500.1 ES Amps
    Cary DMS 800PV Network
    OPPO UDP 205/ModWright Modification
    VPI Scout TT / Dynavector 20x2
    Jolida JD9 Fully Modified

    VPI MW-1 Cyclone RCM

    MIT Shotgun 3 cables throughout / Except TT, and PC’s
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Glowrdr
    Glowrdr Posts: 1,103
    edited December 2011
    Not necessarily a bad joke, but worth passing on either way.


    A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
    The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him..
    He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
    She directs him down the correct aisle.
    A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
    She says, confused, Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
    He answers, You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
    to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
    and some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
    So, I figure if I have to roll my own, so does she..
    65" Sony X900 (XBR-65X900E)
    Pioneer Elite SC-37
    Polk Monitor 70's (2)
    Polk Monitor 40's (4)
    Polk Monitor CS2
    Polk DSW Pro 660wi
    Oppo BDP-93
    Squeezebox Duet
    Belkin PureAV PF60
    Dish Network "The Hoppa"
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BeefJerky
    BeefJerky Posts: 1,320
    edited December 2011
    Two atoms are walking down the street one day, and one of them says to the other:
    "Hey, wait up a second. I think I lost an electron"
    The first atom replied, "Are you sure?"
    The second atom exclaimed, "Yes, I'm positive!"

    Why do chemist like nitrates so much?
    They're cheaper than day rates.

    Why do all the other subatomic particles hate electrons?
    Because they are so negative.

    What's the difference between Victoria's Secret and a Quantum Theorist?
    Victoria's Secret has models that work.

    What is a cation afraid of?
    A dogion.

    What's the difference between chemistry and cooking?
    In Chemistry, you should never lick the spoon.

    How do sulfur and oxygen communicate?
    A sulfone.

    What's wrong with a joke involving Cobalt, Radon, and Ytterium?
    It's CoRnY.

    What is carbon dating?
    Two diamonds on a night out.

    A cloud of argon floats into a bar.
    The bartender says, "we don't serve inert gases here".
    The argon doesn't react.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • evhudsons
    evhudsons Posts: 1,175
    edited December 2011
    BeefJerky wrote: »

    A cloud of argon floats into a bar.
    The bartender says, "we don't serve inert gases here".
    The argon doesn't react.

    ha ha, that made me laugh!
    Polk Audio SDA CRS+ crossover 4.1TL by Trey/VR3 (Rings and custom stand by Larry)-Polk Audio SDA SRS2 crossovers by Trey/VR3Parasound HCA1500aYamaha rxa-3070 with musicast-Celestion SL6S presence,- sl9 surround backNHTsuper1's surroundMagnepan SMGParasound 1500pre- Sofia "Baby" tube amp - Monitor Audio Silver RX2 Marantz 2230/B&Kst140Technics 1200mk2 Gamertag: IslandBerserker I am but a infinitesimally small point meeting the line of infinity in the SDA universe
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 19,220
    edited January 2014
    Our current President.

    Tom
    ~ In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence. ~
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • txcoastal1
    txcoastal1 Posts: 13,336
    edited January 2014
    Ok Tom I'll top that one

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4a6YdNmK77k
    2-channel: Modwright KWI-200 Integrated, Dynaudio C1-II Signatures
    Desktop rig: LSi7, Polk 110sub, Dayens Ampino amp, W4S DAC/pre, Sonos, JRiver
    Gear on standby: Melody 101 tube pre, Unison Research Simply Italy Integrated
    Gone to new homes: (Matt Polk's)Threshold Stasis SA12e monoblocks, Pass XA30.5 amp, Usher MD2 speakers, Dynaudio C4 platinum speakers, Modwright LS100 (voltz), Simaudio 780D DAC

    erat interfectorem cesar et **** dictatorem dicere a
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • seabeerob213
    seabeerob213 Posts: 1,843
    edited January 2014
    if youre american in the living room what are you in the bathroom?














    european!

    what are you on the way there?











    russian!

    what are you when you're done?













    finish
    2 Channel(work in progress):DAC: Schiit modi 2 uberAmp:Parasound 1200 MK IISub:RBH 1010-SEP Speakers: Monitor 5A peerlesscurrently running some krk rokit 3g since the HK pre outs died and i need to start breaking everything down to move in a couple monthsHeadphones:Source: tidalDAC: schiit modius epre: schiit sysAmp: AQ dragonfly black/ schiit magni2 Cans: Velodyne V-True, Grado SR225i, sennheiser x drop gaming headsetPC:DAC: schiit modius e(over spdif)pre: schiit sysspeakers: prenous eris 5 xtSub: Earthquake Sound MiniMe-P63most of my comments are passing on of info, im a noob, im just trying to help how i can, if im wrong or out of place to comment, dont hesitate to let me know :)"WITH WILLING HEARTS AND SKILLFUL HANDS, THE DIFFICULT WE DO AT ONCE, THE IMPOSSIBLE TAKES A BIT LONGER, WITH COMPASSION FOR OTHERS. WE BUILD - WE FIGHT FOR PEACE WITH FREEDOM"Seabee Memorial, Arlington, VA
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • polrbehr
    polrbehr Posts: 2,834
    edited January 2014
    seabeerob213 wrote: »
    if youre american in the living room what are you in the bathroom?














    european!

    what are you on the way there?











    russian!

    what are you when you're done?













    finish

    And after you jump back into bed with your girlfriend?

























    Himalayan
    So, are you willing to put forth a little effort or are you happy sitting in your skeptical poo pile?


    http://audiomilitia.proboards.com/
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter