Well

jflail2

The girl is packing her **** and moving out tomorrow. 2 in 1 year. I think I need to take a big fat hiatus and do nothing except get myself back in order in 2010....Self, then bills, then new job.

It sucks to realize you'll never be happy with anyone else if you're not with yourself...at 35. I wish I'd have gotten this queue years ago.....

Jstas

That sucks but at the same time it's good.

But honestly, you don't have to be 100% happy and peachy keen with yourself. You just have to know yourself. There will be things about you that you do not like but cannot change. They aren't necessarily flaws but you have to accept them as who you are. There are things you can change and there are things that make you happy as well.

But, above all, to be "happy" with yourself you can't use other people or things to define you. That has to come from you. Otherwise you betray yourself and that will bother you whether you believe it or not.

Many people stay in long relationships, going no where and wasting time out of fear of being lonely or that they will "lose a part of themselves". If you are going to be defined by your relationships, your reliance on those relationships will make you feel trapped and that breeds resentment and contempt. Being lonely sucks. Facing your own problems and dealing with them sucks as well. But hiding all of that away and the projecting problems on to your significant other is worse and not fair to them or you. What's worse is if you are on the receiving end of it and you know what you want and you can see how the other person is struggling with themselves but no matter how much you do, how hard you try, you can't help them. Sometimes, people need the shock of a big change like a relationship breakup to get their life back on track.

You can get a date anywhere. Be single for a while. You'll realize you aren't as lonely as you once thought. Get yourself together and figure out who you are. Once you do that, you won't have to figure out what you want 'cause you'll know. Then it will be easier to find a relationship that works with you instead of struggling against it.

If you ever think you can't figure it out or that you feel lost, this little diddy does wonders for the psyche:

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

steveinaz

The key is to find the woman who see's your flaws as features. True ****.

The very things my ex didn't like about me, my current wife loves about me. Makes all the difference in the world...being understood.

zombie boy 2000

I couldn't agree more Steve... I always felt it's our imperfections that make us perfect in any good relationship. When the things that would normally annoy the hell out of us become the some of the things we love most about someone else, you know you're onto something special.

Or as Robert Smith once sang - I love the way you eat in the middle of the night...