That's it, they're done.

nadams

I urge anyone who is thinking of letting their friends or relatives move in with them for financial reasons to STRONGLY RECONSIDER.

I've had friends living with me for a few months. Worked for a while, they had jobs, and we had good drunken times on the weekends. Then they got layed off and went on unemployement. Since then, it's been a constannt struggle. I gave them a date of the end of may that they had to be gone.

Tonight, I got home to the smell of herb in the air. Confronted them, they initially denied it, then admitted that one of them had smoked because "They weren't feeling well". Now, I knew before they moved in that they had smoked before, but the rule was set out that I didn't allow it in my house. Tonight pushed me over the edge... I am kicking them out as of the end of this month. They got pissed off and left the house... dunno where they went.

The intent of me letting them stay here was so they could save some money and pay off bills that were due, etc. They've been throwing that in my face since they lost their jobs, and this was the last straw. If you have money to do that, you can leave. Period.

Sadly, now I've probably lost some good friends and drinking buddies. I've known this guy since middle school

ND13

They'll get over it, your house your rules.

thsmith

+1, They will get over it. They have to repect your rules.

dorokusai

They weren't that good of friends to begin with....they proved that on their own. Don't lose sleep over it.

nadams

I have definately found out what type of people these friends are... better than any drunken weekend could show me.

Retro152

They got comfortable and took advantage of your hospitality. Too bad. Not true friends.:mad:

Polkersince85

Some folks grow up and some don't. Congrats, you made it.

janmike

Good decision. Sad, but they need to learn the old adage. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.

Knucklehead

OK can I move in?

dkg999

I hate it when people, or friends, leverage my kindness as a weakness. Move them out and move on!

nooshinjohn

I admire your noble intent and your kindness. The only way a friend stays more than a night in my home is if his wife tosses him out, then I give him a week. After than back to the wife or to mommy:p:D

Fireman32

Your doing the right thing man. If they were true friends they would have respected your rules and have been alot more grateful for you helping them out.

timlitton

They weren't cared about your feelings when they broke your rules and the law after you LET THEM MOVE IN YOUR HOME. No one said you had to lift a finger to help out and they aren't entitled to anything.

I'm sure they're great people, but this may teach them that you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or any other **** if your smart.

ohskigod

and a valuable lesson was learned. this is a good thing bud. you learned (as others have mentioned here) that they were not your true friend. Just because you think someone is your friend, doesnt mean they are in the truest sense of the word.

A friend looks out for you, respects you and your wishes, and of course he/she expects that in return. friends look out for eachother. If these guys couldnt follow a simple house rule, they weren't friends. thats gonna be hard on you when it really sinks in, but it is no less true

p.s., if you got busted with that weed in your house, it would have been your ****. They apparently idnt care. believe me dude, I've been down this road

reeltrouble1

maybe they will sue and we can all watch you on Judge Judy or some such thing.

RT1--drugs stink

danger boy

that bites Noah, esp since you let them live there.. then they treat you like that... glad you kicked em to the curb. If you lose them as friends.. I think in the long run it will be for the better. Often times people like that do not change their behavior over time.. and you certainly don't need "friends" like that around. You've got to much good and kindness going for you to be dragged down by those people.

good for you man for sticking up for yourself.

steveinaz

dorokusai wrote: »

They weren't that good of friends to begin with....they proved that on their own. Don't lose sleep over it.

+1. Good friends don't put you in a bind....

nadams

Well, they came back this morning to get "some stuff". I offered to help and use my truck, but they said they were fine. They're not moving any furniture, they said I could either keep it or trash it. It's all in pretty bad shape anyway.

At least they made eye contact and talked to me... that's a reasonable sign.

I knew straight from the start that it wasn't working out the way that we hoped. They are a year or two younger than me, so I knew they weren't going to have the maturity level of adults, but there was lots of stuff that got to me. Now, I should explain, that I've always been very mature for my age (so people tell me). So even with a small age difference, there was a huge mindset difference. I had to keep looking at the things that were annoying me and say, "this is what most people their age do". But in the end, they put me past the breaking point.

It is a valuable lesson learned, and I hope we can still be weekend friends.

Oh, and did I mention that I'm very non-confrontational? It took a long time to get to this point, and after I told them they had to go, I was shaking for two hours afterward. And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.

mmadden28

nadams wrote: »

..

Oh, and did I mention that I'm very non-confrontational? It took a long time to get to this point, and after I told them they had to go, I was shaking for two hours afterward. And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.

I know how you feel, I'm the same way and I have had similar reactions when I had to deal with certain similar uncomfortable situations. It's hard to explain. But good on you for making the move. In my experience it feels so much better (or will) to have acomplished something for yourself for your interest, than to let it eat at you to not have done anything. Kinda like a feeling of accomplishment. Well at least thats they way I feel.

Now I'd hate to say this, and I don't know how good of freinds they truly are (outside of breaking the house rules), but they are currently down on thier luck--and you are 'putting them out' (possibly the way they are seeing it anyway). What I am getting at is watch your stuff. Wether they actually entitle themselves to anything or not, if you find you are missing something, you don't want that feeling eating at you that they might have taken something (esp if you lost it all on your own) ya know?

steveinaz

Did they bother to thank you for the time you did allow them to stay?

danger boy

nadams wrote: »

And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.

well, they don't have a leg to stand on.. it's your house.. your rules.. just like if you were their parents.. if they want to stay there, they have to abide by your rules.. not theirs.

Don't feel bad about it and also don't second guess your decision to kick them out. Not worth the worrying.

wish them luck and don't let it get to you anymore. and go listen to your SDA's.

Willow

Good for you! standing up for yourself, as mentioned your house..your rules. It was time for them to go anyway!

nadams

I stayed home from work today because I figured they'd be coming back at some point. I didn't really expect them to leave this soon, though. They're crashing with some stoner friends of theirs... I guarantee I'll be reading about them in the paper soon enough

It'll probably be a while longer 'til I get my space back, tho. They've got a lot of junk to move, and really no place to put it.

Willow

I say not your problem, give them till day X if they don't show up or have their stuff gone, you're calling one of the many companies out there looking for donations...

cfrizz

With friends like that you don't need enemies. The next time you see them, tell them their crap gets tossed at the end of the month. (Since they said you could toss it.) And you don't need them for drinking buddies either.

They are obivously loser druggy alcoholics who aren't interested in growing up. Find a better class of friends Noah.

treitz3

You know a true friend would help them out, regardless of whether or not one got lit up in the house. Friendship works both ways.

Forgiveness and understanding can take a friendship to the next level.

Could be why I have friends I have known all my life and would trust me with their life. I'm not saying that you should let them walk all over you but for just one moment, put yourself in their shoes. Life is suck for them right now and having a stable friend could keep their lives from moving in the wrong direction.

To those that oppose my POV? Get over it. I'm not gonna need a flame suit because I don't give a rat's **** what you think of my opinion. Last time I checked, this was still America. You know, the land of the free. Anyhoo, just thought I'd throw it out there for your consideration. Some folks need a true friend from time to time. Who knows? The karma may come back at you one day.

brettw22

That was a nice post treitz......until the very pms-like ending......

strider

nadams wrote: »

I stayed home from work today because I figured they'd be coming back at some point. I didn't really expect them to leave this soon, though. They're crashing with some stoner friends of theirs... I guarantee I'll be reading about them in the paper soon enough

It'll probably be a while longer 'til I get my space back, tho. They've got a lot of junk to move, and really no place to put it.

Because they may come back, or because you were hungover




PM me your addy when you get the chance, I'll send that KAB clamp your way.

nadams

treitz3 wrote: »

You know a true friend would help them out, regardless of whether or not one got lit up in the house. Friendship works both ways.

Forgiveness and understanding can take a friendship to the next level.

Could be why I have friends I have known all my life and would trust me with their life. I'm not saying that you should let them walk all over you but for just one moment, put yourself in their shoes. Life is suck for them right now and having a stable friend could keep their lives from moving in the wrong direction.

To those that oppose my POV? Get over it. I'm not gonna need a flame suit because I don't give a rat's **** what you think of my opinion. Last time I checked, this was still America. You know, the land of the free. Anyhoo, just thought I'd throw it out there for your consideration. Some folks need a true friend from time to time. Who knows? The karma may come back at you one day.

Laying the guilt trip on me now... No, this has been a long time coming. I didn't do it because of the kind of people they are or were. If they had followed the house rules that they've been reminded of many times, I'd have been able to overlook some of the other stuff.

Their laziness when it came to getting off their asses and getting a job drove me absolutely nuts. I had to cover their half of the bills when they didn't have the money on time. They've been on unemployment for 2 months now and have made no serious effort to be gainfully employed. This was NOT part of the deal. They came here under the guise that they would be saving money. Smokes, alcohol, and everything else left them with nothing. They need to get their priorities straight, and unfortunately I'm the one who has to kick them and see if they'll realise it.

I gave them until the end of the month to find somewhere to go, they chose to leave immediately. I knew already that they had a few options for places to crash... I did not kick them out without knowing they could go somewhere. Now, if it had gotten to the end of March and they came to me and said "listen, we've exhausted our options, we have nowhere to go without having jobs", I might've been sympathetic at that point. Of course, I couldn't give them that option or they'd take it without another thought.

And no, I wasn't hungover this morning, I just felt like **** because I didn't sleep last night, second-guessing myself about if I did the right thing.

Jstas

Well, while you make a noble point there treitz3, there are legal ramifications.

I know that if I was in Mr. Adams' position as soon as last year, I would have booted them immediately. If there were illegal drugs in my house and they managed to attract the attention of local constabulary, I would have been implicated and likely lost my clearance. No clearance, no job. Then I'm out on the street as well.

Being a friend and helpin' a dude out is one thing. I'm all for it. But when it comes to the possibility to wrecking your life in the name of "friendship", yeah....no. You can bag on him not being a "true" friend all you want. But you know what? If his "friends" were "true" friends themselves, they would respect Mr. Adams' situation and requests and understand where he was coming from. Instead, they chose to abuse the "friendship" and take advantage of Mr. Adams' generosity. Mr. Adams, IMO, went beyond the call of duty and has already been a "true" friend.



Dude, nadams, if I were you, I'd shove their junk in the garage until they come and get it and change the locks. I think you did the right thing and your buddies there were wrong for taking advantage of your situation and generosity. Maybe if they were as ambitious as you, they'd be in a better position themselves and wouldn't need to mooch off of friends to get ahead.

strider

nadams wrote: »

And no, I wasn't hungover this morning, I just felt like **** because I didn't sleep last night, second-guessing myself about if I did the right thing.

Sorry man, just giving you a hard time. Didn't realise you were feeling bad about the situation. You did the right thing, as others have said it would be your **** on the hook if the po po showed up. Hell, you feeling bad today shows how good a friend you are, still being concerned for them.