That's it, they're done.

nadams
nadams Posts: 5,877
edited March 2009 in The Clubhouse
I urge anyone who is thinking of letting their friends or relatives move in with them for financial reasons to STRONGLY RECONSIDER.

I've had friends living with me for a few months. Worked for a while, they had jobs, and we had good drunken times on the weekends. Then they got layed off and went on unemployement. Since then, it's been a constannt struggle. I gave them a date of the end of may that they had to be gone.

Tonight, I got home to the smell of herb in the air. Confronted them, they initially denied it, then admitted that one of them had smoked because "They weren't feeling well". Now, I knew before they moved in that they had smoked before, but the rule was set out that I didn't allow it in my house. Tonight pushed me over the edge... I am kicking them out as of the end of this month. They got pissed off and left the house... dunno where they went.

The intent of me letting them stay here was so they could save some money and pay off bills that were due, etc. They've been throwing that in my face since they lost their jobs, and this was the last straw. If you have money to do that, you can leave. Period.

Sadly, now I've probably lost some good friends and drinking buddies. I've known this guy since middle school :(
Ludicrous gibs!
Post edited by nadams on
«1

Comments

  • ND13
    ND13 Posts: 7,601
    edited March 2009
    They'll get over it, your house your rules.
    "SOME PEOPLE CALL ME MAURICE,
    CAUSE I SPEAK OF THE POMPITIOUS OF LOVE"
  • thsmith
    thsmith Posts: 6,082
    edited March 2009
    +1, They will get over it. They have to repect your rules.
    Speakers: SDA-1C (most all the goodies)
    Preamp: Joule Electra LA-150 MKII SE
    Amp: Wright WPA 50-50 EAT KT88s
    Analog: Marantz TT-15S1 MBS Glider SL| Wright WPP100C Amperex BB 6er5 and 7316 & WPM-100 SUT
    Digital: Mac mini 2.3GHz dual-core i5 8g RAM 1.5 TB HDD Music Server Amarra (memory play) - USB - W4S DAC 2
    Cables: Mits S3 IC and Spk cables| PS Audio PCs
  • dorokusai
    dorokusai Posts: 25,577
    edited March 2009
    They weren't that good of friends to begin with....they proved that on their own. Don't lose sleep over it.
    CTC BBQ Amplifier, Sonic Frontiers Line3 Pre-Amplifier and Wadia 581 SACD player. Speakers? Always changing but for now, Mission Argonauts I picked up for $50 bucks, mint.
  • nadams
    nadams Posts: 5,877
    edited March 2009
    I have definately found out what type of people these friends are... better than any drunken weekend could show me.
    Ludicrous gibs!
  • Retro152
    Retro152 Posts: 985
    edited March 2009
    They got comfortable and took advantage of your hospitality. Too bad. Not true friends.:mad:
    Receiver: Pioneer Elite SC-05
    Amp: Emotiva Xpa-3
    Front L/R: POLK Rti-a9s':D
    Center:POLK Csi-a6
    Rear surround's:POLK Rti-a1s'
    Sub: Klipsch Synergy sub-12
    Sony Kdl-46w4100 46" LCD
    PS3
    Audioquest type 4 wiring.
  • Polkersince85
    Polkersince85 Posts: 2,883
    edited March 2009
    Some folks grow up and some don't. Congrats, you made it.
    >
    >
    >This message has been scanned by the NSA and found to be free of harmful intent.<
  • janmike
    janmike Posts: 6,146
    edited March 2009
    Good decision. Sad, but they need to learn the old adage. Don't bite the hand that feeds you.
    Michael ;)
    In the beginning, all knowledge was new!

    NORTH of 60°
  • Knucklehead
    Knucklehead Posts: 3,602
    edited March 2009
    OK can I move in?
    Polk Audio Surround Bar 360
    Mirage PS-12
    LG BDP-550
    Motorola HD FIOS DVR
    Panasonic 42" Plasma
    XBOX 360[/SIZE]

    Office stuff

    Allied 395 receiver
    Pioneer CDP PD-M430
    RT8t's & Wharfedale Diamond II's[/SIZE]

    Life is one grand, sweet song, so start the music. ~Ronald Reagan
  • dkg999
    dkg999 Posts: 5,647
    edited March 2009
    I hate it when people, or friends, leverage my kindness as a weakness. Move them out and move on!
    DKG999
    HT System: LSi9, LSiCx2, LSiFX, LSi7, SVS 20-39 PC+, B&K 507.s2 AVR, B&K Ref 125.2, Tripplite LCR-2400, Cambridge 650BD, Signal Cable PC/SC, BJC IC, Samsung 55" LED

    Music System: Magnepan 1.6QR, SVS SB12+, ARC pre, Parasound HCA1500 vertically bi-amped, Jolida CDP, Pro-Ject RM5.1SE TT, Pro-Ject TubeBox SE phono pre, SBT, PS Audio DLIII DAC
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,380
    edited March 2009
    I admire your noble intent and your kindness. The only way a friend stays more than a night in my home is if his wife tosses him out, then I give him a week. After than back to the wife or to mommy:p:D
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
  • Fireman32
    Fireman32 Posts: 4,845
    edited March 2009
    Your doing the right thing man. If they were true friends they would have respected your rules and have been alot more grateful for you helping them out.
  • timlitton
    timlitton Posts: 289
    edited March 2009
    They weren't cared about your feelings when they broke your rules and the law after you LET THEM MOVE IN YOUR HOME. No one said you had to lift a finger to help out and they aren't entitled to anything.

    I'm sure they're great people, but this may teach them that you don't look a gift horse in the mouth. Or any other **** if your smart.
    Slowly emerging from the 90's
    Fronts: Polk LSi15's
    Center: Polk CS350ls
    Pre: Sony STRDA555ES
    Amp: Rotel RMB-1075
    Sub: Velodyne SPL-1000
    TV: 46" Sharp Aquos LCD
    Dust magnet: Sony PS3
  • ohskigod
    ohskigod Posts: 6,502
    edited March 2009
    and a valuable lesson was learned. this is a good thing bud. you learned (as others have mentioned here) that they were not your true friend. Just because you think someone is your friend, doesnt mean they are in the truest sense of the word.

    A friend looks out for you, respects you and your wishes, and of course he/she expects that in return. friends look out for eachother. If these guys couldnt follow a simple house rule, they weren't friends. thats gonna be hard on you when it really sinks in, but it is no less true

    p.s., if you got busted with that weed in your house, it would have been your ****. They apparently idnt care. believe me dude, I've been down this road
    Living Room 2 Channel -
    Schiit SYS Passive Pre. Jolida CD player. Songbird streamer. California Audio Labs Sigma II DAC, DIY 300as1/a1 Ice modules Class D amp. LSi15 with MM842 woofer upgrade, Nordost Blue Heaven and Unity interconnects.

    Upstairs 2 Channel Rig -
    Prometheus Ref. TVC passive pre, SAE A-205 Amp, Wiim pro streamer and Topping E50 DAC, California Audio Labs DX1 CD player, Von Schweikert VR3.5 speakers.

    Studio Rig - Scarlett 18i20(Gen3) DAW, Mac Mini, Aiyma A07 Max (BridgedX2), Totem Mites
  • reeltrouble1
    reeltrouble1 Posts: 9,312
    edited March 2009
    maybe they will sue and we can all watch you on Judge Judy or some such thing.

    RT1--drugs stink
  • danger boy
    danger boy Posts: 15,722
    edited March 2009
    that bites Noah, esp since you let them live there.. then they treat you like that... glad you kicked em to the curb. If you lose them as friends.. I think in the long run it will be for the better. Often times people like that do not change their behavior over time.. and you certainly don't need "friends" like that around. You've got to much good and kindness going for you to be dragged down by those people.

    good for you man for sticking up for yourself.

    :)
    PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
    Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin:
  • steveinaz
    steveinaz Posts: 19,536
    edited March 2009
    dorokusai wrote: »
    They weren't that good of friends to begin with....they proved that on their own. Don't lose sleep over it.

    +1. Good friends don't put you in a bind....
    Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2
  • nadams
    nadams Posts: 5,877
    edited March 2009
    Well, they came back this morning to get "some stuff". I offered to help and use my truck, but they said they were fine. They're not moving any furniture, they said I could either keep it or trash it. It's all in pretty bad shape anyway.

    At least they made eye contact and talked to me... that's a reasonable sign.

    I knew straight from the start that it wasn't working out the way that we hoped. They are a year or two younger than me, so I knew they weren't going to have the maturity level of adults, but there was lots of stuff that got to me. Now, I should explain, that I've always been very mature for my age (so people tell me). So even with a small age difference, there was a huge mindset difference. I had to keep looking at the things that were annoying me and say, "this is what most people their age do". But in the end, they put me past the breaking point.

    It is a valuable lesson learned, and I hope we can still be weekend friends.

    Oh, and did I mention that I'm very non-confrontational? It took a long time to get to this point, and after I told them they had to go, I was shaking for two hours afterward. And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.
    Ludicrous gibs!
  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited March 2009
    nadams wrote: »
    ..

    Oh, and did I mention that I'm very non-confrontational? It took a long time to get to this point, and after I told them they had to go, I was shaking for two hours afterward. And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.

    I know how you feel, I'm the same way and I have had similar reactions when I had to deal with certain similar uncomfortable situations. It's hard to explain. But good on you for making the move. In my experience it feels so much better (or will) to have acomplished something for yourself for your interest, than to let it eat at you to not have done anything. Kinda like a feeling of accomplishment. Well at least thats they way I feel.

    Now I'd hate to say this, and I don't know how good of freinds they truly are (outside of breaking the house rules), but they are currently down on thier luck--and you are 'putting them out' (possibly the way they are seeing it anyway). What I am getting at is watch your stuff. Wether they actually entitle themselves to anything or not, if you find you are missing something, you don't want that feeling eating at you that they might have taken something (esp if you lost it all on your own) ya know?
    ____________________
    This post is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.

    HT:Onkyo 805, Emotiva XPA-5, Mitsu 52" 1080p DLP / polkaudio RTi12, CSIa6, FXi3, uPro4K
    2-chnl : Pio DV-46AV (SACD), Dodd ELP, Emotiva XPA-1s, XPA-2, Odyssey Khartago, LSi9, SDA-SRS 2 :cool:, SB Duet, MSB & Monarchy DACs, Yamaha PX3 TT, SAE Tuner...
    Pool: Atrium 60's/45's
  • steveinaz
    steveinaz Posts: 19,536
    edited March 2009
    Did they bother to thank you for the time you did allow them to stay?
    Source: Bluesound Node 2i - Preamp/DAC: Benchmark DAC2 DX - Amp: Parasound Halo A21 - Speakers: MartinLogan Motion 60XTi - Shop Rig: Yamaha A-S501 Integrated - Shop Spkrs: Elac Debut 2.0 B5.2
  • danger boy
    danger boy Posts: 15,722
    edited March 2009
    nadams wrote: »
    And that was without any real confrontation... they were very quiet about it, and still have not argued a word.

    well, they don't have a leg to stand on.. it's your house.. your rules.. just like if you were their parents.. if they want to stay there, they have to abide by your rules.. not theirs.

    Don't feel bad about it and also don't second guess your decision to kick them out. Not worth the worrying.

    wish them luck and don't let it get to you anymore. and go listen to your SDA's. :D
    PolkFest 2012, who's going>?
    Vancouver, Canada Sept 30th, 2012 - Madonna concert :cheesygrin:
  • Willow
    Willow Posts: 10,995
    edited March 2009
    Good for you! standing up for yourself, as mentioned your house..your rules. It was time for them to go anyway!
  • nadams
    nadams Posts: 5,877
    edited March 2009
    I stayed home from work today because I figured they'd be coming back at some point. I didn't really expect them to leave this soon, though. They're crashing with some stoner friends of theirs... I guarantee I'll be reading about them in the paper soon enough :(

    It'll probably be a while longer 'til I get my space back, tho. They've got a lot of junk to move, and really no place to put it.
    Ludicrous gibs!
  • Willow
    Willow Posts: 10,995
    edited March 2009
    I say not your problem, give them till day X if they don't show up or have their stuff gone, you're calling one of the many companies out there looking for donations...
  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited March 2009
    With friends like that you don't need enemies. The next time you see them, tell them their crap gets tossed at the end of the month. (Since they said you could toss it.) And you don't need them for drinking buddies either.

    They are obivously loser druggy alcoholics who aren't interested in growing up. Find a better class of friends Noah.
    Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
  • treitz3
    treitz3 Posts: 18,987
    edited March 2009
    You know a true friend would help them out, regardless of whether or not one got lit up in the house. Friendship works both ways.

    Forgiveness and understanding can take a friendship to the next level.

    Could be why I have friends I have known all my life and would trust me with their life. I'm not saying that you should let them walk all over you but for just one moment, put yourself in their shoes. Life is suck for them right now and having a stable friend could keep their lives from moving in the wrong direction.

    To those that oppose my POV? Get over it. I'm not gonna need a flame suit because I don't give a rat's **** what you think of my opinion. Last time I checked, this was still America. You know, the land of the free. Anyhoo, just thought I'd throw it out there for your consideration. Some folks need a true friend from time to time. Who knows? The karma may come back at you one day. ;)
    ~ In search of accurate reproduction of music. Real sound is my reference and while perfection may not be attainable? If I chase it, I might just catch excellence. ~
  • brettw22
    brettw22 Posts: 7,624
    edited March 2009
    That was a nice post treitz......until the very pms-like ending......
    comment comment comment comment. bitchy.
  • strider
    strider Posts: 2,568
    edited March 2009
    nadams wrote: »
    I stayed home from work today because I figured they'd be coming back at some point. I didn't really expect them to leave this soon, though. They're crashing with some stoner friends of theirs... I guarantee I'll be reading about them in the paper soon enough :(

    It'll probably be a while longer 'til I get my space back, tho. They've got a lot of junk to move, and really no place to put it.

    Because they may come back, or because you were hungover :p




    PM me your addy when you get the chance, I'll send that KAB clamp your way.
    Wristwatch--->Crisco
  • nadams
    nadams Posts: 5,877
    edited March 2009
    treitz3 wrote: »
    You know a true friend would help them out, regardless of whether or not one got lit up in the house. Friendship works both ways.

    Forgiveness and understanding can take a friendship to the next level.

    Could be why I have friends I have known all my life and would trust me with their life. I'm not saying that you should let them walk all over you but for just one moment, put yourself in their shoes. Life is suck for them right now and having a stable friend could keep their lives from moving in the wrong direction.

    To those that oppose my POV? Get over it. I'm not gonna need a flame suit because I don't give a rat's **** what you think of my opinion. Last time I checked, this was still America. You know, the land of the free. Anyhoo, just thought I'd throw it out there for your consideration. Some folks need a true friend from time to time. Who knows? The karma may come back at you one day. ;)


    Laying the guilt trip on me now... No, this has been a long time coming. I didn't do it because of the kind of people they are or were. If they had followed the house rules that they've been reminded of many times, I'd have been able to overlook some of the other stuff.

    Their laziness when it came to getting off their asses and getting a job drove me absolutely nuts. I had to cover their half of the bills when they didn't have the money on time. They've been on unemployment for 2 months now and have made no serious effort to be gainfully employed. This was NOT part of the deal. They came here under the guise that they would be saving money. Smokes, alcohol, and everything else left them with nothing. They need to get their priorities straight, and unfortunately I'm the one who has to kick them and see if they'll realise it.

    I gave them until the end of the month to find somewhere to go, they chose to leave immediately. I knew already that they had a few options for places to crash... I did not kick them out without knowing they could go somewhere. Now, if it had gotten to the end of March and they came to me and said "listen, we've exhausted our options, we have nowhere to go without having jobs", I might've been sympathetic at that point. Of course, I couldn't give them that option or they'd take it without another thought.

    And no, I wasn't hungover this morning, I just felt like **** because I didn't sleep last night, second-guessing myself about if I did the right thing.
    Ludicrous gibs!
  • Jstas
    Jstas Posts: 14,806
    edited March 2009
    Well, while you make a noble point there treitz3, there are legal ramifications.

    I know that if I was in Mr. Adams' position as soon as last year, I would have booted them immediately. If there were illegal drugs in my house and they managed to attract the attention of local constabulary, I would have been implicated and likely lost my clearance. No clearance, no job. Then I'm out on the street as well.

    Being a friend and helpin' a dude out is one thing. I'm all for it. But when it comes to the possibility to wrecking your life in the name of "friendship", yeah....no. You can bag on him not being a "true" friend all you want. But you know what? If his "friends" were "true" friends themselves, they would respect Mr. Adams' situation and requests and understand where he was coming from. Instead, they chose to abuse the "friendship" and take advantage of Mr. Adams' generosity. Mr. Adams, IMO, went beyond the call of duty and has already been a "true" friend.



    Dude, nadams, if I were you, I'd shove their junk in the garage until they come and get it and change the locks. I think you did the right thing and your buddies there were wrong for taking advantage of your situation and generosity. Maybe if they were as ambitious as you, they'd be in a better position themselves and wouldn't need to mooch off of friends to get ahead.
    Expert Moron Extraordinaire

    You're just jealous 'cause the voices don't talk to you!
  • strider
    strider Posts: 2,568
    edited March 2009
    nadams wrote: »
    And no, I wasn't hungover this morning, I just felt like **** because I didn't sleep last night, second-guessing myself about if I did the right thing.

    Sorry man, just giving you a hard time. Didn't realise you were feeling bad about the situation. You did the right thing, as others have said it would be your **** on the hook if the po po showed up. Hell, you feeling bad today shows how good a friend you are, still being concerned for them.
    Wristwatch--->Crisco