I love Clinton jokes
hoosier21
Posts: 4,413
It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change the admittance policy. The new law was that, in order to get into Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day that you died. The policy would go into effect at noon the next day.
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of heaven.The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; so immediately I began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up when I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground... ..But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great, that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir,welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Greetings, friend: before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died. "The man said, No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly. "The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story." I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well sir," the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven", and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later, ex-President Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of murder entered the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. Clinton, please tell me what it was like the day you died.
Clinton says, "OK, picture this, I'm naked inside a refrigerator.....
So, the next day at 12:01, the first person came to the gates of heaven.The Angel at the gate, remembering the new policy, promptly asked the man, before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going when you died.
"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th floor apartment on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair. But her lover was nowhere in sight; so immediately I began searching for him. My wife was half naked and yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment. Just as I was about to give up when I happened to glance out onto the balcony and noticed that there was a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips! The nerve of that guy!
Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his fingers until he fell to the ground... ..But wouldn't you know it, he landed in some trees and bushes that broke his fall and he didn't die. This ticked me off even more.
In a rage, I went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the moment was so great, that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."
The Angel sat back and thought a moment. Technically, the guy did have a bad day. It was a crime of passion. So, the Angel announced, "OK sir,welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and let him in.
A few seconds later the next guy came up. "Greetings, friend: before I can let you in, I need to hear about what your day was like when you died. "The man said, No problem. But you're not going to believe this. I was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises. I had been under a lot of pressure so I was really pushing hard to relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and accidentally fell over the side! Luckily, I was able to catch myself by my fingertips on the balcony below mine. But all of a sudden this crazy man comes out of his apartment, starts cussing and stomps on my fingers. Well, of course I fell. I hit some trees and bushes at the bottom which broke my fall so I didn't die right away.
As I'm laying there face up on the ground, unable to move and in excruciating pain, I see this guy push his refrigerator, of all things, off the balcony. It falls the 25 floors and lands on top of me, killing me instantly. "The Angel is quietly laughing to himself as the man finishes his story." I could get used to this new policy," he thinks to himself. "Very well sir," the Angel announces. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven", and he lets the man enter.
A few seconds later, ex-President Bill Clinton comes up to the gate. The Angel is almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of murder entered the Angel's head. Finally he says "Mr. Clinton, please tell me what it was like the day you died.
Clinton says, "OK, picture this, I'm naked inside a refrigerator.....
Dodd - Battery Preamp
Monarchy Audio SE100 Delux - mono power amps
Sony DVP-NS999ES - SACD player
ADS 1230 - Polk SDA 2B
DIY Stereo Subwoofer towers w/(4) 12 drivers each
Crown K1 - Subwoofer amp
Outlaw ICBM - crossover
Beringher BFD - sub eq
Where is the remote? Where is the $%#$% remote!
"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the most of us have...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."
Monarchy Audio SE100 Delux - mono power amps
Sony DVP-NS999ES - SACD player
ADS 1230 - Polk SDA 2B
DIY Stereo Subwoofer towers w/(4) 12 drivers each
Crown K1 - Subwoofer amp
Outlaw ICBM - crossover
Beringher BFD - sub eq
Where is the remote? Where is the $%#$% remote!
"I've always been mad, I know I've been mad, like the most of us have...very hard to explain why you're mad, even if you're not mad..."
Post edited by RyanC_Masimo on
Comments
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Clinton dies and goes to hell, and Satan greets him and tells him he gets to choose his fate. They take a walk and Satan opens up a door, and inside is a man writhing in fire, painful but never burning up. Clinton says "ouch, no thanks.. what else ya got?" They go on and behind the next door is a man having all his fingernails ripped out one after the other, after which they all grow back and it starts again. "Geez, no thanks." On they go. Finally, Satan opens a door and there is Monica Lewinski on her knees, giving head to Newt Gingrich. "Whoa, now THAT is what I'm talking about" says Clinton.. "I'll take this one!" So, Satan walks in the room and says "Monica, you can go."
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Good One Hoosier... first lol of the night...More later,
Tour...
Vox Copuli
Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt. - Old English Proverb
"Death doesn't come with a Uhaul." - Dennis Gardner
"It's easy to get lost in price vs performance vs ego vs illusion." - doro
"There is a certain entertainment value in ripping the occaisonal (sic) buttmunch..." - TroyD -
Damn you all, damn you all to hell.......
I promised myself
No more speakers. None. Nada. And then you posted this!!!!
Damn you all! - ATC -
Originally posted by burdette
Clinton dies and goes to hell, and Satan greets him and tells him he gets to choose his fate. They take a walk and Satan opens up a door, and inside is a man writhing in fire, painful but never burning up. Clinton says "ouch, no thanks.. what else ya got?" They go on and behind the next door is a man having all his fingernails ripped out one after the other, after which they all grow back and it starts again. "Geez, no thanks." On they go. Finally, Satan opens a door and there is Monica Lewinski on her knees, giving head to Newt Gingrich. "Whoa, now THAT is what I'm talking about" says Clinton.. "I'll take this one!" So, Satan walks in the room and says "Monica, you can go." Damn you all, damn you all to hell.......
I promised myself
No more speakers. None. Nada. And then you posted this!!!!
Damn you all! - ATC
