Bow Wow!!

F1nut
F1nut Posts: 50,459
edited February 2009 in The Clubhouse
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Political Correctness'.........defined

"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."

President of Club Polk

Post edited by F1nut on
· Share on FacebookShare on Twitter

Comments

  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited February 2009
    lol :D
    ____________________
    This post is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.

    HT:Onkyo 805, Emotiva XPA-5, Mitsu 52" 1080p DLP / polkaudio RTi12, CSIa6, FXi3, uPro4K
    2-chnl : Pio DV-46AV (SACD), Dodd ELP, Emotiva XPA-1s, XPA-2, Odyssey Khartago, LSi9, SDA-SRS 2 :cool:, SB Duet, MSB & Monarchy DACs, Yamaha PX3 TT, SAE Tuner...
    Pool: Atrium 60's/45's
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • comfortablycurt
    comfortablycurt Posts: 6,745
    edited February 2009
    LMAO!

    Funny! I can just imagine the look on their faces...:D
    The nirvana inducer-
    APC H10 Power Conditioner
    Marantz UD5005 universal player
    Parasound Halo P5 preamp
    Parasound HCA-1200II power amp
    PolkAudio LSi9's/PolkAudio SDA 2A's/PolkAudio Monitor 7A's
    Audioquest Speaker Cables and IC's
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • fatchowmein
    fatchowmein Posts: 2,637
    edited February 2009
    Priceless.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • metal83
    metal83 Posts: 1,219
    edited February 2009
    Lmmfao!!!!!
    I'd of paid admission just to see the reactions.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,899
    edited February 2009
    LOL! That's funny :D I'll have to pass that on.
    2 channel - Willsenton R8 tube integrated, Holo Audio Spring 3 KTE DAC, audio optimized NUC7i5, Windows 10 Pro/JRiver MC29/Fidelizer Plus 8.7 w/LPS and external SSD drive, PS Audio PerfectWave P3 regenerator, KEF R3 speakers, Rythmik F12SE subwoofer, Audioquest Diamond USB cable, Gabriel Gold IC's, Morrow Audio SP5 speaker cables. Computer - Windows 10/JRiver, Schiit Magni 3+/Modi 3+, Fostex PMO.4n monitors, Sennheiser HD600 headphones
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Sherardp
    Sherardp Posts: 8,038
    edited February 2009
    Awesomeness indeed..............
    Shoot the jumper.....................BALLIN.............!!!!!

    Home Theater Pics in the Showcase :cool:

    http://www.polkaudio.com/forums/showcase/view.php?userid=73580
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • george daniel
    george daniel Posts: 12,096
    edited February 2009
    there is a hidden meaning here


    http://www.electricfencewhiz.ytmnd.com/


    Remember Ren and Stempy,,, dogs,, electric fences :)
    JC approves....he told me so. (F-1 nut)
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Ricardo
    Ricardo Posts: 10,636
    edited February 2009
    That's a good one (And not a bad idea for a diet....)
    _________________________________________________
    ***\\\\\........................... My Audio Journey ............................./////***

    2008 & 2010 Football Pool WINNER
    SOPA
    Thank God for different opinions. Imagine the world if we all wanted the same woman
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Mike Reeter
    Mike Reeter Posts: 4,315
    edited February 2009
    Now that's some funny stuff right there
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • Fireman32
    Fireman32 Posts: 4,845
    edited February 2009
    Thats priceless.
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,951
    edited February 2009
    Just a side note...K Mart also has his picture on the wall.
    HT SYSTEM-
    Sony 850c 4k
    Pioneer elite vhx 21
    Sony 4k BRP
    SVS SB-2000
    Polk Sig. 20's
    Polk FX500 surrounds

    Cables-
    Acoustic zen Satori speaker cables
    Acoustic zen Matrix 2 IC's
    Wireworld eclipse 7 ic's
    Audio metallurgy ga-o digital cable

    Kitchen

    Sonos zp90
    Grant Fidelity tube dac
    B&k 1420
    lsi 9's
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • bdaley6509
    bdaley6509 Posts: 1,167
    edited February 2009
    very nice...
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • NJPOLKER
    NJPOLKER Posts: 3,474
    edited February 2009
    Only You!!!
    Beautiful Its always good to start the day with a laugh.
    Thanks
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • BottomFeeder
    BottomFeeder Posts: 1,684
    edited February 2009
    Hey wait a minute... I seem to remember getting hooked on a story last week!

    Little boy who cried wolf...
    "Wish I didn't know now what I didn't know then." Bob Seger
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • ben62670
    ben62670 Posts: 15,969
    edited February 2009
    I bet that poor lady just was hitting on you you handsome silver tongued devil:)
    Please. Please contact me a ben62670 @ yahoo.com. Make sure to include who you are, and you are from Polk so I don't delete your email. Also I am now physically unable to work on any projects. If you need help let these guys know. There are many people who will help if you let them know where you are.
    Thanks
    Ben
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited February 2009
    Jesse, you are a nut! ROTFLMAO.
    Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,380
    edited February 2009
    f-1... just when I thought you had no sense of humor, you knock me off the chair in a laughing fit....
    way to funny...
    The Gear... Carver "Statement" Mono-blocks, Mcintosh C2300 Arcam AVR20, Oppo UDP-203 4K Blu-ray player, Sony XBR70x850B 4k, Polk Audio Legend L800 with height modules, L400 Center Channel Polk audio AB800 "in-wall" surrounds. Marantz MM7025 stereo amp. Simaudio Moon 680d DSD

    “When once a Republic is corrupted, there is no possibility of remedying any of the growing evils but by removing the corruption and restoring its lost principles; every other correction is either useless or a new evil.”— Thomas Jefferson
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • janmike
    janmike Posts: 6,146
    edited February 2009
    Jesse, no sense of humor? Not likely.

    I can just picture that happening - funny as hell. Thanks Jesse, made my day.
    Michael ;)
    In the beginning, all knowledge was new!
    NORTH of 60°
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited February 2009
    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    To funny for a cat lover!!!:D
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • MSALLA
    MSALLA Posts: 1,602
    edited February 2009
    :D:DThis just made my night:D:D
    Michael


    Samsung 50" HD DLP
    Yamaha RX-V2500
    (2) Outlaw 200
    Adcom GFA 555
    Sony BDP300
    Denon 2900 DVD
    Lsi9's mains
    Lsi7's rear
    Lsic center
    12.1 SVS driver in 4.53 cuft. tube
    Harmony 880
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited February 2009
    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
    George Grand wrote: »
    Jstas wrote: »
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
    In Use
    PS3, Yamaha CDR-HD1300, Plex, Amazon Fire TV Gen 2
    Pioneer Elite VSX-52, Parasound HCA-1000A
    Klipsch RF-82ii, RC-62ii, RS-42ii, RW-10d
    Epson 8700UB
    In Storage
    [Home Audio]
    Rotel RCD-02, Yamaha KX-W900U, Sony ST-S500ES, Denon DP-7F
    Pro-Ject Phono Box MKII, Parasound P/HP-850, ASL Wave 20 monoblocks
    Klipsch RF-35, RB-51ii
    [Car Audio]
    Pioneer Premier DEH-P860MP, Memphis 16-MCA3004, Boston Acoustic RC520
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • cnh
    cnh Posts: 13,284
    edited February 2009
    That's a great story. I love the public setting for storytelling. Too bad we can't do that anymore!

    Also, I love all the Text Message stuff which I never USE. So let's try this one:

    IWICCAATAAUATTMASTLTU I bet you won't find that one if you google it. Because it's purely spontaneous!

    What is it with texting....anyway? We can't write an English sentence anymore? We don't have the time to?

    cnh
    Currently orbiting Bowie's Blackstar.!

    Polk Lsi-7s, Def Tech 8" sub, HK 3490, HK HD 990 (CDP/DAC), AKG Q701s
    [sig. changed on a monthly basis as I rotate in and out of my stash]
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited February 2009
    cnh wrote: »
    ...
    What is it with texting....anyway? We can't write an English sentence anymore? We don't have the time to?

    cnh

    It's become more of an expression, rather than a shortcut. I don't think "Laughing out Loud" comes across the same as does "LOL" or "ROTFLMFAO".
    Its not like everything was 'texted' -it's (or should I say 'it is' :p) only the emotional expressions-I think that is a big difference. When I read it I picture the poster's action, not the poster saying the phrase that it represents.
    :rolleyes:
    ____________________
    This post is a natural product. The slight variations in spelling and grammar enhance its individual character and beauty and in no way are to be considered flaws or defects.

    HT:Onkyo 805, Emotiva XPA-5, Mitsu 52" 1080p DLP / polkaudio RTi12, CSIa6, FXi3, uPro4K
    2-chnl : Pio DV-46AV (SACD), Dodd ELP, Emotiva XPA-1s, XPA-2, Odyssey Khartago, LSi9, SDA-SRS 2 :cool:, SB Duet, MSB & Monarchy DACs, Yamaha PX3 TT, SAE Tuner...
    Pool: Atrium 60's/45's
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • dudeinaroom
    dudeinaroom Posts: 3,609
    edited February 2009
    GREAT!!!!!!! too funny
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited February 2009
    Good explaination Madden, I agree.:)
    mmadden28 wrote: »
    It's become more of an expression, rather than a shortcut. I don't think "Laughing out Loud" comes across the same as does "LOL" or "ROTFLMFAO".
    Its not like everything was 'texted' -it's (or should I say 'it is' :p) only the emotional expressions-I think that is a big difference. When I read it I picture the poster's action, not the poster saying the phrase that it represents.
    :rolleyes:
    Marantz AV-7705 PrePro, Classé 5 channel 200wpc Amp, Oppo 103 BluRay, Rotel RCD-1072 CDP, Sony XBR-49X800E TV, Polk S60 Main Speakers, Polk ES30 Center Channel, Polk S15 Surround Speakers SVS SB12-NSD x2
    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter
  • schwarcw
    schwarcw Posts: 7,335
    edited February 2009
    F1nut wrote: »
    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.

    Jesse, I have to ask, did you have to pet the dog before sticking your snooter up her **** shoot?:eek:
    Carl

    · Share on FacebookShare on Twitter