Bow Wow!!

F1nut
F1nut Posts: 50,459
edited February 2009 in The Clubhouse
Yesterday I was at my local Wal-Mart buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Biscuit, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.
What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.
Political Correctness'.........defined

"A doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a t-u-r-d by the clean end."


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Post edited by F1nut on

Comments

  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited February 2009
    lol :D
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  • comfortablycurt
    comfortablycurt Posts: 6,745
    edited February 2009
    LMAO!

    Funny! I can just imagine the look on their faces...:D
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  • fatchowmein
    fatchowmein Posts: 2,637
    edited February 2009
  • metal83
    metal83 Posts: 1,219
    edited February 2009
    Lmmfao!!!!!
    I'd of paid admission just to see the reactions.
  • dragon1952
    dragon1952 Posts: 4,899
    edited February 2009
    LOL! That's funny :D I'll have to pass that on.
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  • Sherardp
    Sherardp Posts: 8,038
    edited February 2009
    Awesomeness indeed..............
    Shoot the jumper.....................BALLIN.............!!!!!

    Home Theater Pics in the Showcase :cool:

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  • george daniel
    george daniel Posts: 12,096
    edited February 2009
    there is a hidden meaning here


    http://www.electricfencewhiz.ytmnd.com/


    Remember Ren and Stempy,,, dogs,, electric fences :)
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  • Ricardo
    Ricardo Posts: 10,636
    edited February 2009
    That's a good one (And not a bad idea for a diet....)
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  • Mike Reeter
    Mike Reeter Posts: 4,315
    edited February 2009
    Now that's some funny stuff right there
  • Fireman32
    Fireman32 Posts: 4,845
    edited February 2009
    Thats priceless.
  • tonyb
    tonyb Posts: 32,951
    edited February 2009
    Just a side note...K Mart also has his picture on the wall.
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  • bdaley6509
    bdaley6509 Posts: 1,167
    edited February 2009
  • NJPOLKER
    NJPOLKER Posts: 3,474
    edited February 2009
    Only You!!!
    Beautiful Its always good to start the day with a laugh.
    Thanks
  • BottomFeeder
    BottomFeeder Posts: 1,684
    edited February 2009
    Hey wait a minute... I seem to remember getting hooked on a story last week!

    Little boy who cried wolf...
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  • ben62670
    ben62670 Posts: 15,969
    edited February 2009
    I bet that poor lady just was hitting on you you handsome silver tongued devil:)
    Please. Please contact me a ben62670 @ yahoo.com. Make sure to include who you are, and you are from Polk so I don't delete your email. Also I am now physically unable to work on any projects. If you need help let these guys know. There are many people who will help if you let them know where you are.
    Thanks
    Ben
  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited February 2009
    Jesse, you are a nut! ROTFLMAO.
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  • nooshinjohn
    nooshinjohn Posts: 25,380
    edited February 2009
    f-1... just when I thought you had no sense of humor, you knock me off the chair in a laughing fit....
    way to funny...
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  • janmike
    janmike Posts: 6,146
    edited February 2009
    Jesse, no sense of humor? Not likely.

    I can just picture that happening - funny as hell. Thanks Jesse, made my day.
    Michael ;)
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  • hearingimpared
    hearingimpared Posts: 21,137
    edited February 2009
    WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

    To funny for a cat lover!!!:D
  • MSALLA
    MSALLA Posts: 1,602
    edited February 2009
    :D:DThis just made my night:D:D
    Michael


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  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited February 2009
    Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
    Jstas wrote: »
    Simple question. If you had a cool million bucks, what would you do with it?
    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  • cnh
    cnh Posts: 13,284
    edited February 2009
    That's a great story. I love the public setting for storytelling. Too bad we can't do that anymore!

    Also, I love all the Text Message stuff which I never USE. So let's try this one:

    IWICCAATAAUATTMASTLTU I bet you won't find that one if you google it. Because it's purely spontaneous!

    What is it with texting....anyway? We can't write an English sentence anymore? We don't have the time to?

    cnh
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  • mmadden28
    mmadden28 Posts: 4,283
    edited February 2009
    cnh wrote: »
    ...
    What is it with texting....anyway? We can't write an English sentence anymore? We don't have the time to?

    cnh

    It's become more of an expression, rather than a shortcut. I don't think "Laughing out Loud" comes across the same as does "LOL" or "ROTFLMFAO".
    Its not like everything was 'texted' -it's (or should I say 'it is' :p) only the emotional expressions-I think that is a big difference. When I read it I picture the poster's action, not the poster saying the phrase that it represents.
    :rolleyes:
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  • dudeinaroom
    dudeinaroom Posts: 3,609
    edited February 2009
    GREAT!!!!!!! too funny
  • cfrizz
    cfrizz Posts: 13,415
    edited February 2009
    Good explaination Madden, I agree.:)
    mmadden28 wrote: »
    It's become more of an expression, rather than a shortcut. I don't think "Laughing out Loud" comes across the same as does "LOL" or "ROTFLMFAO".
    Its not like everything was 'texted' -it's (or should I say 'it is' :p) only the emotional expressions-I think that is a big difference. When I read it I picture the poster's action, not the poster saying the phrase that it represents.
    :rolleyes:
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  • schwarcw
    schwarcw Posts: 7,335
    edited February 2009
    F1nut wrote: »
    Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's **** and a car hit us both.

    Jesse, I have to ask, did you have to pet the dog before sticking your snooter up her **** shoot?:eek:
    Carl