Things to say or not to a cop

candyliquor35m
candyliquor35m Posts: 2,267
edited August 2008 in The Clubhouse
1. Can I borrow your handcuffs?
2. Where do you live?
3. You wouldn't really shoot me would you?
4. I loved The Village People.
Post edited by candyliquor35m on
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  • zingo
    zingo Posts: 11,258
    edited August 2008
    Anything but yes or no sir/ma'am is unacceptable; end of story.
    Jake
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  • demaples
    demaples Posts: 266
    edited August 2008
    But ociffer, I had to drive, I couldn't walk....

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  • Systems
    Systems Posts: 14,873
    edited August 2008
    5.Cap this.
    Testing
    Testing
    Testing
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  • tugboat
    tugboat Posts: 393
    edited August 2008
    Bad cop, no donut!
    Driver carries only 20 dollars in ammunition

    Pedestrians have the right of way, unless they are in the way
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  • concealer404
    concealer404 Posts: 7,440
    edited August 2008
    Can you hold my beer while i get my liscence out?
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

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  • haimoc
    haimoc Posts: 1,031
    edited August 2008
    me no english..
    -?¿-
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  • suprafantx
    suprafantx Posts: 249
    edited August 2008
    Hurry up, give me the damn ticket, the liquor store will close in ten minutes.
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  • Polkitup2
    Polkitup2 Posts: 1,623
    edited August 2008
    You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
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  • steveinaz
    steveinaz Posts: 19,538
    edited August 2008
    "I was weaving?...hell i don't even knit.."
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  • sucks2beme
    sucks2beme Posts: 5,613
    edited August 2008
    When he opens the pad to write a ticket......
    "Yeah, I'll have the double bacon burger basket with fries."

    I worked with a guy who did this that was out speeding in his convertable
    with one of the other guys. Two cops walked up after he was stopped.
    He said the other cop was laughing so hard, he just closed the ticket book
    and stormed back to his car. That would never work for me.

    One I was there for. We had been drinking all night at a college bar in Memphis.
    The guy driving had a Datsun b210(think cramped in back).
    I was already in the back of the car, but the other two passengers
    who were about 6'2" each got into a heated argument over who had to sit in back.
    Memphis PD pulls up. They start asking what's going on. The guys explain
    "Look at that POS. Would you ride in the back of that?"
    Cop 1 asks the driver how much he had to drink that night . He says
    two. Bill, one of the tall guys, yells out "too many, too many!"
    The two cops are laughing like crazy, and just tell us to be carefull going home.

    Story three. Coming back from the beach with two other guys. Case of beer on
    the floorboard in back. Cops pull us over. He asks for ID.
    Guys up front: Sorry, i didn't bring my wallet. The name is Jones. He asks the
    other guy up front. Sorry, I didn't bring my wallet either. The name is Smith.
    He looks at me and says" if your damn name is Johnson, you're all going to jail."
    "Sorry officer, I've got my wallet right here. Yes, they are really a Jones and a Smith."
    He runs the plate and leaves.

    Sorry, no jokes here. Just a misspent youth.
    "The legitimate powers of government extend to such acts only as are injurious to others. But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods, or no god. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg." --Thomas Jefferson
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  • chillywilly
    chillywilly Posts: 167
    edited August 2008
    You'll never take my alive copper and run away
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  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,794
    edited August 2008
    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.
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  • stuwee
    stuwee Posts: 1,508
    edited August 2008
    I always ask to myself, self "What would Zsa Zsa Gabor do"? or "Diana Ross"?? :D:eek:
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  • audiobliss
    audiobliss Posts: 12,518
    edited August 2008
    lightman1 wrote: »
    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.

    Good one. I could pull that one day. But hope I don't get the chance.
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    Jstas wrote: »
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    Wonder WTF happened to the rest of my money.
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  • bigaudiofanatic
    bigaudiofanatic Posts: 4,415
    edited August 2008
    Have a little fun like Garbriel Iglesias did. Get in the passengers seat. "He was here a second ago officer.
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLMSgbA-_9k
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  • lightman1
    lightman1 Posts: 10,794
    edited August 2008
    audiobliss wrote: »
    Good one. I could pull that one day. But hope I don't get the chance.

    I wasn't being a wise-**** either. I was scared sh#tless and it just popped out of my ugly head! NC Troopers Rock!
    Clocked at 96 mph..stoopid!
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  • concealer404
    concealer404 Posts: 7,440
    edited August 2008
    I got pulled over in a RHD Civic SiR-II in Indy....

    Getting pulled over for 10 over? Sucky.

    Watching the cop walk up to the passenger side door and ask my passenger for her liscence? Priceless.

    "Liscence and registration please."
    "I don't have one."
    "Then how were you.......... shhhhhhhhiiii
    nevermind."

    And he walked back to his car. He was blushing so bad.
    I don't read the newsssspaperssss because dey aaaallllllllll...... have ugly print.

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  • Serendipity
    Serendipity Posts: 6,975
    edited August 2008
    lightman1 wrote: »
    ...I don't know, officer. My speedometer only goes up to 85.....
    True story. I though the trooper was going to get a hernia from laughing so hard.
    He wrote me up for 79 in a 65 zone...it was a good day.

    That's hilarious!
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  • LessisNevermore
    LessisNevermore Posts: 1,519
    edited August 2008
    (works only when raining like hell)

    "you know why I stopped you today?" (as he's getting soaked)

    (big grin) "Yep, sure do! You know why I ran the stop sign?":D
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  • candyliquor35m
    candyliquor35m Posts: 2,267
    edited August 2008
    1. How come your handcuffs don't have velcro like the ones I use on my wife :D
    2. Are those manboobs or your bullet proof vest :D
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